Coping with a nb and 2yo

Hello,

My second bub is due in 7wks. Although I can't wait for her arrival I am starting to get concerned about how I am going to cope with a nb and a very active 2yo.

There are a few issues that I need to address and or get my head around before I can feel ready for our bub to arrive.

DD is turning 2 in 3 wks and she has just started moving into full on toddlerhood. She is very active and adventurous. In the last few weeks she has started to squeal when she is frustrated, she throws herself on shopping centre/car park floors, she likes to run off and will only hold my hand for a short period of time, she does not listen when I call her name (her hearing is fine) and she will not feed herself. I also feel that she needs me so much more during the day to occupy her. WOw that description of DD makes her sound like a monster!!!! Believe me she I think she is just wonderful but I am having a hard time controlling her and I am really scared about how life will be with a nb.

Has anyone got any ideas, suggestions or good books?

In my mind I am thinking that not much will get done through the day except for occupying DD and attending to bub. The rest such as house work, grocery shopping etc will have to wait till afterhours...

Questions I have are:

How am I going to be able to bf with a toddler around?
How can I keep DD occupied and happy whilst attending to nb?
How can I get all the house works done?(I am a house tidy freak)
How am I ever going to get out of the house for appointments?
How do I establish a good workable routine?
How am I going to get dinner on the table?

BekZ - our DS will be 21 months when bub is born, and I've been wondering the same thing! Some things I have in mind:

How am I going to be able to bf with a toddler around?
I'm planning on reading to him or feeding him whilst bub gets fed. He loves his books, so I'm hoping this will work! LOL

How can I keep DD occupied and happy whilst attending to nb?
Could you get her to help somehow? I've found the best way to stop DS being a pain while I'm in the kitchen is to get him to help. He's very good at stacking and unstacking the dishwasher!

How can I get all the house works done?(I am a house tidy freak)
Hire a cleaner for a few weeks? Hopefully the nb will sleep a lot in the early days. Does your DD still have a day sleep? DS still has 1 to 2 sleeps a day (depends on the day) so I'll be making the most of that.

How am I ever going to get out of the house for appointments?
Just repack the nappy bag straight after you come home ready for the next outing, then you just get everyone dressed and go :)

How do I establish a good workable routine?
No idea! LOL - I'm not a routine girl, so can't help with that one.

How am I going to get dinner on the table?
Do some cooking now and freeze it :) or save up some dosh for some takeaway, or teach your DH to cook!

Of course, I'm not experienced with this yet.. just some ideas floating around my head at the moment. I'm hoping things will just come together after a few weeks. Of course, we can't predict the toddler's reaction to the baby.. everything could hinge on that!

All the best with it, and try not to stress.. everyone else seems to manage, I'm sure we can too :)

i jsut want to say i know where your concerns are coming from i feel exactly the same. I am due in 6wks and the decision was made today that i am having a CS in 4wks so now i am even more concerned as i have the recovery period where i cant pick DD up etc. My DD will be jsut 20 months and seems to have grown an attitude with tantrums etc in the last few weeks too.
i look forward to reading any advice you do get

Hi Bek

I hear you totally regarding your concerns about how you will cope with going from one to two children. I stressed majorly before DS2 and DD were born ( I still stress LOL). My DS was 21 months when DS2 came along and then DS2 was 14 months when DD arrived. Life certainly is very full on but it is definitely do-able.

How am I going to be able to bf with a toddler around?
I made up a breast feeding bag for DS1 when DS2 was born and I now use it for DS2 while I am feeding DD- in the bag include snacks, tissues, books, TV remotes, phone, toys etc that you keep in a bag next to you while you are feeding your nb that way you wont have to be getting up and down to attend to your DD whilst you are trying to feed. I pull things out of the bag to keep DS1 and 2 entertained and out of mischief.

How can I keep DD occupied and happy whilst attending to nb?
Definitely get your DD to help you - whether it be getting nappies or bibs or what ever - they love helping. Dont feel guilty if you have to out a DVD or ABC kids etc on for a few minutes if you need to keep your DD busy and out of your hair.

