Hi...soon to be a single parent

Hi everyone,

Well I am 9 weeks pregnant, and and my partner wants nothing to do with the baby :(

We had been together for 7 years and the last two have been off and on, although the last 6 months we have lived back together until I found out I was pregnant.

So it looks as though I will be facing everything on my own, he has said he has no interest in the whole experience and is placing me under a huge amount of pressure no to go through with the pregnancy. He dissapeared so quickly (and here I was thinking that only happened in the movies!)

At the moment I feeling a combination of emotions, happy about being pregnant, sad that he has reacted like this and worried about the future.

His continuing point to me is as a single parent, no man will ever be interested in me again :(

Anyway not too appear too maudlin, just wanted to say hi and introduce myself.

welcome to BB you will find all the support you need in here!! Have you got family and friends to lean on? Its him who will miss out not you there are plenty of men out there who will think you are great even with child, just because he is too narrow minded to see past someones child does not mean other men are, good luck and enjoy your pg.

please dont let him stress you out too much as at this early stage its not good for you or your baby.

Sorry to hear your partner is so negative towards your pregnancy. There are men who dont mind if theres babies attatched. They will still want you. Dont let him worry you about minor things like that. most important people atm is you and ur bub!

All the best....theres so much support on here so ur in a great network of people!

Hey stars, just thought I'd let you know that an ex boyfriend of mine took on a pregnant woman who already had a couple of kids, married her and had two more kids, so there are men out there that will be interested, don't listen to him.

Please don't listen to him!!!! I know so many nice guys out there who are not at all put off my children and in many cases they actually find the whole single parenting thing attractive!!!

And as for going through a pregnancy alone - I virtually did that myself. DS's Dad was around but I was living by myself and still am. Its hard but ever so rewarding! Don't let him sway you!!!

Thank you all for your kind words.

I'm looking forward to the baby coming and trying not to let him stress me out as much as I can control, and trying to stay optimistic about everything!

Tali my family and friends that I have told have been really good, my sister wants me to move back in with her family, which would make it very very crowded but they don't seem to worry about that! I am lucky in that respect, just dissapointed and hurt by him.

Being dissapointed and hurt is common and you will get over it believe me, i went thru the last 3 months of my pregnancy alone (truthfully he wasnt really there for all of it) and while it wasnt what i wanted i knew that in the long run it was what was best for me at the time.

And you will find a nice guy who will want you even if you are a single mum, they are out there, i know a few and found one. But dont rush, enjoy your bubs when it comes and wait until its the right time for you to be in a relationship again as thats what i did, 3 years later and im glad i devoted the first 5 years of my sons life solely to him. He however thought it was about time i had a boyfriend lol

Thank you Lily,

I will keep your words in mind!

Star honey - he is the one missing out, not you.
Bath in the glow of your pg and you watch, when he see's how happy and beautiful you are, he'll try grovelling back (and you probably will be totally over him by then).
One of my best friends had 3 children and meet her now husband and had another 2 with him. He is the most gorgeous man.
My mum always says, every pot has a lid.....baby angels daddy isnt your lid and I bet there's a perfect fitting one out there for you.
Tune out his negetivity and take comfort that your going to have all the love in your heart to give to your beautiful baby.

Sounds like he isn't worthy of a baby's love! You will be better off on your own.
I was a single mum and found a great guy.
My mum is the most amazing, inspirational person - and she did it alone (my dad died when I was little).
When you have that amazing little bub in your arms, even when you feel him/her move for the first time, you will realise you dont need him anyway!

Well you are off to a great start by joining BB! You will learn so much and get a whole heap of support too. I agree with the other ladies, your ex is not worthy and sounds like you will both be better off without him. You have been given a beautiful miracle and it may be hard at times but you will be just fine hun. Sounds like you have wonderful family too. Best of luck, I look forward to hearing more about your pregnancy in time....

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your kind words...

I know logically I will be okay, it just sometimes I feel so lonely, and a bit overwhelmed.

Thank you for your encouragement, I really appreciate it..

Hello Stars,

Good luck with everything. I have to say at least he was honest with you about the pregnancy. My XF, broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I was 16 weeks pg, and we had a 9 month old. He told me that he didn't want a family.... ummm bit late? anyway different story. My point is at least you have time to get on your feet and get yourself organised before being thrown in the deep-end! lots of hugs coming your way! :hugs:

DP and i went to collect DD tonight. He drove us back here and played with her while i got her bath ready. I put her in the bath and he tidied up her toys, did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Then he kissed her goodnight, kissed me byebye and WENT HOME! He is not her father but he loves her and plays with her and buys stuff for her and looks after her.

Your ex's words, meant to scare you, i assume, into aborting your child and staying with him because no-one will want you if you do anything else are disgusting. He is like a toddler stamping his feet and making ridiculous threats to have things stay the way he wants them and not have to take on this responsibility. Believe me there are any number of men who DO want a family and are VERY impressed to see a good mother raising her child, and not put off in the least by a bit of an instant family.

