I don't feel ready for him to go to childcare...

I've been on the waiting list at a child care centre that is just across the car park from my office building for over a year now. I wanted Charlie close to me when I returned to work next year. Not only would he get dropped off just before I start work at 8am, abut because DH works in the same building, could pick him up at 4pm. Plus we could see him at lunch time if we wanted to.

The centre has a massive waiting list so thinking I wouldn't get him in, I applied for an FDC spot for Feb next year and got a placement. It's close to where I live but far from work, so Charlie would be in care from 7am to 6pm. 4 days a week, which is an awfully long time.

This morning the centre near work called to say they have a vacancy for Charlie now. I told them I don't start back at work til next year and they said they'd offer it to the next person on the waiting list then. I got upset at this, as I'd been waiting forever, and the director of the centre then suggested I put him in one day a week from now so he would be enrolled in the centre and therefore get first dibs on placements for next year.

I asked if that gauranteed me the times I needed for next year and she said yes, but only if he starts one day a week immediately and I re-enrol him for next year straight away.

So I said yes, okay. I will now meet her on Monday to enrol Charlie to start child care one day a week from Friday.

But...

I'm not ready for him to be away from me!!!!!! *waaaaaaaaaah*!!!!! I thought I had my two more full months with him. I thought I didn't have to do this until January.

I also thought I wouldn't be such a big sook about it when the time came!

Sushee I know how you feel. I never planned on being a stay at home Mum but I just couldn't give my precious little man up and now number two is due in just over 2 weeks. People keep telling me that I should put Ewan in day care a couple of days a week so I'm not so tired with the new baby but I just can't bear the idea of being away from him all day!

So, big sook here as well!!!

I can totally sympathise with you especially since you thought you had another couple of months with him. It is amazing how quickly they grow up. No doubt Charlie will enjoy it tho, all the interaction and stimulation. And at least this way like you said his days wont be as long as would have been if he was at the other daycare - just keep focusing on the positive things like that.:)

Also just think of it as a bit of "me time" for yourself since you are not back at work yet, maybe that might help. :redface:

Awww Sushee...

I imagine it must be so hard for you.
I'm the opposite. I have so much stuff to do... I love it when I can drop Shaun off to day care.

But I also love what it does for him... and maybe that is one way you can look at it.

It will develop Charlies sense of independence
He will enjoy a change of environment, and make lots of new friends
He will have new toys to play with
He will enjoy his time with you even more

My DS can't wait to get out of the car when I pull up at day care or FDC. He just loves it.
And he has become a really friendly, happy child... not clingy or insecure. I credit the day care for that.

It is only 1 day a week initially... and that will help him get used to the environment before going full time. If you weren't to do it now... it would be a BIG shock to him to go 4 days a week all at once.

And as hard as it will be for you initially... I hope that you will enjoy your "me time" and you could do something that is difficult with a little one. Shopping, scrapbooking, baking, ironing, cleaning...???

Hugs to you.

I thought I'd be happy though! Lol! I am looking forward to going back to work, and knew that this was part of that. Charlie is incredibly social, and loves playing with other kids, so while he will probably love it and thrive, I guess for me it's feeling like it's all happening already, and I'm not quite ready to let go. I tell myself that in 2 months I will have to let go, I won't have a choice, but now, I feel horrible and protective of what's left of my time with him.

Then again I'm sure if you talk to me again in a month when I've had a few days to myself, I'll wonder why I didn't do this sooner.

Won't I?

You sure will ~!!!!!!!!!

You sound very much like my mothers group friend, who had to return to work. She was not ready either... but had no choice. She got him into care... and would phone every hour. It took her weeks to calm down. In the mean time, her son was loving it. She's fine now. And she enjoys the 'break'.

it's really hard, but try to find some positives out of it.
And I'm sure that with a few days of 'me time' you will love dropping him off to care.

And he'll be just across the car park if I have a panic attack and want DH to go get him! ROFL! That's what DH has offered to soothe my worries!

