The thumb vs the dummy - what's your opinion?

From observing my SILs kids ( without dummy) and a friends (with dummy), and also a few episodes of Supernanny (:redface:) I think I will use dummies on my future kids because:

1) You can eventually say 'goodbye' to the dummy and get rid of it, while the thumb is attached! My niece is over 5 and still sucks her thumb constantly, no matter how they try to get her to stop.

2) Thumb sucking may cause teeth problems (supernanny ep showed girl with thumb-shaped gap between her top and bottom teeth, which was the exact shape of thumb!) inc pushing teeth outwards...


Downsides to the dummy - if it falls out and wakes baby... and having to always make sure that you have one around!!


But I'm interested to hear some opinions!!

I have one of each - a child that has thumbsucked since dot and had no interest in a dummy, and a child who is a dummyholic to the point we're considering holding an intervention for him!

I think I prefer the dummy as well to be honest. DD (the thumb child lol) is now and has always been an excellent sleeper - but her thumbsucking is causing dental issues, I can see her two front teeth pushing out already. She's getting better, she mostly only does it when she's tired or going to sleep now so I hope she'll outgrow it soon.

DS seems to be getting more addicted to his "dohdoh" than ever, don't quite know what to do with him...and yes it definitely contributes to his night waking. Ah the dilemmas.....

I've got a dummy kid and I'm happy with that. Eventually she'll get rid of it. I don't even really care when (you really don't see many school kids with them).

I have a dummy kid too. I prefer dummy for the reasons that you mentioned. Yes, initially it was a problem with night waking, but now she can find it and put it in herself so it isn't a problem. We will probably give it to Santa next year.

I prefer a dummy too & I honestly think the child will decide themselves if they really want it. I gave DS one in the hosp & has always gone to sleep with it...but hand it to him any other time & he will bang it against the nearest object like it's just another toy.
I've been told (though haven't tried it), that you can attach the dummy to chain whilst sleeping so they can learn to find it themselves as they are only short chains. Me, I just have a couple in the bed & hope he will find one.

Neither of my boys would have a bar of a dummy. Luckily Jack didn't ever take to his thumb either. But Tom is a real thumb sucker and now he's 15 months it's really worrying me. But the truth is there is nothing I could have done about it. I tried much harder to get Tom to take a dummy than Jack but it just wasn't going to happen. I think sometimes you can't plan these things. You go with the flow and worry about problems when and if they become problems.

My DD had a dummy until we pried it off her at 3 and then she found her thumb!!! She's now 4years, 3mths and a huge thumb sucker!

Hey, I have been interested in this too, and have done a bit of research. I sucked my thumb til I was 10, and have a SIL that still does, and a MIL that did until she was 14 - all with no need for dental work! I also have a mini-man that just likes to suck, and his thumb is the most convenient when he is self-settling and I am not around to put his dummy back in. I tried the dummy, which he loves too, but when he spits it out, there is no way I am going back in there every 40 minutes to put it back in.

My research showed that if you wean them off their thumb by the time their grown up teeth come in then they wont have any dental damage. It also showed that most babies (90%) have weaned by this age, so that is most convenient.

I guess my little man has chosen what he wants and there is not much I can do about it at 2.5 months, nor would I want to.

I might add that a benefit of the thumb over a dummy is not having to get up at night to put it back in!

I was dead against dummies and was horrified when the midwives gave one to DD#1 without asking....then as she got a couple of months older there were a couple of moments I really wished she would've taken it as I knew she just wanted to suck for comfort sake and she just wouldn't settle on her own and she never seemed to find her thumb :p

DD#2 was the same in the beginning (although took a dummy to the hospital with me this time ;)), just not interested in it which for me was all well and good as I am still in to the self settling thing. But!! (always a but ;)) I agree with MantaRay that you just go with the flow which I am so much more flexible to do the second time round!!

DD#2 has just cut 2 teeth and we've had a horrid run to the point that self settling was just not an option and on the occasion I tried an extra comfort feed, she spewed it all back up on me as she was still full! So in the end I wrapped her tightly and stuck a dummy in...........she slept! :dance:

I am trying to ensure I don't create a new habit with the dummy as it was great not having to worry about any such habit with DD#1, but DD#2 has found her thumb! :rolleyes: So I am trying to discourage thumb sucking during awake time and if she happens to find it during sleep, it's never in when she is fast asleep iykwim. I'm not keen on trying to replace her thumb with the dummy as on the occasions I've tried, its kept her awake longer as she plays with it or rolls on top of it! :rolleyes: ...............so just going with the flow! :D

I have used a dummy with both my girls i took DD1s off her cold turkey as when she was 15 months she it the teet off one and choked on it. I took them away cold turkey with no probs. I might add it was a new dummy too she just chewed them when teething.

