New age stuff

We have three older children, two teenagers and an almost 11 year old. They are the biggest problems right now as they have the most horrid artitude and expect everyhting for nothing. We never got sucked intot he "we need a mobile thing" here and none of them have a mobile phone. I do not teach my children that they "Need" to have these sorts of things, as we all survived perfectly well without them before they were invented. They have a computer between five kids and they are only allowed a certian amount of time on it each, that goes for the play station as well and tv. I dont encourage them to sit on their brains I would rather them get out and enjoy life and nature and take in fresh air, so we are very much out doors kind of people. I try to encourage them to stay intouch with nature and keep fit and healthy because as we age, health really has to be worked hard at, but if you are healthy enough to begin with its not a struggle later on.


Anyway, about the mobile, does your child/ren have one? If so why? Do you feel they are a must? Do you think that they are nessasary? Who pays the bills? Do you think mobiles are more for a luxury than a real need?


I aks because my 15 year old daughter is fighting me for one. But my other daughter said she doesn't want one as she wants us to sponsor a child, which I think its worth the money not a bloody mobile phone. So there is argumenrs all round at the moment. My 15 year old cries and throws wollies that everyone else has one, and then tries to put that guilt on me abut "what if I am in danger I could phone you" well that dont work on me because we got on fine without them before they came along and she inst allowed out to places that she would be in danger anyways. Or after dark.


But i wnated to know what you all do with this?


I personally am very proud that my 10 year old would rather give her pocket money up for a another child than to put herself first, so am swaying that we should all sponsor, but my 15 year old says its making her look bad to her frineds not having one. Although my 15 year old it s a sweet kid, she don't swear, she dont go out to parties and so on, but she is demanding when she really wants something.


Who's kids have a mobile and why?

I got my first mobile at 17 when I got my Ps, basically because I had the freedom to be out driving & my parents wanted to make sure I could contact them should anything happen while I was out. I was the first at my school to have one, a bit different to now!! My parents paid the bills, but I was very responsible with it, only making calls in an absolute emergency which meant never LOL! I think the difference there was that there were no others with mobiles at the time so it wasn't a great concern with how much I'd spend on it anyway.

We're not anywhere near that stage yet, but just wanted to say this was when I got mine & what the deal was.

Hi Soul

While my little ones are way too little for a mobile phone I say good on you for not allowing your daughter to have a mobile phone.

From what I see on the news about how some teenagers use them I am swaying to not allow them for my kids.

I will be 30 next week and when I was a teenager I was given coins by my mum and was told to use them if I needed to get into contact with her.I would call my friends from the home phone.

I know that we live in a different society to when I was 15 yrs old but in hindsight I really don't think they are a nessecity(sp?)

My only concern when Zander is bigger, with regards to giving them coins, is that you can never find a pay phone. In any of the places he'd be going on his own at say 15+ (cinema, shopping centre etc) there are no pay phones whatsoever. I'm not sure if this is a common thing or just in my area though.

I'm the same as Sarah. I got my first one when I got my P's (back in 1996) but I had to pay for it myself and pay all the bills (which rarely exceeded $20 a month as I was very responsible with it too).

I know it is very different these days but I really dont think any child under 16 needs to own a phone. I catch the train to and from work and the number of kids (some only in primary school) who sit on the phone from the time I get on the train to the time I get off the train, is ridiculous. I often wonder who pays the bills.

Good on you for sticking to your guns ............

OMG NO PAY PHONES !!!!!!!!! IN SHOPPING MALL, THAT IS RIDICULOUS!


Its interesting because we have way more murders, rapes and so forth nowadays and yet we have mobiles! So obvioulsy a mobile is not going to stop that. I think they are ok for if your stuck you need a pick up, but I do not let my kids anywhere that they could not use a pay phone or are likley to get stuck out in the middle of no where. And we got along just fine without them before. Just because we are on a new age dont mean they "HAVE" to have the latest gadgets. I think its how you raise a child is how they too will see things. Yep there is peer pressure, and every generation has had it, but I dont think I should give in just because of that, I want to teach her to be a strong individual . My son is turning 17 and he is nothging like the girls, he is so layed back, he goes to tafe full time as he wants to become a health and fitness trainer, and he dont give s toss what others think of him, as in peer pressure, the girls let it get to them way more. Although my 10 yearold is like my son she is you either like me or you dont!


