Un-religous but sending to Catholic school

I really need to hear from parents who are neither believe in Catholicism nor practice it yet for the educational benefits of private schooling have chosen to send to religious school (primary AND high school).

How did you overcome the issue of confusion about not being religious at home but at school. (for example a friend has done this and her daughter brings home pictures of Jesus on the cross and sings religious songs "i love jesus" etc)

I am OPEN to DS choosing any religion he likes when he is older but i feel really uncomfortable with the above scenario.

DH and I are both Catholic in official terms but we don't follow these beliefs nor are we practicing in any way. DH had catholic education and doesn't see it as much of an issue, felt it was a minor component and that the lessons he was taught had more of a positive effect than a negative one. I on the other hand lean towards Buddhist beliefs so i am struggling a bit with this.

We initially planned to send DS to a generic private school but there aren't any in the vicinity, so its not an option. We really believe private school education to the better option FOR US but are just not sure how to tackle the religious side.

For example, when we go to the interview and application process.... am i to lie about my feelings? I feel awful about that. I can admit i am technically catholic but not within my heart. However for DS best interests i can certainly embrace the positives of the religion and be supportive accordingly.

Sorry its been longwinded, would love to hear from others who've maybe been in the same situation.

I think if you send your child to a Catholic school then you can't avoid the above scenario re. Jesus and singing songs. It's a great chance to talk to your child about what they believe and what you belive and why.

As to lying, well that's a personal thing really. It's only a choice you can make. How does lying fit in to your own personal belief system. Are you allowed to lie for the "greater" good, or is any lie a lie and you should never do it? You would have to think about why you think lying is wrong.

The reason they want you to be Catholic if you send your kids to a catholic school is exactly so you don't have problems like the ones you are thinking about! Personally, I would trust my parenting that I am able to raise a sensible tolerant rational human being who can make their own choices about things. For the record my daughter goes to a christian school, and we don't always agree with what they teach but we just discuss it with her and tell her why we believe what we do and that not everyone believes the same things, but in our house we think XYZ and leave it with her. (she's 5)

I went to a public primary school and a catholic high school.We were taught scripture when we were in primary school by scripture teachers that would come to our school once a week....Don't know about that now though.
While Catholicism is taught in the catholic high schools part of our HSC was to learn about other religions such as buddhism ,judaism etc...
While I am a practising catholic I also find Buddhism an interesting religion.
So I think either way your child will have some degree of learning about jesus whether it be in the public or catholic system..

Some schools will require for the family to attend weekly church - is that part of the schools policies, and if so, would you be comfortable with that?
I would do a bit more research on the school itself. You might be able to be just walking past one day after school and can ask a few mums some q's??

Would you only send to a Catholic school? Maybe an Anglican school might be another option. I think that all catholic/ anglican schools are required to take in a quota of students who are not religious. I guess the best thing to do while you have got the time is ring around the schools in your area that you are considering, and talk to them about their enrolment requirements, their curriculum etc.

My parents sent me to a Catholic primary school, they felt it was a major waste of time and money because they spent TOO much time on RE and not enough time on anything else.

We are struggling with the same thoughts about Private school, we would love to send DS to Private school but both the Private schools in our town are religious, Catholic and Lutheran. i was baptised Catholic and raised Catholic but don't believe in it anymore, DH doesn't have a religion, DS isn't baptised. I just don't feel comfortable with all the religious lessons that they do in the schools so will probably end up sending him to public instead. I guess it just depends on how much you think you can tolerate religion being your childs life. i thought about how every school function eg concerts will be centred around the religion and i don't think i would enjoy that unfortunately.

Im not udging anyone else by saying this, but for me personally, i feel a bit hypocritical sending my son the a catholic school when our family isn't at all religious. he is free to choose a religion when he is older if he wishes, but i dont feel right letting a school 'push it down his throat' for all those schooling years.

i hope you can find a way to feel good about the school, im sure your child will be fine and love his school whether it is religious or not, after all he won't know the difference!

Just to throw a spanner in - how will your (generic - not a specific question for anyone) child learn about religion to be able to choose later?

I went to a public school and have one baptised old Anglican parent and one non baptised parent. We did not go to church as a family regularly (weddings and funerals) but there was a belief in God and free discussion about any belief system. I was baptised Presbyterian, went to Methodist Sunday school and attended Catholic mass with my aunt when she visited. I was sent to scripture during primary school. As an adult I lean towards the Catholic faith (despite not agreeing with some of their teachings) but also embrace the principles of Buddhism. My DH is Catholic, went to Catholic school and is not practising.

I chose my religious leanings as an adult due to the broad exposure of religion I experienced as a child. Our children will probably go to a Catholic school but at home I intend to teach about all religions to encourage tolerance and also to give them the tools to choose their own faith when they want to.

