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..having one of those babysitters from those babysitting companies, watch your children for a couple of hours while you went out?
DH and I would like to go out soon(we really need it) but have no one to care for the kids. Not sure if i should do this or not.
Until Gus's latest round of medical needs disqualifying him from being babysat by anyone other than a nurse, we used to use a babysitting agency all the time. We had three "regular" sitters. I can't speak more highly of them and felt he was in very good hands. We made sure that the only people allowed to sit him were qualified nannies doing babysitting on the side. We don't have any family in Sydney so our only alternatives were to leave him wiht an agency or not go out.
I would Tegan. I have limited support in Brissy & when we want to go out every once in a while it would be nice. We have looked into it and were going to until we found someone in our neighbourhood, an older ladies whose children have left home. I think going into it like doing interviews over the phone or in person beforehand is the way to go. You need to feel comfortable.
Tegan, I would do it in this situation - getting time with your DH is very important. Another thing to consider, most child care workers babysit too. If you would be more comfortable with that, you could ask at a local child care centre. Before my ILs moved to Brissy in Dec we asked Jack's carer from day care to sit with the boys one night and she was fantastic. It did help of course that Jack already knew her, but it was also good knowing that she was qualified and experienced with young kids and also has first aid qualifications.
We looked in to it at Christmas but never used one in the end as we found a local girl to watch the kids for half the price.
Hope you are able to get your night out.
I wouldn't Tegan. But I'm a bit overprotective - probably neurotically so, lol.
DH and I have our romantic nights in, lol.
I haven't done it myself, but what about a one off daycare place where there are more workers and more accountability and you and DH could have a nice day out together?
It depends on the agency. Alot of them do a full-background check on thier sitters and nannies and will let you interview the sitter for placement. If she had passed a criminal records check, had a blue card and the boys seemed to like her I'd be ok with it (but I'd probably install a couple of nanny-cams and tell her about them to install a sense of paranoia in her rofl).
In a way your children are safer with a nanny from the agency because you can't run a background check on the neighbours (not legally anyway lol) and they might get offended if you ask to see thier blue card.
We're stuck in hard place here because I don't want the ILs to babysit until my children are old enough to rat them out if they do anything they shouldn't but if I get a sitter MIL will carry on like it's the world's greatest insult.
I just it depends on how they screen their sitters (I would be asking very specific questions and I would also want to meet the person beforehand). DD is in Family Day Care so we've always asked for carers that are happy to do evenings on an occasional basis - which is a lifesaver as we don't have any family here.
Another good arrangement is to find a friend with the same child configuration as you and take it in turns to have each others's kids.
No way! I've worked for agenceys and i can tell you how easily anyone could get work there. Seriously, i went in expecting an interview and was signed up immediatley, and espite all my background and experince and qualifications, they hadn't even opened my resume before beginning the sign up process.
Police checks dont mean anything, ss long as the police have never caught and charged a person with something they can easily get a police check.
For the first 4 1/2 years of Ashlea's life I had no family at all around me and had no help either but no way ever would i let someone look after my child that i didn't know.
My opinion is this (and yes i've over the top protective like Nat) if anything happened to ashlea and it was me that put her in that position, I would NEVER forgive myself.
When I was nannying I used to meet the parents 10 minutes before they'd leave for the night and think how the hell are they trusting me with their child like that? I was a mother then too, Ash used to stay home with her dad whileI worked and I just couldnt bare the idea that she'd be left with a stranger like the kids i was looking after
But, thats me and my opinion :)
no i wouldn't do it. i used to work in child care and i know how good carers can look on the outside but when they get down to it they just aren't very good or even like the children. i wouldn't trust anyone i didnt know.
this is an interesting topic!
Initially I would say that No, I wouldnt trust anyone I didnt know extremely well with my children. (future children lol)
BUT.....if I had no family, and no friends who could do the job, then Im sure it would be something that I would have to consider.
If only I was closer tegan, Id love to babysit for you! Good luck with it all :)
I thought the same thing Caro, before DS1 arrived. The first time I left him with a sitter who is a very close friend he was about 4 months I think and I was very reluctant and worried about him the whole time we were gone (about 2 hours). But it did DH and I the world of good to have that time together and I now realise just how important that is. Having a good relationship is good for the kids too, so I have now changed my view on a few things. It is a very individual decision though.
hey Mads, i wasn't implying earlier than anyone is a bad mum or shouldn't use these services, its just that as thorough as they suggest the screening process is, I know its not. I've been there, i've done their screening process and its all alot more basic than they let you think. And meeting the babysitters prior often doesnt happen with temp work like that. I worked as a temp and never once met the families until 15 mins before they left for the night.
