Pfft! Small Pelvis

My younger sister is 30 weeks pg & scared. She will jump at the first chance to have a c/s. Apprently her GP has told her to talk to her Midwife (doing shared care i think) about what she needs to do to have a c/s because he thinks she has a small pelvis.
I would like to email her some articals etc on this but without sounding mean, she isn't the brightest star in the sky. I need something that isn't going to be too confronting. I think if I bombard her with things I will just scare her away. She is very much the "ew not having a vag birth, it will hurt too much & ew not BFing" attitude so as many of you can imagine she has avoided me all pg! we aren't that close anyway but I would really love to be able to support her in this & guide her to what could be a really positive first birth.
Just knowing what she is like I need to tread carefully so not to scare her away...

ah c/s hurt as well!! does she realise that???plus the healing time after for like weeks!! i think its really niaive of her to have that mind set that a c/s is better and hurts less!! OMG the pain when you first stand up is worse than the contractions i think!!

good luck with changing her mind on things!!! try google!!

Oh FJ - tell her how hard it is AFTER the c/s honey. I would so give to have the chanch to have a natural birth. Remind her that she wont be able to get up for atleast 6 hours after the c/s due to the spinal, that she will have a decathater (sp??) up her woo hoo for that time, that she will be awake and hear and see through the light above her head the whole messy thing being done. Remind her of the after pains of having a cut from hip to hip and that she wont be able to drive a car for a month afterwards cause her insurance wont cover her. (Tell me to stop at any time please)
and
OMG at not wanting to BF at all! I hope you can get her to change her mind matie. I have a twisted pelvis and battled through 21 hours of labour to have an emergency c/s yet still god, I would love to have one natural.
ok I just re-read yourpost....tread carefully....hmmm, maybe annonomously get some 'literature' sent to her address about it????? Ask her if she'd like to have you as a support birth partner?

Its a bit mean and maybe taking advantage but you could tell her some of the c-section horror stories you've heard. I'm sure there are some on the site you can find.

Maybe you could also try telling her about what some of the ladies who've had both a VB and a c-section say re: pain. MOST I've heard say that while VB is definitely painful its all over the moment the baby is out and you feel so exhilirated after that the healing is much easier.

If shes a bit "eww VB" you could also mention that there are some ew factors to cs too. Namely the catheter which is jammed into your urethra (the hole so small you dont even know its there!) and possible enema. In my case also I was unable to change my own pad and it had to be done by a nurse. PLUS no congratulations food!

I don't think scaring her away from a c/s is the way. I would like to empower her with how good a VB could be. She has the attitude that nothing coul dbe worse the pushing ababy out of your fanny (or peachy as I think she calls it LOL)
I am sure there is a artical (even here onBB) about the myths behind a small pelvis. Anyone know of it?

Fj - maybe help her write a birth plan? Start off with pain relief etc, and then set limits as for time etc - that way she might know that if it does get too bad, she can go for the c/s and not feel guilty, and empower her to continue with VB.

Maybe also take her to visit some "friends" of either of you who have just had a c/s, or who won't gloss over how wonderful it is?

Also help her write a feeding plan maybe - let her know that it doesn't matter what happens, the midwives will tug and pull at her boobs for those first feeds anyhows. She may be one of those lucky people who can b/f easily - if she likes going shopping, for example, or camping, then she won't have to worry about formulae, sterilising bottles etc. Also that the option of b/f with formulae top-up is available to her ...

Either way, if she wants to make the choices, as long as they are informed choices, that's the best you can do! And then support her :D

I think the problem she has with BFing is she thinks it will tie her down. Unfortantly I really think thats a battle I wont win. She just doesn't have the right mid set to want to listen.
A birth Plan might be the key though. Hmmmm I wonder if I can organise a visit with her...

FJ that's a tough one isn't it?! It's so hard trying to convince someone like that (When I say 'like that' I don't mean that in a bad way- hope that doesn't come across wrong!).

I don't have any articles but I can say that I am a tiny person and birthed my girl no worries. She was posterior too. I was so worried early on that being so small would mean that I'd run into troubles but I had the opposite. Completely natural, no pain relief (just had a few stiches). I guess the best thing was that after DD was born I was up, had a shower and felt great (tired but honestly felt really good)just about straight away. Now how different is that compared to having a c/s?! i could enjoy my beautiful bub, and concentrate on bf.

