changing our mind..??

hello- i know this seems a silly post in the 3rd trimester, but we've made it to 28weeks without finding out the sex of our baby. at the 20 week ultrasound dp was absolutely adament he did not want to know the sex and that he wanted a surprise. i wanted to know the sex, mostly cos i'm just very impatient. i decided that if it was that important to him, then we wouldn't find out. now...at 28 weeks.. he has changed his mind and wants to know. i'm not sure what to do. i feel as though we've waited this long that we should stick it out and not ruin the surprise..but then another part of me feels like i would be more connected to the baby over the next couple of months if i knew what it was iykwim...but it sort of feels like cheating..like reading the final page of a book when you're only half way through it..it's just hard as i got my head around not knowing until the birth and now i feel like he's totally thrown a spanner in the works..what should i do???

Stick it out, you are almost there. We found out, then Dh accidentally blabbed to everyone, so best to wait. Not long to go now anyway.

Wow that's a hard one. Why don't you both sleep on it for a week and then see how you both feel.

Not to try and sway you but we found out and I have become so attached to this little boy inside, that I would be disappointed now if it was a girl! I feel like my whole life changed when I found out what he was. However if you have come this far, it may be nice to wait. It's only 12 weeks away.....;)

true...but 12 weeks feels like forever!!

Im impatient so i would find out, plus its good u can buy everything u want for the bub if u know the sex..lol. but on the other hand u have waited this long already so it would be a nice suprise :D

We didnt find out with our bub, and it was the most amazing moment ever discovering we had a little girl after going through labour. Incredible moment after waiting 9 months.

yeah that's what everyone keeps telling me- that if you wait it is amazing, and after a long painful labour you deserve a reward :p

Gracie - I was in nearly the same situation as you but in reverse. We had decided that we WOULD find out but then at the US DH was adament that he did not want to know. He was so adament that I agreed, as it seemed so important to him. I was really annoyed at the time but honesty I found I came to regard that little person growing inside me as so much more than a boy or a girl. Our baby was just that our baby and when it came time to give birth it we even forgot to ask?

With our DD I didn't want to find out again but realised that it was more practical so we knew what to buy and even though we had it confirmed again and again I still wouldn't believe it until I had actually given birth.

Someone in our bellybuddies had the tech write it down so that they didn't have to know but it was there if they wanted it. Might be an idea

Id stick it out... with DD i never wanted to know til the 22 week scan... but then couldnt find out and was devastated....tried to get another scan.. but no luck... in the end i was soooo glad we never found out..

We found out this time even tho DH didnt want to know!

Hi
We found out with Jacob... mind you we couldnt miss then little twinkie that was pointing at us quiet prominatly in the ultra sound.. he he he... and I did find I had a really nice 'bonding' time knowing he was going to be my little man. But with # 2 we are debating not finding out..... I dont know if I can handle the suspense!!!! :P

You have me re questioning what we are going to do with ours this time :)

You do only have 12 weeks so it might be nice to wait... you have come this far :)

Good luck
xox

yeah i was thinking of getting my ob to write it down and seal it in an envelope and then bring it home and it's here if we want it...but then i was one of those kids that used to tear little holes in the paper of my christmas presents from family and friends cos i just couldn't wait till christmas morning and i had to peak...it's just too tempting. a lot of friends and family, including MIL and FIL have expressed that they would like to know the sex so that they can buy us stuff...i just don't know now...:confused:

Gracie

We found out but didn't tell anyone else...to be honest I felt like I had cheated as it is one of the few surprises in life that has a very happy ending!!! You have done so well to stick it out this long - not long to go now!!!
Laurin :)

HI we found out at 19 weeks, and while it was so clear the sonographer gave as an absolute definet answer, I have been having the what if it's wrong feelings.

Plus most of my family know, my sister blabbed to my dad despite the fact he made it clear he didn't want to know. My mum is being a royal pain and wants to now know what we are going to call him. she only has to wait about another 4 weeks. I keep telling her she needs at least one surprise!!!

I say stick it out, and it will be hard for a few weeks, but ultimatley for your families sake it's much better if they want to buy gender specific stuff to wait until your bubs arrives and see how big it is, and what it looks like. and if you want to buy something other than pastels, bright colours are less gender specific. Red, yellow orange green purple.

I found out at my 18 week US because I'm just incredibly impatient - though I was telling everyone it was a boy a month before then anyway lol I'd been having dreams that he was a boy so I just assumed anyway but it was nice having it confirmed :)
Next time I don't think I'll find out though.. the surprise will be nice :)
Not very helpful I know but the envelope sounds like a good idea just put it somewhere you can't reach without DH so you can't peek hehe then if in a week you do decide that yes you want to know - its there.

I didn't find out and the midwife saying "it's a girl" and me saying "Esme!?" having had the name lined up and feeling like my little girl i'd dreamed of was coming home to me was so incredible - the moment is etched on my heart.

I def wouldn't find out in the future as the moments of discovery (her of me and me of her) after birth are timeless and beautiful in my memory, and nothing could have been better, even though i am also INCREDIBLY impatient (although having a baby makes you work on that LOL). It was one thing i felt was very very worth waiting for. I also wouldn't find out next time because i know from having done it once that i personally would find it very hard to be disappointed with the perfect little girl i caught coming from my body even if she was my 6th baby, all little girls, whereas when i have only a bump i might have enough "distance" from the reality of my specific little daughter to feel regret that she isn't a boy iykwim - just my opinion though, that's probably different for everyone.

My SIL was told at the 16-weeks scan it was a boy and then because bubs was breech had to have a scan at 35weeks while they did an external version (which worked no worries) and found it was a girl. She was devastated and still hadn't really come to terms even by the birth. Not the norm but it can happen.

