Will this ever end...I want to give the sadness a chance to lift

Five weeks ago, I posted that I had had a miscarriage. I was so sad at the time as it was my second miscarriage but wanted to feel positive that we could put it behind us and start to try for another baby.

It's now 5 weeks later and my body is conspiring to make it impossible for me to forgot and move on.

I had a D&C 5 weeks ago and the bleeding wouldn't stop. 3 weeks ago, I went for a scan and they found retained tissue. My obg decided that the risks of another D&C were too great and that we should wait it out. It is 3 weeks later and the bleeding is still continuing. So today I went for another scan and the retained products are still there ...and they seem to have gotten bigger (how can that be!).

So this afternoon, I am off to my doctor again. I just feel so sad and I really want the physical symptoms to be over so that I can think ahead. I'm so tired of this. I'm supposed to leave on Friday for a two week overseas trip and now who knows what will happen. I didn't want a second D&C but now I wish that I had had one.

I'm sure that everyone expects that I should be over this by now but how can I get over it?

Lindy
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It must be so frustrating. I am not sure why the retained products have increased did your Dr have any idea? I had a D&C and had retained a little also but thankfully it sorted itself out.
As for getting over this, It takes time and as much time as you need it to there is no timeframe. Months after my Loss I was still crying and feeling down and I still have days now. There isn't a day when I dont miss my little angel so I don't think I will truely ever "get over it"
Everyone heals differently and you will know when the time is right for you.
This Holiday will be a great time to enjoy time with your family and hopefully put a smile back on your face again.
I hope all goes well at the Dr today
Take care.

Lindy, any one that has been through what you have or similar will totally understand that you cant get on with anything until the physical things clear up. Its so horrible that you have gone through all that and still having problems, it really not fair and i am very sure that all you want to do is get on with it and go and have your lovely holiday. I dont know what the answer is but you just hope and pray the Doc do, i really hope you get sorted so you can go on holiday. Big hugs to you

Well, I am due for a second D&C this afternoon. So hopeful this will solve the issues. Unfortunately my trip is a business trip, not a holiday. So hopefully I will be feeling strong enough to spend two weeks away from my DH.

I hope your D&C went well. Now you need to be very, very good to yourself so you can heal physically. As to if the sadness will lift? The short answer is: yes. But the long answer is it takes time and TONS of patience and there is no time frame for when it will happen. But in a sense your loss will always be with you. There's not a day that I don't think about the ones I lost, but it's not brooding or despairing. It's just that miscarriage is such a major event that it does change you forever. But not necessarily for the worse. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Well, I didn't end up having the D&C yesterday. I waited and was all prepped in the little gown but the obgyn on looking at the scans again, decided that the surgery was more complex than they had anticipated. They are concerned because of abnormal vascular swelling which seems to be getting bigger. So, they have decided that they need a different approach which requires two surgeons. The surgery has been postponed till tomorrow. They have given me a litany of risks including the chance (v. small) that they may need to remove my uterus.

Fortunately work has been fantastic - the trip has been cancelled to give me time to recover at home both emotionally and physically. At this point, I just want it to be over. I can even reconcile that we may not have another child. I have a wonderful son already - it feels just greedy to want anymore. Plus, I'm not sure that I am brave enough to risk a third miscarriage after the drama of this one.

Thanks for all your support. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Oh sweetheart im so sorry that you are going through all of this. I wish i could take some of the pain away for you but i cant. You need to be so gentle with yourself, dont try and shut your feelings out. You cannot be expected to just get over something so devastating. Talk, cry, scream and let it all out, only then, can you begin the healing process.

hugs
treelo

Lindy I'm sorry all this is going on. :hug:

Oh hunny,
I feel for you. I hope all works out ok.:pray:
Don't expect to "get over it" tho. These things take time.
Take time for yourself. Heal
You're injured in body, mind and soul, you need time.
We are all here for you
Lisa:grouphug:

I'm so sorry to hear you're having even more complications after all you've been through. I'll keep praying for you, and watching to see any updates on your condition here.

