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Hi
I was wondering if anyone is aware of any "motherless mothers" groups in the Brisbane area?
Also was wondering if there are any friendlly non-competitive mums groups in the inner Brisbane South area. (ie I don't want to feel as though my son has something wrong with him if he hasn't rolled etc)
Cheers
nelly
I'd love to find a motherless mothers group in Sydney. You certainly feel the lack of a mother much more when you have a baby don't you.
yes - I didn't realise the impact it would have on my life... I knew that I would miss not having my mum there to ask etc but I didn't realise the level of grief that you can experience or the jealousy of other girls who can drop the baby at their mums, or have their mum come and help when you are having a hairy time. Reading the book helped to clarify a lot of what I was feeling and made it feel "ok" to be angry etc.
I think thats the worst bit for me, listening to friends say how great their mums have been and how they were not coping so mum came round and did everything for them etc. I also find trips to the shopping centre sad some days cause it feels like every other woman with a baby is shoping with her mum (I usually take my dad which feels funny some days)
I had mum around until DD2 was just over 2 so I miss what I had as well as what I know she would be like with Riley. How long has your mum been gone Nelly?
My mum died 3 1/2 years ago, 4 in June. When I got married I missed her as much as you'd expect, but having Jake has brought in so many more facets of grief.
I don't have my father either and my DH family is in Sydney (which is usually a good thing) and no Grandparents either. My sister is in Sydney and I only have my Mum's little sister in Brisbane. I know this sounds "poor me" but I usually don't miss the blood ties bcos I have so many friends that I call my family - it's just a baby makes family so much more of a priority bcos it's so hard to ask for help without feeling guilty or a burden. IYKWIM?
I know exactly what you mean, there are times where you really just want family. I don't have a sister so I really feel the lack of female blood relatives. Mum's mum died 2 years ago in June. I have cousins I am close to but all of them have sisters of their own so I always feel like the lone female. My brother is lovely but still not a woman and whilst his wife is great too she has a sister so doesn't need me in that role.
I feel lucky that I have 2 daughters, my oldest daughter is a great help and support (mostly) so at least I have that.
I hate it at work when people complain about their mothers because i would give anything to have mine back.
Maybe we should form a motherless support group of our own.
A great idea!
It's just nice to talk to someone who understands the mix of emotions you feel. I mean sometimes I feel quite aggressive towards people who want to help, but I don't want to surrender my independence that I've had to cultivate - and by the same token I am crying out for someone to be a "mum" to me.
Yes!! Thats exactly how I feel. Its just those down moments when you just want your mum, you could never ask someone else to step in and it isn't anything particular you just want to be mothered. When my grandma died I went through a lot of depression cause i realised I was the oldest female in that bloodline as my mum has brothers and I am the oldest cousin too.
I guess I was lucky enough to have an adult relationship with mu mum before I lost her so compared to someone who lost their mum quite young I am fortunate...
Do you think there are many mm's in the bb community?
I am glad I had my mum until adulthood and that she saw 2 of my children. I used to be in a motherless forum online and the women who had lost their mums as children had completely different issues and needs to me.
Maybe they would let us start a motherless mothers thread.I have come across one or two others here who don't have mums.
Hi Nelly
I am also looking for someone who is a non competetive mothers group or even just a few mothers to hang out with once in awhile. I lost my mother 10 years ago and just had my first child five months ago. When my mother died I said I wasn't going to have children because how can you have babies without your mama. But here I am a new mom and I must admit I feel the same way you do. Sometimes agressive and angry with the world and any one who trys to help and then sometimes so needy and just wanting someone to swoop in and be my cheerleader and teacher just like I know my mother would have been. It is especially hard for me at the moment because I am new to Australia and havn't made a lot of friends yet. I would love to get together if you would like I live very near the new Orion mall in Springfield but can travel into town too. It would also be nice to compare the fact that our children can't roll over;) I am afraid my poor son is destined to be an upended turtle for the rest of his life:rolleyes:
Hope to hear from you
Molly J
We moved to brisbane late last year as my mum wasa diagnosed with cancer and we wanted to be nearer her, she ended up dying in Decemeber and i can totally relate to what you have been saying.
I did at least have mum for those early months of my son's life but its not the same, i want her here sharing it all with me now, and i see woman out shopping with their mums etc and i am jealous, i want it to be me.
I haven't found a playgroup that i was comfortable with yet...but its really good to know there are others who understand.
I have heard of motherless mothers groups in Sydney but they are in the inner west/ city nowhere near me. Its reassuring to hear about others who feel the same/understand I always said I would never have a 3rd child cause mum wouldn't be here, whilst I am glad i had Riley I am still sad he has missd out knowing mum.
I'd like to keep this thread open as a kind of support for us mm's - not sure how to though?
I was talking to my sister last night who is 26 wks pg about how significant that rite of passage into motherhood is and how lonely a journey it is to do it without your guide. It's hard for us bcos she is in Sydney and I'm in Bne...
Do those in Brisbane want to meet up some time next month to give those who are just finding this thread a chance to join us? There are also so girls on another thread I am talking to after a playgroup in Brisbane. Is that ok with you if they join us?
We all seem to be spread all over the place so maybe meeting in Botanical Gardens in City would be central for all and we can have a picnic?
Hi Nelly
That sounds great! You are right about how becoming a mother is such a rite of passage and I didn't realize how different it would be without my mother as a guide. I was lucky to have a doula who was very caring and alot like my mother but of course she really couldn't take the place. Meeting in the city sounds great, are the botanical gardens near Mt Cootha and the Planetarium. The more the merrier. It would be good to have the thread open as well but I am sorry I have no idea how to keep it open. I must admit I really haven't used this sight to it's full potential. I will email info@bellybelly and see what I can do.
Talk to you soon
Molly Jones
I am sorry Wilson I didn't mean to leave you out of that reply. I am sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean about being a bit jealous when I see mothers and daughters shopping together. Just a bit of a pang. Especially on days when I am really feeling needy. I don't know if any one else does this but I find myself having conversations (in my head of course I don't want to appear like a real loon:redface: )with my mom and laughing to myself when I see something that mom and I would have gotten tickled by. Do you have any brothers and sisters?
take care,
Molly J
Nelly, I know what it's like to have no family support around you. Our families live in the UK but my mum died 21 years ago and it hurts to know she will never meet our kids.
I would love to be like same families and just drop the kids of and have a few hours to myself or have them stay over night like my neighbour does every week with her little boy.
Either the gardens at Mt Cootha or the ones at the city - I can get to either without fuss - but the Mt Cootha / Planetarium would have easier parking.
Michelle - I know exactly what you mean but asking someone who isn't family to help you out to take them makes me feel like a burden...