How can I get all the house works done?(I am a house tidy freak)
Get a cleaner for a while and prioritise your cleaning/housework - make a realistic list each day so you feel like you are achieving something cleaning wise but make sure it isnt over the top. I know it annpyed me when people said dont worry about the cleaning - leave it etc etc becasue having a dirty house stresses me out so I made sure I did little bits each day to keep on top of it. Also get your DH to do his bit as well.

How am I ever going to get out of the house for appointments?
I found this really scary and it took a lot of practice to achieve (still does) but I make sure I am organised the night before and start getting ready with heaps of time to spare. Be super organised so getting as much done the night before is really important.

How do I establish a good workable routine?
This will happen in good time. You sound like an organised person so I am sure that given time you will establish a routine that suits all of you.

How am I going to get dinner on the table?
I try and get dinner ready during the afternoon while everyone is sleeping/resting. ALthough if I am too tired I rest and give them a quick to make sort of meal rather than a fully cooked type of meal. Also cook in advance/freeze meals/get take away once a week if it is going to ease the pressure.

It is really daunting but organisation is the key and not putting too mcuh pressure on yourself - try and go with the flow (easier said that done I know) and do what works for you.

Good luck and we are all here for you.
take care
Jem

Hey Liz and Nat,

Re breastfeeding -
I found bfing very hard with DD therefore my fear of bfing this time around are so bad I am having anxiety attacks about it. I am worried that I won't be able to bf out of sheer frustration and exhaustion. Alas I am going to seek some advice and maybe hire a lactation consultant. I have heard that the ABA has a booklet about bfing and having a toddler around.

Re keeping DD occupied
I do the same kitchen routine as Liz and I was planning on trying to involve her where ever possible.

Getting house work done.

I am crossing my fingers that DD will continue her 1.5 hour day time sleep for at least 6 months!!!!! I will probably aim to get dinner preped in this time. I am hoping that bub and DD sleep at the same time, and that DD won't be too difficult to put down if bub is awake iykwim.

Getting out of the house

I already pack bags at night for the next day. My issue is having a shower, make up and hair. I guess I may be going around more "natural" looking for a bit.

Dinners
Atm I am doing up a meal planner and I am going to do some pre-cooked meals for us and DD in November.

Liz - Sounds like we have the same ideas.

Nat - I have had 2 friends in your situation and both were lucky to have family to help out. Both my friends relied heavily on their DH's to do the lifting etc. Don't be offened if your DD starts to prefer Daddy for a little while or if she starts to whack you or push you away. This is just her frustration and I witness this behaviour with both my friends and their first borns. My suggestion would be to encourage your DD to walk with you and hold hands now!!!! Encourage her to get up and down with only you holding her hand, also get down to her level to hug her. HTH

Hey Bek,
You'll do just fine. I was worrying about the same thing, nearly have anxiaty attackes just thinking about it. But now, I wish I didn't get myself all worked up.
It was only hard for the first few days, but things are much easier now. But my best advise to you is, try not to worry about it now. I worried the crap out of myself before DS was born, with your exact concerns. But once I was left in the deep end, after my MIL went home and mine left us alone. It was much easier than having them here, if that sounds possible. You learn to deal with it all in your own way and get yourself a little routine happening, well as much as possible anyway ;). I know its sounds unbeliveable now, but you will get everything done.

Suggestions
It helps to have someone who can mind your eldest when doing the groceries etc.
Freeze some meals now for later.
Cook in bulk for left overs.
Keep nappy bag packed all the time for emergency exits.
If BF, feed on demand. Best way I think to get bubs to fit into your current routine.
Get ready 30mins earlier than normal. This way you should be out the door on time.
Get DD to help as much as possible. You will both benefit from this and she will love being involved.

But I'm sure all these things and more will come naturally once bubs is here. I promise, you'll find it much easier than you are now thinking. I PROMISE!!!!!!!!

