Any other mums doing IVF

I started a FET cycle on Friday, today is my first day of injections. Some how all though it would be nice to have another baby the whole emotional side of the thought of being childless seems to make this one better so far LOL. I did say today was first day of hormones by Wednesday I'm sure I'll be a blubbering mess.
Eliza took us alot of cycles so we have decided just to use our FE's and if it isnt meant to be , we are happy.
Love to chat to any other mums that are on there journey to add to there family:)

hey there Bec
i am a mum who does IVF- but having an imposed break at the moment due to finances
I actually found it harder with kids to do IVF and you know what is at stake and what you could miss out on when it doesn't work!!
It took use 3 stim cycles to get our twins and since then have done 3 FET and a stim cycle trying to finish our family. Unfortuntately no embys left on ice - so its a stim cycle when we go again. We got pg on our second last FET but I had a missed/mc at 12 weeks which broke my heart in two
look forward to chatting to you as well
odette

Odette,
I know what you mean with the finances, somehow we found money no problems last time but this time I keep on thinking OMG IVF, meds and what if I do get pregnant. Oh well it will be found somehow. Eliza was stim No 4 - Fet No 15 !!
There is only 2 cycles for us , have niggling feeling they may not defrost all that well. An issue we havent had before.
I have been pregnant 3 time lost 2 in the second tri with IVF and yes the devistation of losing these special bubs is very heartbreaking.
Scan on Friday...another nice drive to the city
Bec

Hi Bec and Odette,

I'm waiting to start Lucrin for my second stim cycle. Our first one was in Nov/Dec and I got a bfp, but lost it on new year's day. We didn't get any frozen embies, so I'm waiting for the nurses to call me today to tell me when to start the down reg.

I have a son who is almost 5, and we've been trying for another baby for the last four years.

I find that secondary infertility has a whole lot of different issues that come with it. My little man is always asking when he's going to have a brother or sister, particularly when his friends' mums at kinder have babies.

I also have this stress about the age gap being so big, and I have worked out that if I don't get pregnant in the next couple of months, then they won't ever be going to primary school at the same time.

And because infertility is so consuming, I feel like our life has been on hold for the past 4 years, and after we had the miscarriage, I felt like I should just be thankful that I have my son, and get on with life.

We have made the mistake so many times of not doing something, because "by then I should be pregnant", but it's so hard not to.

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a right to post in the other forums when others are trying for their first, so it's good to have other mums to chat to.

Good luck to both of you for your next cycles.

Lisa

Kim, I think a seperate forum sounds like a great idea.
I haven't been on BB much since the birth of our OI/IUI son 14mths ago but after two recent failed cycles TTC#2, I really feel I need some extra support again.
I was just wondering where I should be posting. With DS I received great support in AC and the TTC after m/c forums. Now, I am not technically TTC after miscarriage and just as you've all mentioned, it feels a touch uncomfortable posting with those desperate for no 1.

I have found my longing for a second child at least equal to that for a first. I know I am soooo lucky to have DS but it doesn't change at all that urge to be a mother again. Its actually all just a bit harder now - the money, trying to get to scans, bloods etc with a toddler in tow. And then, i feel guilty sitting with him at the clinic across from other women who are probably anguished looking at a baby in an IVF waiting room!
Anyway, would love to chat to any other TTC with AC mums.

Welcome everyone,
I too find it hard to post in LTTTC as I know how I felt as a childless LTTTC or going to the clinic and seeing couples having transfers with children in the waiting room. I think I told DH that I would like to do nasty things to a couple once obviously the hormones were playing up that day ;).
Today I had a scan and I have a trigger on Tuesday and transfer Friday, it is all so new but all old iykwim, It seems with children and AI IVF where I would worry about everything and little detail I have no time to do it at the moment. Mum and Eliza came to my appointment today, it was unusual to be sitting at IVF clinic with 4 other women , 3 had children with them including me but mum took DD off to play somewhere else in the building and 1 that had none. I felt for her.