I guess you need to be comfortable about whether you believe in God and if so, are you happy to have the discussion with your child about why you choose to believe but not practice (as Nickel said) or what your beliefs are. Most Catholic / religious schools do have a number of places that are open to non-Catholics if that makes it easier :)

I had this when we enrolled DD1 in a catholic school back at home. I felt that it was better for her to be in a school where spirituality is an aspect of school life (even if my own beliefs don't mesh 100% with what they teach). We would always discuss the things she was learning and at times that meant I was able to say "the catholics believe.... and that's similar/different to what I believe in that....". It wasn't ever an issue. There's a kernal of common spirituality in all the world's religions and that's what I focussed on.

HTH

My parents are Catholic (although neither are practising these days) and am baptised Catholic as is my DD. DS will be baptised in a few months. DH is baptised in the Church of England.

I attended private catholic schools and have also attended public schools for short periods of time (12 months in primary school when we moved and for 12 months in high school, again during a temporary move) and from MY experiences, I would prefer my children to attend a catholic school.

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DH had catholic education and doesn't see it as much of an issue, felt it was a minor component and that the lessons he was taught had more of a positive effect than a negative one.

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I feel the same way as your DH. I never felt that religion was FORCED upon me. It was a part of our education and was a big deal at Christmas, Easter etc but on the whole it wasn't the be all and end all of our schooling.

I think it might be a bit hypocritical to send your child to a Catholic school if you have a very strong opposition to the Catholic faith and religion in school - I just don't see how that works. I guess you need to decide how comfortable you are with it.

I do however understand how hard it must be wanting to send your child to a private school when the only private option is Catholic.

I think that you would find that a Lutheran school does not have the same emphasis on religion as a Catholic one. I went to an Anglican School, and I am not Christened at all. Religion was tought, but there was not the same emphasis as a Chatholic school. Partly due to there being no First comunion and confirmation like they have in a Catholic School. How will you feel about your children participating in these? You might choose for them not to participate, but bear in mind that they will be the odd one out as their school friends will do their first communion etc, and this may be upsetting for them.

Anglican school didnt teach us Jesus songs etc. We did religion one a week, but unlike Catholic school, we didnt have to bless Jesus every day or anything like that. I have friends that are Catholic teachers, and part of their morning is when they say good morning, they also make some mention of Jesus.

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but unlike Catholic school, we didnt have to bless Jesus every day or anything like that. I have friends that are Catholic teachers, and part of their morning is when they say good morning, they also make some mention of Jesus.

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I think it really depends on the school, nothing like that went on at either of mine! There were separate lessons for religion, it wasn't a part of everything we did, IYKWIM?

I'm concerned about this also. It's a few years until my son will be in school, but I still think about it. I was baptised Catholic, my son was baptised Greek Orthodox like his father. I don't believe in any of the Catholic ideas, in fact I'd probably classify myself as an Atheist. However I really want DS to go to a private school, but I don't want all these ideas forced upon him.
On the other hand.. perhaps if we view it as him just learning about the religion, rather than adopting it, it won't be as hard?

You are probably right Willow. A good point to raise tough, as it would be something to ask the school at enrolment.

You are probably right Willow. A good point to raise tough, as it would be something to ask the school at enrolment.

All the catholic primary schools I know, the children say "Good morning Mrs Rhubarb, and God Bless Shoe" LOL. Standard operating procedure :)

I agree meggie, I'd probably try and suss out the particular school you are looking at. Not all Catholic schools work the same just because they're Catholic IYKWIM?

I was having a conversation about this with a girlfriend of mine recently. She also went to Catholic schools and I was shocked by some of the things she told me!

Maybe my schools just weren't that full on about it? I'm not sure.

Thanks for the feedback, it's given me some things to consider.

I feel like this is the most important decision we'll ever make regarding his future, it's so difficult working out what is best.

Hi there,

I myself attended an all girls catholic school a number of years ago. Even though i am and never will be a catholic. However, the school did require all students to study Religion, as it was a core curriculum. And yes we had to attend school mass, do daily morning prayers and participate in other religious functions like ash wednesday and palm sunday i think and what ever else?lol.

When i started there at the age of 15, the school required that i got babtised, before i was excepted, and also get confirmed:rolleyes:. So this was done in my lutheran church. Although when the school had its church Mass on, i didnt participate in the drinking of the wine and bread. Which was ok by them.

To cut a long story short, a private school is not all that its cracked up to be ethier.
I found myself up against the accademic students, and teachers pets etc.

I failed my TER, even though i studied my butt off, but marks were scaled down, against what the accademic got!, so basically alot of money and time was wasted for me in going to a private school.

