DEFENCE Partners

Hey guys,
I'm 13 weeks pregnant and my fiance is in the Army. I am finding it a little hard because he is away alot and I don't have any family here in Darwin. :( I was wondering if there are any other chickies in the same or similar predicament as me?

Hi Rustygirl, Have you checked out some of the defence partners online forums (you can find links through the "Resources" section of the Defence Families of Australia website). Once you're networking within one group you'll get plenty of suggestions for other groups, playgroups, etc that you might be interested in. There's plenty going on in Darwin!

Yes it's hard when they're away all the time, get yourself a really good phone plan and talk often to the people you find the most supportive, even if they are far away. It takes time but you'll develop your own little family-away-from-family eventually. Good luck!

I hear you girlfriend!! We live in Sydney and all our family is from Brisvegas. When I fell pregnant with Nina we knew that my husband was going to be away from 5 months onwards in a very dangerous country (that does wonders for your stress and anxiety...) and could possibly miss the birth. As it turns out he arrived home 10 days before she was born. Now I'm pregnant with twins, and he's been home all of about 8 weeks this year...(how the hell did that happen...???)

The main thing I can tell you is that it is extremely hard, but if you can gather some supportive friends around you, you will find it a lot easier. My husband was luckiy also very supportive of flying my mother and father down for weeks at a time to break the monotony. I was working full time my first pregnancy, and that helped pass the time too.

It isn't easy hun, but the thing I kept thinking was that I at least had a part of him growing inside me, whereas he didn't have that connection at all. It's incredibly hard for them too! Remember that when you get the odd phone call and want to blast him on the line because of your hormones!!!!

If you need any company or advice, you can email me on jlhails@optusnet.com.au

Also, get in contact with your hubbies LO and ask if there are any family days etc coming up, they can be really good places to meet people who of course in exactly the same situation as you.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Always remember that, and focus on his homecoming. It's what I do, and it helps.

Take care,

Julesy;)

Thanks Marydean for that really helpful information. I'm going to go and look at the site right now!! It is nice to know that there are some really nice helpful people out there. Everyone I talk to here in Darwin doesn't seem to be giving me much information. It's like banging my head against a brick wall! Quite painful!
P.S Good luck with your birth in about a week, How exciting?!?!?!?!?!?!

Julesy, Fist of all your daughter has a beautiful name.....Nina, It's my name too!!! :P
My partner has just come back from a 7 mth tour in Afghanistan in April. He was home for 2mths then he went to Pukka for another 2mths, he was home for 4 days and now he is in S.A on exercise for 1mth. Like you we had a very small window but obviously was meant to be! We are so excited!
It is a very special feeling to have a piece of him with me all of the time. Very emotional and I could have never predicted the feelings that I have. I had my first ultrasound the other week. So amazing to see the jelly bean! Can't wait till my partner can share that with me.
Thank you for your words of advice and support. It really doe help.
So you having twins huh? WOW!!! Bet that was a shock!

A shock is the understatement of the year!! They run in my family, but I never thought it would happen to me!! It is slowly sinking in, but still very overwhelming at the same time. Especially given my situation (as with yours). My hubby was in the 'Big A' for 5 months prior to Nina being born, and I certainly do NOT want him to go back there.

Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with! Like I said, feel free to use my email addy.

Julesy
;)

I'm a defence partner too. Mine doesn't go away as much anymore maybe a month or so at a time. When he used to be away for extended periods 6-7 months the best thing I did was hook in with the local defence creche. It really was a fantastic support.

Hi Rustygirl, I'm a Navy wife, we're currently in Melbourne at the moment but I had my second child in Darwin 6 years ago. Dh left for 5months just 4 days after dd was born and was in Timor for most of the pregnancy which I found really difficult with a toddler, I felt so alone and worn out. It's NOT easy but if you can force yourself to join groups and really make the effort to get out use those DCO's and the FLO's that's what they're there for, I didn't push it thinking "I can cope on my own" but I ended up with depression. Don't worry there are some really nice defence partners out there just like you so don't give up.
Will you be having your baby in Darwin?

Julesy, Thats how it happens huh? You always tend to think..."Oh but that will never happen to me" And then KAPOW!!!!! lol. My partner's mum is a twin and my cousins are twins.....still a possibility for us as we plan to have another child. Scary thought. How fantastic for you! Do you know the sexes yet?

