Unexpected and heartbreaking news

My first child was conceived on my birthday this year. We were so excited to be bringing a little bundle of joy into the world, and couldn't wait until our 12 weeks had passed so we could share the news with all our friends and family.

Finally the 12 weeks came and we told everyone the joyous news. As expected they were all over the moon for us .... a week later we had our first scheduled ultrasound for TNL and discovered to our dismay that our baby had died at 8 weeks.

There are so many people on this forum who have been through similar experiences and I know you can all feel my pain. It has been the most heartbreaking thing ever. Dealing with my own pain - both physical & emotional - as well as that of my dear husband who has only tried to be strong and solid for me.

Not to mention having to tell all our family & friends just one week after giving them the happy news, that actually they should stop celebrating because we'd miscarried.

I found it really helped to name our baby even though we didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl ... so we named him Jeremy and we said our goodbyes last weekend in a short private memorial. We'll miss Jeremy and the joy he would have brought to our lives.

Onward now as we "try again" - this time may we succeed in delivering our own bundle of joy....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Does everyone else wonder what they did wrong, to cause the miscarriage? Did I work too hard? Was I too stressed? Did I eat the wrong foods? Should I not have been playing squash or going to the gym? WHY did we lose our Jeremy and how can I make sure that it doesn't happen again?????

*hugs*

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I wondered what i did wrong. I agonized over it, and spent the majority of my next pregnancy worrying about every twinge...but he was fine! And this new little guy will be fine too.

Be kind to yourself, and know that you will go on to hold your precious baby in your arms one day.

Keep the faith.

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. We had a similar experience in that we had told our family and then found out after that we had miscarried. I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong. Grieve and cry and lean on your husband. It will get better even though it is hard to see that now. Take care

O.K I had a very similar experience, but my opinion comes 2 years and a successful pregnancy since.

I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted my baby. I can't think if anything I could have done that would have caused it. My science-oriented mind can now come to terms with the fact that bubby night not have been perfect and it was the natural order of things. It sucked and I felt ripped off.
It hurt like hell and I didn't tell anyone I was preg with Beth until I was over 5mths.
I felt like I was hurting myself by constantly thinking about "what I did wrong". I don't have an angel in my ticker for a reason, but she'll always be there....

Take care of yourself, I'm sorry this happend to you too, but BB saved me during this time and I hope it helps you too.

xoxoxoxo

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I think we all go through that questioning phase. Did I eat the wrong thing, did I do something wrong, should we have stopped having sex, should I have taken a different supplement etc etc etc. It's quite normal. Most doctors will tell you that nothing you do would've made a difference.... it's just one of those things that happens.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss its a hard thing to have to go through and the pain is so raw for you at the moement my thoughts are with you and i really dont think you had done anything wrong i think its natural to feel as though you have but you didnt i thought the same thing when i lost my little girl i thought was there anything i could have done to prevent her getting the diesse she had but there wasnt sending you a big :hug: take care of yourself.

Munchy xxx

i am so sorry to hear of your loss. the same thing happen to me last week. After 4 years of assisted conception we got pg, only to find at our 12 week u/s that our baby's heart had stop beating a couple of days before.
i am so sorry that we have to suffer this fate- life just isn't fair
if you want a shoulder to cry on- i know!!!
odette

sending you lots of hugs at this time, i just recently miscarried and i had the same questions as you but as they have all said it was just one of those things and you could never tell exactly what it was that caused it, so take your time to grieve and don't blame yourself, wishing you all the best in your future journey of ttc

I am so sorry for the loss or Jeremy :hug: Take time to grieve and be kind to yourself.

I know exactly how you feel. Wishing you all the best for the future.

Hi Tryagain.

I can relate to what you are feeling. I got pregnant through IVF earlier this year. As all my work colleagues and family knew we were undergoing IVF they found out the day after I did that I was pregnant.

I had a scan at 7 weeks which revealed a slow heartbeat so I had another 10 days later. Unfortunatley the heartbeat had gone (only a few days after the first scan). I remember driving from that scan utterly devastated. I then had to tell all those people that knew. Although everyone said it was not my fault I strongly doubted it. I recall saying to my Mum prior to the scans that “I wasn’t keen on a December baby but ‘Begger’s can’t be choosers’”. I thought the miscarriage was my punishment as I was ungrateful.

Now 5 months later, I’ve ‘come to terms’ with it and do not blame myself – it just wasn’t meant to be for me at that time.

Two very lovely ladies at work gave me a ‘care bag’ (stars to wish upon, pins to pin my dreams on etc) and it included a lovely teddy. I’ve named this teddy Sam as it goes for both a boy and a girl although I tend to think of our Sam as a boy. Sam sits on my bed by my pillow. Naming Sam and having a physical thing I could hold in his place was my turning point in my emotional recovery. Do what is right for you.

I’m sorry to ramble on – but your story just seemed very similar to mine.

Good luck and take care as you ‘try again’.

Thank you all for the words of support, encouragement and all the :hug:

It helps so much to hear from other people who have been through the same thing - makes me realise that others have managed to get through it so surely I will too.

Had a chat with DH last night and we decided to wait a couple of months before we "tryagain". OB had said we could do it after 1 period but DH and I both agreed that we would give my body a bit more time to recover. Here's hoping I have some good news by the end of the year... though this time I'll be sure to keep it quieter for longer.

Our 1 year wedding anniversary is this coming long w/e and it will be bittersweet....

I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

I'm so sorry for the loss of Jeremy. Please be kind to yourself and take the time to grieve and cry as much or as little as you need.

Tryagain,

I am so very sorry for your loss......hugs to you.
Wishing you happiness and health for the future.
NEVER GIVE UP!

Claire

Hi
Please don't blame your self for the miscarrage, I blamed myself for sooo long I even blamed it on what I was eating as I was trying to be very healthy.
Its great that you have named your baby and had the memorial.

We did the same thing as I have a rose, a NAO Angel and named my baby "Angel" I have even put songs on my MP3 that are special to me so when I feel down I can listen to them plus I regularly look at the u/s of when the heart was beating at 9 weeks.
Take care of yourself :hug:
Chris

i am so sorry for your loss of Jeremy. hugs to you. m

Tryagain, I'm so sorry your Jeremy passed away. Sending you big :hug: as you heal and remember your baby.

tryagain, I am so sorry for your loss. This is my first post to the board, but I've found comfort in reading all of the positive stories and encouragement. My loss is also very recent (8/3, missed m/c at 6 wks, d&c at 10 wks) and I am slowly going through all of the stages of grief. This was going to be the first grandchild for both families, so I feel that burden as well (I know, irrational).

I've decided that convincing myself that it wasn't my fault (with major resistance) will help me stay positive when we TTC in a couple of months. My dr. told me to wait 3 cycles to TTC, but I've seen a lot of info to the contrary. I guess waiting will help emotionally- ups and downs on a daily basis. I had a bad day yesterday, as there was a baby shower at work. I feel like everyone around me is prego.

I send my hugs and prayers to you for inner-peace and baby dust. Happy anniversary- thank goodness for the DHs. I finally realize the "for better or for worse" part...

I am sorry for your loss. My first pregnancy ended in m/c at 10 wks. Needless to say,as you know, it was devestating. I went on to have three big healthy babies, as many other women do and I am sure you will too.
be gentle to yourself, I'm sure you didnt do anything wrong.
xxx

I just read your post. I am so sorry. I lost a baby at 13 weeks and didn't find out until my 18 week ultrasound and I asked myself and my midwife the same type of questions. But please know it's nothing you did. Take care and I'm thinking of you.