I have questioned myself on whether i would send my daughter to a private, school and think the only one good thing as well about a private school with the one gender is, is that there is less distraction of boys!lol.:p

Mel

I send my dd to a Catholic school. I was baptised Catholic but don't practice religion although I do believe in God. I think if you don't agree with alot of the fundamentals of Catholicism you may find that your views are conflicting with that of the school all the time. They are certainly not bible bashers at my dds school but they pray everyday and religion does play a big part in the curriculum. With having said that there is a great sense of community at her school which I didn't find at the local state primary. They are also taught about other religions and cultures. In fact comparing her knowledge of this with her cousin who attends a state school, my dd knows alot more. I am happy for my daughter to be taught religion and join in religious activities as I think being given some sort of belief system when you are younger helps you decide what you want to believe when you are an adult. I don't think you have to lie about your feelings but you really need to make sure that you are comfortable with your child embracing teachings that you may not agree with. Good luck it's a hard decision.

I am now in the same boat - we are lookign at moving and the schools in the area that we are looking at are "ok" but the catholic school is much better ( a lot less riff raff so to speak ). Personally, i am not religious at all, and neither is DF - but i think it is terribly important to have a fundamental knowledge of each religion.

So, if we do send dd to thsi catholic school i will have to zip my mouth and put aside everything i believe in - not to offend anyone out there but the thought of having to sit down and not share my views on religion will make me sick. I am scared that dd will be brainwashed into religion (which i find so ridiculous).

will be interested to see what you finally decide!

ps -i really dotn mean to offend anyone!!! each to their own!!!

Both our kids go to a Catholic school, I'm not Catholic however Marc is (but not practicing). Both our children are baptised Catholic mostly because we knew we would have difficulties attending the school of our choice due to its popularity. We fell in love with the school after the principal came to our Kinder and did a big talk. That was back when Paris was 3 so thats how long we knew it was right for us. Our MIL is a very devout Catholic so we knew by sending them to a Catholic school and baptising them she would want some input into their religious upbringing. We are happy for them to learn about catholicism and christian values but we are also of the opinion our childrens faith is up to them and whatever they choose we will support them. We never lied about anything and never really had to answer anything. We had an interview with the principal and the Parish priest and he merely told us what the kids would be learning and that he would like us to attend mass when we can. As it is we only attend if there is a special mass for the kids or MIL is here. I'm sure he would prefer it more often but thats just the type of people we are. If you are sending your kids to a catholic school as catholic children there will be expectations and they will have daily prayers, masses etc. However we believe if and when Paris or Seth decides to question their faith we will be there to support them in an unbias way (I am not anti anything so I won't be doing the whole "Its all rubbish and we think this" thing) Our school teaches about judaisim and islam and we plan to teach them about other religions too. Spiritualism is more my base, and I believe in living life in a way that you would be proud of, all religions have a base for morals and ethics and I follow this more than the deity based religion iykwim?

We are so happy with our choice and couldn't ask for a better school. And I really do believe the community spirit, the morals and principles of the school are highly to do with its religious base.

ETA: I also think that its probably best not to be anti catholicism if sending a child to a catholic school, you have to expect to take part and I wouldn't think it would be very fair if the children were learning about something and you were to be continually undermining it iykwim? So we don't say "we don't believe xyz" We allow her to be taught this faith by sending her to this school to not do that would be too confusing to them I feel and also unfair to the other children.

Thanks for the repies :)

In my heart i was unable to feel right about sending DS to any kind of religious school... it just felt wrong for him to have to practice it before he could make the choice himself.

So we have enrolled him in Montessori, which we have met with and love, definately the right choice for us as it is in line with our parenting and life style philosophies as well.

I am currently having the same problem - lucky for me I won't have to worry about the issue for quite some time (we're not even TTC just yet). I live in a large regional NSW town which is dominated by the Catholic Church. 80% of the private schools are Catholic, the rest being Lutheran, Anglican and Christian. I was not raised with any religion, I have not been baptised and I do not follow any particular religion. My DH was raised a Catholic, baptised and Catholic and went through 13 years of Catholic School - only to come out of it a NON CATHOLIC. He has said from day 1 that he would not put his children through the Catholic School system - nor any religious system for that matter. I fully embraced this as I went to a public school and my family are big believers in the public school system.

We built a house last year in a beautiful new suburb in our ever expanding community and without sounding like a snob - it's a very well-to-do area. Our "zoned" public school (which is our closest even though it's 10km away) is in a very bad suburb and sits on one of the worst streets in town (in terms of violence, drugs etc) and the suburb in which the school is located is mostly community housing. I refuse to send my child to this school. There are no ifs or buts on this one - I will not have my child attend that school - I will not have my children in that area of town!

So here is the dilemma - do I send my child to a religious school despite our family not being religious - or do I send my child to the dodgy public school? As some of you ladies have mentioned above - having my child sing songs about jesus would make me really uncomfortable - yet the Catholic school is a fantastic school in all other respects.

My hope is that before I really have to worry - another public school will be built within our zone as our new suburb is expanding even further. I suppose we still have about 6-8 years before we have to worry! But it is on my mind!

Sorry if that was long winded!