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Hi there,
Just wondering how many visitors people had in hospital.... what is a good number to manage. I know you want some visitors but what is the right balance?
My hormones must be going crazy - somedays i worry no-one will visit then i worry we'll have too many!!
thanks
Jupiter
I think if you invite the people you most want to visit, then you should be fine and let others know before hand that they are most welcome to visit once you are home and in a more relaxed setting. If you do end up being bombarded with visitors, the staff are pretty good at making them move on if you want them too. I have even told the midwives not to allow visitors once too.
I wanted everyone to come to the hospital as I thought it would be easier on me to have visitors in hospital rather than at home. But everyone thought the opposite, well nearly everyone anyhow. Only had a couple of visitors other than family in hopsital, everyone else waited until I got home, which was when I was really tired and exhausted, from having to catch up with some house work aswell as bubs, but I'm sure they thought it would be easier for me this way. It was lovely though don't get be wrong, just wish some of them had come to the hospital when I have nothing else to do, IYKWIM.
This time around I have made sure I have told people I don't mind if they visit in hospital, hint hint!! But either way I don't really mind, it's nice to have visitors.
How long do you have to go?
I told everyone that they had to prearrange visiting times before coming to see me...lol.
i abit lucky in the regards that my family and friends are all eastern states, and DH doesnt have a huge family over here.
I was thinking last night about having a list of peoples that are allowed in, and giving it to the midwifes, and then, for peoples that arent allowed in, perhaps if they show up, then can be told that i am sleeping or something. Not to sure.
When my mum comes over, i am going to have an 'open day' at my place, she wants to do something for me, so, if i tell everyone about that, and when it is going to be, (which i will tell peoples at the baby shower) then i am hoping that that will stop visiters at hospital, and then in the early days when i get home. Bubs will be about 2 -3 weeks old when i have my 'open day', which will last maybe 2 - 3 hours.
Im going to have an SMSin system going, you get an SMS u visit, u don't leave me alone lol I dont know who I will and wont want to see
Half the battle for visitors is over at Gold Coast Hospital. There visiting hours are from 4pm - 8pm. Hubby and kids can come from 830 - 2pm....but the rest must wait. I think that cuts out about half of my visitors. As lots of my friends already have kids, and probably aren't too keen on dragging them all in to the hospital.
With my first I had a steady stream most days, my second I had fewer but I was only in there for 2 days.
I would tell everyone to ring your partner/hubby first and check if is ok. Its amazing how sympathetic a man can be when he has seen his love give birth. I can remember over hearing Al on the phone saying "Oh she's had a big day...she's good, but very tired atm".
Just so cute to hear the overwhelming care factor.
I wish I had have told people they had to pre-arrange visits before they came...
but I didnt think of it and I had ended up with people just showing up when I was trying to rest. Drove me insane! My sister was lierally waiting outside the door of my delivery room, and then when I got to the ward, there were people there waiting to see me (after I had told them they didnt need to come in), when all I wanted to do was have some private time to rest - got to hospital 1:30 am in full-on labour, so as you can imagine, I had no sleep for a long time by the time my daughter was actually born at 10:30am)...
at one point there was 6 people visiting at one time, and I felt that was too much. I could handle 2, but 6 was a bit much. We were lucky in that a few people were thoughtful enough to ring before showing up. So I would definately tell friend/family what you want to re visitors.
I had all of DH's family show up at once, and it was so overwhelming!
Should there be a next time, I will be telling everyone that they will have certain days they can visit on.
First day will be for DH and DD only.
Second day will be for my parents and the IL's and possibly grandparents later that day.
Third day will be for anyone else, as long as they are spread throughout the day and not all at once!
Goodluck! :)
Nic
I *wish* thats what I'd had! I actually asked people not to come.:
at one point there was 6 people visiting at one time, and I felt that was too much. I could handle 2, but 6 was a bit much.
Day 2 after giving birth, there were no less than 15 visitors in my room at the same time. Actually I think it was more than that, but am trying to be conservative in my estimate.
I wish the hospital had put a limit on it, but because I was still in the borthing suite (so not sharing) I think they didn't seem to care.
Next time I will be putting a limit on the number of visitors.
I was a complete wreck the next day, didn't help with the day 3 baby blues, and the midwives were all saying 'oh thats the one who had all the visitors...' like it was my fault.
A good excuse to clear the room....he/she is ready for a feed now and I we are still getting to know each other with feeding so can you all please get going. Thanks.
