4th Pregnancy - no babies yet...

My names Nikkita - im 21 and on my 4th pregnancy in just over a year but have no babies yet...
I lost the first one at 11 weeks, the second at 4 months and the third at 9 weeks. All of which are unexplained. i have had all the blood tests and whatever by a few specialists but all has come back clear.
It was bizarre when i got the 'all clear'... i thought i would be over the moon and relieved. However, it frustrated me a little. At least if they knew what was wrong they could try and fix it or i would stop putting my heart on the line by trying to concieve.
Finding out that i was pregnant again was a shock becaus eonly 2 months earlier i had the d&c to clear out the last miscarriage and was told i wasnt allowed to get pregnant for 6 months! my bad.
Anyway - i found out that i was prego again when i was 7 or so weeks. Have not slept well since. All i think about is the baby and if its still ok or not. I cant handle the stress. Any type of sensation in my stomach either brings on a mild panic attack or tears (and you all know all the noises and feelings in your bowels when prego. my poor husband) I have been to ER 3 times in the last month as i was sure i had miscarried. I had lost my sore boobs or had slight spotting or cramps. I feel like such a pain but i need to know.
It gets me so down when people tell me to calm down and be positive. It is so hard. I count down to teach ultrsound and only 2 days left till the next one but even then i have a terrible feeling that i am going to recieve bad news...
it just feels like this world is all too much and im not sure if i will be able to cope with any bad news on tuesday - ...
Sorry. i just needed someone to hear me and maybe understand where my heart is...

Oh sweetheart, thats just so sad. I don't understand how people can tell you not to stress out. Of course you're worried! I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better, but I know that there are many girls here who have been in your situation and gone on to have beautiful healthy babies.

Nikkita: Wow have you had a difficult year, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little angels you and your DH have been through so much heatbreak.

I am not sure what blood tests you have had but there are other lovely ladies in here who may be able to suggest so other test that you can have. Where are you located? Are you in Australia? The reason I ask is that the hospital you are going to or the Ob that you are seeing should be able to refer you to some counselling to help you cope with this very stressful time. You are right, people telling you to calm down don't know what on earth they are talking about. I think that anyone else in your situation would be a nervous wreck also.

My situation is different in some ways but I can totally understand the panic attacks and anxiety, I have difficulty sleeping and really aweful dreams also.

Please just know that you have come to the right place. We will support you through this pregnancy and you can feel comfortable that you can say exactly how you are feeling.

Big :hugs:

Luv Spring

Also, there is a thread here for people who are pregnant after loss. You will find support from the lovely ladies in there.

Hi Nikkita and welcome to Belly Belly. I am so sorry you find yourself in the recurrent miscarriage thread.
The feelings you describe are so common amongst women who have endured the pain of miscarriage. Miscarriage and late loss is a very painful journey - sometimes not having any reason is far harder than having one.

As Spring asked I would be interested to know if you are in Australia. I would definitely be seeking out a referral to an obs or a clinic that specialises in recurrent miscarriage.
I will provide the link HERE for the Pregnancy after recurrent miscarriage/late loss or Still birth thread. Here you will find other women who have suffered from recurrent miscarriage and late loss. Sometimes sharing your feelings regularly and being supported by others going through a similar thing can be immensley comforting. I hope you can join us there.
I will also provide the link HERE for an information page on recurrent miscarriage. You may find it helpful too.
I am thinking of you... :hugs:

god bless you all.. thank you for caring. I was suprised to see replies so quickly.
I am located in Western Sydney...am currently going to Nepean Hospital for my specialist appointments...i know this sounds terrible and i am embarressed to say this but my husband and i cant afford to see anything but public help right now...

Another thing to my original message is that i was super excited about being pregnant again that i couldnt hold it in and told my close family and friends. I was so upset by so many of their reactions "Oh Nikkita dont tell me till your after 3 months to make it easier on you"... etc etc... has anyone else been in the same situation? i just think that after everything that if i am brave enough to tell the people closest to me that they should be excited aswell... i mean, they are the ones that are meant to care for me if anything bad happens... strange.

Nikkita: Don't be embarrased about going to Nepean Hospital. Apparently they have a wonderful high risk unit and also a support group that I have heard about. I have just moved to Sydney and I am living at Blacktown so I not far away from you. When I moved to Sydney I started looking for Hospitals who came highly recommended and Nepean was one of them in terms of High Risk.

About your friends and families insensitve comments, to be honest, when you decide to conceive is none of their business. I would tell them that unless they have something positive to say, they can keep their opinions to themselves. What you need at the moment is support and encouragement, not to be judged.