Hey bek re your concerns about having a shower, doing hair, make up etc -

I always try and have my shower before DH goes to work (not always possible) - although this does mean I am having it rather early but it makes it easier to get everyone including myself ready if I have had my shower and at least started to do my hair/makeup while Dh is around to keep everyone occupied.

SNAP Mel!!

Hey Bekz, one thing I have planned is to get Flynn addicted to the Wiggles - an evil use of TV I know but I figure the way I have seen kids be mesmerized by TV is exactly what I need to keep him occupied while I BF LOL!

My girls are 22months apart and girls you will be fine.There will be moments of tearing your hair out and tears but its worth it. I watch my girls now (millana 3 in nov and ruby 1) they play together and are starting to intteract and its beautiful. I too had a shower in the morning before hubby went to work,if i had spare time i would iron a couple of our outfits just in case we needed to get out to appointments(i did for ruby) and the slow cooker was a godsend! chuck a roast in or casserole and the meal is done for arsenic hr.
Millana stopped having sleeps in the arvo when ruby came home.Not good for me but i would have quiet time and would lie on the couch and she would read a book or watch a dvd.
Im quite proud of how i have coped as i had no family members to help me when ruby was 4 months.They all went on trips and i had no time off for months.when ruby was 10months i had a free wed nite for scrapping.Hubby and i had to take it in turns if we wanted anything and no time alone for ourselves.All im trying to say is that when one day or 2 is tough usually the next one is a good day and you just keep going.Keep a routine of some sorts.
And going for a walk in the frsh air is good.Always helped me.

We bought Molly a few time consuming toys when Olivia was born, to keep her occupied while Victoria was BF. The magnadoodle was good! And she was already into TV, so we did foster that a little bit.

Try showering at night, when DH is home and toddler is sleeping?

I remember when Marieke was born, we had a few rough days. Fatigue, hormones, etc all come into play. Be prepared for that! No amount of organization and preparedness is going to stop you from having some days that are tearful. But you will be OK. I think most mums find that the first six weeks are the worst, and then you gradually establish a new routine, and life moves on so that you can hardly remember what it was like before.
Your toddler is probably going to be somewhat jealous of having to share her mummy too, and it is a hard adjustment for them. But personally, I think it is good for them to learn that the world does not revolve around their wants.
Maybe look into getting a baby carrier, like a hug a bub or ergo, or something. (I have a Moby for this new bub, which I am eager to try.) That way you can hold and comfort your newborn (even nurse them, sometimes!) with your hands free to do a little tidying, or sit with your toddler, or go for a walk, or whatever.
All the best!

How am I going to be able to bf with a toddler around?

Its a little tough th first couple of days out of hospital but they get used to it very quickly. Just have something on hand to give to your child when they ask.. Such as a muesli bar and drink of water. Give it when they ask not before you feed

How can I keep DD occupied and happy whilst attending to nb?

Same as above really. Just talk to them and tell them what you are doing. I found with Jacob sometimes I had to leave him while I attended to Isaac. I think the NB copes quite well with that. they tend to fit in with the family routine more easily

How can I get all the house works done?(I am a house tidy freak)

Can't help you here. i just do the basics and then DH and I get stuck in once a week to get it done

How am I ever going to get out of the house for appointments?

Same as above. I am lucky to have Dh home every 4 days for 4 days so we have appointments around his days off. but I still have to get my eldest to school on time on my own when he is at worl and to be honest you just get it done. I get out of bed a bit earlier when DH isn't home and have my morn coffee ect then tend to the kids and we usually leave the house right on time if not earlier

How do I establish a good workable routine?

Just relax and let things flow. try and relax about a set routine. get used to being a mummy of 2 then work out what works for you. I used to cook meals early and reheat later and bath time ect i did it at midday (for NB)

ow am I going to get dinner on the table?

