why did you have the number of children you have?

We are planning on having 3 children if all goes well. I am an only child who always wanted siblings and DH is one of four and comes from a poorer family who suffered financially due to the number of kids in the family, so for us 3 kids seems like a good number. I wouldn't only want one child because I keenly felt the absence of siblings, esp after my father died when I was 9, and two children seems like "not enough" for me LOL! Four seems like "too many" so 3 seems just right (though that said I am not adverse to 4 if that is what comes along. Number of bedrooms in the house is also an issue for me - I really liked my own room as a kid, though DH (who had to share a room) doesn't seem to think this is a big deal.

Now I know everyone has the number of children they have for various reasons - my parents, for example, only had me because of (I think) Rhesus incompatibility (??) so my m/c every pregnancy after me. I know of other families who have two children because they get a boy and a girl so that is enough for them, but of others who definately want 4 or 6 or 8 kids before they even start.

I have wondered for some time whether my reasoning is the valid and how we settled on the idea of 3 kids (maybe I secretly want a soccer team :)). The recent publicity surronding the Duggar family in the US (who have just had child # 17) certainly got me thinking too - a few comments on the net about them were very interesting. One woman who was pro-huge families (10-12 kids plus) was criticising modern parents and their "two project childrn" who get all their parents' undivided mollycoddling attention, and there were others who were saying it was unfair to have lots of children like the Duggars because you are effectively asking the older ones to raise the younger ones.

So why did you choose to have the number of children you have. or intend to have? This is not intended to cause a great debate about whether it is better to have one child or 8 or whether the middle of three is always left out or whether 2 is better than 4, and nor is it to exclude people who don't achieve their goal number for various issues, such as infertility, death of partner, divorce or whatever. I am really just interested in the thinking behind settling on a particular number, rather than any criticisms of particular choices, but I realise of course that often the choices we do arrive at are because we think that other choices are less preferrable or the wrong ones for us.

All going well we plan to have 2 or 3.
DH wants at least 3 so that he can be a SAHD, as it would make financial sense for us to do that if we had 3 or more children.
I want to send my kids to private school and could probably do it with 2 but not so sure about 3 on a single income.

We wanted a boy and a girl, I know that sounds selfish to some but thats what we wanted. Sure if we'd had all boys or all girls we'd be happy but DH feels because we've got one of each we'll stop at two (much to MIL's disappointment). But who knows I think financially our restrictions are set to two, but if things go well with my upcoming career I may be able to sway him into considering number three. But in all honesty I am happy. I have 2 bubbas they are both so wonderful and individual. We also wanted to be finished having kids by the time I was 25, I really wanted to be a young parent. My grandparents were young and they were able to enjoy their grandkids and have lots of fun with them. DD' great grandparents are the same age as some of her friends grandparents. So if we go for number 3 it won't be till I'm about 29-30. We would have definitely went for number 3 had DS been an Averlie but as it is I think we're very happy.

I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

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I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

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Wow, that is interesting... and something that I would probably cross my mind too...

Well so far we have 1, and are pg with #2. As far as DP is concerned, 2 is as many as we will be having - and it took years of gentle persuasion to get him to consider #2 as it was.
At this stage, and for the next few years of my life I definitely do not think I am up to raising more than 2 children... but I do have a feeling that once the youngest is in school I might start thinking about it again.

I came from a large family of 5 girls, so was never lonely at home... it was wonderful. However at the same time I never really connected with my parents, and that has affected me a bit - especially the lack of connection with my mother. This was due to the fact that she was always just so busy, and never really got close to any of us on an emotional level, which has affected some of us siblings more than others.
For that reason I don't think I would have 5 kids, probably not even 4.
However, I will always keep my options open, I am only 24 so have many years left in me yet...

After having DS I have been certain I am not having anymore, until just the other day when I realised he's actually not that bad.....LOL we've just passed through the magical 3months & he's a pleasure!!!
We've decided 2 will be it for us - this may sound stupid but our reason is that way we dont have to go out & buy a new bigger car & so on. Also lots of your baby stuff depending on how long between kids may need replacing by 3 or 4. So to me 2 seems like a good number, nice & even....not an only child but not too many that we will struggle to provide. I have always said I want my kids to have everything I had & more!!
It's funny how & why we decide, a good friend rang me the other day & asked this same question & couldn't believe it when I said 2, as both DH & I have 3 siblings each.