B

I am now 37 weeks and very impatient. DH and I have stuck it out and aggred to not find out. The only person that knows is our OB and he won't tell us unless we say to him 'what is the sex of our child'.
I am so looking forward to the day we get to officially meet our little bub and give it a name and introduce it to all our family. It will make the last months so rewarding.

As far as connecting to it, we have had no problems, it is still a real live baby in there growing stronger every day, it dosen;t kick or move less than if we knew it was a boy or girl.

HTH

Gracie, we didn't find out with #1 until 34 weeks (bubs was uncooperative in the first US, had to go back for another because the movements had died down for a few days and found out then). The compromise for us, was finding out but not telling anyone, so we still got to 'surprise' everyone else after giving birth, and enjoying their delight over it all.

HTH

We found out as soon as we could and then I had follow up late scans at 34 weeks so we knew for sure it was a boy. I am so glad we did find out. I have absolutely no regrets. It really helped us in our mental prep for the baby.
However you have come a long way and if it just a spur of the moment decision on his part then you might regret finding out. Someone mentioned thinking about it for a week before you decide. This sounds like a good plan.

I am so impatient too and I looked at it as we have had 2 surprises.

The day we found out at the scan was honestly the most exciting day of my life. Not a day goes by when i don't think about my little boy and wonder what he will be like and how is life will be.

I now feel that when I give birth we will have another great surprise by meeting our little man and the excitement has been building since 20 weeks. It certainly won't ruin the surprise of seeing him for the first time already knowing what he is. I think the gift of meeting him will be the most amazing moment for us.

So don't necessarily base your decision on ruining the surprise 'on the day'. Giving birth will be surpise enough!!

You have to just think if you find out now will it make a huge difference in the next 12 weeks or can you hold out so that you don't blurt it out to everyone!

We have managed not to tell anyone that we are having a boy, although I have nearly slipped up a few times;)

We were very undecided about finding out the gender... so we said if we see it we do if we don't then we don't, so the sonographer didn't go looking. After though I would at times wonder if we should've or not... but we weren't going to have a scan done just to find out so we had to wait then. Although 2 months before we had bubs some people we know found out that their "pink" bundle was actually going to be a "blue" bundle and they had bought everything pink and had like 2 weeks to change it all!! So it's not always correct anyway. I do have to say that not knowing until the birth turned out to be wonderful for me and I think for me gave me more connection with him as well if that makes any sense at all. Best of luck!! I'd say though if it were me, leave it until the birth now... what if your DP changes his mind again and wishes that you didn't find out if you do go and find out.

When I had #1 I chose not to find out the sex. With #2 we chose to find out the sex and now with #3 we have chosen to find out again.

Its is a really personal choice but for me I actually feel great comfort in knowing what sex they are...its abit exciting too when you dont know what they will be....

The thing is whether you know or not doesnt really matter...the excitment and mystery in getting to know your baby is always there.

For us that means....a third daughter although this time I didnt really need the ultrasound I had a really strong sense that it was a girl and we couldnt have been happier.

thanks for all your advice guys...i think i'm gonna try to stick it out. i really want that moment of finding out after giving birth, and i just feel like it gives me even more to look forward to. i'm so all over the place at the moment emotionally that i can't even make a decision about what to have for dinner tonight so i really don't think it's a good time to be making such a huge decision...i'll try to leave it i think...i'll see what dp says on the day of my next ob appointment...

Stick to your guns! I didn't find out the sex of my baby either, and I'm glad I haven't. Everyone needs a surprise, and if you find out now, you'll probably wish you hadn't.

Good luck!

We didn't find out for our first child...It was so exciting, and i thought "I can't wait to hear IT"S A ........"

After going through labour, the moment our son was born, the world stood still. In the time it took to move him from my bottom half to my chest, it was as if there was no-one else in the entire world but me and him. I was so in awe that I didn't hear a single sound, see a single face...nothing.

After sitting there in a daze for 5 minutes, the midwife tapped me on the shoulder and said " do you know what you have mum?" It was only then that I peeked and saw he was a boy....Definatley worth the wait!

This time round, we found out...my son was desperate to know what "his" baby is...and he was with us in the ultrasound, and was delighted to hear that he was getting "someone to play rough with me!"

I feel that we're having a boy and DH doesn't want to find out, but I do...I found out with my first one and felt like I bonded with him knowing what the sex was.

I think DH is coming around to wanting to find out, but if he doesn't want to know I won't tell him. I'm still referring to our little Ramlet as "he"!! Either way, I don't mind what we have as long as the little bundle is healthy!! :)

Gracie, I feel as if I am in exactly the same position. I'm in my first pregnancy and am almost 31 weeks. From the beginning I was adament about not finding out the sex, although hubby was desperate but he respected my feelings and indulged my desires not to know. Then about three weeks ago I started going nuts about finding out...I dont know why but something inside me just clicked and I've had the strongest desire to find out! However, I lasted through my 30 week scan, and figured that I've lasted this long and that I'd be mad to go back on my initial feelings now (much to hubby's dismay!)...plus I think I'd go overboard on the shopping front as I keep seeing sooooo much cute baby stuff out there!

I suggest staying strong - you're almost there!

That said, next time around I think we'll find out at 20 weeks!

we found out and have absolutely no regrets, helped us with bonding, preparation etc...just depends on your personality i think, there is no "best" way...

BUT very important point - you may not be able to find out now, I knew someone that had a couple of scans at 30 weeks and they said the baby was bigger and "doubled over" if you know what I mean - which means you cant see as well. so its not the case that the later in the preg that you get the scan, the more likely you will be able to find out - in fact it might be the opposite.

just saying, even if you decide to find out, dont get your hopes up that you will be able to.