Anyway, mobiles, hmmmmmmmm !

These kids live in mobile-phone saturated environments, and I'm sure if your DD really *needed* a phone there would be someone with one she could use!

I'm not really a luddite, but I do remember a time (not too long ago) where we all coped fine, planned ahead and thought on our feet - without instant access to telecommunications. However the thing about these young ones is they've never known a world without them, and a lot of social networking happens via mobiles and online. I suspect this is the real reason your DD wants one, so as not to be out of the loop.

*Sigh* this is all ahead of me, all I can suggest is negotiate negotiate negotiate. Perhaps if the issue won't go away, you can make a contract that she has to work towards and the reward (after a suitable amount of time and EFFORT) could be a mobile with a limited plan.

I had to use a public phone in a shopping centre the other day.There are several in the shopping centre near me.

I know they are not so common now as mobile phones are so popular and the cost of repairing them after they have been vandalised is too great.

Its a real toughie isnt it balancing it all out. For the most part im very proud of my kids. They have wonderful healthyinquisitive minds, are kind, caring and nurturing and have been raised in our spiritual household with the idea that what you give out is what you get back. They are shocked and horrified at lots of brutality that goes on in the world...they dont eat meat, they actively try to participate in contributing to Care.org, Greenpeace and WSPCA. Emmy wants to grow up and protect animals, Olivia wants to be a teacher and Jess isnt sure just yet...yet they do live in this world..i cant remove them from that. My two dds got their mobile phones when they turned 11. Emmy doesnt really use hers, for Jess though..(thanks to telstra 1 cent texts!) its a lifeline, no different to me using the phone at her age! Naturally it comes with responsibility. The children earn their own pocket money from the chores that they do around the house. Jess does quite alot so receives $60 a month..from this she may pay for her recharge cards.

So I hear ya Soul...15 and 10 are very different ages though, and its quite likely that your 15 would be in the minority not having her own mobile. Its hard wanting whats right for out kids when they world is changing so quickly. All we can do is try the best that we can.

Jo

LMAO Paris knows that as soon as she starts high school she can have a mobile phone... yes I've already been asked. But it will be prepaid and she will have a max of $30 (or the equivelant) per 2-3 months unless she wants it topped up herself, but there will be strict rules she cannot use say the last $10 unless she is prepared to cough up the cash for the next recharge as it will be mostly for emergencies. For me its purely peace of mind. I would like to know I can always contact my daughter and that should she need to she can always contact me. Also the high school she is going to will not be close.

I know we are strange but its just how we feel about it.

BUT if we didn't feel that way I'd want my kids to respect that, Paris wont be allowed to have a TV in her room till she's finished school. Sounds harsh but I would rather that she doesn't isolate herself in her room when going through those "emotional years" and I'm sure there will be tantrums and fights but I'm prepared for that.

*hugs*
Cailin

JO my children have grown up in a spiritual household as well. But there are times they act like a teenager of today lol, and want the things others have got. I watch her frineds with their mobiles and its bloody ridicluous, they spend there whole time on the phone or texting, its riduculous really. They are just another distratcion from kids sitting around and not geting outside and finding something to do.

So r they really a nessasary? Or r they for fashion?

Cailin see thats the thing, I kow my children dont go anywhere that I would have to worry about them, after all they are still kids so they only go where I say so, but I would not let them go off in someones car and travel to hell knows where to be worried about them that they would have to have a mobile.


I think its more for fashion these days than for neediness. I dunno

Soul I definately dont think they are necessary. I mean food, water, shelter and clothing are necessary, Im sure my dd will tell me its necessary though. Teenagers love and thrive in the connection of their friends...this is just one of the ways they do it. I like the suggestion of bargaining..is that something to consider

Jo

Hm I guess there are so many things she wants and I just pick what things are more important. I lived for my friends too but I also had to make family time, if she has a mobile she will put them first and formost and I think family comes first. Plus if she has a mobile I "KNOW" she will be having this guy and that guy ringing her all the time, and in no way in hell am I going to encourage that since there is this thing lmao called peer pressure! She already has a mile of them sniffing around without giving her even more access to more problems.


