requests to babysit

okay, so maybe its me being overly sensitive, but.....

as a first time mum with a 10 week old baby, i really have NO DESIRE at the moment to leave her with someone so i can 'have a break'. sure i've left her with her daddy to do routine things like food shopping etc, and once i even went to the movies, but thats as far as it goes for now.

i know they are well meaning, but the constant offers to mind bubs while i take a break are wearing me down. i dont WANT to leave her with anyone so we can go out for dinner etc. She is only 10 weeks old. She is still being breast fed. She is not in any routine at the moment and in fact we have been having some problems with her sleeping, so i really don't want to leave her with anyone right now.

i know that she would just be kept up for hours (she has great stamina and is a pro at appearing 'not tired') and people dont seem to understand she only needs to stay up for about an hour and a half to two hours..... i would be left to pick up the pieces with an overtired baby once i get her back.

i feel really guilty about this. i am 100% sure once she is older i will be happy to leave her so we can go out and have some fun, but at the moment i just really am not confident about it.

has anyone else had pressure (and it may be in my head) from family etc to babysit. i would be fine with leaving her with my mum, as my mum has spent lots of time with her and knows how i am with her, but i dont want to risk offending the in laws. should i just be doing what i want and not worrying about how others will feel?

i never realised there would be so many other people to consider when having a baby. surely it is my right as her mum to say 'thanks but no thanks for now'. do i even need to explain myself?

i know people are just being nice and supportive but honestly, just sit back and wait until u are asked, i know u are there.

Emma - I hear you girl! My mother is always offering to baby sit our DD for us. In fact, we had made loose plans to go out for dinner and my mum was going to baby sit but DH came down ill so we cancelled and I was told that we 'owed' her a baby sit! She has watched DD a couple of times but we don't want to go out for dinner and to the movies all the time (plus it costs money and there are other things to spend the money on). I just say no, we don't want to go out yet - but I definitely keep it polite because I do not want to alienate a potential baby sitter in case I do want one, iykwim! I know what you mean, i think people are excited and well meaning but i'm sure that they wouldn't be offended if you didn't use them yet! Good luck.

Emma , i totally understand you there! ITs lovel that people offer but its very annoying when they keep offering constantly after you keeo saying no. I had people wanting to babysit Claire when she was only 1 week old, and I was just thinking, are you serious???? MIL kept telling me to go out for a few hours to have a break and she'll look after Claire... I was so not keen on it and then she kept going on and on about it to other people "i didnt get to babysit yet" , " i missed out on babysitting" etc - aRGH shut up! Just tell them you are not ready to leave her wth anyone else at the moment. I have only left Claire with my mum once while DH and i went out to dinner, It was only just over an hour and that was about 2 weeks ago. I'm like you - i just dont really have a desire to have someone else baby sit. Dont feel bad about saying no to people.

I am constantly inundated with requests to babysit, from my mum, my MIL and my aunt, my sister, my friends etc. At first I had a great excuse that C was exclusively BFed, but now I just say "no thanks, I'm here to look after him and I enjoy it". They still ask now, and maybe one day I'll take them up on the offer, but until then, I just keep giving them that same response.

:hugs: all I can say is thank god my mum and IL's mainly IL's live 2 hours away, I dont see the need to leave Jack with anyone, he is my baby if I want to go out I will take him with us

I often also think about this in the lead up to meeting my little jnr!

I have no family near me (nearest is 800km away) lol so dont really have the worry about people at my doorstep but i assume that when we visit that they will want me to leave bub with them and 'go out' as such... which is think is a very personal choice if you want to go out or not...
I mean i am having a baby to be a mum not to be able to go through labour and go to the pub on my own! :P

I know my MIL is very full on with her current grandson and this is something i think needs to be recognised by everyone when accepting babysitting.

My SIL liked having MIL look after bub (still does 3-4 full days a week) but when SIL wants bub at home when she had days off and if these days fell on the days MIL usually had bub then MIL got very upset that she didnt get bub that day.

I keep this in mind for the future... (i know it is kinda the opposite of what is happening in your case Emma :) but if you find that you like the babysitter and use them all the time when you decide you dont want the babysitter anymore they can get too attached to the baby and have 'withdrawls' as such.... sounds a little strange.

