young mum or not ?

Hey Guys,

Me and my partner have been together for about 3 years now. I have 19 and he is 22. Latley we have been thinking more and more about children, everyone around me thinks i am stupid for wanting a baby, we have been trying since march but not telling anyone. I miscarried when i was 17 years old and it broke my heart i was 14 weeks and the doctors didn't give me a reason why. Everyone accepted back then that i was going to be a mum but now it's like everyone is looking done on me because we have said we want to try for another baby.

My partner and i love each other very much we are engaged . We have bought our own house and we both have stable jobs.We have the money to do this and unlike some of our friends we are not interested in going out every weekend we would prefer to spend the time on the couch together.

Everyone is saying we are too young but i don't think we are my mum had me at 18 and i am glad she did. She was able to relate to me so much more better from when i was 13 through until now becasue it was that long ago she went through the same thing.

Please let me know your opinions. Are there any young mums that planned to have their child at a young age? were your parents suppotive?

Thanks Heaps in advance guys

Hi chickbabe
You sound very mature and know exactly what you want. I met my DH when I was 15 we had our first DD when I was 21. I used to get the same comments from my family and friends about being too young. Although my first pregnancy was not planned, my second and third were (and my fourth -well thats a whole other story!!lol) I felt confident that I was a good mum and still am. I think we spend way to much time worrying about what other people think when we are the only ones that know what is right for us. My parents were and are very supportive - just took them a little while to get used to the idea.
Good luck with TTC.

I think it's great that you are wanting to have children. I met my DP when I was 16, he was 18. Moved out when I was 18 with him and when I was 19, we decided to have a baby. For us it was personally the best thing we have ever done! Couln;t be happier. Our families were very spportive, more just worried about the financial side of things but no problems whatsoever there, they thought it was great. Of course you will get some people who won't agree with it but it's not their choice, it's yours :) Wishing you all the best!

Oh I know what u mean.
Me and DH got together at 16, engaged at 19, married at 21. We are TTC now and I am still worried that my Dad will think I'm too young. Haven't told anyone we are TTC either, except mum as she's super excited, lol. But I guess what I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter what age you are, people are still going to have opinions unfortunately. Especially parents who have different views on how you should live your life!! But it really depends on what's best for you and what makes you happy. You only get to do it once and you don't want to be looking back thinking, I wish I'd had kids when I wanted and not when everyone else thought I should. That's what I think anyway. So everyone else will get over it when they realise how happy you are. It sounds like you've got everything sorted out financially and you're in love and getting married so everything should be fine. Good luck!!

Go for it! Why wait - you are ahead of most of your peers financially and if that's what want to do - have fun!

Chick, you should so go for it, I'm 23 and my fiance is 20, the best thing we ever did for ourselves was to have Samuel when we did, now we wonder what we ever did with our time without him! I also agree that the interaction with them young and while you are young is great, Joe is pretty happy with it cause he keeps telling me that when Sam is 20 he will only be 40 LOL But seriously, you sound mature and you guys are set up, you might find it a little hard to start with, with all the extra expenses, i know we did. But trust me it is so worth it in the end and I'm sure all the other ladies on here would agree. So good luck and make sure you let us all know when you are preggas!!

Also wanted to add my mum was 20 when she had me, and I think it was great she had me young, we had lots of fun together!

i just wanted to say i had my first at 19 shes now 12 i wish i had of waited but i didnt own my house or i didnt have a stable job .i think if thats what u want then do it just go with your heart if u know u are ready then u probably are .i think my problem was when i was 19 i dont think i was ready all though i wouldnt change it in the world i love my kids .i just had my 4 15 mnths ago and i can tell i more mature and more settle with her with my first i was a nervous wreck.i think if u want it go for it

Thank you so much to everyone that replied to my post. It means so much to have that support :D I showed my partner all your replies and it has made him so happy to know that we aren't the only couple that are wanting to or have had children at a young age. Your replies have given us the strength to carry on TTC and not care how people judge us. We are in love and to me that's all that matters right now, knowing our child will come into such a loving enviroment makes me so happy. We already have an savings account set up for when i do fall pregnant to help us financially plus i get paid maternity leave for up to a year which is a bonus.

Thank you to everyone for your encouraging words it has really made me realsie that this is my life and i am more than happy with where i am right now and nothing any one could say can influence that. Sarajane good luck with ttc #1 i wish you all the best and i hope in 9 months time you have a beautiful baby in your arms.

you own your home, have good jobs, feel ready. others need to butt out if they don't get it. dp and i have been together 20 months, dd is 5 months old. since you have an angel baby, it may not be easy to conceive, then again things may go absolutely fine. go for it, i wish you all the best! btw i'm 21 in dec, dp is 23 in sept.