Arghh Puregon is making me tired and sick atm, very low dose but I have tried to keep hormonal imbalance in tact for the past 3 yrs and now it is in full swing and feeling crap with sore BB's and bloated and feel like I want to vomit all the time pmsl. No one feels sorry for me :(

Merideth: Guee it only seems like yesterday that Logan was at the BB christmas meet as a new newborn, glad to see you are TTC..fingers crossed

Kim: Great idea, wow 11 snowbubs...How long did it take for Hayden to come along? I hear you about the $$$ I have gone back to work part time to fund this even with the rebates but coming up with the initial is the tough part

Lisa: You have had a rough patch, I found it so hard to get over my mc with IVF, it does seem that everything we do reflects how we plan our lives around. DD is 3 and she is getting to the really interested in newborns it is so sweet. I hope you start down regging soon, fingers crossed that this cycle is the one

Oh I waffle too much after having a whinge about being tired I suppose I should go to bed..lol
Bec

hi girls,
mind if I join in, I am currently trying for bub no#2 with FET had a scan on thursday but need to go back on monday and will hopefully start testing for LH surge then hopefully a transfer in the next two weeks fingers crossed.
I know what you mean about feeling awkward about posting in other areas.
I've got 4 snowbubs left at the current time after loosing my angel in November at 6/7 weeks

Allie: Glad you joined us, oohh we are very similar in timings for our FET's you will have to put up with me POAS every day LOL.
How adorable is Paige?
Bec
Still needing to go to bed LOL

yep I'm off to bed right now, one glass of wine and I'm cactus, especially on a Friday night after work, will catch you again soon

Hi Ladies - i know i haven't got a child yet though IVF and completely understand your reason for wanting a separate forum - and don't take this the wrong way but think it would be good for you all if it means you feel better to share your stories/ journeys there (where you will also understand each other better)

One thing i would like to say is that i value what you all have to say too, and would like to know that you would still post in LTTTC threads and that i would too be able to still support you all in 'the new thread'

I wish you all the very best in your journeys and GL with the new thread (hope to be joining you soon )

Hi all,

I have a 4 year old son, and have been trying for #2 since he was 5 months old with no success. It has been and on and off journey over that time. We have literally JUST commenced our second IVF/ICSI cycle. Its been a loooong journey, I hope we're nearing the end now!
I found it really difficult when he was home to drag him to appointments, have him see my disappointment and heartache at failures etc. Since he started preschool, it impacts far less so thats a good thing. I find it hard to explain secondary infertility to people. Some have that 'be grateful for what you have' thing... not understanding it is BECAUSE we are so grateful and so enamoured by our son that we want it all again - and want the gift of a sibling for him. its a tricky one.

All the best to you all :)

Kell,
The grateful thing grates on me sometimes although I feel blessed with what we have achieved no one should have the ordasity to presume that it is ok to limit your happiness to one. My MIL was saying how excited she was getting with transfer ( We never told them about our IVF journey till very late in adventure) So really this is her first knowlegeable cycle. My mum on the other hand has witnessed the vomiting in the car on the way home from OPU's and the "drug responses" and is very worried. Not to mention if I do get pregnant as that is another "saga". I suppose that is why I am so content on not pursueing this longer than 2 cycles..LOL well by October I will have done another Stim (me thinks).
Sorry I talk to much it is just that I know you all know what it is like to look into those gorgeous childrens eyes and think we can do it again.

Ladies,

The idea of a separate forum for secondary infertility has been brought up on a few occasions before, the mods have discussed it at length, and still discussing it. But I thought I might share now with you all why I have always been opposed to it.

I am a woman who also suffered from secondary infertility, and while I understand all of you feeling like you shouldn't post in the LTTTC thread because you already have a child/ren, I am concerned about there being a mentality of needing a separation of the 'haves' and the 'have nots'. Infertility is a painful, difficult journey, and one that requires empathy and support no matter your situation. Yes I'm sure you feel fortunate to have a child (as do I) but that alone shouldn't define you and separate you from others going through the same difficulties. Our experiences should be shared, and secondary infertility should not be hidden away as if we have no right to be supported as we should be 'grateful' for what we have. Nor should those who have not yet had a child be made to feel as if they miss out on belonging to yet another section of society. We are segregated enough by our infertility, we don't need more.