Oooh lots of great points - including of course that they may not even like the dummy - which I hadn't even considered :p

My DD is a furious fist sucker which i pressume will progress into thumb sucking. I have tried to give her a dummy, but she is just not interested at all.
I had the same dilema. She has never been upset enough to give her a dummy for comfort but i thought i would give her a dummy to head the thumb sucking off......... no suck luck, so hopefully she'll grow out of all the sucking before her big teeth come!

Claire doesnt use either. She just wasnt interested in a dummy and would scream as soon as a dummy came anywhere near her. She wouldnt have a bar of it at all. She only sucked her thumb for about two months, and hasnt sucked it at all for about 6 months. I remember MIL was insisting that I just keep on shoving a dummy in Claires mouth, but I just said "yeah" and let it go in one ear and out the other. She was saying "you HAVE to make her take a dummy". Claire never really relied much on her thumb for settling anyway so I never bothered with forcing a dummy into her as it just didnt seem necessary. I'm all for letting bub decide.

Anyways, after my rant there, I can see good things about both. Mainly being that you can take away a dummy when it is no longer age appropriate, but thumb stays there forever. I've seen kids who are 6 and 7 still with dummies for bed time though, so I suppose its probably difficult to take it away from those kids who really love it. But I feel that a thumb may be more natural and bub will always know where to find it, iykwim.

my DD uses a dummy too. are dummys bad for teeth?

I'm using a dummy just for sleeps and when we are out n about, so far no probs (besides bub losing it during sleep and wanting it on occasions). The nurses at the 'sleep school' I took bubs to (to sort out her day sleeps) were all for either thumbs or dummies with the proviso that they only use dummy and/or thumb for sleeps. In fact, when they put my bub down to watch her sleep it was without a dummy - they were hoping she'd find her thumb and therefore "self-settle" - she didn't but we try a few times at each sleep with no dummy 3-4 times and then resort to giving it to her but we give her the opportunity not to take the dummy - she doesn't want a dummy when she wakes for a night feed - she goes straight to sleep without thumb or dumb then.

my dd also hates the dummy, but is becoming a fist sucker. When I try to give her the dummy, she gags! No matter what brand of dummy I try!

My DD has used a dummy since day 1 in the hospital. She did go through a short phase of it dropping out in bed & not being able to put it back in but it wasn't enough of a problem that it would wake her through the night (I was lucky to have a baby who slept through from 6pm til 7am from 2 weeks old!) it was usually when I was putting her off to sleep. So I know the dummy dropping out of her mouth didn't cause her stress because she slept straight through it!! haha I know it can be a problem for some though, I think thats the only down side to dummies, until its time to take them away!!!

DD is now 2yrs 8 months old & she still uses dummies at bed time & sometimes if she's sick for comfort but thats not often at all. I honestly dont mind her using them, I know she will eventually give them up but at the moment we're happy the way things are.

I put about 6 dummies in her bed at night so she can always find one if needed :)

I hope this helped you, good luck making your decision :)

Krystal has never had a dummy, she was never much of a 'crier' as a little baby, althought when she was about 3 months, untill about 1 year old, she would suck on her two middle fingers(pinky and pointer sitting each side of her nose - very cute :P) while she was asleep..

i have breastfed since birth, and still going strong, but i do feel though that she uses me as a dummy, as she has always fed to sleep (buts thats another problem all on its own..) and now she tends to stay attached untill i literally pull her off (ouch!) and lay her in bed she has her mouth open looking for her boobie for about 15 seconds, then she's right.

i cant offer much experience, although i imagine trying to wean krystal will be a tough a job as trying to take the dummy away, or stop thumb sucking!

My DD has always been a sucker and to stop her sucking her wrist not long after birth (she had blisters in utero!) we gave her the dummy.

There are a couple of additional concerns (apart from having to wean them off it at a certain point) at having a dummy-addict, once your child is a toddler:

1. It can inhibit their speech development, because it muffles their sounds anyway, but also stops them forming words correctly with their mouth; and

2. It can stop them learning to bite/chew correctly if it's overused (same thing as no 1)

Because these 2 are only going to occur if the toddler is sucking the dummy often/constantly, I avoided it by only giving her the dummy to sleep. She hands the dummy back to me when she wakes up happily and I put it in her bed for her at nap or bed times.

I never had a problem with her losing the dummy during the night and waking up for it. She doesn't usually sleep sucking it all night but managed to find it herself after a certain age. She doesn't wake up when it drops out, so it might not happen!

