Unsure about having number 2

Hi ladies,

I love being a mum so much and just can't wait to do it again! We're planning to try again in May, but i'm worried how I will cope with the pregnancy. My pregnancy with Rochelle was pretty hard, I had morning sickness (lost 9kgs) for atleast half of my pregnancy and the occasional bout till the end. I think I slept for most of my pregnancy and constantly wondered how on earth women managed subsequent pregnancies with children already! I'm worried that I will be so sick and so tired again that Rochelle will miss out... I don't want her to miss anything! It's only really the pregnancy that worries me. I'm also wonder if I am just too keen for another because i'm so fortunate with my DD? She is such an easy baby, rarely cries, sleeps 12 hours most nights and is just so amazing! Should we just be grateful for what I've got and hold off?

How did you guys feel with number two and what was it like with the pregnancy and child? Was the pregnancy itself harder than the first one?

Much love, C. X

I felt like this too when we discuessed TTC #2. I had a hard first pregnancy as well plus i was worried if i could ever love another child as much as i loved DD.

But i needent have worried. First of all i was lucky enough to have a very easy going pregnancy 2nd time around. But also having a toddler to run around after made the pregnancy go twice as fast and i didn't have half the worries i did the first time around.

When DS was born i was suddenly filled with so much more love and i didn't worry anymore if i could love him as much. it was overwhelming.

With regards to coping. I find it is much easier 2nd time around. Especially once DS turned about 6 months old. DD could interact with him and keep him company so i didnt have to entertain him 24/7 like i had to do when DD was little. DS is now 1 and DD is 3 and they have a ball together playing and keeping each other company, they are never bored. It's easier on me because i actually get to sit down for 5 minutes, at least.

DD was an easy baby too. Slept all night from 4 days old (12hours) and never cried. DS was pretty much the same thankfully. Slept all night (10hrs) from 6 weeks and he's extremely placid.

I found in the beginning, just before we TTC, that i just had to 'take a leap of faith' and trust in myself that we could do this. Once i had DS in my arms, i knew that everything was going to be just fine.

I've heard that each pg is different, I remember thinking directly after the birth "how are their more than one child in families?" the pain was amazing but it's funny how quickly the memory of the pain fades once your little one arrives I was ready to go back for no#2 towards the end of the next day.
I had a great pg with a normal amount of MS my SIL was really sick for the whole 9 mths for her first bub but it was a lot less for her second one, by friend was the same she was hospitalised a few times for dehydration but she chose not to go back but they also had another child from her DH's previous relationship to consider. My DD is another great sleeper easy bubba but I figure good or bad they are babies for such a short time of our lives and what ever happens in the sleep department it will be worth it to have a brother or sister for my DD and to complete our little family.
I can't wait to have another baby although when labour starts I bet I'll go "oh! yep I remeber this!!!!"
good luck with your decision.

I'd hold off worrying until Rochelle is a few months older (unless you are really raring to go)!

I did find it a bit harder preg with a toddler, and balancing two is just that - balancing! Maybe check out the thread that was around somewhere about the spacing of children to check out others experiences.
Some like to wait until no 1 is at school and found it easier, some bang 'em out all at once (me!).
I thought since I was up all night and up to my ears in nappies that another wouldnt make much of a difference. I mean it does, but I'm happy that the nappies will all be out of the way soon, and I just couldn't see myself going back for another now I have a bit of independence back.

Totally up to you and how you think it will affect (and I mean that in a good way) your family.

I definitely think it is worth having 2.. I have a DS who is 2.5yrs old and a DS who is 13 weeks old. It is hard work and it was hard work being pregnant with a toddler but it was manageable. I wasn't sick with either of my pregnancies so it might be different if you are sick again (fingers crossed for you that you aren't)..

I agree with Antheia that you always wonder how you could love #2 as much as #1 but there is no doubt that once #2 has arrived your heart just explodes with love for both of your children - more than ever before. I just love being a mum to two and couldn't imagine it any other way. As I said, don't get me wrong it is very hard work but you get over it and the next day is another day.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. xxoo

I'm going pretty well, but I did have an easy pregnancy the first time round as well. The things I struggle with most are tiredness in the afternoons & irritability.

For the tiredness I just have sleeps of an afternoon when Zander has his sleep or if Aaron's home I can have one when I need one! I also sleep in til Zander wakes up now instead of getting up before him which I used to do.