Hi Chickbabe,

I agree with everyone, go for it! If it feels right for you just do it! You two obviously know what you want and you never really ever stop getting peers or family giving their 2 cents worth, no matter what age you are!

I'm 24 and most of my friends thought i was too young! Pffft! I think it's because they put themselves in that situation and freak out, i know nearly all of my friends are nowhere near having babies and most of them are around the 30-35 age group!!

Now the only problem is that you'll probably become addicted to BellyBelly like the rest of us!! :D :D :D

i say go for it as well!! its your life not anyone elses!! why do poeple think its ok to tell you that your too young to have a baby!! your 19 and in a stable relationship.. why not!!

Thanks Mummycate....your daughter is adorable......and yes keira i know i am already addicted to belly belly, there are so many inspirational stories and it has just made me clucky all over again :) you aer all so positive and that makes me so happy ! I just feel like i have done so much to get to where i am now....i have the best job as my boss loves children, he has 3 year old twin boys and he always brings them into work :) My friend at work had a 1 year old DD and if her DD is sick she will ring up to say she can't come in but every time with out a doubt he convinces her to bring her DD in so he can play with her whilst she works. It's a great enviroment to work in, everyone is always bringing in their children we nearly need a child care just for work hahahaha.
A good friend of mine is 32 weeks pg and don't get me wrong i am so happy for her but whe i look at her tummy and how they have the bubs room already set up i can't help but feel sad....and then i feel guilty for feeling that way.I guess it is just normal though and i know that when it happens for me i will be over the moon. Anyway i will stop talking so much now and just say thank you to everyone for your support and i hope that i will have some good news in the next couple of months :):crossfingers:

Hey Chickbabe :)

I'm glad you're feeling positive about it all!! It's a wonderfully exciting time being pregnant and expecting a beautiful little bubba - i'm loving it!! Have u started charting your cycle yet?

There's so much support on this site, even if u just need to vent, there are so many wonderful women (and men!) that offer so much advice and just listen!

I wish u all the best for u and your DP and can't wait to see your pregnancy announcement! :bfp: Good Luck!! :crossfingers: :D

yep i think young mums are good if you are mature enough to know what ur doing, which u deff sound like u are!!
im 19 and preg, will be a few months off 20 when i have bubs and i wouldnt take it back for anything! the dad wasnt ready and has fled... but after lots of thought that doesnt worry me either, same thing happened to my mum, and i was raised very well! its amazing how negative everyone is knowin that the father isnt there, but i wasnt going to abort cuz the father is a ****head lol...
sorri to steal the thread LOL
but yer as long as u are ready, do what u want!

Hey Guys sorry i haven't replied dp and i went away for the weekend for his bday, it was so good just to get away from everyones judgments. We went to the coast and stayed in the most romantic apartment, it was so relaxing. It gave us a chance to sit down and talk about TTC, we have decided that no matter what anyones says to us nor how they judge us we are in this together and we both want a child.

Keira, I started charting my cycle last time AF came. Does anyone have any websites that can give us any tips about TTC?

Before this weekend we were hoping that it would happen but weren't activley trying to fall pregnant but now that we have both agreed not to listen to anyone's nasty opinions but to think positive we are researching about TTC and ways to make it posible.

Considering i have an angel baby this may make it a bit harder than normal so i have booked an appointment with my doctor to speak to him about it and see if he could help us. I have stopped drinking, i quit smoking in Feb this year and i am making sure i eat healthy and exercise for atleast 30 mins a day (even if it is in front of the tv hahah)

Jess, i am so proud of you so having the strenght that you do. Your baby is very blessed to have a mother as strong and as willing as you are. I wish you all the best for you and your baby. Congrats :)

Thank you to everyone that has replied it means the world to me and my DP. This site is so supportive, i have read so many threads now and not once have i come across anyone saying anyhting negative. thansk you again and i hope to speak to you all soon :)

Just don't tell the doomsayers that you are ttc. It will take alot of the pressure off.

go forth and mulitply - looking forward to your positive results!

hey... if you're set up, have a house and both have good jobs why not?!. I'm 23, my partner is 21 and we have a beautiful 2 week old little boy. My family were shocked at first when they found out about the pregnancy but they've all been wonderful and love the little guy to bits... I think thats the most important thing having your family and friends there to support you... and who can resist when there's a cute lil baby in the picture!!.