Hi Joralyd, Yeah that must have been very tough on you. I think I really do need to get out there, the thing is at the moment I just don't have the energy or the drive to go anywhere. I sometimes think that I am going along the lines of depression....I rang the army the other day as I was starting to really go mental...hahaha and they sent him home for me which was really nice. The Padre came and visited me and took me to the Dr.
We have a posting to Brisbane at the end of the yr. We will be closer to family as my Dad and brother live in Byron Bay. So the baby will be born in Brisbane. Alot better than Darwin!!!! That is what I was dreding.

So basically your just trying to hold on to your sanity till the end of the year? :lol: I know what that's like I lived for the next posting there was allways something to look forward to iykwim? I really feel for you I know what it's like not wanting to go anyware and feeling on the edge of depression I was there. Pleeease try and force yourself to get out even if it's just once a week you don't have long to go till the end of the year and did you say your dh is coming home in a month?. The weather up there is pretty cr@py during the wet and can be a bit depressing in itself :hug:

Im a military wife too, my hubby has been in for almost 6yrs. He used to be away all the time (pre-kids) as he was in the infantry but now we're in Albury Wodonga as he is doing a trade so he's home a bit more but I totally understand where you are coming from. Its hard being on your own, kids or no kids, esp away from family and friends.

Just wanted you to know your not alone and that Im (well we're seeing as there are a few of us) here if you need a chat!

I had DD2 in Darwin when DH was in the army, I loved it there and found it really friendly and social but I had my own friends through work which made it better. I went to Darwin private and had a brilliant ob, I couldn't fault the care I got.
Where do you live? we were out at Durack, I used to go to Aqua aerobics at Palmerston pool which was good for getting out of the house!

Hey AnnaT, Thanks for the support. It sure is hard. Hopefully thing will start to improve now that he's back home.

HI mrsmac, I don't work so I don't have that friend base. I have a couple of really good friends but they live in the city and I'm out in Bakewell. Not only that but none of them have children. I like the idea of water aerobics. I was thinking about going to Palmerston pool for some swimming and now I know that I can do that, that's awesome! Thanks for that info.

Bakewell had just started to be built when we lived there, I went to a course at bakewell school which had just opened!
I was lucky when we moved up there cause it was when the whole of 1brigade moved from Holsworthy so I had friends go up around the same time (other army wives)

Hi Rustygirl

Im 14 weeks along and I live in Darwin (Defence Establishment Berrimah) too. My hubby is in the Army (1CER) so I know what it can be like when your mans away. He just got back last night from Vic after 6 weeks away. He missed the first scan and first obstetric appointment. I was lucky though since my mum was staying with me and was able to come to the scan.

If your after support Im off to an early pregnancy class at Darwin Private on Sat the 6th of October. You should give the hospital a call to see if you can go along. I've been told it's very informative. Beyond that though I must admit Im not very sure what else is available up here. I have to say though I have not looked into it that much. I do know there is a good water aerobics class at the swim school in Palmerston. There is also a pregnancy exercise class on offer on Thursdays I think at the Private hospital. Im pretty sure anyone expecting can go along but Im not sure on cost. I hope some of this info is of use to you.

All the best!

Jen

Jen, I can highly recommend Darwin Private, I had DD2 there and it was so nice. DH even stayed with me. Is Defence Establishment Berrimah what used to be HMAS Coonawarra??

Hi Christine
Yes Defence Establishment Berrimah is the old HMAS Coonawarra. The Navy moved into Larrakeya with the Army and the base is now Defence Civillian Services and a tri service married patch.

Did they fix up any of the houses? Some of them were pretty tatty 8 years ago! I had friends who lived there and my oldest DD used to go to Little athletics there every Thursday!

OMG Jen, My partner is also in 1CER!!! How funny is that? He was also in Vic for about 7 weeks doing a crew commanders cse and missed the scan!!! I am also 14 weeks along, 14 weeks and 5 days. We just found out yesterday that we are having a boy, we are both sooo extatic!
Thanks for that, I will give the hospital a call and see if I can get into that class. I still can't believe how similar we are.

Hey there rustygirl,
I know wat you mean. When I read your post I thought wow she sounds like me. I also know of two other girls who work in 1CER HQ who are due witnin a week or two of me. Must be something in the water on base, lol. Let me know how you get on with the hospital.