I won't name the agency i worked for, but I lost all faith in agencies after working for them, it was one of the most well known agencies with a great rep. but behind the scenes things were a little different.
Once again though, each to their own!
Awww c'mon guys I don't think Caro was implying that...
I have friends who feel the same way. I was able to leave my bubs with Marc when he was only a couple of months old. I had friends who wouldn't even dream of doing that. And their reasons as to why they wouldn't was because it took them soooo long to get their babies they couldn't comprehend the idea of leaving their bubs. Whereas me it took 24 months of LTTTC and Clomid and Met and after 2 miscarriages I got my boy, and yes he was wanted no less wanted than my gf but she felt she couldn't leave her kids for this reason whereas this reason didn't stop me from leaving my son overnight with DH whilst I had a sleep over with a gf.
Everyone is different, just because you feel differently or act differently doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong... just means we are different :) Please don't read into it more than that... Caro and I disagree on many many hot topics and I KNOW she doesn't consider me a bad mother nor would she ever imply that ;)
:grouphug:
*mwa*
Cailin
Like some people here, i have a thing with leaving my children with anyone. but the reason i asked this was because there has only ever been 2 times in 3 years that DH and I have been out together alone. At the moment it feels like we hardly ever see each other because we're attending to our kids or working or being injured. We are only 20, so we have not had time to live out life really yet. Which is why it probably harder on us. So i am still in a pickle as to whether or not i should do this. I mean i love my kids to death but DH and i not having time to oursevles is kinda breaking us apart.
Tegan its really important for your kids to see Mummy & Daddy together & united. We HAVE to get out DH & I once a month. Just an idea but maybe asking at the MCHN's for advice? They may know someone in the local area who does it. I found by asking at the MCHN's that there is a program through a hospital about "adopt a grandparent" and sometimes if you get the little ones to sleep, you can go out with an easier mind. I know its hard, we have no family close by and have developed friendships with neighbours with children to get some help once in a while.
I do have an aunty near by. But i would hate to ask her as she is 70 and has a few health problems at the moment. So wouldn't want to hand over 2 demanding children like that.
ok, what if you tried to leave the kids with a nanny for an hour or so. Then you can see if it was working out or not, before you leave them for a whole evening?
Tegan do the kids go to day care at all? I someone mentioned earlier that often day care workers do babysit, i think its a great suggestion :) Just ask them, they'll either say yes or no!
No they don't go to daycare. It costs like $50 a day which we don't have.
Might try the nanny thing for an hour, thanks danni. Wonder if i should get those security camera thingys?
how about other friends with kids? You could do a swap?? Or even ask around other friends if they have a regular babysitter they could recommend??
In the end if your comfortable with a nanny service go for it, i don't mean to scare anyone off the idea with my opinions :)
It was me that mentioned day care workers. Your child doesn't need to attend, you could ask at a local centre if any of the workers do babysitting also. At Jack's centre nearly every carer does sitting. We used Jack's carer one night. She was brilliant and only charged $12 / hour which seemed reasonable for a qualified, experienced carer. It was a huge bonus for me that I also knew her quite well and Jack also knows and loves her so was happy to stay with her. But even if you don't know the carer before hand, you might feel more comfortable with a day care worker rather than an agency sitter.
DH and I also need to get out together occaissonally in order to maintain our relationship and I think this is vitally important. I totally understand where you are coming from Tegan, and I recommend you get a sitter and go out. It will do you the world of good, and happy parents make for happy kids. Good luck sweetie.
Still discussing this with DH. He still doesn't really like the idea either.
Unfortunatly we have no friends with children. Actually we really don't have any friends around here. Most of mine just go out and get drunk(typical 20yo) and all Dh's are up in QLD.
Might have a ring around tomorrow and see.
Tegan, I know where you're coming from. Sometimes for our children's sake we need to make ourselves a priority. Your children will benefit from having parents who are happy and united and in order to achieve this you have to put yourself first every now and then.
I think that Christy's idea of asking your MCHN for a recomendation is fantastic.
It is hard I completely understand.