Prob not much help, but I do hope you find a way to get through to your sister, and hope she changes her mind!

Hi FionaJill,
Sorry for butting in here. I really am not sure what to tell your sister but I think the article you are after is: Caesarean Myths Exploded. It is nice and easy to read and matter of fact not totally freak out material.
Also I read somewhere about the pygmies who are tiny (der, obviously) but who average 8lb babies and all naturally! So "small pelvis, schmall pelvis!!!!" The body of both the mother and the baby are designed to work together or we would have died out as a species hundreds of years ago!
Hope that helps your battle a bit!
Sazz

What about the fantastic bonding experience she will miss? It's amazing! She will have so much more control over what happens during HER baby's birth, a c-sec she will have next to NONE. Tell her EVERY woman is scared of VB even ones who have had many (speaking for myself here ;) ).

As for BFing!! Why is it so much easier to accept feeding humans from the boobs of cows than boobs of their own kind? I ask this question to anyone who screws their nose up at breast milk.

GL :)

I have had three emergency c/s after labouring HARD to try to have natural births, and if you can avoid c/s, you really should. Cut muscles = backache. Operations = higher incidents of PND/infections (take it from me - not nice!!!). At LEAST 6 weeks of recouperation is not easy these days as who can help you bathe, change, yourself/your baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my bubbies no matter how they came out, but if I had a choice, I would opt for vag birth every time. Tearing must be better than being cut open!!!! Surely??

I hope you can change her mind, it's unfortunate but until it all starts she may not know what she can handle if she is not prepared of good with pain. Perhaps you could just give her all the info you can find.
***Shaking head at GP*** what gives them the right sometimes, seems to me they easily scare by saying things & don't want to get caught up in any trouble so always opt for a C/S & that annoys me when some are less educated...or as you say "not the brightest star" LOL.
***hands up*** small pelvis over her, very small - i had a very normal VB, 7hrs, and no epi!!! my doc was worried to but we made it happen & he didn't ever suggest a C/S not once.

I think just print out this whole thread!! Maybe minus your first post!!!

I have heard of plenty of women who get that silly thought of c section = no labour pains so its all good!!! I have read a few people here discribe the pain of a c section- so i'll just add my bit


i remember the absolute agony when coughing, laughing or god forbid sneezing for about a month after wards!! Give me 12 hours of labour anyday!!! At least that all stops the second bubs is out!!!!

- and hey she seems like the kind of person who may be upset with a scar- let her know- as low as it may be- i can no longer wear a low cut bikini without showing it off!!!

Hi FJ, I remembered reading this article on the BB website so I'm hoping it's OK to link to here It's all about pelvises and birth.

It's so hard isn't it when someone so close to you has such vastly different imaginings about how things are going to be re birth and baby. None of my fmaily have BF past 3mths just because they have the option that the bottle is easier WTF????

Yep there are plenty of pelvis articles on BB - just point her to those... they are not scary :) Also maybe she might like birth as a bowel movement too LOL.

Fiona, try this article Small Pelvis? Here's The Truth About Cephalopelvic Disproportion (CPD) as well.
Whilst in Labour my Ob said my pelvic opening was a bit small and obstructed dy divits in my pelvis, and was a bit worried, he explained that I would be preped for c/s just in case.
To his credit, he could have sent me for a c/s at that time (I asked him to give me one when this came up as i didnt want any complications) and he blantly refused, saying there is more risk from the c/s than at least trying a VB. 12 hours later DD was born through my small, divited pelvis with no problems but a tear.
3 hours later I walking around the hospital, showing of my baby!
It so can be done, the size is just an estimate, and it does stretch!

Good Luck with her!

Hi FJ,
Sometimes it's easy to make a judgement about someone elses birthing decisions, but really it is up to your sister. If she has genuine concerns and has discussed these worries with her health-care providers, then the decision is up to her.
I don't think trying to persuade her to your way of thinking or scaring her into a vaginal birth is the answer.
Sorry to throw a spanner in the works, but she is entitled to give birth however she pleases. Perhaps the very best thing you can do for her is to support her, regardless of how you feel about how she brings her child into the world. :)
LJ

Lily, I totally see what your saying & I would support her best I can But I don't think she will make a informed choice.
Thats what I would like to help her with.