Jen Im sad to say the houses are still really tatty. Ive been waiting for two weeks for someone to come and fix my outside light that doesn't work. Ive been waiting two months for them to clean the gutters out. They are so clogged that there are two trees growing out of them. Im not that impressed with DHA up here. In Perth they were great.

Hahahaha....sounds like there really IS something in the water!!
I'll agree....DHA is terrible!! I haven't got any other state to compare it to but OMG.....how rude are they? Really really unhelpful!

Trust me, DHA are a nightmare in every state, not just NT :)

I'll second that Samantha ;)

Ditto ditto on DHA lol

Whens everyone up for postings again? We're up in May, off to Sydney (yay I get to go home for awhile!)

Hey Samantha - eekk your freaking me out man....so it doesn't get any better?
We have a posting in the next 2mths...BRISVEGAS HERE WE COME!!! WOOT WOOT! Very stressful, we were on, then off then on then off.......gees I dunno!

Hey Rustygirl,

Sorry, went to Bris for some quality time and to get some more hands on support from the fam...DH has been home all of about 12 weeks this year, I needed a break!!!

We are going to find out the sexes, but that ultrasound isn't for another 3 weeks. Very excited, as I have a strong feeling there is a boy in there...I don't know if you all have the same experience, but of about 20 pregnancies here in Holsworthy, only 2 of them have been boys in the last 5 years...too wierd.

It would be nice to have a boy. Our little girl Nina is the spitting image of me, so a mini 'DH' would be nice too...

Hope you are all going well and coping in light of recent circumstances in "The Big A"...keeping it together, but situation so close to home it is scary.

Here's cheers,
julesy
;)

We're not up for a posting for a long time. My OH's job is only here in Adelaide or in Canberra, and the Canberra position is for a WO. So we have a few years yet. We have moved 6 times in the past 8 years though so I reckon we're due for some downtime! :lol He's away somewhere at the moment, so I'm currently in survival mode, with the kids and study.

Macca- didn't end up doing the hospital thing yet. I want Joel to be able to come and at the moment he is very full on with work and by the end of the day he is just too tired. ATM he is prepping for the Solomans. Only going for 4 days though which is good.

julesy- Thats good that you went and saw family....you sometimes just need that close family support so that you don't feel like your going mental huh?
My experience is quite the opposite actually, all of the girls that I know that have had babys recently have all had boys and all of their partners are in defence except one! As for the "BIG A" situation...Joel is raring to go! He can't wait to get another trip and get over there. When we found out on the news we both just sat there, stunned. Although, like I said to him, it was bound to happen. It's not like us being over there was going to be incident free. I just really feel for that poor man's family.

Samantha- Adelaide isn't too bad...better than Canberra right?

I hear you there girls, DHA has one big pickle in their you know where...we are having all sorts of problems getting a larger place that can handle twins, plus a toddler. Oh well, sooner or later it will work out I suppose. My DH hasn't been posted for over 5 years, so we lucky!!!

julesy

Hey RG, I loved Canberra!!!!

Samantha- Really? I found it too cold and miserable....that;s just me though.


Good luck Julesy in getting that bigger place!

Hi again

We arn't up for posting just yet. DH found out his transfer for Intel went through on paper so if he gets throught the selection board it means going off on course in June (when the baby's 8 weeks old...not impressed). Any posting we land will be decided after that so for now Darwin is home for at least another 8 months.

Was just talking to DH, he thinks he's met your partner once before. Is he with 9 Field? Glen is with 1 Field HQ.

Hmm a few of us moving in the next year or two.

Julesy - Congrats on twins!!! As for everyone having girls, that happened at 3RAR when Dh and I were first trying to have a baby - they had 12 girls born in a row! Then my DH and I had a boy and so did one other guy, and now we're adding another boy to the tally. We had a bigger chance of having boys because we take forever to get pregnant and have to use fertility treatments and apparently that increases the chance of boys. I hope you get a boy - they are super fun! I was a tiny bit disappointed we were having another one as this is our final baby so pink bits would have been nice but now I just love the idea.

What Units are all our boys at?
Mine is at ALTC in Albury Wodonga doing a Fitter Armament course. He used to be at 3RAR until we got married and he decided he wanted to be a bit more 'there' for us as a family. By doing the FA course he gets to play with guns still but a little less going away. Funnily enough theyre sending him back to 3RAR as a fitter :cryinglaugh: Im glad though, he misses it a bit and I miss Sydney.

