Oskar Levi's birthing journey
Hopefully this isn't too disjointed or anything. I feel so much emotion writing this and wanted to also make sure I've got my details in there with my feelings. Sorry if this is a bit long...I just need to say it all.
================================================== =================== Having had a c/s for my first son due to him being breech I was being faced with the question from everyone was I going to try VBAC or go for c/s. Initially the very thought of a VBAC petrified me beyond belief. I was scared of the "pain" of a natural birth (which I knew from tv and others talking about it) as well as of the unknown. I knew what a c/s felt like - even though it hurt after, I still knew what it felt like. Then there was the talk of the possibility of scar rupture, although a very minute chance it was still something which needed to be taken into consideration. Having a c/s meant major surgery and in reality a minimum 6 weeks recovery.
I stumbled across something called Hypnobirthing (or calm birthing) on Belly Belly and looked into it. After speaking to a practitioner I decided this was a path I wanted to pursue with the birth of my baby. So off to classes it was. After the very first class I felt so much more confident about natural birth and my capability of achieving this painlessly and without fear. I started to feel good about a VBAC.
My EDD came and went and I started to feel like the birthing process was never going to start and then 4 days past my EDD.... my birthing process started - with me TOTALLY oblivious to it. I'd had no show and my membranes hadn't ruptured. I'd had nothing other than very uncomfortable pubic bone and lower abdomen pain for approx. 4 days. I was on Belly Belly at 11pm that night asking Alan if this pain was normal, which he told me it was (the whole relaxing hormone thing) and we joked about a couple of things and then I went to bed around midnight. Andy had gone to bed around 9:30pm as he had to be up at 4:30am for work. I tried to get to sleep but I couldn't as my lower abdomen and period type pains were making me feel uncomfortable and I felt I needed to pee. I got up around 12:30am and then by the time I'd been in and out of bed about 4 times I decided to stay up. One time I went to get back into bed but was more comfortable squatting next to the bed leaning over it with the cat coming over to comfort me. I kept going back to the toilet and was actually having surges - although at the time I wasn't really aware that this was it. I was breathing through them as I'd been taught at Hypnobirthing and was feeling discomfort but not pain. I didn't have a clock handy so wasn't able to time anything and didn't think that it was really starting as it wasn't what in my mind I expected it to feel like. I didn't go through any birthing process with Joshua as they already knew he was breech - he was elective c/s - so I hadn't felt any of this before.
I woke Andy around 1:30am and all I said was "Do you wanna maybe get up with me?"...lol. Then I told him I'd been having some "pains" and weird feelings but wasn't sure if it was the start of things or not as it wasn't painful, just rather uncomfortable. He'd been up only a few minutes when I had another surge and it turns out they were approx. 4 - 5 mins apart and approx. 1 minute in duration. We started using one of the relaxation triggers we'd learnt which entailed Andy putting his hand on my shoulder to encourage deeper relaxation. This worked fabulously and if he took it away before the surge finished I was yelling out SHOULDER for him to put his hand back. We went downstairs to put on a relaxation CD and used that for about 10 mins before I felt I needed to go to the toilet again. I was surprised at how vocal I was being as in all the Hypnobirthing videos the ladies were so silent!! I found being vocal though really helped me to control my breathing and remain focused. Whilst I was still on the toilet I said to Andy that I thought maybe he should call the hospital. This was around 2:30am. We advised my membranes had not ruptured, but they could hear me and the surges were now down to around 3 -4 mins apart so they said if I was experiencing that amount of discomfort I should come in now otherwise it would be too uncomfortable in the car.
It took a while to grab the last minute things as I had to keep stopping for surges. By the time we were at the car I felt the first urge to push and thought OMG not yet. I breathed through it, got in the car and off we went. Andy was speeding all the way and had one hand on my shoulder as I was now down to around 2 mins apart. I remember telling him to watch the corners and bumps..lol. I hardly remember the trip except for the odd landmark. Andy parked and we only had to go about 40 metres to the door and it had started to rain. I walked about 10 metres before a surge and had to bend over to breathe through it...then another 10 metres...and being vocal I think alerted some nurses and orderlies who were on a break. They came to help with the nurse staying with me and the orderly off to get a wheelchair and the security dude going to get the lift ready. Andy then realised he'd left the bag in the car so he ran back to get it while the nurse stayed with me asking if I was ready to have it and I said I DON'T KNOW!!..lol. Andy came back and we went off up to the birthing suite. The orderly guy pushed me all the way into the room, which I noticed had Welcome Cass and Andy on the door which I thought was really nice. It was now around 3:15am and the nurse Andy had spoken to said she thought we must've had the baby on the way cos it had taken us so long to get there.