I agree with Lily but also hear what you're saying about wanting her to make an informed choice Fiona. I think, rather than trying to get her to read stuff, perhaps start by asking her what sort of help you can give her in the few weeks after the caesarean and gently point out that certain things might be difficult. On a similar tack, you could also ask if she wants some help choosing sterilisers, bottles, warmers etc. etc. for bottles - showing her that there is a lot of faffing around with formula as opposed to BF.

It sounds like your sister already knows your views and will run a mile if you try to "persuade" her in an obvious way so perhaps a more gentle way, that could prompt further questions from her, may be your best bet.

For Sure, I don't want to "Scare" her away from what I think is wrong, I just want to offer her all the information possible. So she can make a informed choice.
The way I see it is, it took me 3 babies to before I had what I class as my perfect birth. I would love to give her the knowladge I gained to acheive that for her very first birth so she can have a positive experience right from the get go. I know everyone is different & being her first my "perfect birth" is still going to be a experience that she may not see as a positive one but I would love for her to skip all the crap that *may* happen.
I wouldn't be able to offer her much support or information in the way of bottles, formula etc as I have never used them so I have no idea. I also can't offer much in the way of hands on support if she was to have a c/s I have 3 kids all at home & live over an hour from her. I think the last thing she would need is me & my tribe on her door step LOL.
Plus I am pretty sure she is going to be living with Dad & her Mum & her other sister is going to be more then willing to take over. She will be pretty set in the way of hands on support. But again (and I realise I am looking down my nose at them, but its just the way it is, trust me) these people are not going to support her in the way of whats best for baby & mother, it will be whats easiest.

I just want to interfer but with the best possible intentions at heart KWIM LOL.

I know exactly what you mean FionaJill - my sister is exactly the same and I've had to choose my battles very, very carefully. It's really tough but you can't live their lives for them so I only choose to pick her up on stuff that has a major impact on the kids. I know people would disagree, but having a caesarean versus VB doesn't make it on that list for me.

Its not so much that I don't agree with her needing one, Its more that I know she thinks thats the easy way out when its not. She doesn't realise that c/s is actually the bad way to have to give birth. Its the pain factor she is scared of & she thinks a c/s is going to take that away but what she doesn't realise is that it will replace it with a major surgery & all the recovery that comes with it.
BFing, well I know I can't win that one, I can only try & encourage her to at least give it a try. I think my older sister would actually be the better person to help her see its not that gross or hard as she has BF'd her kids & bottle fed so I would think she would be able to show her that BFing is easy. I think its mostly the not being able to hand the baby to someone else to feed etc when she is BFing.
Who knows she might shock us all & turn out to be incredibly "mothering" but she really doesn't strike me as the type. That sounds so harsh. I know what I mean...

Well, I think you can only ask her if she's sure she'd like a caesarean and that it's six weeks of pain versus one day(ish). That's all you can do. Sometimes people have to make their own mistakes - as you said, it took you three births before you had your perfect one.

On the breastfeeding, your sister sounds like she can give her both perspectives - remember, it's not always easy for everyone so I would be hesitant before saying that.

It sounds like you have doubts whether your sister will be a good mum. Even more reason to try not to get her back up now and save your advice for REALLY important stuff.

I had to bite my tongue for a very long time with my own sister and try to establish a good relationship with her so that she would actually listen to me when I told her that feeding her 5-year-old son cheese sandwiches or hot chips for EVERY meal (I'm not kidding) was really not good enough and she was going to have to learn to cook because he was malnourished with v bad eyesight. If I'd had a go at every decision she made up to then, she simply wouldn't have listened to me but because I chose only that battle, it did have some effect. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but It sounds like bigger things might come up FionaJill.

Yeah I am sure your right. I feel really mean saying I don't think much of mothering skills. She just ins't the kind. But as I said she may surprise us all & be wonderful.

Fingers crossed FionaJill - it could be the makings of her!

i hope so