Oh I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't read all the previous posts yet but briefly: my DD has had a mobile phone ever since she was in grade 4, 9yo I think. At this time she started to walk to school by herself and I wanted her to have one. She still has one but never calls her friends on it. She is very responsible and makes a $20 prepaid account last for 6 months so that's $40 per year. She mainly calls me to tell me if she has after school event like athletics training (if she forgot to tell me that morning). It's me usually calling her. Anyhow, because i don't drive i feel this is more necessary i guess. Oh and if she abused my trust and wasted the calls then i guess she would have to make do (and use pay phones) but she is pretty keen not to do this. She drives me nuts in some regards but i am very proud of her regarding her responsible phone use... oh and she is now 12 so she has had one for 4 years now.

Bath thats wonderful to hear as that is how I would hope Paris would be too! And I also wouldn't hesitate in confiscating it if it were be misused.

*hugs*
Cailin

Mmmmm 12 is a big diff from 15 though . I see her friends sititng and using mobile and a guy will come up and say 'can I borrow ya phone for a sec" she batters her eye lids and hands him the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What girl can resist the high school spunk! And be left with the bills, otr the parents. Or they get stolen, lost, pain in the rear.

Your so lucky your child is young and is sooooo responsabil, myn is too but I still dont trust a teenage girl when there are boys about lmao.

You know that is what scares me about walking to school on there own, a mobile phone is not going to save them if a paediphile comes along and takes them, grabs her mobile, what is she to do then, how is it useful then?


K, I really sound like I am totally against them ha?>


Mamma worry wart here!

I am loathe to let my kids have one until they are old enough to pay for it themselves, but considering where we live, once they have their licence it would give me peace of mind kwim? I would only ever let them have a prepaid one though and if they use all the credit too quickly then it's gone - simple as that.

Her argument to you is so she can call you if she needs help - well they have phones that are designed to only let them call home - so not a phone as such but a pager type thing. I know how hard it must be when like Marydean said, it's all they've ever known, but if you think it will cause more problems than it will solve with the boy situation, tell her it's conditional - she can only have it when out, never at home and never at school or something like that.

Re the talk about the payphones - out here Telstra are actually removing all the payphones in West Wyalong and Temora townships and the ones they do have con't accept coins - only phone cards.

We have the no phone at school rule too...i think teachers have enough to deal with without phones as well!

Jo

Sherie - i was going to suggest the same thing - Telstra have phones now that are locked and can only make and receive calls from specified numbers - and you control that all from the internet yourself - so if security is her issue, maybe this is an option - you have complete control over who she can and can't receive calls from....

maybe, if you offer this, she'll back off - you're offering her a phone for the purpose she has asked it - and when she realises it's not going to be the little accessory all her friends have, she'll let it go...

personally, i've had a mobile since i was 15 - folks paid for the bill and i never used it unless it was an emergency. i have had several phones since then, and never started "using" my phone regularly until i was 21 and working to pay for my own bill...

*blush* well after reading all the posts it seems that once again I am the black sheep LOL Oh well, at least you have a balanced argument soul :) you don't start a thread just to hear everyone agree with you I guess LOL Well the mobile phone issue hasn't been an issue for us at all. As I said my DD has never abused my trust and even if it got stolen it's just an old brick LOL and with pre-paid you don't risk a stranger clocking up a bill. I don't see it becoming an problem... until my DD earns her own income she will only have access to the $40 a year prepaid plan.

I know a mobile phone won't deter a paedophile... but we don't live far from school... she was walking to the corner shop... why not school? (but that's another topic) And her school won't allow phones on during class... once again that has been a non-issue for us as well.

Bath, you just have a wonderful DD LOL. If I knew I could trust 100% that they wouldn't 'lend' their phone to anyone else, I wouldn't be so strict LOL - and anyway, my time is yet to come ;) I may have changed my tune when it is my teenage DD's.