The irritability I struggle with a lot. I find I snap at Zander for little things far too quickly and the mess is driving me nuts whereas before I was fine with it. I think it's a symptom of not being able to chase after him when he's naughty & he knows it, plus I struggle bending down to pick things up so it's messier than normal! Daddy helps a lot though which makes a big difference.

catherine- thank you for posting, i've been wondering many of the same things as you so i'm really interested to read people's responses.
Antheia- can i ask exactly the age difference between your 2?

My kids are 4 years apart, which suited me as I had severe postnatal depression with the first one.
I didn't find that the broken sleep was as bad the second time around as I was used to it, if I wasn't up for one, I was up for the other, and I can pretty much sleep anywhere at the drop of a hat now!!
It IS harder with 2, but easier than it was the first time round if that makes sense. For me, I understood my baby better, I was heaps more comfortable with her, I was much nicer to myself, I didn't stress as much about her weight/development etc. Even breastfeeding worked.
BUT - seriously there is NO right age gap, there is no way to "know" how it's going to be, and being a mum, you just do what you do! You look back and think how did I do that? If you do have a horrible pregnancy you will be surprised at how you still manage to feed and love your first child. You may let your house/life go down to the toilet along with your morning sickness BUT you won't neglect your first child. Often DH will step up as well and really helps out in a way he may not have the first time.

RE the irritibility with your kid, my psychiatrist told me that it was really important what happened AFTER i snapped/shouted at my then 4 year old. I apologise, explain that I'm grumpy and tired, and that I shouldn't have yelled at her even though I'm tired. I give her a cuddle and say I'll try to do better next time etc. I think it helps her work out what to do when she has a tantrum too hopefully? I never blamed it on being pregnant or the baby, I just said I was tired and grumpy (I mean I still get that way and my 2nd child is 18 months old!!)

We'd never have any children ever if we knew then what we know now, but somehow it doesn't matter. It's "only 9 months" at the most - such a short period of your life in retrospect and you know it's not forever! You can let your child know that too, that you will feel better again soon!

Whatever happens, good luck. You obviously care alot about number 1 to worry about the effect on them so you'll make an awesome mum 2nd time round too, even if the preg. is horrible. Truly you will!

we were talking about number two as well . . . until our DD started being a terrorist and crying non-stop! She was an angel at 2 months as well, aside from occasional colic. Then the three month mark came and things havent been the same since. Hopefully you'll be luckier than us!!

Hi catherine... I believe that the "space" between your children is what is right for your family. Personally, it doesn't matter if they are 11mths apart, or as in my case 10 years apart, your busy doing something, just the something changes - its either nappies, feeding, toddler stuff, or driving and dropping off kids to activities. Between my big kids there is 2y8mths, and it was a good gap...the pregnancy with Nathan was hard, I was tired, and sick, and remember lying on the floor with laura, feeling oh so incredibly ill, and her sitting next to me stroking my head. she had just turned two, beautiful girl. She was such an angel, and was quite happy to eat rice - which was about all I could stomache. When her baby brother was born she loved him to bits, gave me a bit of a hard time, which was to be expected - but was wonderful with him. This time around with Aston, both of my big kids have been fantastic, and have had to make some pretty major adjustments. It was hard to constantly run around for their activities with a newborn, so I had to explain to them that I just couldn't do it all the time. Now that Aston is bigger, we are getting back into more after school activities.

only you and DH can know what is the right gap - as for loving - it just gets bigger and bigger, and you love each one for the little amazing individual that they are. don't over think it hun. what is meant to be, will be.

Hey Cath!!!!!!!

My second pregnancy was waaaaaaaaayyyyyyy harder than my first. I had pretty bad MS with Chels too, but not with Liam. I absaloutly could not have done it without my Mum. Some days, all I wanted to do was climb into bed cause I felt soooooo sick and tires, but when you have a toddler too, it is very very hard to do! You kinda need someone there who wouldnt mind looking after your bub every now and then, should you get morning sickness like that! (.... you could have me??? I can help ya out chicky!!)
But yeah, it is very draining, especially right at the beginning, and right at the end.
But chances are you'd have another good one! LOL. I got blessed with 2 little angels!
At the end of the day, I wouldnt have their age gap any other way. Its very demanding now, but will be very much worth it in the long run!!

Wooooot ! May isnt that far away!!!! ;)

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catherine- thank you for posting, i've been wondering many of the same things as you so i'm really interested to read people's responses.
Antheia- can i ask exactly the age difference between your 2?