He'd have been a lousy father and no help to you anyway. You're actually winning, however scary this feels. You'll have so much more energy for the baby without having to deal with him being unhelful and negative.

Lots of luck and love

Bx

I'm with you hoobley!! There are great men out there who are fantastic with single mums!! I have found a few, and married a man after having 3 kids with my ExH. It can be done!! Just concentrate on your little angel and the men will see a strong, capable and loving woman, with no doubt a gorgeous bub!!!

Thanks once again.

Brendan's mum sorry to hear your story..it much have come as a terrible shock to you.

I know I am lucky in many ways because I have a great sister and some really positive friends, and Hoobley thanks, that is just about word for word what a mutual friend of ours said to me...that he is trying to get his way and when I am not around you would never know anything was going on with him, yet he is supossedly so stressed out by me that he is not sleeping, eating etc...

Never mind, I am just over 10 weeks now so time is marching on and I can't wait to the next scan to see how much the baby might have changed from the small blob it originally was at the 8 week scan!

Stars69

Best wishes to you. There are all sorts of happy families - it's important to have people around you who love you and love your baby. It doesn't matter what their blood relation is to you or your child.

I think being with a partner who is not much help is far, far worse than being on your own. I've seen situations where the woman has to tiptoe around a loser of a partner, constantly try to persuade him to do things with the child and then have to praise him when he finally gets off his lazy butt and does something. That would be like having two kids! A complete waste of energy.

There will be plenty of men who will be interested in you. Good people find good people. Sometimes it takes some time but it does happen. And remember, Ashton Kutcher said he started falling for Demi Moore when he heard how she said good night to her daughters on the phone and he thought 'wow, what a wonderful mom she is." Like I said, good people go for good people.

Enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy your baby and enjoy your life.

Thanks Stars,

You will do a great job :D And it's good that you've got some friends and family around, they really are the best :) I look forward to reading you journey, good luck!

Stars, I'm sure you'll find lots of support on here. I know I have. Don't listen to a single word he says!

I asked my bub's dad for some space a couple of months ago and then last week he told me he's gone back to his ex and their daughter. I was under the impression we would work it all out but it would seem not. He said to give me "space" was asking too much and he couldn't wait another 2 months until bub is born to work things out. So, I'm about to become a single mum too!

I came in here to introduce myself but then read your post. Please don't feel alone. You aren't.

Kate
x

Dear Stars, I hope things are going ok for you now. It sounds to me like he is just trying to make you feel guilty or something.. or emotionally abusing you in some ways by saying things like no man would want you because you're a single mother.. pfft what a load of.. stuff :P

My ex said the same types of things to me when I broke up with him, but he'd also been saying no one would want me when we were together, but that was to do with depression & him trying to make himself seem like a saint.. Anyway, he is just trying to encourage you to feel as low as he is. He is the one with the problem, and from the sounds of it, it's probably better in a way it's all happening now so hopefully things will have time to have settled down by the time the baby is born.

I agree with what fionas said, having a lazy uninterested partner is FAR worse than being on your own. Yeah it's hard being on your own & not having another persons income, but it is so frustrating and stressful to try to get someone to help or to carry that resentment of having someone in the house who won't help out. Well, I was resentul, but maybe I'm weird.

Now I am with a man who a while ago was actually kind of afraid of kids and said he didn't like them (due to spending time with our friends children.. we've been friends for 13years). But he's said after seeing me look after DS and spending time with DS he could definitely see himself with his own children one day and seems to enjoy spending time with me & DS. I had listened to my ex and thought no one would ever want me because I'm a single mother, but that wasn't true.

Good luck with everything and I hope you have a happy & healthy pregnancy.

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Now I am with a man who a while ago was actually kind of afraid of kids and said he didn't like them (due to spending time with our friends children.. we've been friends for 13years). But he's said after seeing me look after DS and spending time with DS he could definitely see himself with his own children one day and seems to enjoy spending time with me & DS. I had listened to my ex and thought no one would ever want me because I'm a single mother, but that wasn't true.

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I think that men see how we interact with our children and they see a strong caring loving women and realise that the kids side is not that bad at all.

Thank you so much Melly & Brendan's mum...

I seem to be running through a whole gammut of emotions. Logically in my head I know you are both right and in many ways he is behaving like a spoiled brat, just my heart hurts at the thought that there will be somuch that he will be missing out on...

I don't know why he says the things he does, I just know I have never been under so much pressure in my life, but I am getting through day by day and trying to keep in mind that every day that passes is a day closer to meeting the baby!

I really appreciate your support and encouragement

Rachelle

Rachelle,
I really wouldn't be worrying about what your partner (or ex) is missing out on, he mad the decision and must live with the consciquence (i know it's spelt wrong.. lol). your child is better of with a loving mother and no father than having a 'daddy" that doesn't want them.

You need to focus your attention on your needs, go get your hair cut or nails done and make yourself feel nice :)