Sushee, I absolutely know how you feel. An almost identical thing happened to me with Jack. The only difference was I had to take all the days. We decided to take the spot (3 months before I'd been planning to start back) and I started back early as I couldn't really afford the spot without the income. It was so hard at the time, and the decision weighed me down as the time approached (luckily I had a month and a half notice as it was a new centre opening). But now, I am so glad we took the spot. We wouldn't have got him in otherwise, and having him close to work was wonderful. DH and I were working the same building at the time too so the three of us went in together and home together on my work days (4 days a week). We saw Jack every lunch time (I bf and then we all played for a while). It was great having him so close, seeing him during the day and having that extra time together. It was definitely the right decision to take the spot and go back early even though I really did not feel ready at the time. I hope that you feel more at peace with this decision as the time approaches, and I am sure that you too will find it is worth it to have him closer to you during the day. All the best with it Sushee, I know how hard it is.

I felt the same way with Maddy at first, and even though she is now at daycare full-time and for relatively long days; you could always do a shorter Friday with him to start...perhaps to ease you both in? Perhaps drop him off at 8:30 or so and pick him up around 3pm? That was what our dc recommended when Maddy started so it wasn't too overwhelming for her.

Good luck hon!

:hugs: I am the worlds biggest sook too.

I am starting my 4 yr old in day care because he is ready for school but doesn't go till 2009. I debated over this for a couple weeks but we decided we would trial it. he is booked in but we haven't taken him yet. Maybe tuesday, I am so not ready either but I know in the long run it will do him good,,

good Luck with startuing your son

sushee, I can sympathise and I'm a childcare worker. I thought I'd have no problems starting back at work, I thought I'd have to go back this month but thankfully we figured it out and I can stay at home until March. Now I am putting DD's name on waiting lists and I am fretting about it and I don't have to go back until March next yr. A positive of it though could be that it might be good for him to start now so that he has time to adjust to being at childare before you start work. At least now if he's upset when he first starts you can just leave him for a short time and pick him up if you need to. You won't be worrying about him while your'e at work and being distracted. He gets to get used to things slowly before he HAS to be at childcare for four days a week.

Oh Sushee I had the exact same thing happen. I didn't start till March at uni and they wanted him to start in January :( I wasn't ready at all.

In hindsight though it was brilliant for him. I could stay with him in the first few weeks and then give him short days to begin with. By the time I was at uni I could comfortably leave him with the childcare centre and go to uni without a worry.

Its so hard at first though...

Sushee I can totally relate. When DD was 6 months old, I went back to work two days a week and my sister looked after her for one of those days (DH on the other). I will always remember the night before I went back, sitting on the loungeroom floor holding DD and bawling my eyes out (sorry.... that probably doesn't help).

I only worked for 3 months and then we went overseas. It didn't get any easier for me, but I did get to a place of acceptance and peace about it. So I don't think you'll know how you're going to feel about it until it actually happens, IYKWIM.

I think Kellie has a good idea.... just because you're paying for the whole day each week, doesn't mean you have to put him in for a whole day. You now have the luxury of a slow introduction, if that's what you want. (eg one hour the first week, two hours the second etc etc)

All the best Sushee... I don't have any answers :hug: Angst and montherhood go hand in hand, sometimes ;)

:

---

Angst and montherhood go hand in hand, sometimes

---

I love that statement. So true.

Just thought I'd update:

Charlie started daycare two Fridays ago. The first day went incredibly well, in that he truly seemed to have had a ball. The only glitch was he refused to go down to sleep. He didn't cry when I left and was happy and playing when I arrived. He smothered me with kisses when I picked him up and headbutted me a couple of times (his highest order sign of affection) and was happy as larry. I was a wreck all day missing him.

My aunt said it was the first day and the acid test would be if he gave trouble when I brought him back the next Fri. So this Friday past, I expected him to be more reluctant.

But the minute we started through the door of the centre, he began screaming with excitement. I put him down and he rushed away and danced joyfully in the middle of the floor! I went to kiss him and he pushed me away! I felt so rejected!

This time when I went to pick him up, he smiled when he saw me but continued playing. When I tried to take him home, he sooked! They said they've never seen a child take to daycare like he'd done, and he slept 2 hours for them! WTF? I rarely get 2 hours from him! The director of the centre spoke to me as I was leaving and asked if I perhaps wanted him to go to daycare 2 days a week, as he seemed ready for it, to which I firmly said 'but I'm not ready for that!'

