The birth of Olivia Claire - VBAC
OK, this is ridiculously long & I haven't spell checked it or proof read it or anything, but here goes...
On the Saturday night I said to DH that I wanted to go out to Harrington for dinner and a walk along the breakwall, hoping the sea air might start labour. So we went out and had a nice stroll and dinner. Em woke through the night, so came into our bed and DH went into the spare room. At 3am I woke up to a contraction! I knew it was different to the Braxton hicks I’d been having so I was quite excited. I watched the clock and they came every 13 minutes for the next hour. They were very mild, it was more the regularity of them that got me excited. I tried to go back to sleep to conserve my energy for what I hoped could be an eventful day. Woke again at 6am with Em cuddled up to me. The contractions were still coming, still very mild. I was quite pleased, as labour started so full on with Em, that I liked the idea of labour coming on gradually to give me time to get used to it. I told DH and said that I still planned to go to church and Mum & Dad’s for lunch. He thought I was crazy, but I realised that it might still all stop altogether. So we all went to church. They continued to come, but anywhere from 5-20 minutes apart and I could hold a conversation through them. I didn’t tell anyone.
Went to Mum’s and had lunch, but by 2pm I was starting to get a little uncomfortable so we came home. Had a nap with Em and actually did sleep a little bit. By 4pm they were getting ‘ouchy’. Had already called Amelia to let her know things could be happening so she could be ready. At 7pm I called the hospital. I said I was coping fine but just wanted to let them know what was happening. The midwife said to come up, just so they could check on me, as I was a VBAC patient, then I could come home again if I wanted to. So at 8pm we arrived at the hospital. The midwife wanted to check me and bub so I had to lay on the bed with the 2 monitors strapped to my belly. She said she would go and get the OB (Dr W, my OB from last time) and ask him if he was happy to let me ‘trial labour’ or not. I couldn’t believe it! I said “is it really up to him?” and she was yes, it is. I wasn’t happy at all. I was getting contractions every 5 minutes and were really starting to hurt, especially having to lay on my back. Bub’s heartbeat was perfect. The OB came in for a few minutes and then just said “you’re not in active labour so there’s no point examining you”. He suggested a sleeping tablet and to see if anything happened tomorrow. He said “you haven’t even had a contraction since I’ve been here” and I said I had. He just rolled his eyes as though I was an idiot. In hindsight they really weren’t all that bad at that stage, but they were VERY real and I just happen to deal with them by going extremely quiet – so easy for someone else not to see how much pain I’m in. Amelia suggested gong home for a while as I’d be much more comfortable there. So after trying to decide for a while, we decided to go home. I found out later that the midwife said to Amelia on the way out “she’ll be back here this time tomorrow night still in the same state”.
Got home at 10pm and things REALLY heated up. DH went and watched TV for about an hour. During that time I was on the bed leaning over a huge mound of pillows. I remember wondering how long until he would come and check on me because I wanted a drink and tissues. I felt annoyed that he wasn’t coming in to check on me. When he finally came back I told him the things I needed which now included a bucket. I threw up soon after that, so it was just in time. I told DH I wanted him to stay in the room after that, so he slept next to me while I continued. I told myself I’d try to stay at home until midnight. Having a challenge like that really helped me. I had a mobile phone to time the contractions and that was another great distraction. They were coming every 2-6 minutes and lasting 30-60 seconds. The midwife had said to come back when they were every 3-4 minutes and lasting 45 seconds. I guess it was a bit hard to monitor as they were never really all that ‘regular’. I noticed that they ones that took 6 minutes hurt much more than the ones that came after 2 minutes. DH dozed next to me. I didn’t want anything except the occasional sip of water so I didn’t really care. Although I do remember feeling really peeved with him when he started snoring! The time labouring