Lost our precious IVF baby

Hi everyone. I just wanted to say thank you to all of those brave women who have posted their stories on this forum. I found out yesterday in my 9 weeks scan that our precious IVF baby had only made it to 5W 5D. Having just spent the last hour reading everyone's stories, I have been given unbelievable comfort knowing that I am with women who understand exactly how I feel. The feeling of total devastation has taken me so much by surprise because I thought I was being so level headed and doing the whole "we're just waiting to get past the 12 week stage" thing. Now there seems to be pregnant women and babies everywhere I go. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm a mess. I'm not bleeding yet and have been told to wait it out and things will take it's natural course. I'm so scared because I don't know what to expect and my DH who has been so wonderful has just gone away for work for 5 days. I'm so worried about things happening and I'm on my own. We've also just moved towns and I know nobody. Along with grieving, I'm so scared and worried about how I will lose our baby. I know the tears will end eventually, but now I'm just so sad over losing our little one.

Nindy, it's an extremely difficult time for you both and it would be quite painful having the extra few weeks where you weren't aware that the baby had stopped developing.

It's difficult as your husband is currently away, but perhaps you can see a counsellor to discuss your grief and possibly also see a doctor who may be able to reassure you and guide you regarding nature taking its course.

Nindy - i'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. Take as much time as you need to feel sad and to cry - you are allowed to be angry and hurt at this time - it's never ever fair to have a precious baby taken from you. don't feel like you have to deal with all of your grief at once - you've lost something precious to you, and you're allowed to grieve that

take care of yourself - there are, unfortuntely, too many of us who sadly know how you feel - we're here for you hun.

This is terrible Nindy, I am so sorry.

Don't stop the tears - let them come, it's easier in the long run.

xoxoxoxoxox

Nindy, I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugs: It was such a rude shock to me when I found out (the hard way) that miscarriages happened to IVF pregnancies too.

There'll be good days and bad days, and utterly awful days. There's all too many of us here who know what you are going through, but the good side of this is that you have a lot of understanding, supportive people here.

BW

I just wanted to say how very saddened I was to read you lost your precious little one. I've never lost a baby, but I lost my brother and I'm always comforted in the thought that now, I have my own guardian angel, watching over me from heaven. And you do too.

May time heal your broken heart. :hugs:

Celsie. xoxox

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Nindy! *huge hugs*
Just take care of yourself and try not to stress out waiting...it will happen all by itself, just remember we're all here to support you.
You'll be in my thoughts - its not an easy time ahead, but you will get through it :)

Hi Nindy,

I am so sorry for your loss. We really do understand.
I to lost IVF twins, one at 4 weeks and just when I thought all was good, found out at my 12 week u/s, the 2nd twin had died at 10w2d.
I was devasted.
Any miscarriage is hard...but I think sometimes harder after going thru IVF.
The days will get easier, but you will not forget. I still have days when I am so sad and teary. Cry when you need to, be angry when you need to. It's normal - please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
My thoughts will be with you..

i'm so sorry nindy...it's so awful, especially with your dh away...please come on here and talk to people. you may not have friends in your town yet but you have friends on here

So sorry to hear of your loss, sending you a big hug , just take one day at a time, i still cry for my little angle.

Nindy,

So so sorry sweetie that this has happened, like the other girls said you are not alone and we know how you feel and basically well it sucks. Cry hun, just cry, just get it out it does make coping a little easier but you will never forget this precious bub - life is just so unfair at times. Thinking of you

Hi Nindy. I am so sorry that you have lost your baby. Allow yourself the time to cry and grieve. Be kind to yourself. We are all here for you, and understand the pain and anger you are feeling.

If you feel that you may need someone to talk to, maybe give your State SIDS a call, as they offer counselling etc for pregnancy loss (or might be able to tell you of a local person). I find that it really helps to talk about how much the loss of Nathaniel has changed my life.

Take care.

I too lost precious IVF babies one at 16 weeks and another at 20 weeks, miscarriage is heartbreaking but having the IVF aspect on top of it hurts that little bit more.
Take time to grieve ...bug hugs
Bec

Dear Nindy, So sorry for your loss made extra hard because your DH is out of town. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

As for how it feels physically, you'll probably have some colicky cramping, then bleeding that starts like a normal period, but it will last longer, maybe 2-3 weeks or more. You may pass the sac, or it might be too little for you to notice when you pass it. I'm assuming your MD gave you advice what to take for the cramps.

But again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If you need to vent and rant, here's the place to come to.

my thoughts are with you and although not through iVf, i understand in some part your heartbreaking loss. If your partner is away please contact your local hospital as they will be able to either support you or give advice to who can help you, or even let you know what to expect so the "surprises" of what may happen will be less. My local hospital had a loss midwife who explained it all to me and my husband and as hard as it was to hear, it still helped us ultimately. Plus there is always this site which has become almost a late night comfort for me when my day has been tough, just reading through some of the inspiring and supportive stories. Please take care, sending you loads of hugs your way! x

Nindy I am so sorry for the loss of your Angel. We lost a little girl at 16w after 6 ivf transfers and 4 yrs of ttcing.

This is a extremely difficult time as its hard enough going through ivf, finding out your pg and then it all taken away from you. Know that your not alone and we are here if you need us.

Takecare of yourself.
Hugs
Shazz.

Hi Nindy - I want to add my condolences too. I'm so sorry your little one passed away :hug:

hey nindy...just checking in to see how you're doing sweet..??

Hi everyone. Thank you all so much for your hugs and thoughts. It has given me more comfort than you will ever know and I'm so grateful for each one of you. Nothing was happening and it had been 4 weeks since our baby left us, so I had a d & c yesterday. My wonderful hubby travelled home as he was away for work and was there when I woke up, which was such a blessing. I was a mess yesterday, but today feel sadness and yet a strange relief at the same time. I think the finality of it helps in the grieving, because you know there's nothing there anymore. Does that make sense to anyone? We're going to take a couple of months out to get over this and will probably go for another IVF attempt around April/May. But for the moment, I'm just dealing with one day at a time and know that over time it will get better. You're all just so wonderful and your support has made a world of difference. Thank you all so much. xx

Nindy, you sound like you are doing amazingly well. I understand the feeling post D&C - relief that it's over, and that feeling of complete and utter emptiness at the same time. :hug:

Take as much time as you need before you jump back into another cycle. If you get to April and decide you're still not ready, don't force yourself back. At the same time, if you get to February and are ready to go, don't hold back any longer than you have to.

I will be thinking of you and praying for a much more successful outcome next time. :pray:

BW

Be really good to yourself and give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally.

Nindy,

I too know only to well how you feel, a relief on one hand but yet a huge hole in your heart as well.
You will always remember your little angel baby thats for sure, just take this time to be kind to yourself and your DH, you will most likely have days when all you do is cry and that is normal. Do what is right for you sweetie - i have said a :pray: for you and wish you such much luck next time round . Take care.