No one is ever offended by a mother trying to breast feed....no matter how confident you are the last thing you need is an audience as you try to attach your baby correctly to your breast, without disturbing the previous cracks from last feed lol!
I have been thinking about the same thing recently. Most of my family live in NSW and I live on the Gold Coast so I shouldnt have to much trouble with to many vistiors (fingers crossed). I have already told my friends up here to call me or DH first before coming so we can let them know if it is a good time. I dont want people around while I am trying to breastfeed or have a nap.
Another one here who would much rather everyone descend on me in the hospital!
By the time I get home I usually feel quite overwhelmed and in the hospital no one expects you to make them a coffee, you don't have to clean up before people arrive...etc etc. I just found it so much easier. They also don't tend to stay for hours and hours like they do if you're at home.
Probably the only downside was breastfeeding - with my first it was a bit hard and trying to do it in front of an audience sucked big time. I didn't want to ask them to leave...because in the hospital they can only really go and stand outside the room and I felt bad LOL. Where as at home I could've just gone into another room while DH entertained.
We didn't have too many visitors - they were all sick! (at least that's what they told us! LOL A few rang me direct in the room which was nice) One family had chicken pox so stayed away, others all had the flu of some kind. We did have a few come each visiting period tho, and it was nice. It's soooooooo boring in the hospital, and visiting hours for us were something like 2-4 and then 7-8pm (I think - can't remember!) so it was a really short time in that loooooong day. LOL.
I think I would have screamed if that happened to me.:
Another thing I didnt like about the groups of people visiting was when the nurse asked me to come back to my room because I needed to have a catheter because I coudlnt pee. All the visitiors came back into my room and were waiting on the other side of the curtain while the nurses put the catheter in, afetr I had asked everyone to wait outside! and what really got me was when MIL asked to come in when she knew full well I was lying there, naked from the waist down with my legs apart, while the catheter was going in! I was horrified. Talk about undignifying. I said no way when she asked, obvisouly.
I thinkthe issue with visitors is that they seem to think of you as public property when youve got a baby in hospital, and especially the people who havent had children dont realise how tired you can be after giving birth, and that you might just want time with baby and hubby so you can all get to know each other. Privacy is what I really craved, and I got none... gosh, there were even people showing up to the hospital looking for me after I had gone home!
I think you need to be firm with your visiting wishes.. if your family is anything like mine!
I hated all visitors except DH and wanted them all to leave and stop pawing over my baby. Same when I got home I just wanted us to be alone with our bubba.
This time I am not staying in hospy and it will be easier to "screen" visitors at home as in a hospy they feel free just to arrive!
Am sooooo going to do things differently this time as in, when I say NO I actually mean NO (not secretly 'yes' like I think my mum thought first time round!! Grr! )
I asked people to call ahead or sms ahead to ASK if it was ok to visit - NOT what mum & some cousins (that I never see!!) did.... she rang to say that she was only minutes away!! THEN she'd rock up with OTHER visitors....ie an aunty & uncle who I NEVER see!!! :doh: At one stage I had 12 people lining the walls and that certainly did not add to my happy factor, lol!!
Ooops, venting, sorry!! :redface:
Anyways, am ensuring I get a small room this time so with only 2 visitors it seems squashy and if anyone rings to say that they will be there in so many minutes we are going to say that it isn't convenient and to ring tomorrow :D Am also going to share with mum this fact ... should be interesting...... :rolleyes:
....and when I get home it will be the same: call ahead to ASK and if I am needing to sleep or don't want to be disturbed - ie just want our space, we'll just take the phones off the hook and turn mobiles off!!!
Drastic times call for drastic measures.....................LOL!!!!!
Oh and needing to bf is a fab excuse to clear the room!!!!!! ;)
I agree - I would prepare your epxected visitors with " if you could call or text DH before you plan on coming he can let you know if it is suitable"
I had wayyy to many visitors with DS no1 to the point where I thought I was going to pass out and my Mum clicked onto this and very loudly announced that visiting hours were over and that she and they should all go ( way to go Mum!!)
You just never know how you will go - you may feel great and upto lots of visitors, but you could be exhausted, so just make sure everyone knows not to come until they call and check.
I agree with Karina, some people don't realise just how exhausted a mum is so soon after giving birth, especially if they have no children themselves. I had alot of visitors the day after the birth which was great, as I wanted to share the event with family and friends, but VERY tiring. My little baby got passed from pillar to post and by that night I felt that I had hardly seen her!