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I've been told (though haven't tried it), that you can attach the dummy to chain whilst sleeping so they can learn to find it themselves as they are only short chains.

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I wouldn't recommend this as a chain (no matter how short) could still be a hazard for a sleeping child). They will learn to find it themselves without the chain.

I'm like Flea in that i have one of each. Oscar sucked his thumb from day dot and Will has been a dummy addict since leaving hossy. Really don't know what im going to do with #3 as they both have there downsides.

For the first few years thumb sucking is great - they can always find it but then i will really worry about Osc's teeth if i can't stop him 9although haven't even tried yet). i sucked my thumb till i was 11 (sad but true - not in public i dont think only at night) and i have the awful 'thumb sucking' teeth that you see on websites - top and bottom pushed out and gap in the middle. I even have a big dent in the roof of my mouth.

So Will is the dee-dee man and it drives me potty - so many issues at night and not being able to go out without it in the day and trying to keep it cleanish. I really hate to see kids that can walk with dummies and always said that i would never let a kid that old have a dummy.... and here i am with my 19 month old toddling around with one in his mouth! It's just so difficult to try and get rid of, we are trying to wean it off him abit in the day but if he sees it then its all over-red-rover! i guess i'll have to wait till he's older and try the old - give it to the easter bunny for an egg trick or something similar!

IMO dummy chains are a definate no-no for sleeping - only when awake as they really are a choking hazard.

I'm sure this doesn't really help, just a long ramble by a mummy of each!

Julie x

I dislike dummies. I dislike the way SiL used to stuff a dummy in her daugher's mouth every time it opened - she had a dummy constantly until about 18m. She didn't speak until just recently, she was too used to just grunting with a dummy in place. I also think they look awful, just awful! I know some people think thumb-suckers look bad, but to me, dummies look worse. They are used to "dumb" a child, to stop the child talking or communicating verbally. Crying is communicating, we should try to solve the problem not shut the child up. I know most people here use dummies when baby just wants to suck, but many out in the world just use it to shut a baby up.

DS had reflux and has had a dummy maybe 15-20 times in his life (he won't take one, he plays with it). He doesn't really like it. He sucks his toes (always has to be different, bless him) rather than his thumb. When I'm really upset I bite on my thumb, I'm sure it's because I was a thumb-sucker as a young child. How nice to still have an acceptable comfort object I can carry around even now!

I still suck my thumb when i'm tired or overwrought. I'm 27. I have never had dental issues relating to this, nor have i had orthodontic work. One dentist did remark that possibly the fact that i had no fillings until was 25 was down to the fact that every time you suck your thumb you make saliva which protects the teeth from acid and plaque (in the same way as chewing sugarfree gum does). I have been told on several occasions by dentists that i have remarkably stright teeth for someone who never had braces. I have a callous on my thumb, just below the knuckle, where my lower incisors rest when i suck. My parents tried more or less everything to get me to stop, and it didn't work. Unfortunately one tactic was that my father told me when i was about 10 that i looked like i was mentally deficient still sucking my thumb at my age. I am 97%ile on the IQ charts and i just thought "You need to stop being so judgemental about appearance then" and it made me perversely determined to continue. I don't think about it now, i just find i'm doing it sometimes. I do it enough that the callous is still there but i don't know how much that actually translates into.

DD was given a dummy from 5 weeks, once BFing was established. SHe found her thumb at 8 weeks and didn't want the dummy after that. I don't really care too much at this stage. The degree of damage to the teeth depends on how the thumb is sucked. If the end of the thumb is almost against the soft palete, well back in the mouth, there isn't as much pressure on the back of the front teeth as if only the tip of the thumb is in the mouth. Apparently, i once read, possibly in a study but maybe not so don't quote me, BF babies tend to take the thumb farther back in the mouth than FF babies because the nipple is naturally drawn far back when they eat and the bottle teat isn't. So maybe that's why my teeth survived? DD was BFed and seems to suck her thumb well back, but it could be down to the shape of our mouths (genetic?) rather than that. That's another reason dummies used for a long time can be bad for teeth - the mouth grows but the dummy does not, so it reaches less and less far in as time goes on and puts more and more pressure on the teeth.

Anyway, i guess you have the option of offering a dummy, but you can't really stop them thumb-sucking if they do it when they're tiny, even when they're bigger, you can't force them to stop. The current fashion for dead-straight teeth means very few kids DON'T get offered braces, regardless of if they thumb or dummy suck or not. So i guess if DD needs braces, whatever reason she needs them for, i'll deal with it as and when.

Good luck deciding what to do.