If the only obstacle to posting in the LTTTC threads is that you feel you shouldn't be there because you already have had a child/ren, then I can assure you now that if that were the case, I wouldn't still be here. And not once have I ever received a complaint from a LTTTCer without children about a mother posting in the LTTTC forums looking for support. If you are a LTTTCer, than the LTTTC thread is as much your thread as anyone else's, why should you feel awkward?

The only thing you need to respect is not to talk of your kids in the LTTTC threads (and with 95% of BB devoted to all things mothering and parenting, that doesn't seem a big ask) and everyone will get along fine. You can talk of your children in many other places here on BB. But your IVF/AC journeys are pretty much the same as someone with no kids, it's obvious even from the posts in this thread.

As a mother who needed IVF, some of the best friends I made on the site were those who weren't mothers themselves yet. And the idea of any of us being different because we already had kids didn't occur to any of us then, and tbh, IMO, it shouldn't now.

Please PM me if you wish to discuss this futher.

I agree with Sushee, my first experience of IVF was due to secondary infertility and I posted a LOT In the LTTTC/AC threads and I never once felt awkward or unwelcome because I already had one child. I always felt totally supported by the wonderful women on BB.

I hope to maybe do a FET cycle some time in the future and wouldn't hesitate to gain some support from those forums again.

Good luck to all of you - I hope your dreams are fulfilled!

Hi girls,
sorry I don't know any of you so I don't want to stick my nose in but I did want to support what sushee said. I have been TTC number 2 for 5 years and a member of BB for 4 years. I started out in the TTC threads as back then it was a small site with no LTTTC or assisted conception threads. Along with sushee I was one of the originals in the LTTTC and assisted conception threads and it was a small group that naturally grew. I am the only original from that group, I think to have not had success. Then it was split out into LTTTC and AC and a long term assisted conception thread then more recently there has been other areas such as older mums and donor conception.
Each time a new area opens it is great and often needed as the original thread is often just getting too big and needs to be split. But each time, I can't help but feel a bit sad as it does tend to "pigeon hole" people and therefore further isolate them from others that are going through very similar things.
Like sushee, I have never heard any LTTTCer without children complain that we are around. and I think we can be valuable as we can give people who haven't been pg a bit of a clue about whether they may be pg. when they get the dreaded 2WW symptoms
But I also understand your need for a place where you can feel free to talk about your kids with people that also are having trouble getting another child. Maybe this type of thread is the place to do it, rather than a permanent separate thread.

Have I done the wrong thing by posting re mums doing IVF, I need somewhere I can talk about me lol and the impact it is having not only on DH but on DD.
I never complained about mothers talking about there venture to add to their family BUT I thought some horrible thoughts towards them.

Bec G,

you haven't done the wrong thing, you weren't to know it's been discussed before. I understand that as a person who previously had not had a child, you probably did think horrible thoughts about mums who were suffering with secondary infertility, but I'd like to think now you've already had Eliza, you'd know it's as hard struggling with secondary infertility as it is with primary infertility.

I won't say that in the darkest of hours, someone with no kids might feel like we have no right to complain, but I don't think that's fair or correct, and more than that, I don't think we should promote that perception. And I would not like to think that they see us as belonging to a 'club' they are yet again excluded from. When we intergrate, we find more things in common than differences, in my experience. Like anney said, every time we split the LTers, we get more isolated, and less sympathetic to each other. Sometimes it's necessary, but often it's not for the best.

I understand that you may wish to discuss the impact of IVF on your DD, but a thread specifically about that may be more suited than a thread that separates the IVF mums from the IVF childless.

that's well said Sushee

I hear where you're coming from Sushee, but we feel how we feel, no matter what others tell us we should feel. Can we at least make it a sticky?