The second day after she was born calmed down a bit but one friend, even though I told her that visiting hours finished at 1, stayed and ended up being there nursing my daughter for about two hours. I was nearly hysterical by the time she left and could not believe that she had not picked up on the cues that I was VERY TIRED and needed her to go home. I ended up having to say that I needed a rest and I am still a bit upset at her thoughtlessness. Most people checked before they came but we had some people just rock up whenever, and they were people who I wouldn't have really expected to visit us in the hospital anyway. The thought was there, but it put more stress on us than was needed.
Next time round I will ensure DH, DD & I get lots of bonding time with the new bub and may not even invite parents & in-laws until the next day. I will also be much more clear when we announce the birth when it is appropriate for people to visit, whether it be at hospital or at home. Having said that, it is easier in hospital because you can ask the midwives to help you out with visitors although I found it difficult to refuse people who just turned up because they had gone to the effort to come in.
My worst nightmare is having family try to visit bubs & I in the birthing suite shortly after the birth. I have decided I am going to karate kick them if they try to.....probably couldnt manage a karate kick but maybe a midwife could for me LOL! I have already told my mum I only want visitors when I am showered, rested and when we are all back in our room. I am so looking forward to meeting our little man and I know my family are too. I want to be completely aware of each hold, I want to see the look on everyones face when they look at their new family member. I dont want to ever forget it.
hmmm Ive gone a bit off the topic havent I haha
DH and I decided we were not going to tell anyone when I went into labour with DD because I didnt want people waiting outside the birthing suite for me to deliver the baby. Luckily for me it was after 2 in the arvo when Tori was delievered and there are strict rules about ow many people are allowed into the birthign suites, so no one could visit untill we got back to the ward.
My mum and dad and bro and SIL came for a very quick visit the first night, but then I told them to tell everyone else that I wouldnt be taking visitors untill the next afternoon.
Luckily for us everyone was really considerate and rang first before they turned up, I had heaps of people there are one stage, but most of them only stayed for about half hour and then left DH and I have some bonding time with our daughter.
I get anxious just reading this thread!!
I am nervous because DH has a big family and even if I tell them to come a few at a time they will ignore me and do what they want. His parents and sister will probably wait outside while I'm giving birth so I just hope I can go into labour without them realising. I want to ring them once the baby is born but I can't see it happening that way. I have put it on my birth plan that I don't want them coming in until DH and I have spent a bit of time on our own with the baby f irst.
My OB and the midwives who work with her suggest that for the first 1.5 hours only DH and I are in the room with the baby and that only I hold the baby (on my chest, to help with breastfeeding and for the baby to adjust/have my scent etc) we have told this to the whole family and they accept it. As we have just moved interstate i dont think we will have too many visitors, and i will def ask them to call DH 1st. I am most worried about MIL and FIL who will come down and expect to spend 24 hrs a day with us, more when we come home than when i am in hosp....
With DD was easy.... we had just moved to VIC so i had no friends to come visit me!! My parents didnt arrive until late...so the only visitors i got were my parents and DH....i felt lonely tho.... where others had lotsa people.. i had none...made me very down.
I guess im the opposite to alot of ladies in this thread where i wanted MORE visitors rather then less. Ill prob be the same this time round, have a few friends but none that would come see me...and parents still in another state :(
I think too it's a courtesy to your room mate if you end up sharing to limit your visitors. I was in a private hospital but had to share because of a mini baby boom.
I was embarrassed to have to walk through a bunch of people to go to the toilet. Especially seeing I was feeling the effects of a voltarin suppository. I think her partners footy team all came to visit at once :o
After Angus was born the midwife had to ask MIL to leave as she needed to remove my catheter and she mumbled ***** under her breath as she stormed out...
I am going to be strict on visitors too, my hospitals visiting hours are 12pm to 8pm which I think is a bit long myself! Ill word mum and dad up on the fact that no visitors yet and hubby too. I dont mind the thought of visitors so much- providing they ring first AND dont stay too long.
I am pleased to hear that the BF excuse works! I was going to ask people to leave nicely so I could feed but didnt want to be rude.
What about the requests for holds of the baby. I dont want my baby passed around in the first day or so. Im a meanie!!
Babies sleep a lot, luckily mine slept through visitors. Or you just say no, Baby is bonding with parents still. It's hard if people are around for the 8 hours though!