Lindy good luck with the surgery and i am sorry your having sucha hard time. I know what your saying about having a child already, i think that sometimes too, but really we should be able to have as many children as we want and i hope and pray that you will be able to physically and emotionally have another. Big gentle hugs look after yourself

Lindy
I hope the op went well.
It takes alot of time to "get over" a miscarriage.
My complications after my miscarriage were ongoing till last june (9 months after my mc). As I have been told that I have Ashermans syndrome (one of the D&C risks).
Take one day at a time, at times you have to take it one min at a time. I go to counciling. To help me emotionaly heal as I still cry at night and have bad days.
I hope you have a great support network as you will need them.
Big hugs :hug:
Take care
Chris

Ladies,
Thank you so much for the support. I had the surgery yesterday and apparently all went well. There was much more tissue there than they expected. Apparently my body still thought that I was pregant and the piece of placenta that got left behind from the last D&C kept growing. Believe it or not, in a few weeks time, I have to go for a blood test to test my HCG levels to make sure that they are negative. I can just imagine the conversation with the chatty blood taker...'how pregant do you think you are?' What can one say without giving a whole sad story!

Chris, I feel for you - I can't imagine this taking 9 months to resolve. Taking it one day at a time sounds like good advice and all one can do really.

lindy all the best with your bt. hope this sorts istelf out for you soon

Glad to hear surgery went well. Now hopefully you can heal and move forward. Maybe you'll get lucky and not have a chatty lab tech. Although it would be a lot better if health care professionals read the charts before they come in your room to do care...

Best of luck.

:

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I have a wonderful son already - it feels just greedy to want anymore. Plus, I'm not sure that I am brave enough to risk a third miscarriage after the drama of this one.

---

Hi Lindy,

There's nothing at all wrong with this kind of greed! It's the best kind as far as I'm concerned.

This is how DW and I felt (and still feel!) while we were going through ours. As far as bravery is concerned, I'm totally with you on that one, another to bridge to be crossed when the time comes.

All the best,
Shaun

I feel like I am really struggling to recover. I am still very tired - not sure if its emotional or physical. And like many of the other posters here, it appears that my husband is completely over it. He is not enjoying his job and that's all he seems to talk about. We are organising a party for his birthday - life has to go on, I guess, and as he has been calling people that we haven't seen for a while, I hear him say things like: 'everything is going well, we're good, nothing exciting happening' in response to their questions about how we are. I mean, I don't expect him to tell all and sundry that we have had a miscarriage but I have had two operations in six weeks - it doesn't feel like everything is going well to me. I don't want to talk to him about this because he will just see it as a criticism and he really is a wonderful husband.

oh, lindy. i too found that my husband and i grieved in different ways. i guess it is a male / female thing, along with the physical that you alone are going through. i found it so important to tell my dh how i was feeling so he could respond to others in a way that i would agree with. i also refused to do anything social for quite a while -- but i did let my dh know exactly why while trying to let him know that his grief process was fine, just different than mine. it is such a dicey issue, your dh is your best support and so important to you now. but you must also allow yourself the time you need. i hope you can talk things through and get what you need while still honoring the differences between the two of you. big hugs. m

Hi Lindy
Men DEFINATELY do this different from us!!! My DH was exactly the same all he talked about was work and he wouldnt tell anyone about my ectopic and he was almost annoyed that i had told family (not like you cant?!!) Any way a week ago he had a bit too much to drink and i was a little upset and he spilled everything, telling me he knew it was a girl and he was thinking ahead to weddings etc. and the most painful part for him was knowing he couldnt do anything and i was the one going through the trauma of surgery and it made me realise it was just as hard for him only for some reason they keep it all inside, i think if anything women are blessed in the way that we do share things and it helps us heal, they just seem to bottle it up. i really hope one day soon your DH does this for you Lindy i think the thing they need to realise that by having that reaction it makes it harder for us, we just need to know that they care, nothing more or less.
Take care Lindy. Big hugs

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support on this site. Some of you have been through far worse than 2 miscarriages - I cried when I read many of the stories. You are all so strong. I thank you for not making me feel like I should get on with things because my loss was less than yours.

I seem to be physically recovered now - after 7 weeks the bleeding has finally stopped. I don't know if we will try again soon - but at nearly 38, I guess that I don't have too much time to think about it!

Hi Lindy, sorry to hear all you have been through,i hope each day is getting alittle easer.You are not old, we have just lost our little angle and i will be 41 soon and we hope to TTC again soon. Sending you a big hug.

Hi Lindy
Its great to hear that you have recoverd, that is one thing that will help you move on and get better emotionaly.
I am 37 and we are TTC, we were told by the Dr to try in between visits to see him. We know about all the risks that we are taking (due to the Ashermans syndrome) but I will do anything to have a baby.

I hope I fall pregnant b4 I have to see him in Feb.:pray:
Take care:hug:
Chris