We are now just realising how hard it is for things like Parent teacher interviews and so fourth where we have to decide which parent goes rather than both.
I have a few friends who do offer and I do take them up on it occasionally but I don't want to wear out my welcome iykwim ;)
My other issue is we really can't afford to pay someone either so its rock and hard place.
*hugs*
Cailin
DH and I had to do some pre-marital couselling before our church pastor agreed to marry us and one of the things we learned, and we both agree with it, is that you need some time together as a couple.
So we have a weekly date night. At the moment it's lucky that DD is so little, we generally go to a restaurant, pop her in the pram, and she falls asleep. I'm lucky that I have my parents around to babysit if I need them to as I don't feel comfortable leaving my baby with a stranger.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, don't feel guilty for wanting some time out with your DH. Follow the suggestions some of these lovely ladies have give you, find a carer you can trust and go out, even if it's just a couple of hours at a time.
Sorry i wouldnt - i really dont like the idea of a stranger coming into my home by themselves and looking after JOsh. But i guess i have lots of family and people that live near me that could babysit, so it is hard for me to imagine what i would do in your situation. I think you do need quality time with your DH and it is so important. At the end of the day just find out everything you can about this person before you say yes!
Im sorry and know you need time but NO WAY. Not after watching a program on tv before I had DS and it was on baby sitters hurting and shaking the babies they were caring for. They showed on ladies little girl being shaked and dropped on the floor at the age of 6 months and after seeing that there is no way I would leave my kids in the hands of a stranger.
Im sorry its got to be hard for you but I would really think about it as you only have to leave them with one bad baby sitter.
Caro, that would be a good idea i suppose. Except our 2yo refuses to sleep until 9:30pm. but i spose we could do it after then.
To be honest I wouldnt do it! But that is me, I'm too OTT protective of my DS...I find it hard enough even the thought of mum having him :(
Its so unfair, when you dont have the support you need to have a night out that you deserve.
I hope you find a way.
Personally I probably wouldn't, but then again I have never had to consider it. I'm definately blessed with family nearby and close friends who I would trust Maddy to their care.
The dressed-up night-in sounds like a good idea. Do you have a baby monitor? Maybe you could set up a table outside on your verandah with candle light and have the baby monitor nearby so you can hear what the kids are up to? Have your favourite home-delivery takeaway arrive at your house.
Beck im the same have heaps of family.
Tegan do you have any friends that could baby sit
My Best friend moved to Melbourne to be with her now-DH. She does not have any family members there and limited friends to rely on. She was completing her Masters degree and was finding it very difficult to juggle her few-month-old son and study. So she looked into the baby sitters from a local company. She felt more secure as she was in the house for the first few times while the sitter was downstairs with her son. She trialed a few different girls to see which suited her and her sons needs the most and is now very comfortable to call on one of 3 girls whenever she needs. These girls were fabulous in that if her son went to sleep they would seek out any cleaning duties that needed to be done - eg ironing, mopping floors. My friend never expected that but they always offered :D
Tegan do you go to a gym with a creche??? (I just remember reading that you have been going to the gym lately?)
Have you considered asking one of the creche workers there if they do babysitting on the side?
I once got the number of one of the workers at our gym creche (such a lovely girl) who did babysitting on the side - usually for gym members kids.
I never needed to call her, but kept her number JIC. It would have been a huge bonus that I knew her, and Aidyn was very comfortable with her too.
We were in Brisbane for DH's Christmas party and we didn't find out till too late that children weren't welcome. I didn't want to leave Stewart with anybody but we really wanted to go to the party and we were already in Qld. We rang around a few places and asked heaps of questions and ended up going with an agency-'Dial an Angel' . They were very open to answering all of my questions and we ended up having a great time and the lady that looked after Stewart was very nice. I wouldn't have done it before that situation but I was really happy with the service and would do it again. I'm glad I stepped out of my comfort zone because now Im not afraid to spend time with DH on our own.
hehe I couldn't imagine trying to pitch the woo with my aunt in the next room - I'd get the giggles and worry about what she could hear rofl.
I have another idea - maybe you could find a good occasiional care center and have a day time date. You could drop the kids off then go out for breakfast and a movie or have a picnic in the park or whatever takes your fancy and enjoy a siesta ;)
havent read all the replies but personally -
NUP, NEVER ,NO WAY!:)
never ever will a stranger be with my kids alone.