Another wedding question... hehe

Hi girls,

We are doing up our table plan tonight after seeing the caterer today and discussing how many ppl and how many tables and ppl per table etc. Working out the bridal party table (head table) and we want to ask you girls if you know....
If you are a guest and you are facing the wedding party table, are the men on your left hand side of the table or are the girls on the left hand side of the table when you look at it in front of you? Hope that makes sense... i cant draw a pic for you haha

Also, if you have your bridesmaid that has a new boyfriend and we haven't met him yet, and she's asked can he come to the wedding, what do you do? Do you invite him? We've already reached 66 guests and we said we'd only have 60!!! (hoping some can't make it haha)

Once the invites go out, do you think its fair to have that as the cutoff? So that if a cousin says "can i invite my new boyfriend?" we can say, sorry, no, we've already got max numbers and can't fit anymore in the restaurant.... is that fair? we think so.

otherwise we end up chopping and changing numbers all the time and it becomes too hard and frustrating.... :wall: we can't please everyone.......

Ok i had my girls to my LEFT... guys to my RIGHT.... so if i was a guest looking at the table it would be girls RIGHT and guys LEFT!

Yes id invite the new BF of the bridesmaid. We did for ours... just thought it was rude if i didnt. Once invites are out thats the cut off. Make sure you write COUSIN... or COUSIN and PARTNER. That way it makes it clear who is and who isnt invited KWIM?

ETA: We had a limit of 74....we got 72 'yes im coming'...lol

We had 50 seats at our wedding - and that included the bridal party !!!. So we were very picky about who we invited....
I would invite the bridesmaids boyf....even though he prob wont know anyone, its your friend, she's in the bridal party....kinda seems right.
When doing the invites address it to the person by name...i.e Sally , we would like to invite you. etc.....if a bridal party wanted partners to attend also, then usually the invite would say : To Sally and partner??? KWIM???

And if anyone approaches you and asks if they can invite their next door neighbour etc i would simply say sorry, cut off is 60.....
Good luck, its an exciting time.

Cheers girls! :) You've helped me heaps. looks as though it doesn't really matter whether boys are left or right as it seems to be different for each wedding... we tried to think of 2 weddings we attended last year and yeah, they were both different (girls on left, and then girls on right)... so we'll just choose whatever we want for that.

As for inviting the b/maids new BF, we'll have to... shes doing us a favour being our b/maid so we need to be courteous and let him come too... looks as though they are pretty serious too so all the more reason to. i would expect the same if it was me in her position... so yeah... thats decided!

Now, as for the invites going out, i agree, once we post them thats it! If anyone asks for their friend or whatever to come we'll simply say sorry, unless there is a guest that can't make it, then we can't fit that person in... and that is an easy way of getting out of it without being rude... honestly, we feel its the partners/boyfriends/girlfriends of our cousins that seem to be taking up alot of the wedding guest list!! About 30% of them are boyfriends/girlfriends!!!!! ggggrrrr but what can you do?? haha and i suppose one day they quite possibly could become family too...

It's exciting planning the table setup and who is to sit with who etc.... today was great meeting with the caterer, it gave us a better idea of what to expect and how to proceed on from here.... yay!!! it's all coming together nicely now.......woohoo!! :dance:

mbear - we were hoping to stick to 50 ppl originally but it just hasn't worked that way for us!!!!! ah well, the more the merrier i guess....(and expensive!!!!)

Another question related to this -

My older sister just gave birth yesterday so by the time the wedding comes around she'll be nearly 4mths old. We are having on the invites "sorry we will not be catering for children" or gentle words to that affect simply because we can't afford any more guests and the menu will not cater for them (not big restaurant for them to run around either) plus ppl drinking etc its not right atmosphere for kids etc etc... we don't need to have a reason really we just want ppl to respect our decision as it's our wedding :)

My sister will no doubt ask or expect that her 4mth old is invited if she is b/feeding at that stage (possibly still) so does that mean we really do need to invite my new niece because she is considered immediate family?? i mean, 2 of my friends have young children but they are about 7mths and 16mths old. they understand they aren't bringing them and respect us for that besides they want a night away from the kids and to drink.
if my sister says "Lucy is invited of course isnt she?" then what do i say? i'll have to say yes won't i? cos shes my sister and little niece? would it be wrong if we said "can't she stay with your MIL?"
what are your thoughts????? I asked Mum and she said "yes of course you have to invite her because she'll be breastfeeding her"

i loveeeeee babies and kids of course and do not want to offend anyone but if she can bring her kid wont that make my friends think "how come we couldnt bring our kids???" or will they understand because its my sisters baby???
I dont want a crying baby all night!!!! and during ceremony too....... will that happen????