But it is even stranger (and a bit sad) to watch.

Sorry for going off the track but it is something regarding babysitting that i think about....

I totally understand it was almost reading my own thoughts!!! my IL's are always insiting us to go out to the movies or dinner and they will have DD, im am constantly saying no (we dont want too) and its driving me up the wall! i know they mean well but we will go out when we are good and ready to leave DD with them.(which probably wont be for a long time) i just dont feel confident to leave DD with them, they do things their way and not how i ask them too :s MIL also has set up a cot in her room and other things as if she expecting to have DD all the time?! i feel im having to explain myself for not letting them babysit, but now i just say no thanks!

i have no problem leaving her with my parents i trust my mum 100% and she has been around to see excatly the way i like things done and she respects my wishes!

I guess that is the other arguments isnt it Blanchie.
Will they care for your bub they way you want them to. ie respect your wishes.

I know when my nephew was 12 months old and we would be at the IL's and MIL would say oh cant he have a little chocolate... he wants it.. and bubs mum wasnt there and i know the answer was no! i was thinking i wonder if she would defy my wishes when i am not around... so hard isnt it

p.s dont get me wrong MIL is very loving and caring and does so much for this little baby it isnt funny but as a new mum to be you get so nervous about the little things!

Well MIL tried giving DD icecream when she was i think 2 months!!!DD was screaming in pain from colic...i was just like WTF u cant give her icecream!! so it makes it even harder for me to trust her after that!! she trys to do things her way and it is very frustrating. shes a lovely person but i cant trust her with my child i wouldnt be enjoying myself if i went out anyway!

i know that my MIL will do the same - ever since i told then i was expecting its all about our baby - its what she call it. i understand it the first grandchild but ITS NOT HER BABY!!!!!!!
her phrase is" youre going to give it to me ofr a few days arent you??!?!" WTF? i know her english isnt 100% but i get the jist ,
she had it in her head b4 i got fired that i would give birth have a month off hten go back full time and allow her to raise MY child!!!! i dont think so!!!
now i have recently found that there is a high prevelance of twins on both sides of my family - and shes got it in her head that i will leave one with her during the day and just have one with me that is then swap the next day - AS IF!!! and i might not even have twins......... but shes told me that she WILL e baby sitting 2 full days a week.. huh?? so i knwo how you feel and im only 10 weeks pregnant!

Hi Emma,

I am not yet in your situation but within the next 12 weeks I know I will be and I think about it A LOT! I do not think for one second you are being overly sensitive at all! My bub isn't even here yet and I hate the thought of having to leave my baby with anyone... EVER! (I am sure I will learn to let go!). As Princessmya said ' you don't have children to go out on your own'. I am planning once bubs comes along to spend as much time at home as possible enjoying my new baby!

I think you just need to let people know (as others have said) that you enjoy spending time with your baby and that you are happy doing what you are doing. I am sure that when you do need to go out and do shopping that Dad will be very excited to be spending some alone time together with your bubs and would much rather be spending time with bubs than at the supermarket!!

Maybe you could say to whoever is asking something like "Thanks but at the moment I am happy staying at home or taking bubs with me. I will let you know when I need someone though". Something like that could work? Then you let them know you are fine with looking after bubs and taking your baby wherever you need to go and that later on you know they are there to look after your bubs??

Yep I still get this and DS is 8 months old.
He is still breastfeeding every few hours so that gives me a perfect excuse.
He's also waking up alot at night and actually since I complained about that to MIL and SIL they've kind of shut up about it a bit....:lol:

My Ils have looked after Lexi over night a few times for me.... but it has been when I have asked THEM... they love it... they also look after her during the day for me when I am at work.. only sometimes when I ask them & my friend wants or I think she needs a day off... hehehe...

Emma.. oh i so hear you hun!! When Jesse was born, EVERY time i saw MIL (which back then was about twice a week) id get, just let me know when you want me to babysit.. or she'd say to someone else in the room im waiting for Kelly to call me over to babysit. Seriously, literally every time we saw her. That went on for months and drove me insain! (secondly because if my MIL was the last person in the world, i still wouldnt leave Jesse with her out of choice). She still says it ever now and then but i still have not left him with anyone other than DH.

