What do you do when your FS wants to give up on you?

Hi
I have had two failed IVF cycles and it looks like me FS wants to give up on me. DH and I are not ready to give up, but I am just so down. It is hard to stay positive when your FS is throwing in the towel. Has anyone else had this experience?

MrsK... I didn't have IVF, or this experience... but I just wanted to say that 2 IVF cycles is hardly enough for your FS to give up... What is your area? Maybe someone can give you the name of a really supportive clinic/FS...?

How many tranfers have you actually had - itsn't the limit 16?

Why is the FS wanting to give up - is the medical evidence that suggests this?

It is a hard position because you just never know what to think but if you feel there is still a chance, it might be time to change doctors and find one that is more understanding.

You get a new FS!!

Where are you?? I can recommend someone amazing if you're in Sydney.

2 cycles is nothing, there are girls here who've done many, many more than that (unfortunately).

I say the same get a new FS, I can also recommend an awesome one from Sydney IVF if you are in Sydney.

Dear Mrs K

Two cycles that isn't much at all - I say get a new FS. If your in Adelaide I know a brilliant one!

All the best Rach x:p

I would for sure be letting him know your thoughts...hopefully he was having a bad day ( But that is no excuse either)
If my fert specialist gave up on me I would of been shattered it took 4 Stim and 15 Fets before success.
You need to have someone who is fighting infertility with you and not another obstacle, if you are feeling this way I would definatley be looking for another.
Good luck, I use to look forward to my appointments with FS they always allowed me to walk away feeling like we were going to have a child.
Bec

Mrs K - Don't you listen to another word from this FS - Giving up after 2 lots of IVF is crazy talk ;)

I know I don't know your circumstances, but if you feel comfortable giving us a little more info, there are sooo many of us that can offer you so many more suggestions on FS's, clinics, etc etc.

Don't give up hun, - I truly believe over half of this battle is your will and your determination... Never let someone else tell you when its time to stop believing ;)

You will have to post some more info and we can all go from there to help you :D

Thank you for your messages. I am in Melbourne so those of you who have volunteered to recomment FS's in other states, thanks but might be a bit far to travel! I can't believe my FS is ready to chuck it in already. I am in my early 40's so time is against me and I want to be able to squeeze in as many chances/cycles as possible before I hit that horrible 45yo limit. I don't believe it is impossible (or perhaps just don't want to believe), and I need someone who is willing to try anything to help us achieve our dream, not take it away after only two attempts. I see so many other much younger ladies go through many cycles with no sucess, and some even have similar low response as me......but they still get to keep trying. So frustrating......and depressing. Desparately needing some hope to cling on to and need a FS to help me.

Hi Holly,
Thanks for your message.....a little more info. 1st cycle 4 follies, 1 egg, failed to fertilize. 2nd cycle 3 follies, 2 eggs, 1 fertilized but stopped developing the day before ET. No changes to treatment. Feel I need something radical. I know it can happen because I fell pregnant for the first time last year just before comencement of IVF. Unfortunately MC at 10 weeks. I am trying so hard to hang on to the belief, but knowing FS is giving in is just too much to bear right now.

Which IVF are you at in Melbourne?

Melbourne IVF at Freemasons is great and if your doctor happens to be there - it won't be difficult to change I am sure!

I think that your FS's attitude stinks and s/he? didnt even make changes to your 2nd IVF cycle, even us non-medical people would expect that this will bring about the same or similar result as cycle 1!! I say that you need an FS that is interested in your goal of having a healthy PG and baby. It makes me so sad that you are having to struggle with this. Sometimes we need to shop around to get the right medical professional for us, Good Luck. HUGS

Mrs K,

I would go and get a new FS - 2 cycles is not enough to throw in the towel on. Get someone more positive and if your not ready to stop you keep going. I wish you all this luck in the world.

MrsK,

Get a new FS!

I am 39 myself and my FS doesnt even consider age a huge problem for quite a while down the road.In fact, in all of my visits to him, my age has never been disdcussed in a negative way. He is very open to changing protocols and doing things diferently to get a +ve result, as that is everyone's goal.

I do know that he would never give up on me after 2 cycles.

I am in Northern subs near (Bundoora) if this is of any help to you - let me know and I will give you his details. Alos, he is attached to Monash IVF if this helps as well.

Just stay positive and remember - there is more than 1 way to achieve any goal.