Bathsheba oh sweetie, she is still young, and sounds like a beautiful young girl to me, I personally feel she is way beyond her years and a old soul. Keep up the good work mamma!


Now sherrie, that is a damn good idea, hm maybe I will surprise her for christmas!


Do you ladies think its true what they say about mobiles phones and cancer or what ever it is they say about them?

The cancer thing was debunked a few years ago but I still don't like to talk on them much. Its just me. But if I were getting DD a phone it would be for emergencies only and with $30 spread over a few months she wouldn't get much time to put the thing to her ear LOL!

*hugs*
Cailin

O.K - I had the some "cons" as you did about phones Soul, and I think we probably have the same opinions on a few things. However my darling daddy (and sucker) bought his darling grandaughter one when she was 13. I wasn't too pleased...

BUT

she is 15 now and these are the advantages I have found -

She can remind me about school events I have forgotten about.
- She ALWAYS lets me know if she will be late home (public trans issues etc).
- Sometimes she is quiet and unresponsive, but we can have lovely txt conversations on her school lunchbreaks.
- She can plan outings at a moments notice, and can tell me how she is getting somewhere and what time she will be home (a requiste before she goes anywhere)
- She knows she can get hold of me wherever she is for help. There have been hassles getting home from school sometimes and it has helped, (her friends will often txt their parent that they will be getting a lift home with me too)
- She learns to budget her credit, it's also a great pressie for the grandparents - it's hard to find something they like when they get older. A $20 credit can last for ages if you don't automatically top it up for them. Belle might get $15 credit here or there for good school performance, but it's not written in stone.

We have rules like - mobile in the kitchen by 10pm each night etc.

Just because Belle has a phone doesn't mean she can do as she pleases, believe me, I always know where she is - phone or not. She could have carried on about the rules, but she chose to be grown up about it, and wants part time job so she can upgrade it.
Like it or not, phones are now a huge part of a teens social network, I know here gf's have been a great txt support to her in whatever drama happens (!).
If you have brought up this girl with your values, trust in yourself that she will reflect that and be responsible. A mobile phone won't change your daughter.

xoxoxoxo

I agree Lulu, well said :)

Soul, I forgot to say that I understand where you are coming from regarding the fashion or function aspect of having a mobile phone. Why don't you see what happens by saying to your DD that yes, she can have a phone but it has to be a secondhand brick... surely someone you know has one lying around in a drawer somewhere. Give her that and a $20 prepaid plan and see how she goes... not much risk there :) If she baulks at having an old brick then you'll know what's going on.

well ya'll talked me into it lmao so we are thinking about getting one for christmas!!!

Soul: This is my warning to you!

I begged, pleaded, and cried for a mobile at 15, when i got my first job. I got one, mainly because I had a job, and might need to call to be picked up from work etc, and was so excited I managed to run up a bill worth $300. In the first month. It was taken away from me (fair enough) and I had to pay the bill (again, fair enough).

Of course, had we all known a bit more about pre-paid it would have been so much easier...

My parents then bought a cheapo mobile, $40, and put $30 credit on it, and only ever gave it to us when we went out somewhere (friends house, movies, etc), as an "emergency or calling home only" phone. They would check the credit before we left. And if we were stupid and used all the credit, we weren't allowed out again until WE put more credit on it.

I go another chance in 2004. I was about to start uni. It was prepaid, and I paid it, and never spent more than $30 a month on it. My parents were happy that I had a mobile, because I was travelling via public trasnport into the city almost everyday, and sometimes at night, and there is such a lack of WORKING pay phones anywhere.

I don't know that there is a dire need for a 15yo to have a phone. It might seem like their world is ending, but they see each other every day at school anyway really... My sister (graduated in 2005) got a mobile when she graduated school. It seems to be a tradition now, as a kind of "maturation, you've grown up, heres a mobile". We both survived without it on a day-to-day basis, but there were times when that "emergency, call home only phone" came in real handy.