On our bridal table we had girl boy girl boy etc.
I would be pretty annoyed if I was unable to bring my 4 month old daughter to a wedding I was invited to. Its just that I am breastfeeding and I would prefer to have her with me than with someone else. At the moment, the only people I trust to look after her is family, and I'm assuming if its a fmaily wedding, then all those people will be at the wedding.. kwim?
I also agree - once the invitation are out, no more guests!! I would just say something like 'sorry we've already sent out the invitations and booked/confirmed the restaurant and cant add any more guests". If you havent sent out the invitations and she wants to bring him, then I would invite him.
We invited about 70 guests, and only one did not come. Most people will come to a wedding.

Hoo-ee!

My bridal party table had, from left to right as the guests would see it:

Chief Bridesmaid, Best Man, Mum, Dad, Me, DH, MiL, FiL, Bridesmaid, Usher. I know my sister (the Chiefy) should have sat next to FiL and my cousin (normal bridesmaid) at the end, but both Sis and FiL could well rub each other up the wrong way and cause an argument.

Boyfriends. I disliked inviting "and guest" for friends if I didn't know the boyf, but a bridesmaid's boyf should be invited really. My mum insisted on the "and guest" bit, which narked me off as I wanted more of the people I knew to the meal and fewer of those I didn't. If it was a long-standing boyf, fiancé or hubby then of course they were invited, no matter how well I knew them.

Children. I have had to refuse a no-children invite for a friend. DS will be four months old, it's a 10-hour do with no children and tbh it's 300km away - I'd have to drive that on the Thursday night, DH would need the Friday off work to attend, DS would be cranky because 10 hours without me is too much, I aren't willing to express feeds for not only the car journeys but for the wedding day too... it's a very dear friend, but I just can't do it. If DS was able to attend we may consider it, but 300km is a jolly long way. If DS cried at all I'd take him out of the service/room because it's her big day, but I respect she wants no babies and she respects that I can't make it. I do think a baby niece is different to an older child who would need a meal, would your sister be OK with sitting near the door so she could escape should Lucy cry? It sounds like your relationship with your sister is already a bit rocky and not inviting Lucy could tip her over the edge again. Older children can be babysat, 4 month old babies can too but personally I'd not trust my mum or MiL with DS at this age for a long period of time.

You can tell your sister that the alcohol in the evening may make it unsuitable for a baby, but it's her choice... I know that my sister would blow a fuse if I didn't invite her and her baby (should she have had a baby) and it's just not worth the family rift from a wedding. You'll be so wrapped up in you and your new Hubby to even notice a baby (we attended a wedding when DS was 6 weeks old and the couple never even noticed him getting cranky, but they told me they really wanted the babies there).

The whole time, i've wanted my new niece to come to the wedding, i hope it doesnt' sound like i don't want her there... on the invite, do i put dear ### and ### and leave Lucy's name off it as she wil just expect she's invited? Or put her name down?
If i leave her name off that way my sis will be ableto talk to me about her and i could say "would you be leaving Lucy with your MIL or would u like her to come too?" that way i don't sound mean and she can make the decision...

Her MIL is not invited to the wedding (she's not really my family KWIM??) so she can always leave her with her MIL who lives 2hrs away from the wedding... just for a few hours it will be. but i can understand her not wanting to be away from her and yes it is a very young age. if it was me, i would want to be with my little baby 24/7...

it was just a discussion to look at my options.... looks as though i have no choice but to invite Lucy.... which is fine :)

I hope my friends with young children can understand that's all.... as they aren't bringing their 7mth old. (and shes breastfeeding). but she is fine with leaving him with her MIL.