Bx

My thumb (and toe) sucking 4-month-old looks at me like I'm a complete idiot when I have, on rare occasions, tried to give her a dummy when she's been very agitated at bedtime. So I think they decide for themselves. She came out sucking her thumb!

I agree with you Rosehip, I think dummies are often over-used to shut kids up rather than trying to find out what the problem is.

I was dead set against dummies up untill Izzy was a 2weekold - Then i brought one and found heaven!!! Oh how i praise the Dummy inventor! lol

But i have to say i disagree with you rosehip - I don't use Izzy's dummy to "shut her up" and she is quite the intilligent little girl! Izzy gets her dummy when she's tired. from birth she was a comfort sucker , and destroyed my breast in the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding, i was almost giving up breastfeeding, untill i gave her the dummy, and my boobs had time to heal as she would no longer have to suck between feed... I think as with all baby products you have to use them appropriately and responsibly - commen sense.

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I dislike dummies. I dislike the way SiL used to stuff a dummy in her daugher's mouth every time it opened - she had a dummy constantly until about 18m. She didn't speak until just recently, she was too used to just grunting with a dummy in place. I also think they look awful, just awful! I know some people think thumb-suckers look bad, but to me, dummies look worse. They are used to "dumb" a child, to stop the child talking or communicating verbally. Crying is communicating, we should try to solve the problem not shut the child up. I know most people here use dummies when baby just wants to suck, but many out in the world just use it to shut a baby up.

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I totally agree with you, RF. From the outset I only gave my DD a dummy when she was going to sleep. Not when she was crying (bbs worked so much better then anyway!) and not when she was lying awake. I left the dummy by her cot and gave it only after she was laid down. By the time she was old enough to ask for it, she knew it was only for when she was going to bed. And I never use it when we're out (motion from the car/pram/carrier puts her to sleep, so I didn't bother introducing something that wasn't needed).

It's not just about preventing the child speaking/speaking clearly either. The dummy actually does stop some facial muscles developing if it's overused. The sucking motion made with the mouth is an easy one and doesn't encourage all of the muscles around the mouth to move (needed for speech and proper chewing, etc).

I am wondering if there would have been a good time when she was a bit younger to get rid of the dummy, but I guess at least she gives it to me in the morning and doesn't always want it in bed, so maybe she'll wean herself off it.

Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesnt like the look of dummies! I didnt want to mention it in case I was the only one. I've known parents who just shove a dummy in as soon as the child opens their mouth. I dont like that either as I do think, to some extent, its like plugging up their means of communicating.
but having said that, do whatever works for you and your bub.

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They are used to "dumb" a child, to stop the child talking or communicating verbally. Crying is communicating, we should try to solve the problem not shut the child up. I know most people here use dummies when baby just wants to suck, but many out in the world just use it to shut a baby up.

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I think its wrong to say a dummy is used to "dumb" a child, it's there to sooth a child, comfort a child. I think you'll find any of the dummy / pacifier using parents in here use them for just that PACIFYING (meaning calming).

Sure it may not look so nice to look at (I personally dont have a problem with it) but either does a child with a thumb stuck in their mouth constantly.

"I know most people here use dummies when baby just wants to suck, but many out in the world just use it to shut a baby up."

Please note I was NOT saying everyone uses them to shut a child up. But I have yet to see many in the real world around me use a dummy when a baby needs to suck rather than to shut a baby up. They are called dummies because they are used to dumb the child, that's where the name comes from! Yes, some people use them as pacifiers, but others as dummies IYSWIM - not everyone uses the same object for the same thing.

This is just my opinion, from seeing babies and toddlers with dummies in constantly - so much so they are told to take the dummy out to eat food! I am NOT judging occasional use, I am just saying I dislike constant use and dislike the look of babies with dummies in - other people dislike the look of thumb-suckers, horses for courses really. I have SEEN babies and toddlers who do not/cannot talk because of the permanent dummy. That's why I don't like them. Because the minority of people misuse them. I don't like to see children suffering - IMO, delaying their development by a constant dummy is making the child suffer.

Dummies at bedtime - if it works, great. Dummies when babies are unsettled and want a suck - great. Dummies because you want to watch the TV and your little one is babbling, not so great. Yes, I have seen that. Yes, I was disgusted. And no, I did not say anything. I am actually ashamed of that and wish I had.

Oh, dumb a child = shut them up. Not interfere with their intellect. "Dumb" means unable to speak. Yes, I know it also means stupid in today's language, but there is no other simple word for one who cannot speak, so the word dumb is still used in this context.

Apologies Shannon, I took "dumb them down" to mean the other meaning of dumb.

I have always heard that dummie is from dumb, but I may be mistaken as I cannot find anything on that.