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I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

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Gosh! I am not alone then - I forgot to put this as one of my reasons (probably because I haven't even mentioned it to DH because I think that it is so morbid!) But it is definately one of my reasons too.

I always wanted 4 kids but after having the problems we had with Eleanor's pregnancy we are sticking with 3. I now look at them and think that is the right thing to do is just have the 3 of them.

I always joke that when we are old at least one of the will look after us :)

We've decided that 2 is the perfect number for us. I'll be almost 37 when my little girl is born so no more for me! I feel really blessed to have my darlings and know that for us a boy and a girl will make a lovely balanced little family. Having said that if I had 2 boys that would be it as well, but I have to admit I'm secretly delighted to be having my little princess...;)

We will be having 3 and had already decided on this number before we got married. DH comes from a family of 3 and he thought that it was perfect. I come from a family of 2 - but upon saying that there is a 13 year age gap between me and my sister. I hated with a passion being an only child - I felt so lonely. Yes I had my parents attention and yes I had friends but I think that nothing beats having a sibling and so I refused to ever just have the one child.

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I do have a friend that had #3 because she has a fear of one of her children dying and not having the support of another sibling to help them through it.

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As unusual as it sounds this is also one of my main reasonings behind having 3 children. I am naturally a very morbid person and I couldnt bear the thought of having one child die and then being left behind with only one and that child growing up being an only child. DH thinks that my reasoning is stupid and is betting on disaster but I dont care - thats the way that I think.

We were hoping to start TTC#3 around about now but with Alex's sleeping problems and night terrors we have now put it off by a few months to a year. But it will happen! ;)

Hmm, during my pregnancy with Zyon I was certain I wanted 1 more (atleast!)
But funnily enough for the first time ever the moment he was placed on my chest I said, I am done, no more, I am truly blessed & happy with our 3, if another came along by surprise I would happily keep going, but in my heart of hearts I am finally at peace with 3 being our perfect family quota!

When both girls were born I knew I wasnt done, it has NOTHING to do with having a different gendered child, just I feel ready to enjoy the next phase of our lives, which takes away the stress of temping, charting, TTC etc & actually living!! IYKWIM???

I want 3, DH wants to stop at 2 (esp since #2 is a girl). However, coz I keep talking about #3, I've actually caught him out a couple of times talking about having 3 kids! hehe. He's slowly moving towards 'we'll see how we feel' rather than a flat out no.

That being said, I too am looking forward to moving on to the next phase, like Tracey. I'm looking forward to the kids being old enough to appreciate camping & holidays & outings etc. So who knows, maybe I'll feel satisfied at 2 when #2 is born. :) (I despise the pigeon pair comments tho :( and people assuming we'll stop at 2 coz we'll have one of each gender. Maybe that's making me determined to have 3 too lol)

I think we'll have two or three.....as I'm no longer a spring chicken but a summer chicken and getting a little long in the tooth I'm taking the wait and see how we go approach. We have one and are currently trying for another. If I was younger I'd say 3 most definitely.
I'd also agree that I like the idea of a child having siblings so they have someone there in times of loss (like when us parents fall off the perch).

DH and I have said 5 but if we want more after that then we will.

We are both only children, so i think that's why we want a big family. Our kids will never have any aunts, uncles or cousins. So i think by giving them a fair few siblings is a good idea.

I always hated being an only child for the simple fact that i was so lonely. Yeah i got spoilt but i always longed for that sibling relationship.

We're only 21 so time is on our side, thankfully.

Aaron has always said he wants 5 and I'm quite happy with that. The way we are going though we're not sure what will happen now. We intend on transferring two embryos with our IVF cycle this month & depending on the outcome we'll decide on what to do next. If we have twins we more than likely won't be doing IVF again, but if we have another naturally fantastic. If we have a singleton pregnancy we will probably go back to IVF & transfer another two at some stage. That said, we will not be using contraception at all until we're sure out family is completed, we may somehow be blessed with another miracle.

My XH and I were going to stop with two as we had a girl and boy, but I fell pg twice after that despite birth control, and after two terminations, I couldn't go through with another when I fell pg to DS2. So we had three.

