Is it rude?

An old friend has invited me to her wedding in January which is where I used to live (about a four hour drive away). Everytime we've talked about it we've talked about how exciting it will be to see everyone and to show off my little Lachlan. Then I get the wedding invite and it's addressed to me and me only. I put off calling her for weeks... so I ended up calling her and asking "if any one drops out do you think I might be able to bring DH along" to which she replies "I dont know about that". Now she's invited people who have done nothing but give her grief and say mean things about her partner behind her back (which she knows about) and one of their gf's (someone who he's just dating).My partner and I are always nice to them and supportive... never have a bad thing to say (except for maybe now). I can't help but feel a little hurt and offended by this and the friend who I did talk to about this just didnt seem to understand (she's single and I guess neither of them understand). Anyone have any suggestions... I was thinking of maybe just going for the wedding and not the reception...

Hmmm I don't think I'd go if my DH wasn't invited, unless the person didn't know Marc at all even still I'd think it was strange.

I would upset and offended if a friend did not invite my dh to ther wedding.

when we got marrried we invited all partners if they were married, enagegd or in a long term relationship even if we didn t know them as we both had friends from work who we had not met partners before. We didnt invite people with new partners (eg less than 6 months) that we didnt know.

I prob wouldnt go myself as i think it is rude of her but depends if u want to go or not alone

I wouldn't go. I would be offended. I think that is very rude of her not to invite ur DH.
Well thats just my 2 cents worth.

I would approach it so you can let your feelings out. While it is her wedding the general custom is to invite partners and certainly if she is letting other partners come then it is strange that your DH hasn't been invited.
Just not going seems kind of childish, especially if she is an old friend but I definitely think you have good cause to enquire about why DH isn't invited and explain that you can't go without him because you are partners.
Good luck with it! I hope it goes well.

Yonks ago I was invited to the wedding of an old family friend, but my partner wasn't. In this case though I wasn't offended because they'd not only never met my partner, but they'd rung to apologise before sending out the invite and said that they would have loved for him to come, but they had had a really difficult time getting the numbers down and were on a really tight budget. I was friends with the groom and the bride had a huge family so they were all doing their best to make sure everybody was happy and they hoped that I'd understand. (I did - they were so sweet about it).

In your case though, even if there are practical/financial considerations that your friend has to make, she could have at least been a bit nicer about it.

Apart from anything, the wedding is a long distance away, and you are going to be taking a small baby. I don't think that your friend realises that it could be really inconvenient for you to go without your partner there to help out with bubba. Perhaps she'll change her mind if you tell her that you might not be able to make it on your own? And if she doesn't, then this also gives you a good excuse if you decide not to go without having to get into a fight about it.

We married last year, and like Feeb we invited anyone who was in a long term relationship. There were a couple of cases of new partners that we had never met (and in some cases did not know about until informed) and therefore they did not get an invite.

I think it is strange to not invite your partner - you have a child together, so you are obviously committed. I think you could still go but it is entirely up to you.

Weddings are so hard in this instance - but it is not like he is a boyfriend of 3 months that they don't know about.

I wouldn't feel comfortable going either. I would maybe just go with your partner and baby for a little holiday to show off bubba and go to her ceremony but not reception.

Is Lachlan invited at all ?? Personally I don't think I would go. The fact that you are and have been in this relationship for some time and your partner gets no invite would irk me.

I would be pretty annoyed... I do think its rude. I know there might be some financial constraints etc, but you're married, have a little bubba together, I would have assumed the invite would include him as well.... If it is just for you, is Lachlan invited? I agree with suse. Maybe say travelling with bub by yourself will be too hard. See if he is invited, and what she expects you to do...

I'm not sure I'd want to go if Aaron wasn't invited. With our wedding, even people that we knew didn't have partners when the invitations were sent out were invited as "Matthew + friend" for example.

I'd not go at all if DH wasnt invited as I think it's extremely rude, (I'm guessing they know your married as you say you & your DH have always been nice to them etc!) So I'd say, look I'm not happy about coming alone, it's the truth & then they will know why...

Dont feel bad about that, it's poor form on their side not yours!

i can see y u r upset. i am having a similar prob but it is me not wantin to invite a partner of a friend.
it is only because she looks down on us all the time and will never talk to us and ever since they have gotten together we have not seen dp's friend because she thinks she is too good for us so he isnt aloud to see us. so a completly dif situation.

I had the same situation happen to us a few years ago - a friend invited only me to her wedding and not DH (who was DF at this time). Thing is, I had only known this girl 1 year more than what my DF had known her! As a result, I cracked it *lol* and only went to the ceremony but not the reception. Given I had just had an engagement party 3 months before and had invited her AND her fiance at the time, I thought it was quite rude of them to not return the same favour.

I think you can easily justify not going by stating the fact it is a long way to go, even just for the ceremony, though that is a very nice guesture. And I would be mildly offended if my DH wasn't invited, without an honest explanation as to why. I can understand that as the bride she has the right to choose who is invited, but cannot understand why your commited partner would be exculded.
We had the same rule, not to invite a new partners and ideally we would have liked to have met them at least once.

I wouldnt lie & say it's too far to drive I'd say well Im not coming as my hubby isnt invited!? If they can invite you but not your DH without explanation then I'd not offer more than that... He's not invited & so my cjoice is to not come either!