It's more as a courtesy to those that are still struggling to become parents that the idea of somewhere we can chat without feeling guilty is appealing. It's the same reason people are expected to move on to the "pregnancy after LTTTC" forum once they get a bfp.

It's not to exclude those that have not yet had a baby, but it does mean that everyone is aware that it is an area where children may be mentioned. I know there are other areas on bb that are for talking about children, but there needs to be a place within LTTTC where we can feel free to mention our children.

I know that we have just as much right to feel grief from our secondary infertility, however, I can still imagine how others that don't have any children may view it.

This has been my first thread that I've really posted on, and the only reason I did so was because it was an invitation to mothers doing ivf. Until then, I'd just been a lurker!

lp3535,

I understand how it sometimes can be hard to find where you 'fit' if there isn't a thread specific to your circumstance, but the truth is, I am thinking of the larger community when I have opposed a separate thread. I too have had moments of 'where do I belong?' after I had my son, Charlie, and was trying to figure whether I should wean him so I could have my FET. But I also realised that there would obviously never be a "TTC with Assisted Conception but not really Long Term while Breastfeeding" thread. It was the realisation that in fact IVF and AC, including the feelings involved, are pretty much universal to all of us that made me realise that we are in fact all in the same boat, and there is no need for us to feel like one group is different to another. We're not different.

Like I said previously, I've never ever felt that I didn't belong in the LTTTC forums, and as a mother of 3 kids when I did IVF, and 4 kids now, I absolutely do not believe that the LTTTC thread is somewhere I shouldn't be posting in, and I challenge anyone to tell me otherwise. As Willow and Anney have pointed out too, the IVF mums and the IVFers without kids have always previously cycled together, and posted in the same thread, without incident, and have made great friends and received amazing support in the process. The IVFers without kids have never ever asked for us to be separated from them, so it's not really true to say that it's not about excluding them, because that's exactly what we'd be doing.

I have read this thread, and tbh the conversations so far have been about the same things that all IVFers go through, barring perhaps the effect of your treatment on your child/ren, emotionally and practically. Personally I believe this one point of difference doesn't warrant a completely separate thread.

If Bec G had started a thread that was about 'how does IVF effect your children' and it stayed on that topic, I wouldn't be here. It would be a geniune discussion about an aspect of LTTTC. But in this case I am specifically addressing the point raised of wanting another 'chat' thread for IVF mums, and to explain the reasons as to why I don't support it. General chat about your kids can be done in the other 95% of BB, and does not need to happen in LTTTC, esp if it's not LTTTC related. If you really do feel for those who don't yet have a child, surely we should not have a sitcky thread in this particular forum for people to discuss their kids, esp when they have the rest of BB at their disposal.

Hi Sushee,

I don't see why then we are banned from mentioning the effects on our children in the LTTTC thread. We're not talking about what our children's first words are, or how many teeth they have, we can talk to our friends and families about those sorts of things. We are talking about the difficulties of doing IVF/AC with small children, and how that effects them, and the difficulties and challenges that we face because we have children.

As BecG said, she never said said anything, but deep down she did have ill feelings towards women trying for #2 and beyond. I remember a thread a while ago (can't remember where, it was when I first started reading threads!), where people were talking about couples taking children to IVF appointments. Some LTTTCers were completely fine with it, while others were quite upset by it. And there were a couple of people who actually spoke like they hated children. I could understand with all the emotions that go with TTC#1 how it would feel like rubbing salt into a wound.

I know that not everyone feels this way, but just as you felt completely comfortable posting in the general LTTTC threads, some of us clearly don't. If it's purely treatment related, or offering others advice, it's fine, but when it comes to my own journey and challenges, I just don't feel comfortable.

Clearly there are a few people here who feel the same way, otherwise there would have been no follow up posts, but please to not imply that I don't feel for those that don't have children because I suggested a sticky. I only suggested it to protect other people's feelings and to give us somewhere where we can be honest and open about our feelings, without having to hide our children away.