Cheers... Fi

Mrs K,
I agree with what everyone else has said. Can't believe your FS would give up so easily especially without even trying something new.Yes, your age may be against you but plenty of 'older" women HAVE had success with IVF. Even if (and I don't wish this on you at all) it got to the point that they were worried re your eggies, then most FS would at least discuss donor conception. There are plenty more options for you to achieve a pregnancy. Don't let one inconsiderate Dr shatter your dreams.

i am in Melbourne and using Monash IVF. My FS would certainly not give up that easily.

Ditto to what everyone else has said! You need a new FS! Mine would never give up, actually, anytime I'm just about ready to throw it in, he gets me going again!

I'm with MIVF and LOVE my FS, he's been my Gyno forever and my FS for nearly 7 years, happy to recommend, or would suggest consulting with other FS's at your current clinic.

Good luck!

i'm on the "try a new FS" bandwagon! - there is NO WAY an FS should be giving up on you after two stim cycles - there are so many protocols they can try! and they have to find the one that is appropriate for YOU. we don't all fit the model of the ideal IVF patient - the treatment needs to be catered to you - not forcing you to fit their model!

i would take the details of the cycles you've had, and find an FS that "fits" you - and keep on going! i'm sure some of the girls from Melb can make some suggestions/recommendations for you. i'm currently with an FS that works out of Monash - and as good as he's been, his attitude recently has me considering moving to another FS (although it appears today he has FINALLY started to listen). i refuse to believe that we should all be treated the same - the only thing that should be the same is the oportunity we're given to have a child - the actual treatment leading to that opportunity should be fully catered to our own body/circumstances - you're paying big bucks for this - don't let the negativity of your FS ruin this for you!

good luck in whatever you choose to do

BG

MrsK,
I'm with everyone else that suggests a new FS. It really does sound like your FS lacks imagination and perseverance - and if you are willing to keep going, so should they!

I'm currently seeing a FS connected to Melb IVF, and she has been great. A good friend has seen another FS there, who she also raves about. PM me if you want names.

Good luck and hang in there.
FG

hi MrsK
i agree that a second opinion is probably a good place to start. do you know what has led your FS to 'give up' on you and IVF? i have dodgy ovaries but my FS is happy to stick with me while i still get at least some response from the stims. i don't get many more eggs than you or particularly good quality ones at that either.

there are different cycle protocols (more than just 2 tries of IVF) to perhaps inquire about as well (down reg, flare/boost etc) and then there are also other options available eg, through egg donation if you felt this was something you wanted to at least talk about with your FS (new or old).

don't feel alone or powerless in this. ask questions, challenge the doctors (especially GPs and negative FSs) find out about all the options available to you and find a FS (maybe through the folks on here) who you believe would be open, supportive and willing to help you along your way to being a mother.

i think the most important lesson i have learned from infertility and IVF is i have to be the best advocate for myself that i can be, no one else is going to do it for me, and surround myself with those that also believe in and support me in my endeavour. there are people out there willing and able to help you.

xx

Don't know what to recommend but I can tell you this. If you fell pregnant naturally then there's every chance you will do it again without IVF. After my 1st miscarriage last year (that was my second) I was told by a gyno that I'd have to go on IVF at my age to achieve a sustainable pregnancy. He also blamed what looked like a fibroid on a scan for the m/c and said I would continue to miscarry until I had it dealt with.

I was waiting on a very long public waiting list to have a lap and have the fibroid resected when I fell pregnant again without any treatment. I miscarried straight away so started to believe the gyno. A couple of months later there I was pregnant again (during an extremely stressful period of my life) and this one has stuck. No evidence of a fibroid has been seen in the 4 scans I've had so far. Looks like the gyno was wrong and I was headed in the direction of IVF when I didn't need to be at all.... I just needed to let nature take it's course.

If they do give up on you, don't give up on yourself. By the way I'm 41 and will be 42 when my boy is born.

We have done two failed full stim cycles with our current clinic and no fresh transfer and no frozen embies, only 1 BFN FET..... I had OHSS in my first cycle.

DH and I are considering changing clinic to get a second opinion - anyone has good suggestion as to what to do next or any good doctor to see? We are in Sydney north area but will look at all options in Sydney.

I also have PCOS so any IVF doctor with PCOS experience will be a bonus.

Thank you for your help!

Optkazz
_________________
ME - 31 DH - 37 Dx PCOS - Jan 07
4 x clomid cycle since Jan 07 - all BFN
1 x IVF Nov 07 - cancelled due to OHSS, 1 embies
1 x FET Dec 07 - BFN
1 x IVF Feb 07 - cancelled due to insufficient embies growth

Hey MrsK

Change, you know you need to. I am currently in my first stim cycle and was told to expect to do at least 2 to 4 full stim cycles. I am a newbie but 2 cycles does not seem many at all. :)