at home was really full on. I felt like everyone else doubted that I was even in labour, but I knew full well it was on! And I just focused on getting through as much as possible on my own. Looking back, I’m really proud of that time, it was 3 hours in the end. I lasted until 1am and feel that it was really empowering to have laboured so hard all by myself without any support (except DH’s snoring LOL). I went to the loo and the pain hit me so hard I knew we had to go. It took me quite a while to reach the car and the 5 minute drive was excruciating. When we got there I had to stop so many times while contracting to get to the labour ward. Someone asked if I wanted a wheelchair. I was so tempted, but I know that walking was helping things progress, so I didn’t take it. By now I was using my same pain relief as last time – grabbing a handful of my hair and pulling it hard during a contraction. I don’t know why, but this really works for me, just a way of trying to shift the pain I guess. I did this the whole time. I eventually made it to labour ward and a new midwife called Helen was on. She was lovely. I was monitored again (agony – on my back again) and she decided to examine me. I was extremely quiet sill, so I think that’s why everyone thought were moving very slowly. I think she thought I was barely in labour, if at all. Anyway, as she did the internal, the look on her face was priceless! It was just what I needed. She said “wow, you have been working hard!” She said my cervix was paper thin and 7cm dilated. I was stoked! She asked what I’d like to do and I asked for a mat and a beanbag for the floor. Amelia arrived soon after and I was very proud to tell her I was 7cm dilated. She was so pleased. They called the intern in to put a catheter in “just in case you have another C/S” and while he was there Amelia asked if he could put in some Maxalon, so that was good, no more vomiting. I think I remember him wanting me to move somewhere to make it easier, but I just didn’t budge LOL. I didn’t even see him, my head was buried in the beanbag with my eyes tightly shut! By now the contractions were every 3 minutes. They pain was like nothing I’ve ever felt. Even between contractions the pain was almost unbearable, then with a contraction it was just mind blowing. I remember feeling ripped off that I wasn’t getting any break at all between contractions and how I’d do anything for just 30 seconds of relief, but it just continued on this way. I mostly stayed in kneeling positions. Amelia kept the heat pack on my back through some of it. I’m not sure how much it helped, but I think it just made me aware that she was there going through it with me. At one stage I heard DH chatting to the midwife about totally unrelated things, just making general ‘chit chat’. That made me cranky. If I’d been verbal during labour I definitely would have said something about that! It just made me feel like he was trivializing the event and that he couldn’t possibly have understood just how much pain I was in.
Time really does seem immeasurable. It sounds funny, but in some ways it goes really quickly. I remember saying to Amelia “how long – I just want to know how much longer I have to do this”. She said the baby will be here by the time the sun comes up. That really helped. I felt I could cope with that. (Lucky she was right!) I remember seeing the midwife opening the doors to the crib and baby gear and asking me if I had any special requests for the delivery. I said ‘no’ (probably just shook my head) but was thinking – OMG – it’s really going to happen soon! The only time I really argued was when Amelia was trying to get me into a standing position. I just didn’t want to. By arguing, I mean shaking my head and simply not doing it. The thought of standing was awful. She eventually won and I leaned onto the bed for a few contractions with one knee on a chair and kind of squatted a bit as a contraction it. That position really felt like it did something – probably why I couldn’t stand to be in it for too long! So back to the floor where I was when my waters broke. The was a ‘pop’ then a a bit of a gush. I was still fully dressed and the room dim, so on-one else knew. I thought I’d better tell someone, so I just said ‘my waters just broke’. It was very soon after that that I began to feel that uncontrollable pushing urge I’ve heard about so many times. I really knew it was going to be soon. I felt scared but excited.
