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As of an hour or two ago. Long story short, my ex (jesus christ, he's my ex now) punched me in the face leaving a bump the size of a golf ball. And it's MY fault, aparently. I can only take so much, y'know? So for once in my life, I'm using my better judgement and getting out of this. I don't want violence to be a part of my daughters life.
So yeah, Hello!
Hi there,
Good on you get out and more importantly you know you dont have to put up with crap!
Cheers Ainsley
OMG!!! thats horrible you poor thing... My relationship isnt perfect but my DP would never hit me.... Thats one line i woule also draw.... Hope your ok, have you told the police or anything????
My step father was abusive to my DP and as a result of the voilence my poor DP ended up in hospital twice- (my DP didnt want to fight back as he was my dad) in the end we just packed up house, and moved away.... havent seen them for 16 months and our lives are so much better off... I didnt want our son or future children being brought up any where near that kind of voilence....
Hope things work out for you and glad your out of there and you and your precious bubs are safe...
Good luck
Well done on kicking out your violent XP. The first few days are the hardest. We're here if you need to vent or whatever.
Thinking of you.
You have made the right decision for your safety and the safety of your baby. You should be so proud of yourself for having that courage. No one no matter who they are can treat you like that never ever, not even just once!!!!
Call the police if you feel up to it. Do you have somewhere safe to go with your DD?
You won't regret this decision, it will be the best decision of your life, trust me on that.
Lv Spring
:hugs: Baby Socks.
Voilence is never ever ok - and you have done a good thing by saying NO and stopping the cycle before it can begin.
one day at a time ok...
Awww hun, you poor thing. I was reading a thread the other day about your EXDP. Sounds like you have really, really done the right thing for the your safety and the safety of your little baby. You both deserve so much better.
I hope you have somewhere safe to go. I'm sure he'll be full of apologies in the next few days but stick with your better judgment!
Oh God. Well done for making the hardest decision. You DO NOT need to tolerate crap like that. It is NEVER your fault. Be strong and hang in there for your gorgeous little girl.
What state are you in hun?
:hug: Hun!
What a frightening thing for you to go through! Wishing you and your beautiful DD all the best xox.
Baby Socks - I just read your other thread hun. Please get some help hun... domestic violence has a way of permeating into your life. As others have said, take photos of the abuse, go to your doctor, so that it is documented, and if you feel strong enough go to the police. No one ever deserves to be on the end of someone's thump!! As hard as it may seem right now, taking action will show him that you mean business, that your not going to be treated like crap, and that you are worthwhile. Stay strong darlin, your little girl needs you.
:hug: you have done the right thing, a hard but good decision. From your other post it seems like he wasn't being very good to you or your precious little DD. Good on you!
OMG!!! You have made the right decision for yourself and for your baby. :hugs: :hugs:
Thankyou all so much for your replies, I really appreciate it. To be honest, this isn't the first time he's hurt me. It started 6 months into our relationship (there was one incident in that year), but started full-tilt when I became pregnant. I also kissed someone else and confessed to him just before I became pregnant, so my guess is that it was the combination of both of these factors that created a context for the abuse - though my feeling is that it would've happened eventually anyway. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for letting him do this to me while I was pregnant and putting my daughter at risk, but it's in the past and I can't change it now.
Right now I live with my parents (And i'm planning to stay here since it's much easier in many ways than living alone), so I'm safer than I would be otherwise, though he knows what hours they work and i'm worried he'll hassle me. Luckily he doesn't really have his own transport and the only place he could stay (Aside from his undrivable car) is in the hills (I'm in West Aus), so chances are he won't be bothering me.
thanks again everyone *hugs*
Oh BABY SOCKS ... I feel so proud of you :clap:
I was in the same situation (minus child) when I was in my early 20's :cry:
Yep, my partner of the same age at the time punched me & one time even kicked me with his steel capped boots whilst I had just stepped wet out of the shower :(
... The bells rang for me then ... As my Mother said to me years before "NEVER EVER give a man a second chance when he has hit you once because chances are if it was that easy for him to do it once then he will do it again".
My Mother back then also said "So, get out & walk away if it were ever to happen that first time".