Nelliesbelly - you're so not a meanie if you don't want bubby passed around to a billion people!!! In fact, first time round, I didn't let anyone hold bubby even though EVERYONE turned up at the same time and lined the room! :doh: But my excuse was that DH had fallen ill quite unexpectantly not long after the birth (which he had btw) and so he didn't get to hold bubby on the first day :( so no one was allowed a cuddle until daddy felt he had had a good bonding cuddle with his first born. Also, because of the ventouse, bubby was unsettled for the first couple of days (midwife said she'd have a headache too if her head had just been sucked out a hole the size of a lemon :D ) so when people visited, particularly if I had just settled bubby, no one was allowed a cuddle because 1) I had just settled bubby and 2) if bubby is settled even with a headache (who knows??) then as a mummy I'd feel a meanie disturbing a relaxed baby........
...then there's the issue of everyone getting a cuddle so their feelings aren't hurt but then they can all leave!! It's you that is potentially left with an unsettled bubby and therefore potentially lack of sleep until bubby winds down!!
So you decide what you want lovey and then do that.......there will be plenty of times for people to come visit you at home and have their own exclusive cuddles ....
....and I know not everyone feels the way I do and that's great! Each to their own! For e.g. if my SIL read this she'd tell me how wrong I am to think like this and quite obviously scoff at my decisions and then tell me how great she was when she had her babies....yadayadayada :rolleyes: So again, what works for you will work for you even if it doesn't work for someone else!
Okay, finished yarping now - LOL!!!
thanks Charlyfrog! I am already protective of bub so I will not feel bad if I say no to holds at first. Do people really come in sometimes and pick them up out of the crib when they are sleeping? ive heard of this. I would be so mad! I guess people forget that babies are little humans that have just been through a big ordeal and they might be sleepy or restless or sore.
There will be zero visitors in hospital for me, only DP and the kids. I have learned this from having two babies already. I do not want baby hogs there, I do not want anyone waiting outside delivery suite and I will be not allowing anyone in. I will be going home the next day, people can visit me in the following days at home on on appointment. If I have an uninvited knock at the door, it won't be answered.
It's horrible when someone next to you has heaps of visitors, especially heaps of young males when you are bleeding so much and trying to BF and they keep pushing into your curtain. One young girl next to me when I had DD had 24 visitors at once, mostly men in their early 20s and to make things worse, I had just come back from delivery suite and they were all there rattling this awful rattle over and over at her baby and kept accidently opening my curtain. I had been awake for 30 hours at this point. And the most thing that bothered me was that THEY WERE USING THE TOILET IN THE ROOM! Despite all the signs that say not to, all these men were using the toilet that us 4 ladies had to share. This is a big reason I went home that day, same day discharge. There was 'male drops' all around and on the toilet seat, just what you need when you've just given birth and are struggling to go and need sanitary conditions! And I had to go past all them to get there. Later when they were forced out because they stayed longer than the visiting hours, the girl said she was over so many people coming, but said she felt wrong telling them not to come back. The whole lot of them were coming back at the 3pm time again and staying for another few hours. She said they had been there with her since just after birth and that her and her DH hadn't had anytime since delivery suite alone with each other or the baby.
Phew, end rant. This is the big reason why I want to go home straight after the birth this time and not even be put in a ward.
In regards to your first paragraph......WOOHOO TARA HONEY!!!! :clap:
- and how horrible for you with all those men/visitors.......what is with people and their lack of consideration?!?!? I just don't get it!!! I hope it's not that bad this time around for you sweety!
In regards to people coming in a picking up the baby uninvited.........I'd be watching like a hawk and if someone even smells like they are about to do that (which someone tried to last time and I turned and said quite firmly, "She's fine" and then kinda brushed their hand away.....on eof those long lost cousins that you NEVER see unless you have $$ or a new baby or house....plain nosey!!!) I'd a)have the crib right next to the bed and b)say, I've just settled him/her and then c)well, hopefully it won't come to that ;)
Thought: can you pre-empt the midwives of who you want in, and when you don't want to be disturbed etc??? Even a secret signal if you are starting to be overwhelmed with visitors - can they chuck them out stressing 'strict bed rest now so everyone who hasn't just given birth, go home!!'?? Coz the midwives I had were great - they even left a visitor standing in the waiting room while they came to check with me if I was up to a visit!! :)