When to have a 2nd??...What's it like to have a toddler and newborn??

Hi guys!

I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice about when to start TTC a second child..

We want a few children ;) and are excited (maybe silly I know!) about the thought of trying to have a 2nd bub and we kinda have ideas of when we would like to start BUT I'd love to hear of everyones experiences regarding this..as in how did you find having a newborn and a 2 year old?? or a newborn and 3 year old?? etc...what do you think a 'good' age gap is and why?? I know the reality is that I guess whatever age gap you have, it's hard work and you would just learn to deal with it but if anyone can off advice..

Thanks heaps :)

I loved having the small age gap!! Highly recommended!! I actually found it quite easy... the toddler was still having quite a few sleeps during the day so that left time to rest for mummy too :D Also they adjust a lot easier too.

There is 18 months between my boys and i really like that gap. When #2 was born #1 still slept in the day (and still does) so i got a break and as soon as Will could sit up he became a whole lot more interesting to Oscar. They pretty much entertain themselves now (i'm not saying it's THAT easy though - lol) and play great together although do fight occasionally (but not physically yet). The only pita is having 2 in nappies so some days it feels like one long poo-fest but its worth it in my experience. Good luck

Julie x

I really enjoyed having my kids with quite big age gaps. My first 2 are almost 5yrs apart, then the last 2 are 3 ys apart. It was very easy and adaptable, AND only had 1 in nappies at a time! In saying that I am extremely clucky again now and would love another one NOW! Crazy I know!! I reckon GO FOR IT LEE!!!

There is 20mths between my first three and I think it was the best gap to have and worked wonderfully for us for the same reasons Tanya and Julie have said. But in saying that, there is just over 3yrs between #3 and #4, and that also works great too as I had that break from babies kwim? Paige has been fully TT since she was 2.5yo and is a good helper most of the time LOL. She doesn't have a regular day sleep, but if I really needed her to sleep, she would, so from my perspective I have had a really good run with having a close gap and also a bigger gap.

I have 15 months between my two boys, in the early days it was very full on and I had a few Mummy moments when I thought I`m just absolutely crazy, now the boys are 2.5 years and 15 months and get on beautifully, off course they still have argruments but this is going to continue for years and it wouldn`t matter if I had a 10 year break between children there will still be argruments.

Matthew loves helping out where Adrian is concerned and loves his little playmate, they will sit down together to read books, play with their cars, they love being outside and Matthew will ride around the place on his bike with Adrian in the little trailer conected to the bike, it`s beautiful to watch, oh I could go on and on, go for it you`ll love it.

Oh I still can have Mummy moments like the other night where I only got 2 hours sleep and the boys were very tired and cranky the next day (Adrian is a dreadful sleeper and I`m often very tired) but it`s all worth it.

Oh another thing I put Matthew into 2 year old kindy so I could have some one on one time with Adrian.

My girls are 2 years & 7 months apart and I don't think I'd have wanted the gap any bigger :) DD#1 is still having an arvy nap so even though she takes it when DD#2 is up, it allows for a moment of brain relax just having the baby to attend to for an hour or so. (occasionally I get 10mins to have a cuppa between putting bubby to bed and getting #1 up! :p) The only thing I wish was different was that DD#1 (just turned 3) would catch onto the toilet training thing a bit quicker as two lots of nappies when DD#2 was a real new born was quite a bit hectic - bouncing from one poo to another ;) Its so much more relaxed now all round but I did have a moment or two in the beginning when I thought what have I done?!?! But take into account the immense sleep debt and brain freeze that comes with having a new born :p who thinks straight anyways?!?! LOL!!

Up until very recently, I was adamant that we were so not having any more!! (even though when I first got married I wanted 4!!) But have found my brain (and heart) feeling all warm and mushy at the thought of adding number 3....BUT!! If that was to ever happen, DD#2 HAS TO be taking herself to the loo all on her own! ;)

My girls are.....10 months and 27 days apart :D

I love the small gap. Yes its hard work with 2 under 12 months. Chelsea is at the age where she wants to be with you and demands attention, isnt TT, does not understand she cant jump over Jasmine and Jas cant play with her etc....

But theres no way i would change anything. As for an ideal gap....maybe 14 months or so....im lucky i have DH 24/7 to help...otherwise id be insane!!

We have a 2.5 year difference between DD and DS and to me that was perfect. Gabriella was at an age where she wasnt as reliant on me and I could focus quite alot of attention on Alex. She was also toilet trained and sleeping in a big bed already (so we didnt have to move her to make way for baby) and this all made things alot easier.