Well, silly me stayed with my partner for another 2yrs until he punched & kicked me again to the point that I now have a lifetime of permanent back pain :doh:
That was now nearly 20yrs ago and if I could have done it all over again - Well, I would have left ASAP after the very first violent episode (Just like you BABY SOCKS).
... You are so fortunate to have your parents support as sadly my own parents were not about to help me when it happened.
You have given you baby the GREATEST GIFT in not risking such an atmosphere for the BOTH of you to live in !!!
I know what I'm talking about as I myself grew up with a Father who was violent towards my Mother ... And it's a horrible life to live through as a child & as an adult you still carry those awelful memories where ever you go in life.
**** I wish you an amazing life ahead of you, stay strong & know you are a strong person for the massive decision you had to make on your own :clap:
Thanks for that, smiles. He just came over (Strategically choosing to do it in the middle of the night, knowing i'd be awake and my parents wouldn't be), i woke up my folks and wouldn't deal with him. I'd be too tempted to get back with him, and he would try to convince me. I don't want that to happen. Especially since I overheard his conversation with my parents, he made it all MY fault. My stepdad gave him a good earful though :)
He's the product of a violent household himself (not that that's an excuse but it certainly doesn't help), and he hasn't just done this to me. He's pushed his mother around a few times that i've seen, and hurt his sister. I think that's just how he's wired and unless he decides to really get stuck into changing, it won't happen. Even if he did, I don't think I'd consider getting back with him. Even IF he somehow changed, I don't think I could forgive him. I don't love him anymore. I care about him, but I don't love him.
Good on you I'm so glad to hear you are in a safe place. Can't add much more than what everyone else has said but *big comfort hugs*
hOney
well done on standing up and getting out. alot of women dont do it until its to late (I was one of them a LONG time ago) You are one fantastic mother and women to be thinking so clear and straight after something like that. Take care of you and your darling...you guys come first.
:hug: I'm so proud of you. You don't need to take that kind of stuff and you're 100% correct that you need to protect your daughter.
Be proud of yourself for protecting yourself and your daughter. It is NEVER your fault.
Your local community health centre should have a domestic violence counsellor that you'll be able to see.
I'm glad your parents are there for you.
Take care
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
(and then some) to you BabySocks.
You have just made one of the most life-changing decisions for both you and your daughter. I know it seems raw and difficult and sad right now, but you have just given yourself and your precious girl the most amazing gift - empowerment.
Of course she's too little to realise it now but it means that her life began with a proud, strong mother and she'll have a better life because of it. As of course will you.
Just remember this feeling, because I wouldn't be surprised if in a month or two Ex-DP comes knocking and tells you how much he's "changed", and you'll need to be strong enough to stand by your decision. Obviously, people can genuinely change, but I think he'd need to do ALOT of hard, soul-searching work to earn back your trust and a few months probably wouldn't cut it.
Well done xox
PS: on a practical note, as the others have said, take photos of your wound and report it to the police if you feel you can. I hope this isn't the case but you might need proof in the future in case of custody issues, etc.
Thanks, everyone. I pressed charges today. I'm half regretting it but I know i've done the right thing. Instead of feeling powerful because of it, I feel powerless because now there's officially no turning back. But then I look at myself in the mirror (puffy face and two black eyes) and I remember there was no going back even before this.
Thanks for your support <33
You sure have made the decision. That took courage and strength so you should be very proud of yourself.
lv Spring
Stick to your guns BabySocks.
Very glad to hear that you are getting the support that you need.
Baby Socks, congratulations to you on being so brave through out all this and doing the right thing by you and your daughter. You are a very strong person and should feel proud of yourself.
We're all here to support you through this, and if you need any help with anything let me know, there are lots of places you can get some extra help if needed.
Baby socks i'm GLAD you're here. The alternative doesn't bear thinking about. Better to be a single mum than an abused one. It is hard to make the decision to leave an abusive partner and even harder to stick to that decision, but you may well have saved your and your DD's lives by making this decision.
You are so amazing hun.
Giant loves and :hug:
Bx
Good on you. You ought to be able to get an AVO on him now too if you haven't already.
Well done.
babysocks- just like to say that i think your a fantastic person for having the courage to stand up for yourself and recognise when something wasnt right. You should be proud of yourself for not putting up with it. Big Hugs and wish you and bubs a happy and safe future.