Thats tough at first and sometimes we ran late. once again I am lucky to have a DH who is an ex chef and is home alot.. but there are 2 days each week he isn't home at dinner time. I had simple meals that took next to no time to cook.. or as i said above cooked in the middle of the day and reheated later. I found giving a late afternoon snack was good especially if I was running late. The thing i found the hardest was when the baby would be crying for a feed and i would be in the middle of cooking dinner and my toddler wanted his dinner. it was stressful but I just turned off dinner. gave toddler a small snack fed the baby then got back into it....

Not sure if I helped any. but thats what we used to do and hopefully can do again this time.

Even though this is my 5th baby, it will be the first time I will have 3 little ones together. If you can call 5 years old a little one. I am worried about how I am going to get us all ready and out of the door in time for Noah to start school next year.

I can help with some of the other questions though. Even though I have a 2year 9 month gap between Joel and Brandon, same gap between Tehya and this baby, and a 2year 10 month gap between Noah and Tehya. I think the needs are pretty similar, although the understanding is alot easier.

How am I going to be able to bf with a toddler around?
Always grab them something to eat/drink before you sit down.
If they are toilet training take them to the potty first or bring the potty in near you. You can bet they will need a wee. It's all about attention.
Grab some toys for them to play with, something that they don't get to play with all of the time, a special feeding time toy.
Learn to breastfeed walking around ;)
Oh and if you have a cordless phone, put it next to you during the feed. It's bound to ring.

How can I keep DD occupied and happy whilst attending to nb?

Ditto, get her to help out. Sure usually it's more hindrance than help and you can do it way faster but they like to help. So whether it's getting a nappy, bib or wipes allow them to help. Do however expect them to stray offf mid task. Esp if that jar of bum cream looks more enticing.

How can I get all the house works done?(I am a house tidy freak)

I guess for me it helps that I'm not a clean freak although I do like things clean and tidy, esp with a baby in the house.
Do what you can when you can.
Don't beat yourself up if you haven't scrubbed the bathtub out today.
If you have a dishwasher use it !! We have one and never use it. LOL. Stack it as you go during the day and turn it on at night.
Toddlers also like to help clean. While your trying to polish mirrors etc give them some paper towel or a cloth to do the same.
I clean the shower while I am in it.
Throw your washing in the machine in the night before bed. That way it is finished in the morn and you just need to hang it out. Your already one step ahead for the day.
Let people help. If they offer don't be too proud to say yes. Even if it's just holding bub while you do a quick run around with the vaccum.


How am I ever going to get out of the house for appointments?

TBH probably with a fair bit of stress in the first few weeks. Nothing is ever simple. You will no sooner get a bum clean and dry and the other child will dirty. It's the law it seems.

Always keep your nappy bag packed and restock it when you get the chance after your outing. Nothing worse than being aout and realising that you have no spare clothes etc. And remember to grab some spare things for your toddler too.

Showering is my big thing. I love for us all to be freshly showered/bathed before we leave the house. I do not go anywhere without being showered in the morning. And I always bath my babies morning and night while they are still in nappies so that mean me, the baby and the toddler needing a wash. DP has already told me on school days if I have no where else to go don't stress on washing bub before I leave. Now I know this is smart, esp come winter. Just not sure if I can do that yet.

Take your toddler in the shower with you. Tehya and I share our shower every morning. That way I know where she is and she won't be free to get near bub when she is born.

If you do have to go somewhere early, get allthe clothes for the day sorted the night before. Have a thought in your head for a change of weather clothes because you can bet that when you wake it's cold and windy and you will need a diff outfit.

How am I going to get dinner on the table?

Buy a slow cooker. Seriously it's a great invention, esp for winter meals. I tend not to use it as much in summer. The ability to be able to start cooking your dinner at 10 am when bub is down for her morning nap is great. It also free's up your afternoon when hopefully both little ones are asleep so you can put your feet up and have a nap too.

Buy simple, easy to prepare meals. Frozen fish pieces, pizza's etc are great as a back up on a busy night. Even the packets of fresh pasta like ravioli and a jar of sauce are a great quick meal.