Amelia went and told the midwife that my waters had broken and that I wanted to push. I heard the midwife come in (my eyes were still firmly closed). Once she had observed me through a couple of contractions, she agreed that it sounded like I was pushing and asked if I could manage to get onto the bed. I was surprised, but I like the idea of being on the bed (not what I expected) so they helped me up. She checked me and confirmed I was fully dilated and ready to push. They monitored bub’s heartrate again and it was fine. They continued to monitor it every 5 minutes. They asked if I’d like a mirror and I said yes. They midwife was great. She explained to me how to effectively push and always told me what to expect next, but she was never pushy or bossy. She got me to put my finger inside and feel bub’s head so I could feel how close it was – wow! That was pretty cool. As I pushed I could see that everything pushed outward. That was a bit scary, but it really showed me when my pushed were effective. After what seemed like only a few contractions, I could see a little bit of head – wow! It was so close! I have to say the mirror was fantastic for me. It gave me motivations. I could see for myself what was happening and now I have in my mind the memory of the image of my bub emerging and that is just amazing to me, especially as I didn’t get to see or be a involved in the emergence of Em. When I pushed they would remind me “chin to chest” and that really made a huge difference to the pushing. If I lifted my head it didn’t work at all. As more head started to show, the midwife told me it would start to feel ‘wrong’ but to push through it. She was right! I’d always expected the sting of the skin stretching, but not the feeling of the bones of my pelvis moving. That was just bizarre. She said that after a while they would tell me to pant instead of push. As I could only see a couple of cms of the head I thought that would be ages away. But very soon after, I was pushing and they were all saying “pant, pant” but it didn’t register because I just pushed. I looked and OMG – the head was out! I still had to ask though “is that the head?” and of course it was. I could see them getting the cord from around the neck, so that was a bit scary. I said “is it alright” and tried to sit up, but the other midwife pushed me back down & said “you’re squashing it!” – oops! Everything was fine, but it did feel scary. Amelia said to DH “are you alright?”. I looked over at him and he shook his head no, so she rushed over to him with a chair and he fainted! Out cold. I looked at the midwife and rolled my eyes, I could almost see the funny side of it already. But I just completely tuned out on that and kept going. Once bub had turned it’s head (they were unsure for a bit which way she wanted to turn) they said to push with the next contraction. So I did and my beautiful baby girl was born. They lifted her straight onto my chest and I could see that she was a girl. How amazing. Priceless. And I felt so proud. Proud of what I had just gone through. They gave me the synto injection and Olivia had her first feed. They commented on how long the cord was. By this stage DH was in the toilet, he had missed the birth. They said the cord needed to be cut, so did I want to do it? – sure! So that was great! They placenta came out with just a couple of pushes, felt very slimy. I had never seen it last time, so the midwife showed it all to me. She said it was very healthy. Olivia fed like a champ. I started to shake uncontrollably. The midwife said it was because of something I can’t remember, but that I wasn’t actually cold. I remember thinking “but I feel cold” but didn’t say anything. I didn’t really care. But Amelia went and got some hot towels and put over me and that felt great. I stayed there like that for ages and it was just wonderful. DH came back out during this time too. He felt bad for fainting, but it’s not something you can control.
They called Dr W to come in and stitch me, because the midwife was umming and ahhing about the tear being either 2nd or 3rd degree, so she didn’t want to stitch it herself. When they called him though, he said that unless I was hemorrhaging then it would have to wait. Which is just ridiculous, as the longer you have to wait, the more you swell & the harder it is to heal. I think I stayed there for about an hour, before getting up to have a shower & so that Olivia could be bathed & weighed etc. I was surprised at how much it hurt to get up. My tailbone was SO sore! That was the most painful of all of it. DH bathed Olivia while I showered. Then Amelia helped me get dressed & they weighed Olivia, 3.460kg – much bigger than Emma! It was awful watching her have her injections though. Poor little thing. I then sat in the recliner & fed her again (hungry little thing!) and we got some photos. DH starting calling family & I sent out a text to some people. I waited until 7am to call Mum in case Emma was sleeping in. Dr W finally arrived at 7:45am – 3 ½ hours after the birth. Absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, he said “I thought you’d be still here in the same state I last saw you in”, I said “I know, I just wanted to prove you wrong”. I asked him how bad the tear was & he just rolled his eyes & said “every woman wants to know how many stitches” and then just said sarcastically “it’s the worst tear I’ve ever seen” and that was it. He didn’t tell me anything about it at all. Getting the local was really painful, but the midwife (a different one) was assuring me that once I had that it wouldn’t hurt any more – how wrong she was! Then as he stitched me, it REALLY hurt. She was telling me to breath through it. Honestly, it was the worst part of the whole thing. He was being very rough, and I could barely handle it. I couldn’t help it, I kept pushing myself away from him up the bed. He got really annoyed and told me to stop. I told him it was hurting me & he just ignored me. Anyway I really couldn’t help moving, and he stopped, really mad and said “if you don’t stop fighting me I’m not going to do this”. I was furious! I just wanted to kick him in the head & tell him to get out. I was so upset. It was horrible. He finally finished & pretty much just walked out. I’ll be happy to never see him again in my life. We then just waited in the delivery room about another half an hour before being taken to my room.
Anyway, it was wonderful. It was just the stitching part that really upset me, but I’m really trying to separate that from the birth, as I don’t want it ruining an otherwise great memory. Olivia is still beautiful & so settled & feeding great. I’m one very happy Mummy. :)