you're right, the day is about us and if a baby is crying we probably won't even notice it.
DF really doesnt' want me to let her invite Lucy but i have said to him"i know she can be a b**ch to me but we need to invite her as she's only going to be young still and needs her mother and if shes b/feeding etc etc plus my sister will crack up big time if Lucy is excluded from the wedding"
I just hope my sister doesnt take over the spot light as she has done inthe past when it's my night....after all, it's OUR wedding day... she has had her day and they didn't have babies at their wedding....

when viewing the bridal party as a guest it was girls to the left, guys to the right - simply because that's how it had been during the ceremony - the celebrant made sure that, when we looked back to the crowd after the ceremony, i was at DH's right hand.... we just let that flow through to the ceremony

with regards to your sisters bub - i'd invite her - we didn't have a restriction on kidlets at our wedding simply because it was a biggish venue and the catering costs were very reasonable - but if we'd had to restrict the number of children there, my bro's kids still would have been invited - they are immediate family and i wouldn't have offended bro by saying no to his kidlets! the youngest of the three was 17 months old - and they all behaved amazingly well!! your friends will understand your sister having her bub there - it's not like you're saying friend A can have bub there, but friend B can't - siblings are very different to friends!

the boyfriend/girlfriend thing - we sent our invites out 8 weeks before the wedding - there were only a few friends that weren't married or in extremely long term relationships - so we looked at their personal situations - if they'd been with their partner more than 3 months, they were invited - but we didn't put "and partner" - we asked for their partners name (under the guise of wanting to start getting place cards and things organised around the same time as printing the invites...) - we didn't have anyone there that we didn't know previously (apart from the fact we put the band on one of the tables as they'd travelled for a few hours to be there, and were friends of a friend - so we gave them a feed!)

good luck with it all hun!

Thanks briggsys girl. Also, we are feeding the 2 photographers and putting them at a little table together as they are going to be there most of the time and they are the parents of one of the groosmen! it would be rude not to give them a feed!! LOL.

Do we need to offer the DJ food aswell??? Or leftovers? what do we do with him???
Basically we've hired out a 70 person restaurant all to ourselves and the DJ will be in there with us playing music etc (of course)

there's no expectation to feed the DJ hun - we chose to feed the band because we knew they'd had to travel, and because the singer was actually a guest at the wedding we knew they'd all be getting there early and i didn't expect them to set up and then have to drive into town to get something to eat. maybe talk to your DJ about their expectations - drinks are a given, but food is completely your call - i know my bro's wedding the DJ didn't get a free feed - he just set up early in the day, went home, then came back when he was needed....

It's decided - at the ceremony, boys are on the left (when guests facing them) and girls will be on the right (beach wedding and we are coming from the carpark so have no choice but to do it that way!) so for the reception, us girls will be on the right :) yay!!

ok thanks, we'll discuss it with the DJ when i speak to him :) I think DF is ringing him this week... talk about music etc... i've left that up to him!

Ok, I would definitely invite the niece. My take on it is this, firstly she's immediate family. And secondly she's very young and most likely bfed. And given also that she's your sister's first child, she most likely will not be very good at expressing etc yet so probably wouldn't be able to come without her bub. Even if ffed, your sister would probably not leave her. And she doesn't need to eat or take up a seat.

We said no kids at our wedding, but my cousin brought (with our blessing) her 6 week old bub. If anyone whose kids couldn't come questioned it (which they didn't), I think it's fair enough to say the baby was too young to be left with a sitter. People will understand given the age of the baby. (also my DHs niece was 3yo and flower girl and she was there for a little while until a sitter came to look after he in a hotel room).

And of course you really want your sister there so don't want any ill-will before you start.

Thanks melanie.

re: Sis "stealing" the wedding, I have a sister like this. It failed. Yes, she crashed her car the 2 days before so could tell everyone a bigger story (I'm fairly sure this was sub-concious, but whenever I have something she does something bigger, a bit too often for it to be co-incidence), but no-one was as interested. Yes, she tried to dance with a suit of armour whilst drunk at the reception, but she was drunk so ignored (save by the staff at the castle). My biggie was on the morning of the wedding I was the only one in the house, on the phone to her car insurance (Dad had gone to the hairdressers to drop off Sis and pick up Mum) when they answered my flowers arrived... but the woman on the other end of the phone was so amazed it was MY day and I was running around after my sister she was really nice and wished me a very happy day, so that was good in the end too!

