Baby Shower Stress -Advice Needed

OK,

I remember writing about this on the tail end of someone elses baby shower question but I was offline for a few weeks and never got any answers if there were any.

Everything is a stress for me right now - so please understand if it seems trivial to you.

I have a friend who asked me about my baby shower plans the other day... I desperetly tried to avoid the subject.

Reasons I don't want Her to organize Baby shower:

She isnt organised enough and messed up my hens night which was a total and utter flop.
She has a sis in law also due same time and wants to SHARE baby showers:
I hardly know her , dont want to share and also shes a size 8 and I am size 18 and I dont want to be constantly compared to her on the day. I don't like skinny people right now..(sorry skinny people)

I am known as the party person, I always have themes and decor to set the mood and everyone looks fwd to my yearly festivals we celebrate.

So I like decorating and having themes and matching balloons and table ware etc, and she thinks entertainment is putting the T.V on during a party and throwing a bag of chips at you.

Her heart is in the right place but my heart isnt when it comes to her parties.

I know I am a mean friend, but u only get 1 baby shower and I missed out on engagement party, bridal shower and big wedding and I just want to enjoy this pregnancy as we have never got this far before.

what do I do ? is hosting my own party even an option ?

I asked my mum to set a date for a shower so that my friend thinks she is throwing me a surprise one in august to ward off any many questions.

I was thinking it would be nice to have a family shower as in, everyone male and female can come and not just women only.

what are my options here? whats the right thing to do... I just don't want my friend to mess up another party....

sorry that was long...

Hi Delicate Dove - Why don't you organise the whole thing (as long as you are happy to of course) and get people to RSVP to your mum (or someone similar) so people don't necessarily know that you are the one organising it? That way you can tell your friend that your mum has it all taken care of, but thanks so much you appreciate her offer. I don't think people mind if you are the one organising it, they will probably just think you shouldn't have to so having your mum as the RSVP contact will stop people harassing you with offers!

Best of luck and I hope you have the perfect big party you are after!

Oh you poor chook. I would get your mum to help you organise your baby shower. That way your friend is out of the loop iykwim. I was kind of in the same boat however my dh's Aunty and his mum are organising mine which is good because I trust them to throw a great time. They also organised my pre wedding showers and egagement party etc.
I really don't agree with SHARING these types of things as they are supposed to be for YOU and YOUR BABY. Its up to you if you invite both male and female friends and family to come. I actually wanted to do the same thing but that one has been thrown out the window as dh doesn't want to do it that way(he's a traditionalist).
I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do hun.

I think Trish's suggestion is a good one - you organise but people RSVP to your mum.

I am going to be organising my own party. But for different reasons to you. No one in my circle of family of friends has offered to organise it. :(

So i am going to be organising my own, holding it at my own house and as far as i am concerned they can RSVP to me so that everyone knows i had to do it myself.

Sorry for having my own little rant.

Good Luck,

Prue

A friend of mine organised her own and had the RSVPs sent to her MIL as she was having it at her house. She organised the games herself and she had everything planned quite well. I think if you are the type of person who throws a great party no one is going to care or think it odd that you did it yourself anyway.

i think you should just tell her that you would be more comfortable doing it yourself, but delegate some menial jobs to her so she still feels like she is 'organising' something.

What Trish said.

Im in the same boat as u. My sister in law wants to organise mine and I dont want her too cos they always end up being crap and she wont invite some friends of mine that she doesnt like. Im just gonna tell her that Im organising it and thats pretty much it.

Do all the planning yourself and get some help if you want it or need it. You may only ever get to have one baby shower so it should be exactly as you want it to be.

Oh, and I do love the idea of a family shower. There's no reason why the men can't be involved. In fact, I think many men feel they get left out of the whole baby process so it would be a great way to get them to join in.

thanks for all the great replies, I wished I was able to get online yesterday as She called again last night and mentioned it.

I said I was suspsicious that my mum was throwing a surprise one and she should discuss it with her. She continued to say, Well hyperthetically who would you invite, and I replied well mums knows all that stuff and she still kept asking me.

When I mentioned my husband going She jumped in Ohh but thats not right.

I have like 2 female friends thats it the rest are mums friends and my friends own circle of friends .

sigh....

I wish sometimes people would just take a hint.

I say keep passing her on to your Mum. That's what I'm doing. Because I can be honest with my Mum & say who I do & don't want there etc.

Also, as for your DH, I was the same last time (happy for him not to be there this time LOL). So we organised it so that we had the 'girls only' part for only about an hour in the morning, with the games & fun stuff, then all the partners & guys came & we had a BBQ lunch together at the end. It worked really well & meant that DH also got to be involved.

Just another idea...

I just worked out I would only know 5 females to come to a girls only shower.. (how sad is that) so I guess it better be partners too, atleast thats like 10 people..lol

you poor thing I feel your pain :)
When does everyone plan on having their shower? Some very good friends of mine will do all the planning but they said they want to have it a month before Im due and im a bit scared that by then I will be too big and tired to enjoy it too much. What do you girls think? Is it rude to say I want it earlier?
Take care everyone and Delicate Dove I know you will have a fantastic baby shower and make it exactly how you want it cos its your baby and really its a party for you so you should enjoy it!
xox

Oh, now I know what you mean. Mind you, I don't think just having 5 there would be a problem. But if you got any that didn't show up it wouldn't be many. I think it would be fine to include the partners!! Don't forget - it's your baby shower!

thanks for the advice, not feeling like seeing or doing anything ever again today, but maybe tomorrow will be better. :)

Make sure you're Mum doesn't get rail-roaded with going along with your friends plans - ie having a joint party, or having your friend invite her family along for a joint party. Your mum might have to take the hard line and say "i don't think that's what she'd want, so let's leave it as . . . ".

Good luck.

Maybe say your mum really wants to do it and you want to help her as you need a distraction or a little project at the moment? Something like you are bored you need it to keep busy? Or your mum is feeling a little left out of the pregnancy so you think it would be nice for her to do this for you? And I would just say out there that you dont want it to be a traditional shower you want partners etc why should it just be for women? Just some suggestions! Good Luck x

I basically organised my own, becuse none of my friends took the iniative to do it, and I just chucked a wobbly and did it myself. We did the girly bit for a while at my mum and dad's place while the guys when to the pub round the corner for a few drinks, thene veryone came back and we had a bbq together. It turned out really wel in the end.

its your baby and your baby shower, so do what you want.
however in saying that i do like Trish's advice of sending rsvp's to your mum.
if you want to have partners along that is totally cool as there is "no rule" as such that states you can't have men there .... and we don't live in the dark ages :)
As one of my friends said when I had my first baby (as i had thing about gifts and ppl feeling obligated to bring them) , she said, its not just about having the baby, its about celebrating being a woman with your friends and sharing. So in the end we have a lovely day out at high tea together (about 10 of us I think it was) and I was so glad she talked me into it.
Lots of luck with the shower!!

Good luck with it! I've started to plan mine with my mum and my sister. Only I don't want the normal type of baby shower. I don't do the games and things like that. I wanted to do something fun with everybody, not just the girls, I can do that anytime, but my dh and I are starting a family and both of us are involved in that (obviously), so I'd love it that the guys can join in with the fun too... My sister suggested that i combine it with her chocoholics annoymous party (everyone loves chocolate) but she lives about 45mins from me, and its at night :(

I think you should do what you want... Its all about you and bub (and your partner) CELBRATE!!

BTW - if anyone can come up with some fun idea instead of the normal baby shower ideas.. let me know!

Congrats and good luck!