Then when my DH and I got married, we both wanted a child together, so that's when we started TTC, and after a long haul with IVF, had Charlie. I personally would like another child, but DH doesn't want to do any more IVF and I'm now okay with that. If it happened naturally by some miracle, I think he'd faint from the shock, but would probably be happy enough.

I come originally from a family of 4 (2 brothers and a sister) and then I have a younger half brother. DH is from a family of 3 (brother and a sister). We always sort of thought 4 would be nice but never actually set it down as something we'd stick to. After I had Paige I wavered from knowing I wanted another one, to being happy with 3 and then knowing with certainty I wanted another baby. DH said during my pg with Paige that was she a boy, we would stop, but then after she was born he was non commital either way. Just before we decided to TTC this bub, he said that he would regret not having another one (typical, it was during one of my "I'm done" phases LOL). And now I wouldn't have it any other way. No doubt we will have tough times financially but I just can't imagine not having this baby in our lives.

Re the comments about having 3 incase of the worst possible senario, I think it stems from the whole 'heir and a spare', where families had to have at least 2 sons to be able to carry on the family name etc in case one didn't live past infancy kwim?

We're about to have our third and may stop at 3 or possibly have a fourth.....

Some of our reasons below are similar to what others have mentioned and a few others spring to mind too.

- we adore our first two so much and so wanted another
- loving being parents more than anything else in life
- curiosity to see what the next one would be like
- I had 3 sisters and DH had a brother and sister, and we both liked growing up with that size family
- DH was keen to go back for a third, and that reinforced my wish for a third
- My second baby was born at 27 weeks, and there was some sort of psychological need to "get it right" and make it to full-term for the next one
- fear of a child dying (morbid, but it does ring true when I read others mentioning this in their reasoning)
- pull of maternal instinct and pressure of the biological clock (I'm 34 now)
- We have a big house on an acre with 6 bedrooms and the previous family here had 5 kids, and I guess it seems nice to have a reasonably big family in this home

I'll be honest and say the reason we have 3 is because I got drunk on New Years Eve 2005, and Lexie was born 9 months later............total oooopsie!

I always only wanted 2. I felt totally and utterly complete at 2. I felt no need, nor any cluckiness for any more at all.

But Lexie was our little surprise and now I cannot imagine life without her. And her birth awakened in me feelings that I never expected.....I know I could go on & on and on having more......I am more clucky now than ever, even though I know I do not want any more children. Go figure?!

I have a daughter and bubs on the way is a boy. People that I speak to assume that I will now stop at two and are genuinely surprised to hear I want 1-2 more. I'm only 32 this year and feel that after a break of about 4 years, I'd like to try and have one or two more.

I need the break in between for a number of reason; allowing my body to recover is one, this pregnancy has really taken it's toll on my pelvis. Secondly, it's financial - we will buy a house in the near future and in a year I would like to start working to contribute towards to the mortgage or savings if we are not quite ready.

My DH and I have two siblings each and I really love the idea of having children in the house for as long as possible.

DP & I were just talking about this last week. We both agree that 2 would be good. I think I could definitely handle 3, maybe even 4 if we are in a good financial position. I’m the oldest of 4 and my parents couldn’t afford a lot of the stuff other kids had but at the same time I don’t feel we missed out on anything. I remember lots of great fun times playing games (and also fighting!) with my siblings. DP is the youngest of 3 (he has a brother and a sister).

I think 2 is good because then at least the kids have each other to play with. I think 3 is also good because all 3 can be there for each and it can make for a different group dynamic. After reading everyone’s posts, I also agree with the reasoning to have 3 in case of the loss of one the other 2 can support each other.

However though as we don’t have any yet, I will be happy if I’m able to have just 1 bub! :)

I always wanted four and DH wanted two. The reason for this was that he and I both came from a family with three kids and we both felt that one always missed out. We just assumed that pregnancy and birth would be an easy thing.
I had alot of miscarriages so I never took any pregnancy as a given, each and every baby is so special and unique and our numbers just went out the window...

As it turns out we have five living children, so we still have an odd number. That is a really odd place for me to be. I like everything to be...balanced. LOL

William would have been our forth baby and I felt completely happy with that. After he died, I knew I wanted another but I wasn't sure I could have anymore. I was starting to get used to the idea of just having the three girls when I found out I was pregnant again. I STILL didn't get even numbers because there was another set of twins in there!!! I guess our idea of evens just wasn't meant to be, LOL
We have the two foster boys too, so that brings the number to seven...a far cry from our original plans.
I would love to have one more, that desire to have another baby is so strong (I'm not sure if it's the need for evens or just a need for a baby) but I think seven will be my lucky number... my life is so rich and full with all of them in my life, two, for me, would not have been fulfilling.