Trust me, a bride is better than a baby (except to the parents); you can see a baby tomorrow, but a bride only has that one day. Unless the baby dies in the middle of your wedding, you will get all the attention.

Hey Ryn,

I hope I don't sound like a spoilt brat or an attention seeker LOL :rolleyes: it's just that on my wedding day, I want it to be about my fiance and I ONLY! I mean, it will be the first time mostly all the family will be meeting Lucy (niece) but i think you are right, it will be like "ohh cute kid" "how is she going?" kinda talk and then conversation will hopefully move onto me and my fiance "don't they look nice?!!" "oohh look at the dresses.. blah blah" kinda talk.... i just know that my sister has had her day to shine, now it's my turn :) I want that!

I think every bride thinks that secretly.....
you are awesome helping your sis and running around for her on YOUR day :) what a great sis' you are!

Hi Renstar

I would invite your bridesmaid's new boyfriend. After all, he may not just be the new boyfriend, he could be 'the One' and it would be a pity if you all ended up being friends and he wasn't invited.

One of my best gf's invited my (then) new boyfriend to her wedding 7 years ago (and I wasn't even a bridesmaid) and it was the first real occasion we went to as a couple. I've always been so thankful that she included him from the beginning as we are now all very close and have children the same age!

And I would invite your niece too. No one will take away from your day and it looks kinda petty not to. My cousin's baby wasn't 'invited' when she was bridesmaid a year ago and they had to rent a hotel room near the reception so her Mum could have the baby there and she could go and breastfeed. I think if everyone already knows there is a baby it looks a bit mean when you deliberately leave them out.

It wasn't the case of deliberately leaving my niece out, no way.. shes my niece, i automatically love her from day 1, can't wait to see her. it's just that my other friends are not bringing their bubs under the age of 12mths due to the fact they are using the night as a break away from their little ones.. you know... to relax and party a bit. fair enough. in saying that, i would be able to give my sister the option of asking her did she want to leave her little girl at her MIL's place (she is very close to her MIL)....
I've decided now that I can't ask her if she wants to do that because it's not my place to ask her... i just have to go with the flow and i welcome my niece to the wedding of course.
in return, i ask that my sister can be respectful on my day and not have the baby crying when we are in the middle of the ceremony etc as it would be rude and would upset me because the last thing i want is a baby crying while we are saying our vows... hey,it does happen.
don't get me wrong, I LOOOOVE babies otherwise i would not be on this website LOL! :)

Perhaps I'm just worrying about something that may never happen???? I just need to relax a bit i think... I should just be happy that my sister is no longer ignoring me! yay

Thanks heaps girls xx

Renstar, you are being very thoughtful to go to such an extent to include your niece and consider your sister's feelings. I wouldn't worry too much about baby making a noise. In my experience, it's the parents who think the baby is noisier than anyone else around them! My DP couldn't get Lucy quiet or out of the church fast enough if she cried when she was little! (Love your niece's name, btw!) At 4 months she probably won't be that loud.

It's the 3 year olds running up and down the aisle that tend to be more disruptive... Just as well you don't have them!

LOL just as long as the day is about ME and my FIANCE LOL then i'll be happy :)
well, its our my wedding aint it? hehehe I probably sound silly but ah well....

yeah she named her Lucy Charlotte...

Know exactly what you mean, Ren - I felt exactly the same! I was soooo annoyed that the day before the wedding was all about my silly sister and her feeling poorly and "oooh, the dress is a halterneck and I have whiplash." Luckily she was so excited on the wedding day that she forgot about the so-called whiplash LOL. (I'm well used to being my sister's second fiddle, that's why I live so far away from my family LOL.)

Just remember, for every aunt who loves a baby there's an uncle who can't give a toss: my dad visited us for the first time since DS's birth today and had to be forced to hold him! And no-one will even mention the baby to you, so you will never know. And can assume no-one talks about the baby behind your back LOL.

We didnt have children at our wedding....just my DD and my niece (so immeidate family only).
Our friends were 'thankful' they got a night off from their children....of course if there was a request from a couple that they bring their child due to b/f we would have agreed.
When your being tight with numbers (as we were), people dont realise children, even toddlers take up a seat as such (or a highchair).
Its your day.....invite whom you want.