We had a couple (DH's really close friend & his ugly pig of a wife ;-) ) that came to our wedding 3hours late, he was so apologetic, she was actually a friend for the 2yrs prior to our wedding, so not sure why our wedding day they came late, but then she told her hubby to tell my hubby that they couldnt be our friends anymore! Her Hubby has even told mine that he isnt allowed over to our house & when he has come (2 times in 4yrs!) he asks me not to tell any of our mutual friends!
It's crazy, but we have absolutely no idea what happened & I was p'd off coz if ya dont wanna be our friends anymore, then dont freaking come to our wedding!!!???

I think that it is rude to not have included your DH, at least for the wedding ceremony. If there was an issue with limiting numbers for the receptiona t least an invite to the wedding should have been given.

I agree with Tracey. Just tell them that you are not comfortable coming by yourself and leaving Lachlan at home with DH and if you bring Lachlan you would need DH to help you with him so that you could enjoy the wedding. This is a day to celebrate the union of two people and you wish to share that with him, not alone as you are no longer a single woman.

I don't think it would be rude of you to ask if he could attend the ceremony, go together as a family and not attend the reception. If you get a knock back on the ceremony, send a decline and a token gift to show that you want to celebrate your friend's wedding.

Hmmm. In this situation, it is rude. I have been to one wedding with DS to which DH was not invited due to budget constraints and that the couple don't know DH, but the "no partners" rule was across the board, even people who travelled 300 miles did so alone. DH didn't mind, he wanted to sleep after a fishing trip.

My wedding, partners were invited, even if just to the night do for new partners (we fed the long-term ones and danced with the new ones).

The fact that other partners are invited makes it rude; I think the first thing you need to do is ask if there's any particular reason he isn't. Perhaps there's something you're not aware of that needs sorting out? If they say it's a financial decision then I would decline my invite.
If they can't give you a decent explanation for his lack of invitation then I think you're under no obligation to give a decent one for your not coming.
Don't feel you have to lie, just say sorry, I won't be there.

Thank you so much for your feedback everyone. It's so nice to know that there's so many people that agree with me. I do like the idea of just taking Lachlan to show him off afterwards (that was the whole point... I have to able to show off my baby boy!!). I think I might ring her in the next few weeks when I feel like it and just tell her that i'll only be coming to the wedding. DH can probably take Lachlan to see the rellies while i'm there.

By the way Tracey... those "friends" of yours sound really silly. Did they say why they were 3 hours late or why they dont want to be friends anymore? (not like they sound like really good friends to have).
Caryn... I could understand if there were no partners too but there have been other peoples partners invited. What was the no partners wedding like? was it a small one? it seems a little strange when you're celebrating your life together and your marriage and having a bunch of single people there... I guess it was because of budget constraints?.

Unfortunately, not inviting your DH is incredibly rude. I say unfortunately because it is always difficult to be on the recieving end of such rudeness.

well she ended up calling me to tell me a relative had dropped out due to illness but unfortunately Lachlan was teething and had been very miserable at the time so we declined. The wedding is this weekend and just I'm going but now we have another RUDE dilemma.

I'd spoken with a friend from high school (we'll call her A) and she said that we should all put some money in together and make it a nice bundle so I was like great and I'd told some people (lets call them Z) and I'd assumed A told some people too. But then I heard from Z that the others had brought a present and that A had put in on it and he was going to as well. So then I called the person who had organised it and told them that myself and another friend would like to contribute and they said well we already bought it (it wasnt something very exciting) so I said to them that I would buy something on behalf of us to contribute as well. So I did that... went out in the pouring rain with bubby to get it. Called them to tell them I get it. WELL... they got A to call me to tell me that I couldnt contribute as the person who organised it and another person had bought it especially and only let A go in it because she was overseas. I said to A well Z told me and he's in it too and A was like well I know nothing about it. Isnt it ridiculous snobbery... wouldn't you think these people would have grown up since high school? I mean arent people supposed to get over their stupid little cliques?!.

I was really upset after this and my partner heard all about it... as I pointed out... I dont get a lot of money... I gave up getting my hair done and buying some clothes to go to the trouble of buying these... Half of me wants to swear at them but I will try and show some restraint for the sake of my friends wedding... it is her day after all and I am so happy for her!!. Half of me thinks maybe she just invited them to say HA!! look at me now!!. Tell you what none of them will be getting an invite to my wedding (apart from the friend who's getting married)... thats for sure!!.

Mel, I sure hope you aren't all sat at the same table hun.

I don't blame you for having the $hits at them either. Time for them to grow up.

Anyway hun, now you get all the praise for your gift. Theirs is probably crap anyway ;)

Yup... I think mine was way better :). Ended up having an awesome time. I ended up "killing them with kindness" as they say. We were unfortunately at the same table but I enjoyed myself all the same. I could only get out 60 mls of EBM the day before so my partner took him for the ceremony and thankfully he slept most of the time. Me and another friend went and watched their photos with bubby afterwards while the others went to the brewery for a few hours (the bride and groom weren't very impressed as the order of ceremony had invited everyone to photos). Then hubby ended up bringing bubby to me at the reception whenever he needed a feed... he called me after he had tea and wanted to come pick him up so he did and as soon as bubby got back in the car he started screaming and did so for the next hour and a half and as soon as he got back to me at the reception he stopped. I think he just wanted to come back to the party. It was a macedonian wedding - bubby loved the music!!... he was sitting on my lap swinging back and forth getting right into it and then when the slow music was on I got up and danced with bubby - Everyone thought we looked so cute together so we had a tonne of fun after all. The bride was extremely impressed that we made it given that we'd travelled so far :).