Just say thanks for the offer and do whats best for you. Youre not going to enjoy yourself if you go and have some time to yourself if youre not comfortable leaving bubs so it will be a waist of time ;)

oh this is brilliant i am so glad that i am not the only one who thinks like this!!!

yes i get comments from MIL who lives very locally, i am still waiting to babysit, and also comments from her friends saying 'oh MIL is desperate to babysit and can't wait'.... when her first grandchildren were born her son and daugther in law were VERY VERY young, so i think she helped out ALOT, so maybe thats what she was expecting with me, however thats not the case. I'm not very young, I'm not struggling to cope, in fact I'd just like to be left alone for a few weeks while I try to get bubs more settled and break a few bad habits I have formed with her (nursing her while she sleeps etc).

i really would be fine with leaving bubs with my mum (who lives just over an hour away) when the time comes, however do u think that is going to offend MIL? Is it bad that right now I only want to leave her with my mum (which i haven't even done yet).

As i said previously, i know once she is older I will be happy to leave her with the in laws, but not just yet.

the thing is, if MIL came over to babysit, most likely hollie would be asleep, so it really wouldn't be that exciting for her anyway, sitting in the loungeroom watching tele. she is too young for other people to really enjoy, as she has only a short wake time then is settled to sleep, IYKWIM? i would be paranoid that MIL would 'accidently' wake her up to make use of the time without me.

am i a *****? i really feel like i am.

oops my last line was 'am i a b*tch?' sorry for the language!!

i guess a way out could be, to go and have a night out with friends, and afterwards to really carry on to MIL and say i couldn't relax and didnt enjoy myself and mum said baby was really unsettled so its going to be a while before i try leaving her again.

is that really awful?

I sooo understand where you all are coming from. I am 23 weeks pregnant and i am concerned about this already.

My MIL has even gone out and gotten a port-a-cot for their house already. I was talking to my mum about it the other day and made myself perfectly clear that no one will be looking after our baby until i am good and ready.

Now i just have to figure out how to work it into a conversation with MIL and we should be right.

This problem is also up there with my mum calling the baby hers!!! WTF?

personally, i think 10weeks is way to young. Esp as you are b/f. I know some peoples put their kids into daycare at 6weeks, but, for me, no way.
DH has suggested a day of 4wheel motorbike riding, which we was meant to do before i got preg, which i would love, and doing it a xmas time. Bubs will be 6months old about, and even with that, i am thinking i am not so sure i want to leave him/her with someone else for such a long time. Would be like at least 5hours.

Oh i think all MILs are the same!!! No youre not a b*tch.. its your baby!!

Im the same.. i have total confidence in my mum (who also lives over an hour away) but not my MIL. We know what our mums are like and how they treated us so we know they will look after our babies with as much love.. MILs we dont.. I know with mine even if Jesse was asleep she'd wake him up on purpose (she tries to when she comes over and i have to tell her to leave him alone!).

Just tell her thankyou, if i need you ill call.. then dont call. If she says why havent you.. just tell her up front im not comfortable leaving her yet.. if she says why did you leave her with your mum, say cos shes MY mum!

Lol! Sorry guys but I'd trust Charlie with my MIL over my mum any day. My mum smokes in the house with my little niece there (doesn't when I'm there though) and Charlie is asthmatic. She also sneaks him choccies and tried to give him a lollipop (FFS!) when he was 8 months old.

My MIL respects the way we raise him and takes loads of care to not undermine us in any way. No competition really!

See we are a bit the opposite now. It used to be that way for us. "oh can i look after kameron etc" to which i would say no for the same reason as Sushee, he was exclusively breastfed and at that time I had a crappy expresser as well so struggled to get Expressed BM for him till I got another a few months in.

Now that we have 3 kids.... Nobody offers to baby sit. If we do get offers it is for one kid only so we says "how is that giving us a break" as they want to take the fully independent, toilet trained, can do things for himself child. Well we have 2 like that now, but Lachlan still needs assistance with getting on and off the toilet.

If we do need to go out without kids (rarely), I thankfully have mum who will come to our house and look after everyone for us.

Love

Kat, if I were in Adelaide I'd babysit for you in a heartbeat, hun!

Awww your a doll. We'll just move everyone over here then hey ;)

Love

Hey WA is a great place! I totally recommend it! 'Course the house prices are nuts atm...