DH and I both come from families with 3 children, though the gap between me and my bro's is 9 and 10 yrs, so I always felt like an only child. I always wanted a little sister! Because of that,I always wanted 4, but DH only wants 2. We did agree to three, but after having DD DH is now saying 'we'll see', meaning he is leaning towards 2 more than 3. The few weeks after having DD I was convinced she's be an only child!! But, I am now more convinced that I want three rather than 4. Though finances and living situations are a concern to me, especially as we are currently living in a 2br unit!! Hopefully by the time #3 comes (if it comes...) we will have a house and another car, hehehe...I also always wanted to have finished having my bubs by the time I was 30, but since I am 29 in a few weeks,and only one baby down, I don't think that will be happening, unless twins are in store for us??? Maybe we can move those goal posts to 35?!

This comment isn't designed to be critical so please don't take it that way. DH and I only have and want one. We both work in the field of environmental protection and feel there are enough people in the world. This may sound strange to other people but it is part of our total philosophy. I love being a mum though - even more than I thought I would.

when Dh and I got together, we spoke about this. We both agreed on 2 maybe 3. He'd bragged he wanted 12 and I told him after 2 he could carry and birth them! I was sticking to 2. Well Kat arrived and I was pg again! Boy was that a shock. I had jess and I never stopped longing for more. I feel so completely in love with my kids and pregnancy and children in general that it actually worries me. I am now the one joking about 12! I hear so many ppl say they just knew their family was complete and they wanted no more. I am wondering if I will ever get to that stage because even seeing preg women makes me long to be pg again (now I am, I still want more and more, call me crazy). Dh has agreed we can have more in a few yrs (once this one is a few yrs old min). I feel I'd be happy being pg for the rest of my reproductive life. hehe. I love children and having fun and playing silly games and seeing life thru their eyes.... I don't know when I will stop, but it's comforting to think that maybe someday I will feel the family is complete and not long so much for more children and pgcy. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids I have now with all my heart. They are my world (and their dad too), but I would like more so I guess we'll see how things go after 3 is here as to whether we'll have more or not. We are open to discussion hehe

I've always wanted five.

I've got two.

I guess that means three more....

Just gotta find the right man...

i always wanted 4 to me 3 seems a strange number, i had 4 , now i have remarried and my DH has no children so i would like 1 or 2 more just praying that my clock is still ticking.

Whilst our #3 was an oopsie too, i always intended to have 3 children. Just not this soon....
In saying that, i know 3 is our number. I feel happy with 3. I feel ready to get rid of my maternity clothes, i feel ready to 'toss' the bassinett when this baby outgrows it, i feel ready to pack the 0000 size clothing away for good....i never felt that after DD#1 or DD#2.
Like Tracey said......its time to enjoy these little people, and get on with life - for me anyway. Out of the last 5 years ive been pregnant or breastfeeding for 4 of them. I want to take the girls on holidays, i want to go out with my DH for norty weekends...i want to wear sexy bras again........i want to enjoy my family.

Lucy - Your hilarious......!! i dont think we ever 'stop' being clucky......i know when im 40, 50 i will still look at a newborn/preg lady and go gagaga....i think its just in our makeup.....

With my XP I had my two dds...both oopsies but soooo wanted. My DH married into a family package and at the time we decided on just one more. We had Olivia and then decided that it was it...he had the snip but then the desire for more came back and wouldnt let go!!!!Sammy was born after the reversal and we felt so blessed. I couldnt have predicted to ever be the mum of four...life certainly throws curveballs!

Jo

We would love loads of kids, i often wish i was born a couple of generations ago!
If the world could sustain it and money wasn't an issue, my ideal number would be 5. I think an odd number is good, i am one of three and although it is true that one is often left out, an odd number can teach kids about compromise, sharing, negotiating etc.
I read in a book that if we keep populating at the same rate, in a certain amount of years(Maybe 50, can't quite remember!) we would need 2 worlds to sustain us. This makes me worry about having kids, and the world they will be left to deal with.
So for that reason, as well as the expense, we are planning on 3. Having said that, i havn't popped the first one out yet, so i may change my mind!
I found it really interesting reading peoples thoughts on this, good topic!