They still play fantastically together and are the best of friends. When one hurts themselves and cries the other automatically cuddles them and starts to cry too - they are incredibally close. I think this has more to do with their personalities tho as opposed to the age gap.

We are hoping to aim for around the 2.5 age gap again with No 3 as it worked well for us the first time.

There are 11 months between 3 of my 4 children. It is very hard work, something you cannot describe to anyone else. Something you have to experience for yourself. For me: it is really hard, I work my butt off around the clock but I wouldn't change a thing. I love my babies soooo much and I am truly blessed. Very rewarding. :D

(also very thankful for the almost 4 yr age gap between our eldest and our twins) One less bum to change ;)

Well I cant comment on having two kids yet because my #2 is still to be born BUT I thought Id give you a choosing to have them close together view.

We did it for health reasons, we have fertility issues and pregnancy does not go well for me so I wanted to get it over and done with ASAP. We had originally planned to have them 3yrs apart to avoid 2 in nappies etc. There will be just under 16mths between my two boys. Some days I get scared at the idea of trying to coordinate a small toddler and a newborn; and others I am excited because I'll be that little bit closer to freedom once they're both toilet trained and in preschool within 1/1.5yrs of each other.
My son is a very easy going, flexible toddler who has more good days than bad and even his bad days arent super difficult so that helps alot knowing he will probably assimilate to becoming a family of 4 very easily. He has also not yet hit the physical period of wanting to hit/poke/shove anything or anyone, nor will he be very jealous because he wont remember there ever being a time when it was just him and babies are fascinating to him atm.

The main issues with having two so close together is the pregnancy is more draining physically and emotionally because the first 1-2yrs of bubs life is full on. Ive struggled being pregnant with a 6-15mth old who doesnt understand that Mama cant be a climbing frame and that she's tired because she's growing a baby. Ive also had health issues with the pregnancy which has included hospital trips and bedrest so that was tough. Im lucky that I have good friends who stepped in to play Mum while I was gone and DH has picked up the slack a bit. Another thing is I am VERY lucky my son has been walking since 10mths old and now sleeps in a big boy bed. I couldnt imagine still having to pick him up and carry him around at 30+wks pregnant OR lift him and put him in the cot everytime he wants to sleep.

There's also the feeling of guilt that youve taken away some personal time with the older child because you've had a pregnancy to experience during a time when baby #1 is learning new things and wanting all your attention. I feel like Ive taken something away from my son, not being able to do all the fun things toddlers want to do esp when they first start walking. I know he wont care and its really not THAT big a deal but I still feel guilty every day. Its like he really only had 6mths of just him and me because even though bub isnt technically here until a few more weeks Ive been pregnant for more time than he's been alive and been slowly getting him used to not having my attention 24/7.

So I say maybe wait a few more months and then start TTC (provided you dont have any issues with fertility etc) so that you atleast have a mobile, semi-independent toddler to make things a tiny bit easier.

Good luck!

Hi,
I'm in the same situation as AnnaT. My second is yet to be born. I also have had difficulties with pregnancy. My first is 3, i had 2 MC before and 2 after him. I was diagnosed with Poly cystic ovaries and was told i couldnt have anymore kids without hormone replacement (HRT). 8 months later and and no HRT i fell preg. I would have loved a smaller gap back then but now just happy to be having bubs #2. Once bubs is born you cant really change your mind. I have a friend that fell preg not long after her first and now she's not coping well at all. Its like as soon as the 6 week wait was up she fell preg again. If bubs #1 is a good baby and your in a good routine then maybe having them close is the right decision for you. My first is a monster so in a way (although devestating to ever have a MC) all worked out for us. Wish you luck with your future TTC.

Hi!

There is 14 months between my girls.

I am very happy to have had the age gap that i have between the 2. Its quite demanding at times but i am lucky to have family living with us. MIL takes Briley out in the yard for a while when i need a break.

Colby is very aware of Briley and really loves her. She loves to watch Briley moving about and playing. She is always smiling and laughing at her. Briley is aware of Colby and does'nt have a streak of jelousy in her. I suppose at her age she does'nt really think of Colby as competition.

Overall, hardwork at times, but very rewarding.