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Gracie - My 2 are exactly 22 months apart. DD was born 11th Dec 04 and DS was born 11th Oct 06.

My daughters are 21 months apart. The pregnancy wasn't really any different second time around although I did put on an 5 extra kg and bub was a pound bigger. I found the 21 month gap really tough and actually suffered PND when bub #2 was about 8 months old. In hindsight, a 2.5 year age gap would have been easier, I think. I am now expecting bub #3. This time there will be a 3 year and 3 month gap between bub 2 and 3.

As you know the girls are 11 months apart. The pregnancy was a hell of a lot eaiser then DD1's was. Less m/s, i could go out, she was a fairly easy child. The hardest things were i wasnt able to rest, get sleep, had to make time for her needs..and newborn poo and m/s (on the odd occassion) never really went well together!!

I gained 10 kg less weight 2nd time round.

Id def have future kids close again (*if* theres future kids)....its hard...but in the long run so much better as well.

Its hard to go from 1 to 2 children....but once ur there its so rewarding and love is shared greatly.

Good luck with it all :D

Interesting to read all the responses here

I'd love to have another bub fairly soon but i too feel that there are all these obstacles in the way. I get sad thinking about if we'll ever be right to have another :( Morning sickness was so unbelievably bad with my DD (now 5 months old). I still went to work most days and that was so hard but I can't imagine how hard it would be with a toddler. I don't have my mum around to help me. Despite DH to help out, I'd be so worried about neglecting DD for months due to feeling so ill. And besides, I don't think we can afford another baby. We have no space and only the one income, so as much as I'd love to give my DD a sib, i feel it wld be selfish to both kids to have to do without.

Oh, how depressing :(

sorry for hijacking!

thanks Antheia- that's about the gap we're planning on. after reading your post i'm definitely sticking to that timeframe. thanks

Thanks for all your replies! A dear friend emailed me today and reminded me that even if I do get a rotten pregnancy or a baby that doesn't settle - It isn't forever and I will get through it just as you would pull through if you were a single mum with 6 kids.. and in the end it will all be worth it!

Rochelle will be far from one to go without, as she is such a loved little girl by so many special people. Which is understandable... :P

I am so excited at the prospect of another baby as I love being a Mum so much and feel so blessed! I just hope it doesn't take as long as last time to fall pregnant. Good luck to you too Gracie!

Neuri, I don't think it is selfish to give your child a sibling... I think a happy and loving home is much more important than money! You could have all the money in the world, but would you want your children to grow up in a home where their parents didn't get along? If it absolutely isn't possible for you in the near future... perhaps in a few years you will feel your in a better position to have that much wanted second child ;) GL.

Gracie, yeah i find it's a perfect age gap, for us. We tried to have the same again between #2 and #3 but things don't always go to plan. Oh well hopfully soon. Goodluck to you when you do start ttc #2.

My two munchkins are not quite 3 years apart and i will admit, I have found it harder the second time around. Although this is probably due to issues prior to DS's birth, IVF etc.

My pregnancy was much harder this time too - I was more tired and generally had more aches and pains, ms was worse etc.

I found it really hard the first few weeks balancing the two and felt quite guilty about DD missing out on so much of my time for quite a while.

The other thing you need to consider is how much time a newborn takes up, particularly if they are unsettled like DS was in the first few weeks. It was HARD work and I felt like I didn't get any time with DD. For you it would be harder because Rochelle would still be quite young and would need a lot more of your time than my DD did at almost 3 yrs.

Things are much easier now but he still wakes regularly during the night (and I don't have a problem with this, babies are supposed to wake to be fed) so I think you need to be prepared for the fact that most babies do wake overnight for quite a while and you are very fortunate that Rochelle is sleeping through at such an early age.

But at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way and would definitely NOT want a bigger gap than we have (we wanted our children to be closer in age but life had other plans for us :rolleyes:).

Hi Catherine!

How exciting that you're thinking of number two! Who could blame you after having such a wonderful bub like Rochelle! As you know I have a three year age gap between my boys, this was my choice as it took me a long time to feel ready physically and emotionally to have another bub (not Joel's fault, he was a great bub who slept really well at night too). I found pregnancy the second time around not nearly as bad as I thought it would be with a toddler, I'm not sure how it would be with a baby though. I had less m/s, but I did feel tired more than the first time.

Like you said, it is such a short time of your life and it is so worthwhile. Do you have someone who can help you if you end up really sick again? I think that would make all the difference for you.

Good luck! :)