High Maintenance Baby? Help

I've just taken DS to the day care centre he'll be attending next year, when I go back to work.

I was doing some stuff at the day care centre, so I could hear him crying until they fed him and until he fell asleep.

I went to go and get him and I was told that he is a pretty high maintenance baby. Now I just feel rotten, like maybe I've been hugging him too much and have done him a great injustice.

Admittedly, I do pick him up when he is crying and cuddle him and we have become great little friends. We play with each other all day - to the detriment of the housework some days.

Am I supposed to not play with him as much? I'm going to start going to a mother's group on the 26th (there haven't been any available until now as the organiser went overseas - so I was a bit disadvantaged in that manner and have had to cope with everything all by myself. It's been mostly guess work until now.) so socialising with the other babies may help.

The worker told me to keep the radio on (which I do, because we dance to the music just about all day and I sing at him at the top of my lungs) and let him watch more tele (he doesn't watch any! I don't think tele is necessarily a very good baby sitter).

I feel really awful.......... have I done something wrong? Should I maybe not pick him up when he's on the floor and crying as much as I do? Now I'm just confuzzeled.........

Help...............

I think you sound like a great mother, and that day care centre doesn't sound very impressive...is there another one you could use?

Some babies just need a lot of cuddling and attention, and I don't think ignoring their cries will change them, just make them feel upset and rejected. I have been told I pick Kirsten up too much, but she is turning into a lovely contented child!

Marion

Well, around here, their reputation precedes them........ that's why I'm sort of taking it a bit seriously.

I see.

I just would be a bit concerned if someone told me to leave my baby in front of the TV more!

Marion

x

Yeah, I know what you mean Marion

I'm just eating chocolate now...................... I just don't know what to do....... I feel very sad.

Next year I won't have this time with him, so I just don't know.......... *sigh*

I agree with Marion - it seems very strange to be told to leave your baby in front of the TV. Babies need cuddles and hugs, and usually thrive when worn in a sling etc. I don't think you can "spoil" them by cuddling them when they cry.

My son started day care at 7 months and really loved it. But I used to spend a lot of time there (as it was right near work and I went to feed him every day at lunchtime and could also spend some spare time there when work wasn't busy). I saw babies start there as young as 3 months and let me tell you, nearly every child, of every age, cries at first. The babies more so. If it was your son's first time there and meeting the carers, why wouldn't it be strange for him?

As for advice, I don't think I would do anything different at home, and I would keep a close eye on him when he starts at the centre. Perhaps put his name down elsewhere just in case you feel you want to change centres?

I think the TV thing was for the noise value. I think I might just start banging pots and pans - that's much more fun.

Lesty, some babies just like cuddles more than others. If you have no support network then Daniel isn't used to other people, that's the problem (and it's not your fault!). DS is so used to me that he won't have more than 15 minutes with someone else, less if he can't see me. Very few exceptions - maybe someone I'm having a conversation with or someone he sees every day, like Daddy or my Mum when she visits. He isn't spoilt, he just knows that Mumma loves him and wants to love me back!

We also have the radio on all day for singing/dancing opportunities, but do have the TV on while I eat dinner... it amuses for about 2 minutes (it amuses more in the morning when it's off LOL) then I'm back to blowing kisses, leaving my dinner to play for a few minutes and having DS at the table trying to play with my food. TBH, the TV is on more for me to watch the news and weather than it is for DS! I do try him with the odd disney too, but still no interest. But I didn't have a child to put him in front of the TV all day!

It sounds like you're doing a great job - and my DH wonders how we can have a no-housework day too! Let's be honest here - we both prefer our "high maintainance" babies because it means we get loads of cuddles, kisses and giggles: we'd miss it if we just plonked the child in front of the TV and went about our daily business.

I completely agree with Ryn and Melanie..sorry if I sounded abrupt initally...its just when I first posted I had just woken up and wasn't feeling very eloquent! :D

Marion

Babies need lots of hugs and love. You sound like a fantastic mother! :) It seems like a very odd comment for them to make.

My DH got home and I talked to him about it:

He said that everything I do is fantastic and that DS spends sooooo much time with me that the "shock" of being somewhere completely new without his mummy probably came across as "high maintenance". I would have thought they would be able to understand that though.

DH, says that even the time he spends with DS is minimal compared to the amount of time I have with him. I am his primary carer, 24hrs a day - love always on tap.

What a great DH. I am not going to stop "molly coddling" my little baby, he is mine, and I will be back at work next year, so I am "drinking every moment with him".

Unfortunately, Caro, I live in a small town and the other options are non-exitant....... unfortunate, but true. My parents live in the same town, but I don't want to tie them down to my baby - they've had their children.