#1 & #2 = 14 months apart - LOVED it! #1 still slept heaps, they have been best buds since babyhood :)
#2 & #3 = 2yrs 5mths apart - They clash big time LOL BUT I could get all 3 down at the same nap time every day :)
#3 & #4 = 3yrs 7mths apart - They clash abit too - In saying that though #3 was a little advanced for his age, so #4 bored him LOL
#4 & #5 = 2yrs 9mths apart - These pair are great together - And they both also have nap time together.

Basically I found a casual routine helped us work. A 'general' time that was nap time was what worked in keeping my sanity... I'm not a strict routine person at all. But I needed a little bit of a routine to keep the kids happy, and me sane!

Babes close together are wonderful I loved every moment of it.

Good luck in your baby making journey :) I envy you being at the begining :)
I would give anything to be able to do it all all over again, not to change anything, but to experience it all over again :)

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Good luck in your baby making journey I envy you being at the begining
I would give anything to be able to do it all all over again, not to change anything, but to experience it all over again

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That's what I like to hear :)

We will have just under 18 months between Flynn and little bro or sis - here's hoping we have as much fun as you did!!

There is no "right" gap between kids. Whatever happens you make it work. There is 19 months between my boys (would have 20 if Tom wasn't early). I love it and they get along really well but it is definitely busy and there have been some tough times. Also don't forget to factor in being pg with a littlie - this is not easy in itself - even apart from m/s, do you remember first tri tiredness? So don't go into it thinking it will be a breeze, you will have moments, but then that's what parenting is all about. If it's what you want, go for it. There is nothing that warms my heart more than watching my boys playing together and lighting up at the sight of each other. It makes everything worth it.

There's pros and cons to close spacing and far spacing. If you space them farther apart, the older one is more independent and able to help. If you space them close, you get the diapers and stuff "over with" more quickly.

My 1st and 2nd were 3 3/4 years apart, so I didn't have to do as much for the older one. And, he pushed himself to be more independent (ie "I can dress myself--not like the BABY")

My 2nd and third were 2 1/2 years apart but it wasn't hard to have two in diapers. But I think diapers are easier than that first year of potty training. They are pals and they play together.

Now my youngest is almost five, and we haven't been able to have another yet, despite trying. But if we do, that will really be a gap! Good luck.

I'm like a couple of the other girls and can't comment on having two "actual" bubbies close together but my DD will be just under 12 months when this baby is born. Pregnancy while looking after a baby is really, really hard. Remember the tiredness of when you were pregnant with your first, and then imagine that you're getting up during the night, not able to just put your feet up when you want to, and you have a little person constantly demanding your attention. Also, dealing with MS and pooey nappies and a dribbling, teething daughter have been almost impossible for me (fortunately DH works from home so he's on permanent pooey nappy duty - a definite plus!!). I've lost track of the number of times I've had to dump my DD into her cot half dressed/changed while I race to the loo.

DH and I wanted our children close together (not this close though!!!), and were planning for more like an 18 month/2 year age gap.

Thanks for sharing everyone!

~Acquarius~....I agree with Roryrory, that is so good to hear you say you want to do it all over again. All I seem to get around here (from mums who have older kids) is that 'I'm glad I'm not in your position' kind of words, ie. dealing with little ones and all that. I hate it SO much.

MR...you are spot on. There is no wrong or right gap. But it's great to hear everyones different experiences of the actual realities of various age gaps.

tempus_moriendi...I wish you all the luck I can muster for you TTC.

As for the m/s and tiredness of pregnancy, DO NOT worry- that is all VERY fresh in my mind! And just the thought of having another mc almost brings tears to my eyes..that is something that really does scare about getting pregnant again.

Ive got little gaps and big gaps and it is all good:D

Gap between 1 & 2 is 17 months
Gap between 2 & 3 is 6 years and 9 months
Gap between 3 & 4 should be 22 months ish:D

I loved having the first 2 close but the break was nice too
When i had DD2 i felt i need to have another one close to even it up:D

I think it is good for the kids to have a close sibling (even tho they may not always agree:D) I say follow you gut feeling. also i was lucky but not everyone falls pregnant when they want so may end up with a bigger gap than intended

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just the thought of having another mc almost brings tears to my eyes..that is something that really does scare about getting pregnant again.

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I m/c my first pregnancy, and between #3 & 4. The second one was the hardest (I was 3 months along). I can honestly say the worry was always there. But i pushed it back as much as I could, and then after the magic 20 weeks mark I eased a little. Every day was a bonus, and I took it a day at a time.

Huge hugs :)

Good luck :)