I had my bridesmaid on my left DH on my right, then the best man.
Becuase we did not have anyone else in the bridal party, and the table was massive, we had their partners up on the bridal table as well.

I'd invite the new BF and your neice, which it sounds like you have anyway.
Our wedding was over 18 only, but under 6months was OK.

I know if it were me with a small baby I would be anxious through the whole ceremony about him/her crying and would have an exit route planned!

Also as a side note - I am glad you are finding planning the tables/seating arrangements exciting! It was a nightmare for us, and two tables had to get rearranged on the day cos my family (extended) can't manage to be civil.

oh Ryn! She sounds like my sister, pretends to be interested yet she really only cares about herself! LOL. I mean i love her but gosh, everything usually revolves around her and now that she's just had her 1st baby, it's going to get even worse :doh:
I will listen to her, talk about her new baby with her, ask questions etc and hear her out but i won't get to tell her our exciting news for a few weeks, probably not for a few months, if ever. We moved house, moved business locations AND went overseas.... she hasn't asked about any of it :( She is also very competitive but in a sly kinda way... she won't let on that she is being competitive but she is... KWIM???

Rayray - that's a shame your family couldn't even be civil to each other on the day of your wedding!!! How annoying that must have been, i hope they didn't spoil your day for you and your DH? You would not let them!!! Yeah we are just putting people at tables and then on the night if they want to swap so be it but don't let it bother us sorta thing!!!

Oooh i can't wait for it to be OUR day!! :)

we managed to avoid it by switching the tables, but if no one had told it who knows. As it was one cousins husband swore at the wait staff (we were at a reception centre) all night, dropping the F word etc, and to top it off he threw wedding cake at my bridesmaid. This was after DH and I had gone and I only found out afterward (she would never have told me, one of my relos fessed up)

I am sure since you aren't related to me, your wedding will be fabulous! :D

it's a shame adults can't be adults, esp at a wedding! My god! ie the cake... the F word was bad enough!! but the cake at the b/maid?? poor thing...

Just because they are family, doesn't mean we chose them huh??!! can't choose your family but you can choose your friends thats for sure...

Me too Lindsay, I am going to get embarassed saying my vows (go red!) :redface: but at the same time, i want everyone to know how much we love each other!!!
Just pretend all the guests are naked and watching you! ;) that's enough to make anyone laugh hehe Although i wouldn't want it to be a reality!! eeww!

My DF jokes about me being a bridezilla and i'm like "no i'm not! no i'm not!" I will not allow myself to be one!! hehe

For my wedding I had the bridal table with the couples together and us in the middle.Once invites were sent out and catering planned we said no more guests at reception, pack them in for the ceremony. Guests dont like it, too bad it's YOUR day.
I had my wedding different to others, so do it your own way.
Enjoy it, it goes way too quickly.

Thanks Cruemum - we are finalising our invites this weekend and they should be printed in the next 2 weeks (we are printers so can do them ourselves!) once they go out thats IT! ;)

We had 4 kids at our wedding - 5mths old (My sister was a bridesmaid - her son), 2 and 1 (my other bridesmaids son and daughter) and my dh's cousin's son. We only had a small breakfast wedding, but the morning was definately about us. My aunts and cousins seemed to want to pick up and play with my nephew, after all the officialness and photography was done, my sister got him back.

About the vows, I said mine, but apparently everyone, incl my husband, had difficulty hearing me! How embarrassing! If I could go back and do it, I'd def say them louder - you only get to say them once!

Seating: if you stood in front of us to look at us, it was boys to the right and girls to the left.

There were so many more things that went wrong with my day (and the days leading up to it) but when we look back the day was perfect. The setting and company were perfect and couldn't have asked for more, even if we'd have had more time to plan!

If you'd like to see my wedding photos, look me up on the members list, my msn space has a link there. I don't know if I was allowed to put a link on here, so i put it in there.


Hope you have a fantastic Wedding Day!

Thanks Ren!!!! We're so excited about it!! :P cant' wait!!!!!!