Speaking of, I am having a huge dilemma over whether to move to Sydney now instead of in May next year. I dont really like AW, even though I have met some awesome army wives that have become my very best friends, I just keep feeling like having bubs in Sydney would be more beneficial to me (I have numerous health issues during pregnancy that are worrying me) and I would have more support there than here. My DH tries but he is just so flat out with studying and all my family are in Sydney with lives of their own and cant drop everything to run down here everytime something goes wrong.

What would you guys as military wives do? It would mean being seperated from DH until May, we'd get to see him over chrissy holidays and at easter, I can always drive down and stay with friends here and see him, I know the Army will fly him up to see us on his breaks. Ive been struggling to make a decision for weeks and weeks, DH doesnt want me to go because he'll miss us but it just keeps playing on my mind.

Plus AW has broken us financially with HUGE utility and petrol bills being stuck out of town. If I moved to Sydney now I could get us back on track financially.

Sorry to heap this on you guys but I didnt know where else to ask - you guys have an idea of what my life is like so you can give appropriate advice.

Hey Anna, My partner Joel is in 1CER here in Darwin, he is an engineer and is about to got over to the Solomons on Friday for a week. I hate it when he is away but it won't be for long. I'm just glad that he won't miss my scan on Thurs. He is also going on a underwater dems cse in April next yr.

In regards to your predicament I would go with what my head was telling me. If it is going to help you out financially, that can't be a bad thing with another bubba on the way. Sure, you will miss your husband but like you said the Army will fly him to see you, and you family is there in Syd so it's not like you won't have their support if something was to go on with your pregnancy. When ever I go against my gut feeling I ALWAYS wish I hadn't.
Well I hope that helped you a little bit.

Hi girls,
I am an Army wife in Sydney. After trying to get pregnant for months and months, we finally did the last month before my man went away. We were living in Brisbane at the time and he was at the Gold Coast for three months and then Darwin for over a month and then Iraq for 7 months.
He was away most of the pregnancy and missed all of the scans. When I went to find out what I was having I got them to write in down and I gave this to my hubby to open, to help him feel connected.
We timed his 10 day mid-deployment leave for when our baby was due and I booked in to get induced a week early (ended up having a c-section) so that we knew he'd be there. Then he left again when bub was 5 days old for another 3.5 months.
When I found out that he was going to be away I quit work and just concentrated on myself and bub. I couldn't the handle the stress of being pregnant, hubby being away and work. To keep myself busy and distracted I went to visit family, threw myself into organising my baby shower, baby's room etc., did all those jobs you mean to do (like photo albums) and kept a pregnancy diary for my hubby to read when he got home. I also sent him a parcel every week with home made cookies, pictures of bub, footprints of bub, magazines etc. I was always on the look out for things to send and by concentrating on what to put in the next box helped me focus on keeping him happy and this is turn helped me.
After bub was born, I just concentrated on my new little man. I didn't have to cook or clean up after anyone else and bub and I just worked out our own routine that suited us. When we got lonely we went to stay with family. I also made lots of phone calls. Grandparents are good as they never get sick of hearing about the grandchild.
I can't say it wasn't hard, but I think the lead up to them going is the worst. You keep thinking about how hard it is going to be etc.
When DH got home, he took 2.5 months leave (used all his parental leave etc). So even though he wasn't there for the beginning, it was worth it as he was home when bub started to get fun and could be more involved in the daily activities.
Use the defence as much as you can, get them to mow the lawn, move furniture etc. I even got them to organise my hubby a cake for his birthday.
As far as having your baby in Brisbane. The Wesley hospital is great. That's where I had my bub and hubby got to stay with me in hospital.
What I find the worst about them going away is you never know when they are going to go next. How are you supposed to plan holidays and more babies if they could pack up and leave to go away again soon.
Anyway...girls you aren't alone. I am a stay at home mum and always looking for more people to chat to. We just moved to Inner West Sydney, so if anyone wants to catch up, my email is nathan.tash@yahoo.com.au
Take Care
Tash:dance:

Anna,
I would stay with your DH. I am a family girl. Family time is more important than money,especially with them going away so much as it is. But...if the health concerns for your new bub are the main thing worrying you, then I'd move.