Thanks Hun, i am now 8 weeks pregnant and i told my mum last ngiht and she is actually pretty excited. Thansk for your support and congrats on the birth of your little boy:)

congratulations sweetie, what a great EDD, that's my son's birthday :P

I realise this forums a bit old, but nonetheless, i think it's fantastic! Obviosuly there's always going to be people that look down on you, because of your age, because they don't think you know what you're doing, that you haven't had enough life experience, etc etc.
Now, being 20 and pregnant myself, i get frustrated mostly by my mother's skepticism, which is disappointing, because like you, mum had me when she was 18. She's always lecturing me on not getting too attached to my partner and to be weary of the fact, that whilst he may be working and doing what he can now he'll probably be terribly scared or bugger off once the baby's born (my biological father did that, and i don't know him at all). I understand where she's coming from, but it makes it really hard for me. Her whole view of romance is tainted, which i also understand, and i know she wants the best for me, but its also making it hard on DF because he's always just offended!
Whilst i know she is right, i don't think being 21 or 45 makes you any less or more likely to run off on a partner with a child, if you've never had any children before.
But back to the point, I thought it was fantastic having my mum so close to my in age (and her younger sister in only nine years older than me, which meant i grew up with a big sister anyway). She's always been more understanding, and accepting of my issues than most of my friends parents who are all pushing onto the age of my grandparents! I have friends, whose parents would absolutely die to think they were even DTD, but my mum was the type to sit me down before i trotted off to uni and forced me to go to the doctor and go on the pill. She also got pregnant on the pill, so it was a lot easier for her to understand when i broke the news :S
Good luck with TTC, from what i've seen the BB ladies are all very supportive!

Oh and congratulations!@
I obviously didn't read far enough!

thanks so much hun. I have had a few people make some sly comments about it but all i have to say is it has nothing to do with them and i know i am going to be a great mum and if by any chance my DP and i go our seperate ways i know he will always be a part of my babies life. I know that if i was to be on my own i would be able to support both me and the bub comfortably.

I think it is rude for people to judge just because they are a bit younger than most women that are starting a family. If you look back in time is was normal for women to start having children and age 16, yes times have changed but who is anyone to judge you if they don't know you. All my Aunt, Uncles and cousins that i ahve told have all said to me yeh it was a bit of a shock BUT you were meant to be a mum you are great with children and i know you will make a teriffic role model to your child. Everytime someone said this to me i would cry (prob just pregnancy hormones) becasue i felt that they beleived in and they supported me with out any hesitation.

Some young women that fall pregant that weren't planning on startign a family i really feel for them and the reason i say this is because what has happened has happened and a lot of people just give them the cold shoulder and say nasty things about them. Rather than critism they need support and people these day actually look at them as say well you ahve just stuff up your life. I dont beleive this is the case at all. IF they get the support they need then they will make it through and will make great parents. My cousin had her bub at 16 she is now 22 and is studying to be a doctor, she is a perfect wife and the most loving mother.

Anyway enough with my rambling on. Thanks so much for your support and i hope that you have a safe and healthy prengnancy. Don't worrying about your mum i am sure when your bub comes along and she sees how great you are at being a mum and how great your Df is at being a daddy she will eat her own words and apologise.

Well, i do agree that some young women can think they want all those things and end up being wrong in six months, but you really sound like you have it together. Physical age is nothing to mental age, my mother is 43 and still acts like a teenager at times, my friends joke about who the mother is, me or her..
I met my husband when i was 17 i fell pregnant a few months later and we married 2 months after my 18th birthday. He is 10 years older then me.
I am now 22 and expecting our third baby. We've made it work through commitment, love and will. It is sometimes hard as i dont have as many years experience as others but then generally speaking someone who is 30 has the same experience with kids as someone our age which is not much at all.
I remember my best friend's mum saying once that you never really feel 100% ready and confident since regardless of your age its still a learning experience, its just we're doing it now rather then later.
I do sometimes wish i had waited a year or two before starting with the kids so i'd had the chance to finish growing up fully myself but then again sometimes the best way to learn is to throw yourself in the deep end, so long as you've got some kind of support, which i had my husband and you obviously have your man too.

Don't worry what other people think, if you know in your heart that you want a child now, then go for it. The family will be happy and get used to the idea. I am 21, my DF is also 21. We have an 8 1/2 month old and I am 16 weeks pg. It's the best thing in the world, being a mum!

Just thought I'd pop in and say congratulations, I got a lot of comments and once you're holding your lil bubby they don't matter you can look at your precious lil bubby and thibk 'bleep you all look at this perfect little being I made' I cry sometimes while looking into my sons eyes just out of happiness tell them to bugger off and enjoy your pregnancy :)

congrats darl! 17 weeks now! are u going to find out what ur having?