We got into the room and they got me up on the bed so they could monitor bubs...I said I didn't want constant monitoring though (being VBAC, hospital protocol is to monitor constantly, but they said if it was all ok they would do intermittent) as I wanted to do things without intervention. The monitoring however, showed that bubs was in distress with his HB dropping to around 40 bpm at the end of every surge. This was of concern, so now my birth plan was all about to change. I hadn't wanted internals unless absolutely necessary but had to have one. This showed my cervix was thinned and ready, but bubs head was still a bit high and my waters were bulging in front of him putting pressure on him so he couldn't move down. They said they needed to rupture my membranes to check the fluid and make sure there was no meconium...but it was full of it. The OB was now really concerned for bubs and they called a paed in to be on standby as well. They fitted a monitor directly to bubs head and said they thought he was probably so stressed cos everything to date had happened so fast and with the waters not releasing he couldn't get out. It was suggested that a vacuum assisted (something I hadn't wanted) birth was probably best because bubs needed to come out ASAP. I asked what was better, vacuum or c/s...he said vacuum cos it would get bubs out faster than having to wait for a c/s to be set up. This scared me a bit cos I knew what a c/s was like and not a vacuum assisted birth. So I freaked out for a minute even though I'd done my Hypnobirthing training and practicing at home - I'd only prepared for "normal" circumstances. I asked if vacuum would hurt more than just a natural birth and he said yep probably. I said so can I have gas if I need it then?? They said, nope, it's too late for that now anyway! This is when my mind and body just took over completely as I concentrated on my breathing and went inside my birthing body and worked with my baby. This was what Hypnobirthing was all about and I had to do this so I told myself "you can do this, it won't hurt, everything is alright". I felt a release of endorphins and calm as I focused.
After a couple of pushes (with the help of the vacuum) I remember saying I can't do this now. Andy said, I was nearly there and the midwife said...We have to get the baby out now!! So I took a deep breath, pushed again and could feel his head, one more push and his head was out. He entered the world at 3:58am (only 3 1/2 hours after I thought I needed to pee at 12:30!!). To be honest, I actually felt no pain, only discomfort (the Hypnobirthing had worked!!) and I didn't even feel the 2nd degree tear..I tried telling him I hadn't torn cos I didn't feel it...lol. They suctioned bubs straight away and clamped his cord (which were 2 things I didn't want on my birth plan). They gave me a quick cuddle on my belly then took him to the paed. As they lifted him up I went...is it a girl or a boy!! The midwife said I'll show you and I yelled...IT'S A BOY!!! His APGAR was 9 at 1 min and 10 at 5 mins...so they were really happy with that as he was only little, weighing in at 2620 grams (5 pound 12 1/2), 46 cm long and HC 36.5cm which was because he had a bit of a conehead - poor little tyke - so it was larger than it would have been otherwise.
In the end even though there was a list of things on my birth plan I wanted to avoid but had to do, I will never regret these things as it meant my baby was safe and healthy. I truly believe that Hypnobirthing helped my beyond belief. I think I would've been scared and not so calm about his distress if I didn't have this on my side. My experience was amazing and I'm sure some will say I'm mad, but so far, natural childbirth has been the best experience of my life! I truly feel like we all worked together as a team - my body, my baby, Andy, the OB and the midwife. Each time I look at him I feel that team bond and am eternally grateful for him and the hospital protocol of the original monitoring when we arrived even though at first I thought what a pain. His birth was beautiful and amazing even though it was fast. I am so proud of my little man for hanging in there through a bit of a dramatic entrance to the world.
My beautiful, darling, little man Oskar... I fell in love with you straight away and how beautiful and brave you were. I stand in awe of your strength and beautiful nature you have already shown and look forward to a wonderful journey with you. You have already made me a better person and for this I thank you. I love you always... your mummy xoxoxo.