I am 10 weeks pregnant and I gave birth to my angel not even 5 months ago. Most of the women here will agree, the clock doesn't stop ticking when you are a childless mother and the urge to have a child doesn't go away, it only gets stronger.

Just know that everyone here will support you and I am excited for you and your DH and this miracle pregnancy.

Take care sweetie.

Luv Spring

Nikkita, Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Wishing you all the very best for a happy, healthy & wonderful journey to motherhood.

I hope everything goes well for you on Tuesday. Keep us posted on how everything is going.

Hi Nikkita and welcome to BB. congratulations on your new pg!
1) don't feel in the least embarrassed about going to a public hospital. I did too, even though I have private cover, because I needed the high risk care.
2) I'm sorry about other people's reactions. I have been hurt too by this. Just try to remember that these are people who care about you and hope never to see you in pain again. That is really what they are trying to say.
All the best.

Hi sweetheart, and congrats on your pregnancy.

I am sorry you are having to put up with people telling you not to worry and telling you not to tell them! People can have strange reactions sometimes. Just know that we are all here for you and we understand what you are going through. There is no way you can not stress at a time like this, and you need the support of your family and friends. If they are not going to give that to you, come here and we will help.

Have you had any counselling? I just had my first session with a counsellor on the w/e after my second loss. I will be going regularly and she will be teaching me ways of dealing with the stress and worry, and is trying to make me realise that each pg is different and its own thing and has nothing to do with any other pregnancies. I know it is hard to think like that, but it may be worthwhile seeing someone who can help. There are definitely public counsellors you should be able to see through the hospital for free. Sorry, you may have already done this, I just thought I would suggest it in case you haven't.

And there is nothing wrong with going public - public hospitals are usually fantastic and I am sure you will receive the best of care.

I am thinking of you and hoping that all works out for you :)

Thanks guys...
i slept really well last night...i kept hinking -the sooner i fall asleep the sooner i will wake up and it will only be one day let! - how silly. Husband is super supportive and keeps telling the baby to start making me feel sick again so i will calm down... he he...
wow, i really didnt think that talking about it like this would do me so much help...
My aim for today is to stay positive... i will try hard...

No i have not had any counselling... there is a bad faily history with a counsellor and i am honeslty afraid to try it. Everyone is telling me to go...i will go if tomorrows news is bad - i think i will have to... i cant see myself coping. i guess im just sick of people telling me to 'put my chin up' if things go wrong...i dont think i have any strength left to do it... and im afraid the counsellor will tell me the same thing.
The good news is that straight after my appointment tomorrow morning i am coming to work so will be straight on here to tell you the outcome... unless its bad and then i wont be back here for a couple days...
so that will be the easiest way for you guys to tell...

Nikkita - good luck with your u/s tomorrow. I pray all will go well for you, and you will see you little one going strong.
There are plenty of peoples here that have been thru, and going thru similar things to you, so there will always be someone here to talk to.
Big Hugs

Nikkita -thinking of you for tomorrow. I am so sorry you have lost so many babies.I personally recommend the high risk unit at Nepean ... I lost my little girl care when I was going private - not that it had bearing on it.I then did IVF , conceived twins and was referred to high risk clinic at Nepean.
They are very good and will be very supportive.Being public doesn't matter the care is 100%.Your OB can refer you to the staff psychologist there as well.
As mentioned there a support group for parenst who have lost precious babies, we have a number of ladies cutrrently pregnnat and they still come along for support from mums who have have subsequent pg after loss.

I am back and i am super excited to tell you that everything is ok! Actually, everything is amazing!! thank you for your support... now only 13 days to last till the next scan...
had the nuchal u/s today and got great news... what a blessing...

Nikkita - that is great news....:clap:
So very happy for you. :hugs: Hopefully you can start to relax now that you have safely got this far. :bellyrubs:

:pray: for a healthy pg for you this time round it took me 5 pg before I got to bringmy angel home and he is now a happy healthy 5 mth old th elight of my life

so :pray: that all is perfect this time round for you

Oh Nikkita, I am so glad to hear that!!
:happyforyou:

Excellent news Nikkita. Fantastic!

That is wonderful news Nikkita!!!!!

thankyou thankyou...
i was on such a high for the next few days after the scan. I am starting to fall back down again - i just cant help it... hub is helping alot but im beginning to think that maybe, no matter how far through i get that i wont be able to enjoy my pregnancy completely until the bub is in my arms... isnt that terrible. Thank you again for all your prayers and support... i cant explain how much of a difference you made in that hard time for me... god bless you all..

Nikkita all those feelings are totally normal I really didn't enjoy my pg, and it wasn't till Jack was here and in my arms did I breath a little, and then all the new worries start :lol:

good luck sweetie