Annika is, and most likely will remain, an only child. After miscarrying before having her, I was a bundle of nerves during my pregnancy. She is also a very unsettled/fussy baby, who had extreme reflux, and many chiropractic problems. I just don't know if I would want to risk putting another child through the pain that Annika went through. I also love spending one on one time with her, and although I wholeheartedly admire those mothers than can manage two, I just don't think it's for me!

I come from a family with 4 kids, and most of my aunties and uncles had 4 kids too so I just always wanted 4. It seemed like a great number and I really enjoyed my family. When there was only 3 of us one always got picked on, then when the 4th came along it was evened up. So I will definately have 4 or more, that's why I'm starting early, want to have them all b4 I'm 30 so better get going with that!

There are 2 kids in my family and I have always wanted 3. DH is from a family of 3 and only wants 2 kids. We now have 2 kids and I want another one but I just have to convince DH yet.

Just found this old thread. Interesting, and also funny to see people's responses and how many kids they ended up having :)

I'm sticking with my answer of 4!

I always wanted 4, I had 3 with my ex husband, then after meeting my current husband we decided we would have 1, there was my 4 BUT then I got clucky and we decided on one more, we had 2 more bubs who were born sleeping :( then after saying I couldn't do it again had 1 more, so I have 5 and ttc number 6 now...my kids are 18, 16, 14, 7 & 23mths. I had them all before 35

Id love 3, but it will be another 2 years before we start to talk about it (all dependant on how I go this labour)

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Just found this old thread. Interesting, and also funny to see people's responses and how many kids they ended up having :)

I'm sticking with my answer of 4!

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Have loved reading through and seeing what's happened since :)

I've always wanted 4, DH wanted 2 so I said fine, we'll settle for 3. Makes sense to me but it'll take a fair bit of convincing DH for another one I think.. We'll see.

We're both from families with 3 children. He is the oldest with a sister and a brother (doesn't talk to his sister - middle), I'm the middle child who doesn't tall to my brother (older) and I have a younger sister. Though for complete different reasons!

We decided on 2, with the disclaimer that we would possibly have the "accidental 3rd" anyway. My H is one of 5 and he thought 3 was a good number but I talked him into having 2. I am one of 3 but my younger sister is 13 years younger so I grew up mostly as one of 2 and never had an issue with it. Neither of us wanted an only child as we both love our siblings and wanted them to have each other. I figured parenting 2 would be best for travel and better for the environment.

After having one though I knew I wouldn't feel finished after 2. I warned my H I didn't think I'd feel done when #2 was born and I didn't. Now we're up in the air about #3. If we do have another it wont be for at least another year... perhaps we'll just end up with an oopsie after all!

I am one of two (i have a brother), DH is 1 of 5 (3 brothers and a sister) DH never really said how many he wanted but before children i always said 3 or 4. Then DS came along and i said 'no more' :lol: Knowing we'd always have atleast another one ;) Then once DS2 arrived our discussions resulted in that we were happy with our two beautiful boys. Then we had our surprise. Initially i was quite unsure about being pregnant as we'd planned the boys, the surprise made me feel a bit guilty about not planning her, not not wanting her but not 'making her happen' Does that make sense?? So i struggled with that a little bit in the beginning but it wasn't long before the pregnancy was embraced by all. DD came along and while it's been a challenge, her in herself and being a mum of 3 young ones i have loved it so much and enjoyed her thouroughly. I can't imagine life without any of my children.

As a PP said when i 'thought' i was done having DD ignighted the want for more in me, but i don't think it will happen :( For one DH is pretty determined about not wanting anymore and financially it's pretty tight as it is. I'm home with the kids where i want to be but finding it really difficult to survive in this economic craziness. I also wonder about my own capabilities and being able to keep up with 4. But i really want to do it... Maybe in another few years time... We'll see :D

I have 3 kids because I am super fertile, apparently even the pill and depo can't stop me from conceiving. I didn't want any children.

Lol tinks, was about to say the same thing!
I didnt want kids at all, I told my family I wanted to be an aunty and thats it..
But it turns out I am super fertile and now I have DS and DD :)
I *think* I want 1 or 2 more, but will not have any more once I turn 30!