Renstar, take a deep breathe babe, you sound like a typical blushing first time bride, Your ceremony will be beautiful, the reception will be a blast and it will be the time of your life because it is your day.
Now stop stressing the little stuff,

My DF jokes about me being a bridezilla and i'm like "no i'm not! no i'm not!" I will not allow myself to be one!! hehe
......Maybe not a bridezilla.....just a tad stressed.....lol. It's perfectly okay to want the day to go off without a hitch.

LOL just as long as the day is about ME and my FIANCE LOL then i'll be happy
Lol you made me remember ........:rolleyes:My Geat Grandmother told me that Weddings are for friends and family to come together to celebrate your union it belongs to everyone especially your parents but not to you. Your marriage however is yours and nobody elses business. I rolled my eyes and said Ok Nonna, but in reflection she was right, however we didn't pay for our wedding. Although it was a fantastic wedding. We had 180 guest including children Only 40 of them were friends the rest was family, we fed our DJ, I don't think you have to but we just thought it rude not, to he also had unlimited softdrink, we were so generous;), lol.

Yes you should and I'm gad to read that you are inviting your neice. Yes I think that is the right thing to do.
i ask that my sister can be respectful on my day and not have the baby crying when we are in the middle of the ceremony etc as it would be rude and would upset me because the last thing i want is a baby crying while we are saying our vows... hey,it does happen.
Honey a little unrealistic as she can't really control her, She'll probably sleep right through it. Most parents will get up and leave. It would be rude of them to stay and let them scream.

Don't want to add to your stress......
But it's a beach wedding right, is it a private beach.... just asking because if it's not you can't stop sticky beakers from coming down for a sticky and they may have screaming children with them, so maybe you need a game plan there.
Anyway don't sweat the little stuff, it will be fantastic!!!

Hi Renstar

At my wedding to now XH, we had bridesmaids on the left and groomsmen on the right.

With the children thing - we initially said no children and sent invites out without the childrens names. However, we had one couple rsvp with "wife & I will be coming with bubs as well cause wife is breastfeeing". They didn't ask me, just told me they were bringing their baby and I felt bad telling them no so I ended up ringing the other 2 couples to say it was ok to bring their baby. Only one of them did though. The other was happy to have a night out with her DH without the bub.

It's your and your fiance's special day, so do it however YOU want to. You will be the one to remember it.

Best wishes :)

Hi Renstar

gee weddings are fun aren't they. NOT. All the politics and everything, makes you wonder why you didn't elope:redface:. But you will have a great day and just enjoy.

We didn't have a bridal table as we only had 1 attendant each. Instead we had a special friends table with the attendants and another couple who are really good friends. We had 2 extra seats at each table, that way everyone could easily mingle and we chose to have entreee with the special friends, main with our parents, dessert with other family?. In between we could go and sit down and it worked for us and guests too. I find there is nothing worse than mingling and pinching someone's seat and them or you squatting down to talk to the people. That way couples - the best man's wife wasn't separated from her hubby either. I have hated that at weddings as I have never known many others so it is sometimes boring for the partner. But it is all about what you want.
Enjoy your day

7th Heaven- nah it will be great! it's a little beach in a residential area but not many ppl there, esp that time of the year as it's cooler.. summer months its busy... lots of ppl go there to relax and watch the water and fish but not really many kids there, not much of a place for swimming with little kids... (too many boats and fishing KWIM??) so won't have to worry about kids and babies screaming....
it will be great....!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT MY WEDDING DRESS TODAY! Picked it up!!!!! It's soooo beautiful :)

yeah i was a little stressed the last few days about it all but all coming together which is good... i think it's normal to be a bit stressed about it, seeing as i am the one organising a function for 60 odd people!!!!!!!! I am the wedding coordinator! LOL i am also a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to pleasing others... i know its my day but i also want it to be enjoyed by everyone else... on the day though, i will make sure i dont worry about a thing!!!

at least all the "big" stuff is organised, its just the "little" things like odd table decorations etc and the cake to do! :) Not much at all... i'm actually quite surprised at how organised i have been with it all considering i work 50hrs a week don't get much spare time LOL....for shopping anyway....

DF is doing the invites this week and they are done we just need to print one off to see how it will look on the paper etc... then we'll send these out in about 3 weeks so thats 10 weeks before the wedding plenty of time....