Let DH cook. I am lucky, my DP does a fair bit of cooking around here. Sure if I want something diff or intersting then it's time for me to cook. But if I don't mind snags and mash then I let him go for it.

Prepare your dinner early, if you are having rissoles or even a lasagne, make up the rissoles and cover them and sit aside in the fridge. Lasagne cook your mince and layer your lasagne together, cover it up and all you have to do later is put it in the oven while night baths are happening.

WOW, I almost sound organised. Now to put it all into practise once again.

Trish: I too am worried about have 3 small ones. Ethan was 4 when we had Isaac and then isaac was 23 months when we had jacob. But I still only had 2 at home as Ethan was at school by then. How I will go with 3 under 5 at home and getting a 8 yr old to schol remains to be seen :)

I am a very laid back person though and if things go to the toilet then thats the way they go. the only thing I am very fussy on is that I will always give my kids a decent meal for dinner. Some people say just give them baked beans if you're tired and thats fine but I don't like to do it. once only did I do it and i felt so guilty :lol:

Another thing I like to have done everyday is a bath for the baby. I personally need to do it. I used to always do it after dinner but once we had Jacob that simply wasn't possible so thats why I moved bath time to midday just before the day nap for Isaac. Jacob always had a sleep after his bath too so we would all go have a nap...

Another tip.. Even though it is tempting to clean when your kids are asleep Don't!!! Even if you don't want to sleep put your feet up and watch tv, Browse BB or read a book.. you need time to yourself as well especially with more then one child to chase after, Of course housework needs doing it but it will get done. i never clean when my kids are asleep. I clean when they are happy.

Hi BekZ,

Dont worry I have the very same issues. I feel like nothing gets done around my house. My only hope is that it all gets better as they all get older. lol.

Thanks everyone for your responses and advice. I will surely keep all your suggestions in mind. Right now my mind is sorting out plans of attack for certain situations. I am also visualising just going with the flow and letting things happen. Just like I am visualing giving birth and breastfeeding. This may sound strange but it really helps me not to stress overly.

Aussie thats so me! i too clean only when the kids are happy but believe me it works!! :)

oh it does,. I like my rest time WAY to much.. I love my ME time....

hehe - i get better ME time when DS is happy. That's when I can put my feet up and watch TV or sit at the computer. Trying to get housework done with him awake is a pain. So I make use of his sleeps for the cleaning.

Liz I am like you - I washed all the floors (by hand, on my hands and knees!!LOL) today while Flynn was asleep.

But in reading this thread I decided to make a promise to myself. I PROMISE MYSELF that when ever BOTH my children are asleep, I will sleep. I will not clean. I will sleep.

Rory, here's hoping you are successful in getting both babies to sleep at the same time. Goodluck ;)

Let me tell you on the days that it actually does happen it's all you can do but fall back on the lounge and relax. Or get onto BB ;)

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here's hoping you are successful in getting both babies to sleep

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I am sure as hell not holding my breath LOL!!

I am glad this thread attracted some attention and all the information has been great.

Rory - My DD is already addicted to HI5 and Dora. I use the TV when I really need to get some thing done, like when doing hair (not mine, others and cooking dinner). However, DD is at the stage where she is not as occupied by TV as she used to be and now she wants me to be involved with all her play and activities.

I have vowed to "rest" when both girls are down too...here is hoping that this will happen from time to time.

I find doing "quick" house work most productive when DD is in bed at night. As soon as she is asleep I will vac and mop the floors, or I will clean the loo, or bathroom etc. Some nights I give myself 1 hour to do as much as possible around the house. I probably won't get to do this so much with a nb.

My SIL tries to get her 12wk old down for a nap between 5 and 7pm so that she can bath and feed her DS. Then her DS goes to bed and the bub is up for a feed. I am going to SIL's place tomorrow and I am going to pick her brain for little tips on her routine etc.