But DH has over-ruled me, and so from next week, Charlie is going Tues and Fridays. *waaaaaaaaah*

OOOh Sushee! I was liek Christine, when my saister was having Indah 3 days p/w & Mum the other 2, Indah was 6mths old & I was a blubbering hysterical mess, I made her sleep next to me that night as I was so so afraid of missing her, I spent atleast a month back at work, sobbing hysterically in my office!!!
But she was fine has a super bond with my Mum & sister!
However I have decided I will work afternoons/nights from now on, given up my professional office role to work on the factory floor, as I cannot do it to myself again with Zyon, so I will be home all day put the kids to bed & then head off to work 4+hours, I will be exhausted, but I really dont care, I cannot emotionally do what I did with indah & I will personally regret it forever! (On my own selfish scale, not her she had a ball & is a happy girl, but I hated it!!!)

Charlie sounds like he is having a blast!!! It did get easier for me too!!! LOL

Aawww Sushee...

I'm glad that Charlie didn't show "separation anxiety".... although it's a shame that you do.
But it will get easier for you.

With all the kids running around, and all the activities they do... he will sleep really well... during the day and probably at night too.

I take Shaun to two places... Family day care where there are just 3 other kids (he being the youngest) and he gets lots of attention from the carer and she takes them for walks most days. And an Occassional Care Centre where there are up to 15 kids (around the same age - but he at the younger end). I like this too as I believe it helps his social skills being with so many other kids... and gets outdoor activities on swings and sandpits etc.

He also plays well by himself at home. He has a 'toy room'... and will often go in there of his own accord to play with his toys.

thanks for the update on Charlie's experience. I hope that it gets easier for you, and you can enjoy your 'me time'.

lucky you Sushee - i on the other hand didn't have such great success with DS and fortunately for me my job became redundant the day he was due to start in another centre - he was orignally in FDC and he and the carer clashed.

I'd say you have made the right choice and by your DS reaction I think he agrees.

Wish me luck in the new year - i have a job to start on the 11th Feb so in between now and then i need to make some decisions - i know how difficult it is to "let go" when they are so young and when you actually enjoy your child but i think in your circumstance things have turned out famously - enjoy the 'you time" :)

Sushee i am pleased for you that Charlie took to day care so well. It's sad when they just rush off and push you away when you say goodbye.

Alex went on Monday for two hours and he was the same went and played straight away. He starts a full day tomorrow it's a little sad as i love having him around but he needs to develop more with his speech and social skills.

Charlie did a whole day on Tues (7.30am to 4pm) and was shattered when DH picked him up, and did have a cry and a cling when he saw his daddy. Broke my heart when DH told me about it. But tomorrow he's going again, as I've only got a couple of months until he has to go 4 full days anyway. I hope he's better tomorrow. :(

Dianna, good luck for next year, hun. Michelle, hope Alex goes great his first full day!

2 steps forward 1 step back - isn't that what they say?? - good luck Sushee , I know how you feel :(

Another update from me :rolleyes:

When I broke a bone in my foot last week, DH had to take Charlie to and from childcare. Also instead of the 8.30am to 3pm he was doing, he had to stay the whole day 7.30am to 4.00pm. The first day went well at drop off but when DH went to pick him up, he burst into tears when he saw his dad, like I mentioned before.

Then on Friday when DH dropped him off, he clung to his dad, and cried when his dad left. Less than 15 mins later, when the carer was changing his nappy, he threw up all over himself. He then dissolved into tears and wouldn't let anyone comfort him. They called me and DH went to collect him. The whole weekend, his tummy was a funny (we even had the most explosive poo I'd ever seen come out of a person, not just a child) and he was very clingy with me and wouldn't let his dad near him even. But by yesterday he seemed back to normal.

So today I took him back to childcare. The minute we got there, he grabbed onto me like a vice, and when we got in to the room, he started chucking the biggest tanty! I kissed him and left him in the arms of the carer, but have called them 3 or 4 times since, and apparently he's not settling down. Not only that. he won't let anyone comfort him.