Mainly my warning is... prepaid, if you're going to get your DD a mobie, definately ever only prepaid until they realise how quick they can run up a $300 bill!

Side note: since then, my bills have never gone over $50, and I'm now on a cap and VERY aware of my spending!!!! lol

Oooh lucky DD! Mine only gets hand-me-downs. They treat them pretty rough... no way would I buy a new one for her. The less attractive it looks to potential thieves the better!
My DD often nags me for a new one but I keep telling her that while I am paying her school fees the only new phone she is getting will be my discarded phone when I get a new one.... and that will only happen when DH upgrades... that's how it works in our family: phones get handed down from person to person... starts with DH and ends with her (and probably her brothers too eventually)... means we only have to buy 1 new phone every 3/4 years. I hate to think how many mobile phones are lying around the planet which are in perfectly good working order yet discarded simply because it has ceased to flatter it's owner's ego. ie i refuse to allow a phone to be an expression of my fashion sense or that of my DD's. And that's my soapbox rant of the day... or at least the first! :cryinglaugh:

ETA: I agree with Leasha, Prepaid is the ONLY way to go with a teen. I don't have prepaid on my phone but my bill is rarely over $25 a month.

My DD has a pre paid mobile, she pays for her own credit with her pocket money so she knows to be careful with it. I like her to have it incase i need to get intouch with her (if i have to rush out and wont be home when she gets home) or if she missed the bus etc. Sure she wastes alot of money and time texting but its her money and as long as her homework is done its fine, plus then shes not running up my phone bill! She takes it to school but leaves it in her locker during class, sometimes i get called at lunch time to be asked if she can walk home or just sometimes to say shes having a bad day.
I guess for me i like knowing i can contact her and vise versa whenever needed.:)

Lol, a chat about mobile phones was NOT what i was expecting when i opened this thread!

To be honest i don't think i link mobile phones with spirituality at all. My mum was a big hippy and i now, as an adult, have pretty hippyish values (though i'm hardly a luddite, as my typing this, on my laptop, demonstrates), but i still went through the boys/fashion/make-up phase of adolescence to get here. Teenagers all like to fit in and be like on another - it's only by trying on being someone else you can figure out who YOU are.

I personally didn't get a mobile until i left home for Uni, aged 17. My sister bought me it, it came with a pre-paid SIM and i put the money on it myself. So if i wasn't careful i couldn't use it. I didn't give the number out to people whom i didn't want calling me, i wasn't robbed (it was like a housebrick, although they mainly were then), i didn't have to pay thousands of pounds for it.

Re: paedophiles and abduction - it is a fallacy to expect a gadget or anything else to offer protection from such things. If someone is determined to get someone else not much will stop them. In that situation anyone with a mobile should dial Emergency and leave the line open even if they can't talk so that the emergency services can triangulate the call (which they can) and send help. Forget all of the old "keep him on the line for 40 seconds" nonsense you see in the movies. As soon as a phone connection is made the software records it, and the caller can be found. From that point of view mobiles are actually pretty useful, but not in a "calling for help from mum and dad" way. It's worth remembering that statistically abduction is so rare, your daughter is about as likely to be struck by lightening, and none of us lose sleep over that possibility, or buy them mobiles in case it happens.

Re: cancer. The theory was that the magnetic energy given off by mobile phones (and power lines and anything else you care to name that has electricity flowing through it) caused changes in cells which led to cancer. FIrstly there is no evidence that magnetising cells causes them damage in any way - why would hospitals use MRI and fMRI if they were potentially damaging the people they sought to make better? Secondly the normal hairdryer (which many women hold right next to their heads for 20-30 minutes everyday for most of their lives) gives out 4 to 10 TIMES the maximum radiation of an in-use mobile phone and no-one has blamed cancer on them. In the studies where a link was found between cancer and powerlines nothing else was looked at, not local pollution levels, water supply, chemical levels in the groundsoil, where the food came from, nothing, ONLY the powerlines proximity. As such the studies are invalid apart from as anecdotal evidence.

It's funny someone saying they lived for their friends but still had to make family time. ME TOO and boy do i remember those bitter Sunday afternoons on the sofa watching antiques roadshow with my folks and wishing i was out with my boyfriend or at my GF's house!