Anyway, that's my opinion. This is why it was much easier lurking, than actually getting involved! lol

I have never been given reason to feel guilty from anyone on these boards or any other, tbh..its my own feelings that bother me! I am happy to have a thread like this, but I tend to use the ongoing ltttc thread for my updates etc, and its a great support in there.

My thinking is, if you are comfortable in there, use it! If you prefer this, then use this, doesn't need to be stuck or whatever for you to use it?

Why I stared this thread was the need to be able to discuss the whole impact that IVF is having not only on me, DH and DD. The need to talk about when you are having highly hormonal days there isnt the opportunity to crawl into bed and watch the days go bye till you are feeling in a better place. I have a whole other aspect to consider now, like the need to ask Did you take your child to an internal ultrasound? Believe me I never did IVF the easy way and like Sushee said there is many places I coud slot into but to be fair there is only a select few that have had stillbirth after IVF and I prefer to take it one day at time and at this time I am dealing with IVF.
I dont care if this is a sticky or a sub section all I care about it that I can have one thread that it is ok to mention DD and IVF in the same sentence without having to go back and edit on the grounds that I may make others deal with any other issues but there cycle.
Heres hoping that in 3 weeks there isnt a need for me to post here and I am in a pregnancy buddy group LOL.
But for the first time in a long time...I felt that I have come into contact with women that really understand me and where I am at this time...a stressful time but also an exciting time.

I talk with a group of women in another forum in a private ltttc section with me being the only one that does not have at least 1 child. While I have made a bond with these women and I cannot put into words how important the support has been, our journeys are different. They are dealing with things in a way that I cannot understand and visa versa. I think me being around afffects the freeness of expressing certain things regarding their children sometimes because they feel guilty talking like that in front of me. Of course they do not need to, but they do and I guess that is just a bit of human nature.

I think having a sperate thread about TTC with IVF would not create haves & have nots, it would just give those women soomewhere to go and get some understanding, for example in the same way on BB as there are seperate threads for Pregnancy after LTTTC & Preganacy after Miscarriage & loss for women to talk about the journey with others sharing the same feelings right along aide them. Because there are different feelings & emotions it makes sense to have a seperate thread.

I have not actively talked in the LLLTC thread for quite a awhile. A few years ago I did and I was nowhere near my IVF journey but alot of the talk in there was about that and I found I could not relate. There are so many different ways you can come at LTTTC & AC and sometimes while we all seem the same, we are actually very different.

Bec - if there is no sperate sticky thread why don't you start a journal? then you can freely discuss whatever you would like to. :)

The only reason I suggested a sticky was so that it is easy for other mums to find. But I guess if we keep talking, it will always stay active and up the top anyway.

What I suppose bothers me about this is the fact that the IVF childless are not asking to be separated. If you, as someone who TTC#1, begrudged the women who were tryng for #2,#3, etc, I would think having to be a part of a thread with them would eventually allow you to realise that their pain and journey was the same as yours. And if you didn't realise that at the time, having a sparate thread for them to chat to the exlusion of you certainly wouldn't have helped you learn to be more sympathectic to them, in fact I would expect not having to 'deal' with those suffering secondary infertility might allow you to be less sympathetic.

I recognise that some of you feel the discomfort of posting in the LTTTC forum, whether it's because you can't talk about how IVF is effecting your family, or because you can't post your ticker in this one particular forum. But I believe that it does women who suffer from infertility an injustice to keep catergorising us as different. I have made my point in previous posts: I believe our community has been strong thus far because we intergrate, we learn from each other, we recognise that we are at different stages at our lives, but we also recognise the sameness of our pain and struggle.

BB will never be every thing to every person, and as with every community, you come in, you try to fit, and if you don't want to fit, you try to make your own place. But not everyone will get their own place, it's not possible and it's not always in the community's best interest. Members like me and anney and Willow who have been through this and come out the other side can see how we are getting more and more segregated and, while necessary sometimes, it's divided us and made us less understanding of each other.