I REEEEEEAAAAALLLLY want to pick him up but both my DH and the childcare director reckons he's going to have to cry this one out. They reckon someone's always with him, and every now and then he forgets that he's upset and plays for a bit. Then he remembers and starts screaming again.

This childcare centre has an excellent reputation, and I know he's going to have to start there full time in on January 8th, but right now I just want to quit work, live like a pauper, and be with my son!!

I'm going to call them again, I think. This is doing my head in!

Awwwwwww Sush, I cant tell you how much that brings me to tears!!! Your not at all a bad Mummy, I so understand that he needs to go to C/care & you need to work... But it just hurts that some kids dislike it (probably only for the moment) next week he'll probably love it again!

Indah disliked her second carer & I wasnt 100% happy with her in the last few wks, but i knew I was about to start mat leave! If I wasnt I'd have changed her....

Big smooshy hugs to you!!!! Send Charlie here to live with me!!! (my MIL always suggests we send the kids to bali for her to look after!)

Aw Tracey,

if we lived close by I'd rather my $250+ a week went to you to look after my baby boy! I can just imagine him best of friends with Indah and adoring Zyon and Maddy.

TBH he actually seemed to like the girls there the times I've brought him. I think he just now realised that it's a regular thing and he wants his mummy. And I want him!

Apparently he's calm now, but still not happy. :(

You poor bugger! I know 1 time Indah was hysterical when i left her & I sobbed all the way to work... I called the woman as soon as i was in m y office & I could hear Indah playing but doing that yucky crying noise, like she couldnt ctach her breathe! I called my boss & lied & I went home & picked her up & we laid on the bed reading books all day & she slept in my arms!!! I just couldnt bare it!!!!

I'm feeling that way too. As time is going on I'm getting more and more agitated. I am thinking that I'm going to just go get him now, but will give the centre one more call before I take off.

ETA he's asleep, so they've asked me to hang off for a couple of hours. <sigh> I suppose it's a good thing that he's had a sleep. They reckon he's been patchy, with good times and not so good times. I'll go down there at 1pm to pick him, I think.

OOOh I hope he is happy to see you!!! Then next time is better/easier!

I've worked in long day care for 12 years and I am blessed to have worked in a community based centre which has treated staff exceptionally well and provided us with the tools to provide fantastic care for our children.
I've been back at work nearly a year in January and to be honest when my return date arrived I cried myself to sleep!!! how could I be seperated from my princess when I delight in her every waking moment and her achievements. Paige was 8mths old when I had to return due to financial reasons.
She loved it from day one, I was the one with the seperation problems and the mother guilt.
She adores her carers to the point that if we run in to them in town after hours she leaves me with arms outstretched and gives them hugs she normally reserves for her mummy and daddy in the mornings.
She suprises me reguarly with things that she has learnt in care and my hubby and I look at each other in amazement and say "oh, they must have done it at daycare!!"
They are really careful not to giveaway milestones though and will hint that "Paige is so nearly walking" rather than telling you "oh, she took a few steps today"
It does get easier and it will help you when you see your child enjoying their time in care and making friends and bonds with their carers.
Paige has developed amazing relationships with her young friends and will hug and kiss them on arrival in the morning(and frequently through out the day apparently)
best of luck with it I'm sure everything will be fine but like everything in life their will be times when it is hard and that mummy guilt is a killer.
:heartbeat:Allie xxxx

oh, I just wanted to add in all honesty I've had many experiences with seperation on arrival and have seen agonised parents leaving their screaming children, total heart break material.
I have also seen the seperation become easier over time even children that have been having troubles for months will settle in all of a sudden and be excited about their time in care.
all I can advise you is to keep up with it, develop good lines of communication with your child's carers if they are like me the welfare of the children in my care are my first and most important interest and you will need their support and reassurance on the times that you are really struggling
with it, It really does become easier in time it doesn't make it feel any easier in the short term though((hugs))Allie xx

Aww Sushee, I hope things have picked up for you. I read your post as my own little one is starting full time care in less than 2 weeks. I'm crossing my fingers that because he's so much younger he will accept it as being normal all the time.