I have to spread the love Shannon, but great post matey :D

Bx

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Apologies Shannon, I took "dumb them down" to mean the other meaning of dumb.

I have always heard that dummie is from dumb, but I may be mistaken as I cannot find anything on that.

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Sorry, the literary side of me just had to check this one out!

I looked up my Oxford dictionary of word histories and the term 'dummy' actually was originally used in the sense of a person who could not speak and was 'an imaginary fourth player in whist' (18th century). Apparently this gave rise to 'a substitute for the real thing' (a rubber teat, a blank round of ammo) and then 'a model of a human being' (in the 19th century).

So in effect, when used to describe what we're talking about it's actual meaning is 'as a substitute for the real thing' (ie your nipple).

As a side point, did you know in Aboriginal culture it is still quite common for elderly women to calm babies by giving them their bb to suckle on? I guess if you can't pop down to the shop to buy a dummy you use the best thing available!

It's a relatively common practice in some north african cultures too Jennifer, and girls of any age do it if they're caring for an infant and it's fretful. It means that by the time many girls give birth they already know concretely how to breastfeed from comforting younger siblings/relatives that way.

Bx

Wow thats really interesting - I wouldn't think to use bb for settling Izzy now?!? it was always just a feed thing. . .

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I find it terribly judgemental to comment like that on the dummy use practices of people RH, it sounds very much like something I would have said before I used one though (actually I used to say that only lazy mothers used dummies). Sounds like the same kind of judgements that mothers have to endure with regards to everything, solids, breastfeeding, controlled crying, child harnesses.

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I agree Shannon. Why do people have to be so opinionated about how other people choose to raise their children? Aren't we better to concern ourselves with our own parenting while keeping in mind that most people do their best to raise their children whilst using the tools that they find helpful. Dummies are unlikely to permanently hinder a child's development after all, particularly if used (like everything) in moderation. Even if used to excess (and whilst not ideal), it would most likely only have short term effects on speech and oral motor development. I can find far greater things to be concerned about in parenting than dummy use/misuse.

Oh, for crying out loud!

Shannon, you clearly feel judged because you don't like dummies - I never judged you.

I have used a dummy on the odd occasion - usually in the pushchair. At home DS had my finger to suck. Dummies are not all bad, I just prefer the thumb.

I said I dislike dummy misuse. I have seen toddlers need reminding a dummy comes out so food can go in. That is overuse and misuse of a dummy.

I also said I know people here don't misuse dummies, but after seeing misuse I dislike them - my inlaws think babies should have dummies 24/7 because SiL did that with Niece. We are polar opposites parents; no big deal, both children seem happy with life. I don't judge her parenting, just commenting that we both do the opposite to each other (I believe happy mummy = happy baby, so it doesn't matter if you control cry, formula feed, dummy use, use disposable nappies, hire a nanny full-time... just because I don't doesn't make your choice wrong for you). But I do disagree with constant dummy use, especially when MiL was amazed DS can make words his older cousin can't - she would just point and grunt.

It is an opinion, not a judgement. I dislike misuse of anything, including some of my parenting choices. I know I could easily misuse some of the things I do, so do my best not to - and not to start something I can see would end in misuse (I know I would misuse control crying and smacking, so I am not going to use those - not that I wanted to, but just saying). I decided no more dummies when I gave one to DS, he spat it out content a minute later and MiL tried to shove it back in because "that's what you do with babies." No more dummies as DH wants MiL to look after DS one day a week when I'm back at work. They were great for the odd occasion, but not the way the in-laws use them. That's why I prefer a thumb.

As I said, opinion not judgement. And I know dummy abuse is not rife on BB, but that doesn't mean it isn't in the rest of the world.

We were asked for our opinions, so I'm not telling anyone how to raise their child, I just get flack for explaining why. Thanks girls.

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It's a relatively common practice in some north african cultures too Jennifer, and girls of any age do it if they're caring for an infant and it's fretful. It means that by the time many girls give birth they already know concretely how to breastfeed from comforting younger siblings/relatives that way.

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I never thought of it that way, Hoobley! And yet to think if it happened here ppl would be horrified.

RH, hope you still feel like it's okay to share your opinion. {Hugs}

Calvin started sucking his fingers within minutes of being born (we assume he was doing this in utero). We gave him a dummy as soon as he got home from hospital - mostly for sleeps. As others have said, I was hoping to prevent hand- sucking. To avoid the problem of the dummy falling out and waking him up, I give it to him to settle just before or just after he falls asleep - while I'm still in the room to pat him if necessary. I don't know how this will work when he gets older - but I guess by then he will be able to find it for himself.