You've done the right thing by your bubs and by yourself. It may be a difficult time but i'm sure you'll get through it and be much better off in the long term.
Wish you good luck for thr future and again good on you hun...
Well done - excellent!!
It's the icky time now - all the good stuff is on it's way to you. I promise!!
BAby socks, I'm so proud of you. its the first step to taking back your power, its the first step in standing up for yourself, looking after you, saying NO I will NOT be abused. Well done hun. Its overwhelming and scary but you can do it... your an amazing woman, who has an amazing journey ahead of her as she as she watches her beautiful daughter grow into an amazing woman. While it may not feel like it right now, you have given her an incredible gift by taking care of you. :hugs:
:hug: Baby Socks. How are you going? I'm so proud of you too. Well done for pressing charges and for refusing to speak to him. They will say anything to get you back under their control. Stay strong! I lived as a child in a violent household. As an adult I am actually angrier with my mother who put my sister and I into that situation than I am with the violent Step father. Please protect your DD. Lulu is right: these are the hard days... life WILL get better if you stay strong!
YOU HAVE MADE THE BEST DECISSION TO LEAVE, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE FOR A MAN, OR AYONE FOR THAT MATTER TO HIT YOU..IT IS N-O-T OKAY! AND GOOD ON YOU FOR SEEING THAT AND WALKING AWAY. TO GO BACK TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT IS VERY EASY AND MANY WOMEN DO, BUT PLEASE BE STRONG AND CONTINUE ON YOUR OWN PATH AND REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON, A GREAT MUM AND YOUR CHILD DOES NOT DESERVE TO GROW UN IN AN ENVIRONMENT WITH THAT TYPE OF CARRY ON HAPPENING. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ESCUALTES AND MANY TIMES THE END RESULTS ARE LIFE OR DEATH. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL CHILD, CONCENTRATE ON THAT AND KEEP YOUR FAM AND FRIENDS CLOSE. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND EXPERIENCING AT THIS TIME, IT IS VERY HARD AND TRUST ME, IF YOU CAN BE STONG ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY FROM THAT AND STAY AWAY THEN YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE. BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS VERY CHALLENGING AT TIMES, I HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN WITH MY DAUGHTER SINCE SHE WAS 12MONTHS OLD, SHE IS ALMOST 3... I HAVE TOUGH DAYS AND I HAVE GREAT DAYS.. IT IS ALL 120% WORTH IT. BEING A MUM IS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD AND I WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. SO GO AND PAT YOURSELF ON YOUR BACK AND TELL YOURSELF THINGS ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE...BECAUSE THEY WILL!!!! PROMISE!!! CONTACT ME AT rachjm84@yahoo.com IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TALK MORE, IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO :-) BE SAFE
Well done Baby Socks - you've done a very brave thing. I can't pretend to know what you are going through right now, having never experienced abuse, but you are doing a good thing by leaving him on your own terms.
Stay strong honey, you are a very courageous woman and will get through the tough times to the good times that are waiting on the other side.
Thanks, everyone.
I'm sort of perplexed right now as to what the hell I'm meant to do with myself. I have no friends (I did before I met exP but that didn't work too well) and am pretty much just alone right now. We're still talking, which is probably bad. He's saying that he needs to work on himself for a LONG time, at least a year (correctamondo), and after that perhaps we can start seeing each other again etc. etc. I don't effing know. With any luck I'll hate him by then. Right now i'm not angry, I'm just so hurt. I think about all the good times we had before all this ugliness, then I remember the ugliness itself and feel even worse. He raped me and I have no idea what to do with that. I don't know how to react or what I should be feeling or anything, all I know is that it hurts like nothing else and every time I see a woman on TV getting attacked I have a panic attack.
I keep wondering if I could've done something different. I tried so, so hard. It made no difference. I know that, but I can't stop questioning myself. Some days are better than others. I'm crying as I write this but today has still been a good day.
I am going to arrange counseling tomorrow, my GP says it will help my sleep problems.
:hugs: babysocks....
Oh darlin I wish I could give it to you in person. I'm glad that you are going to see a counsellor. They will help you put things in perspective, and build your self esteem, which understandably is in tatters right now. Try honey to focus on the day your living in for now, not tomorrow, not yesterday, just today. Because today is the only one you have any control over. Baby steps ok...