I guess when DD is old enough to go to secondary school we'll get her a mobile. It'll be pre-paid so she won't be able to overspend. If she lets a boy use it to gain popularity she'll soon learn that he only wanted her for her phone! LOL. Just as we let our toddlers fall so they can learn to walk well, we need to let our teenagers stuff up a bit so they can learn not to. Just my opinion. It sounds Soul, like you have raised wonderful daughters. Your pre-adolescent is showing a wonderful loving generous spirit which i'm sure, under all the hormones, your teenager has too. Your worry shows what a good mother you are, but so far you've allowed them to grow into themselves. I'll bet that, come Christmas (or whenever you get the mobile) when you show your daughter you trust her, she will show you she can be trusted.

Best of luck.

Bec

Well said Bec, especially the paedophile strategy and the fact that it is so highly remote that something like this (abduction) will occur. I find it quite annoying that people raise this when i mention that my DD walks to school (she walks with a friend too). Aren't people aware that more children die in car accidents than from being abducted? The health risk of childhood obesity is also far greater but people don't see that. However i do have an intuitve feeling that very frequent mobile phone use isn't good for us healthwise, especially in the still forming child brain... but my DD uses her phone about twice a week at most so I'd agree that her hairdrier (used daily) probably does more damage!

Bathsheb sorry to have annoyed you about the paedophile talk, my cousin was abducted and he was never found, so to me it is not all that "Rare" to happen. It does happen, just because we do not hear about it daily, it is happening all around the world to children. I would not to be one of those people that are ****y that think it wont happen to my child because it doesnt happen much, them have it actually happen to my child, so my worries about it are valid. I dint bring it up as to make a fool of myself because some people think its not really a thing to think about, I brought it up because I have had a family member that was abducted years ago, so therefore know it does happen, wether or not its a daily occurence. He went surfing with friends and said he was going to go go get dressed in the change rooms at the beach and never came back. So that would bring a cause for myself to be protective of my children . I'm sorry if I annoyed you with that talk, but to me it had become reality.


hoobley sweetie what is the comment about mobile phones and spirituality for? Hippy and spiritual are two differnet things. You can be a very spiritual person and not wear full on hippy clothing or not eat meant yadda yadda, lmao. Just wasn't sure why you brought that up, and am curious what you meant about it. Sorry, lmao, I ask if I dont get something, and not meaning to sound rude at all, not at all, you got my thought *****ed and I was curious to know why you mentioned that bit in relevence to mobile phones!

My parents agreed with you on letting teenages stuffing up and making there own mistakes, I dont think NOT letting her a have a mobile is not participaitng in allowing her to stuff up in life lmao. My parents let me have such a lead way on me making mistakes and I was into drugs at 12 and drinking heavily at 13 and smoking weed by 13 and sexually active by 13 pregnant by jjust 16 yadda yadda. Yep my parnets thougjht I should learn to grow on my own and didnt think a little stearing in the right direction would be needed. So that is why I am here for my kids, I am here to help stear them in the right direction becuase as a loving parent wether kids see it or not, we do it because we want them to not have a taste of such bad things we want them to have fun yes, but we would rather that fun stay grounded and not go into disastrous areas which it can so quickly do. I want my kids to see me as fun and cool but I will not go to such lengths to hand them everything they want to gain that populairty with them and have them think my parents are so cool we pretty much can get our way in what we want if we stamp our foot a little or have a whack at some tears.Or better still act like we are all grown up till we are out the door and with our mates.


OK ramberling here.


I had a rotten childhood, abused by family member and my mother blamed me, and many other horrid things, but I moved on and will not relive it and bring it up in everything , I just want my kids to experience being a child, I didnt get that, so I have told my daughter if she gets a part time job over the chrissy holidays she can have a mobile phone and pay for it herself. I dont see the need for one, but if she wants it then if she is working for it I cant interfere with that. But she knows I didnt see the need for it and that I refuse to give her things she doenst have to have, but that she has to work for it as its a luxury she is going to pay for.