So while it may be that a few of you feel like a separate thread for you is warranted, I, and a lot of other people, do not agree that it is the best thing for the BB IVF community. To say you only wish to discuss your journey 'with women who really understand me' or 'to give us somewhere where we can be honest and open about our feelings, without having to hide our children away' implies that those who have not yet had a child are incapable of supporting you, and that is very much is your perception, not the perceptions of those who you assume you can't talk to.

I will also mention that in my time doing IVF, I did in fact discuss my kids in the LTTTC thread, but in the context of how they were affected by my treatment. I was sensitive to those around me, and did not discuss general things about my kids, and I did not display my ticker. That seemed a really small courtesy for me to afford them, and they in turn learnt about me as a person, and as a mother. I'm sure Willow and anney would say the same. So what is it really about? That you don't want to offend anyone or that you want the kind of freedom to discuss your kids that you already have in the rest of BB?

I actually said that I would not have interfered with a thread that was specifically about how IVF effects your family/kids, but this thread was heading towards talking about general IVF stuff under the guise of being only open to mums who are going back to IVF. It was becoming a psuedo chat thread, and it has been discussed and agreed on on many previous occasions that it would not be in the best interests of this forum to have a separate thread for secondary infertility.

It was actually originally decided that this thread be closed should it continue to be general chat, but rather than do that, I came in and explained my reasons in opposing it to you all, and have been open to being convinced otherwise. But I honestly believe that the discomfort and the feeling of not belonging that you have put forward as your main reason for another thread is a flawed perecption that you would eventually get over if you gave it a chance. By your own admissions, many of you have not/not often posted in the LTTTC thread to begin with. At a time when we didn't have a choice, and we all talked in one forum (the donor conception, the LTAC, the LTTTC, the clomid, the natural TTC etc) we all got on just fine because we didn't have the luxury of feeling uncomfortable. We either posted together or we didn't get the support we needed.

So I will put a finer point to this: you can absolutely discuss how IVF effects you and your family in this forum. That, after all, is LTTTC related. So, Bec, if you wanted to discuss the effects of IVF on your DH and DD, can you please start a new thread about that specific topic? And as long as it (and any other threads specifically about IVF-related chld issues) stays on topic, I will not close it.

But the mods have decided that we are not going to have a separate chat thread for secondary infertility, so attempts to create such a thread in LTTTC for the purpose of 'feeling free' to openly discuss your children will be closed henceforth.

Many have asked for their own threads, and if we believe it's in the best interests of the community, we will oblige. We do try our best to please our members. But if we don't agree that it will be in the best interests of the larger community, we try to explain to the best of our ability the reasons behind it, which I well and truly feel I have done now.

This thread will now be closed, and further discussion about this can be done with me directly offline either via PM or email.

Whilst the mod team can understand the reasoning behind a thread like this, a chatter group for mums doing IVF at this point in time we have decided against it. As Sushee has said, LT TTCers already feel segregated from those that get their pregnancies more easily, why would we want to further that segregation? It feels a little like "well we have one or more child/ren our struggles are now different to yours" which simply isn't true. The LT TTC struggles are the same regardless if you have no children yet or if you have five children already.

To discuss the difficulties your partners or children are facing why not start up a thread for specifically that? Maybe "How has IVF affected your partner / husband?" and then one like "How has IVF affected your other children?" Both would generate some interesting responses I suspect, but without the need to segregate BB members even further than they already are.

Please understand that we're not trying to make things difficult for you or trying to take a place to chat away from you, we're just trying to keep the peace and make BB a happy place for everyone. You feel shunned for already having children in the LT TTC threads, but imagine how you would have felt if a thread this existed before you had your children. There's yet another thread on BB (and within your own section) that you just couldn't be a part of yet. It's hard enough as it is without that don't you think?

All ladies going through IVF are "mums doing IVF" even if their bubs aren't on this earth yet....