Its good that he recognises that he needs to work on himself. Let him. You concentrate on looking after you and your baby girl. That's all your focus needs to be right now. And nothing you did or didnt do changes the fact that he assaulted you, physically and sexually. You can't control another person's behaviour or choices. Only yours. He did those things. NOT you. There is never a justifiable reason as to why someone else assualts you. Try to stop the "if I'd done this differently, or this, or even done that...If I hadn't said this, or I had just said yes, or kept my mouth shut..." on and on and on. YOU didn't do this. HE did.
:hugs:
Oh hon, it's little wonder you're perplexed, but always remember, it was him who has been abusive. This is his behaviour, you've just been the unlucky one who bore the brunt of it, but nothing you could have done would change the fact that he is an abusive person, it would have reared its ugly head one way or another.
It is good that he is perhaps starting to recognise his behaviour and is willing to work on it, but this is something he must do alone right now. Even if his motive for change is pure and he genuinely sees that what he has done is abuse and entirely under his own control, any involvement you have with him may only cloud the issue right now. There seems to be a very strong pattern of abusive and manipulative behaviour in you exDP from what you have said - he can't put conditions (even open ended ones) on him working on his behaviour. He needs to work on his behaviour for himself, not for you.
Most importantly, you need to heal and restore yourself, and you can't do this if he is still in the picture confusing the issue. You are in a scary situation right now and it is understandable that you feel alone, and part of you is turning to the support that you are most familiar with - him (even though you want to be angry with him and hate him, you can't just switch off what you have felt for this man - emotionally you are being pulled in so many directions right now). This is the most difficult part, the beginning.
You are on the right path for you and your daughter, stay strong - it will get better.
Babysocks, how is everything going now?? How are you doing?
Not that great! I am really NOT liking this business of being a single parent. ExP wasn't a huge help, but he did help on occasion, and at least I didn't feel so awfully alone. :cry: Being a single mother is the hardest thing in the world.
:hugs: darlin... yep you're right there - but being in a relationship that is destructive is even worse. Hang in there honey, surround yourself with people that are positive and are going to be there for you.
and remember we can only live one day at a time - sometimes it will seem like only one hour, or one minute, or one second is all you can get through...
Vent rant rave here ok...
:hugs:
Oh Baby Socks :hug: Vicky is right... just take each day as it comes and pray for some help because I couldn't imagine how hard it would be with a baby by yourself. My mum and dad separated when I was older and she went straight into another bad relationship and kept doing that over and over ... because she was lonely. I agree, it can be worse being in a bad r/ship than being by your own.... trust me! Maybe list some positives: you're not fighting infront of your baby, you're not having to to pick up his mess or have a meal ready at a certain time? You WILL find someone better to share your life with darl... believe that... just see this as a re-adjustment time. You need to stop and think about what you REALLY want in a lifelong partner... maybe that's a subject for another list. Yes! this is your venting thread... we're here to listen :hugs:
Bathsheba & Vicky are right.. I know I haven't posted in this thread before but you need to realise that it wasn't you that was in the wrong it was him. Just cherish this time with your daughter, you may feel alone, but you'll always have her. I know it's hard but you need to try to look at the positive. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, so not nearly the same as yours but I got out when DS was 5months old & his father was fighting with me, I burst in to tears & DS looked at me and started crying too. I realised if I am not happy how am I supposed to help DS be happy too?
Are you going to a counsellor or something, like you said you might? is that helping at all? Maybe you could also try to find a mothers group or something like that nearby that you & your daughter can go to.. or something like a baby swimming class or kindagym if you can afford it. I have taken DS to swimming lessons since he was 6 months, it's a good time for us to get out and do something together and I get to have some adult conversation, even if it is very brief. Plus I feel like I am doing some exercise, which helps when I am feeling low. All the walking around in the water & lifting DS sure does feel like a mini workout some days.
You are so strong for getting out and doing all of what you're doing on your own. :hug: I know it is very hard and it can get lonely but you have done the best thing for yourself & your daughter. as Dr Phil says "It is better to be from a broken home than in a broken home." (Yeah kind of lame but that is what I keep telling myself when I doubt my decision or things get too stressful/lonely :p)