Lesty - we have orientation next week because Abbey starts child care on the 2nd July... and I TOTALLY expect to be told she is high maintenance after reading your post!!! Abbey LOVES to be in the same room as me and cries if she isn't. She also loves to be sung to - especially at feeding time. I would try not to take it personally - remember that any child they have to spend more than the usual amount of time with - is going to be labelled "high maintenance" - it doesn't mean they are! And like someone else said, he was probably crying with the shock of not having you around!
I'm really dreading Abbey's first day :(

IMO a baby cannot have too much love in the form of cuddles and kisses. MG and Lesty - your precious ones are still very tiny, developing rapidly and need lots of physical and emotional contact. Please don't let anyone make you feel guilty for that - if you, as their mothers feel they need those cuddles, then that is absolutely what they need. What kind of message do you send when you ignore a baby who is upset or needs attention? Babies are not capable of manipulation.

I'm offended by the term high maintenance - is a baby supposed to be 'low maintenance'??!! It's worse than the whole 'good' baby thing. I too would be concerned about that attitude and the TV comment. There are lots of studies now about the negative effects of TV on tiny people (not that we don't all use it at times lol!). Music or the radio is much better as suggested.

Hugs for you and your bub!

Thank you everyone.

Unfortunately I do have to go to work, big mortgage and stuff.........

I think I will ask my parents to have Daniel three days a week and maybe put him in day care two days a week. Then that way they're not completely obligated and will have some time off during the week.

Mother Goose, I was dreading yesterday but then I talked myself around and thought I was just being silly.

Why not try FDC? Riley is at one where he is the youngest there, the others are all 2+ and there are only 5 children there in total. His carer loves him and carried him around all the time when he started at 8 months. She gives him and the others heaps of personal attention and he adores it with her.

lestypuss you sound like you are doubting yourself, you sound like a brilliant mummy who wants to gobble ur bub all up all day... how can that be a problem?? Eden sound's the same as Ryn's bubba, except she will prolly only go 5 mins without figuring out its not me who's holding her.... So mant poepl have told me i',m doing the wrong thing co-sleeping, sling wearing etc
It must be tough knowing you have to go back to work, would caz me heaps of anxiety...
Just wanted to send u big hugs and let you know there are more of us out here who believe in "molly goddling" LOL our babes and u are doing an amazing job....

I think you sound like a great mum! . Time at home these days is so limited ..I was the same as you and played with Kaitlyn , took walks and spent as much time as I could with her. Then I would run around in nap times doing all the cleaning. Now I am at work 4days a week I wish I could do it all over again. So dont not spend time with your DS just because of what other people thing.

And man I would have been angry if they said my beautiful child was high maintanance!. I mean they are children ..they are not meant to just sit on their own and do nothing.

I would not change a thing you are doing ! ...except maybe the day care centre ..hehe. ALthough in saying that with my daycare I love some things ..dislike others. But Kaitlyn enjoys it so I use that as my guide.

Lesty - that is probably just the opinion of one person in the centre. Maybe you could speak to the manager of the centre about the way you were spoken to? I am sure that is not the opinion of all the carers in the centre and was probably just an off hand comment made by someone without them really thinking about the consequences of such a remark. As a first time mum, I would feel exactly the same as you do, but I think you are doing everything exactly as you should be, so don't let one careless comment ruin your confidence. It is the job of a child carer to care for a child, not to make judgements on the way a parent is raising their own child.

Good luck to you!:thumbsup:

Lesty - I find that a bizarre comment after 1 visit especially considering that this was your first visit - I think any child would have behaved the same way. Oh, and aren't all babies 'high maintenance'? I agree with Jo, it was probably just one person's opinion. As you know, everyone has their own opinion on how to raise a child. As for putting the tv on more - I would scrap that - all I ever hear is that people shouldn't put the tv on so much as at a young age they don't really learn anything from it and it stops them moving around (my daughter is mesmerised by the tv, she just stares at it!). I think it sounds like you are doing a great job and I think there is nothing wrong with cuddles. Keep up the good work, don't beat yourself up about one silly comment.

First rule of motherhood - follow your gut! A babies cry is meant to be distressing, go with it. Annika is a high maintenance baby, but I don't think I've done anything to cause it. I mean some babies just have different temperaments to others. You're doing great!

Lesty, Like everyone has said you sound like a great mum. I had a similar comment made to me; I took my DD to the gym care and when i came back i was told "she was very very grissly the whole time" with a disgusted look on her face... WELL, that was the first and last time i ever put her in there.

I never get any house work done, and i love it, because i know in the blink of an eye my DD is going to be all grown up, never want cuddles from me, think im just boring old mum, be embarressed by me and wont want to be caught dead with her parents!! Now im getting just as much attention from her as she does from me, when i pull faces, dance around and tickle her she laughs at me, she thinks im a comedian and i am her most favorite person IN THE WORLD!! What could be better than that!