Should I go for #4?

Could anyone with experience please tell me if there is much difference between having 3 and 4 children?

Hi Jo,

I asked the same question last year, and received so much feedback and useful info from the wonderful mums on this forum.

Check it out -
http://"https://www.bellybelly.com.a...d.php?t=22213"

Hope this helps!
xx

Hi Jo. From my experience, its not that much harder going from 3 to 4 than it is from 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 etc. In time you find your groove and before you know it, it's like you've always had 4 kids. What are the age gaps going to be? I have 20mths between my first three, and then 3yrs 3mths between 3 and 4. Its been great - I've handled it much better than I think I would have with a closer gap, but then if the gap was closer I would just have to get used to it kwim? Once you have kids in school it gets trickier though because you have to time feeds around getting the older child/ren off to school, but it's manageable - you have to make sure that you organise yourself well.

People often say I must be busy with 4, and yeah, I am to a certain extent, but then I was still busy with 3 kids and I find I am more busy with the older three than I am with my baby.

One thing that was really important to me was not having any regrets - I didn't want to not have a 4th baby and always regret not having him. They are little for such a short time in the big scheme of things and before you know it they are old enough to fend for themselves, so its only for a few years that you are really busy chasing after little kids and babies and then you have the rest of your life to sit back and enjoy them.

HTH

It's really no big deal with little babies. It's only as they grow and need to be dropped off at school/kinder/afterschool activities. I find a bigger family EASIER as they all keep each other busy and well entertained. Older children are quite good helpers too.

I have just had my 4th and am just now finding things a bit easier..

I would say go for it :)

how old are your other kids?

Thanks ladies,
Some of you asked the age difference in my children. I have 3 girls 6,3 and 22 months. I think my main concern for another one is financial, although I already have a big 7 seater car and I'm sure we could make room for another one somewhere in the house, and of course I have all the baby equipment. Just means another few more years not working. Things are pretty tight now I don't know if it will make a huge difference with another one. I'm also 35 so my eggs aren't getting any younger. I am also a bit scared that my family and friend will think I'm completely MAD!!!!!! How did you deal with others opinions.?

Hi Jo+3, we have 3 kids and pregnant with no 4. I thought I was finished at no3 but after her birth I jsut felt the need to have one more, I am 40 and it has been tough to get pregnant and stay pregnant. Since we started trying we have had 3 MC's early ones I put it down to the eggs being doodgey, this one looks like a sticky one. We have had a bit of negative feedback, people just don't get why we would want to go through this all again, I hate that!!! I don't understand why it affects other people ,anybody would think you are going to send the baby home with them. We just get on with it now and don't bother with the friends who are abit negative, they will come around eventually????? The biggest factor for us has been financial, we are currently doing an extension, but 2 kids are going to have to share anyway, but hey will survive, the car factor is another big one. But a 7 seater would be nice even with the 3 kids so they can take friends etc. Dh has just gone for an interview for a higher paid and cushier job, fingers crossed he gets it.

Good luck with the decision, I am still a little scared every now and again, but you will always make ends met and who really cares what anyone thinks, it's your life and you have to be the one that is happy.

Unfortunately you don't come across many people who jump for joy when you tell them you are pg with #4. Some will and that's great, but the first response from many people for us was either something really tacky (don't you know what's causing it?) or just 'gee, you'll have your hands full' MIL didn't take the news too well at first, but Mum was very happy for us. But with MIL, I told her the other week that DH was having a vasectomy and she got all strange about that - so go figure! The way I see it, they aren't the ones who are going to have to raise the baby, pay for it, feed it, clothe it, love it and they will get over it - they have to.

A point of view from different perspective.

I am the 4th of 5 children. My partner is the 1st of 5 children. We both enjoy coming from bigger families. Both our families also fostered children at different times and for different periods of time. We had 8 kids for about 6 months!

The older kids help out with the younger kids at different times, and i enjoyed the company of some of my siblings more at times than some of the others, and then i had different 'favourites' at other times.

Now we are grown ups, we all have great realationships, and there is always someone to go to for conversation or help with different things.

Both my partner grew up 'poor', possibly bc of having so many kids but we never felt we missed out and appreciate having things now. Kinda funny but we also don't want our kids to have 'everything' even though we are in better financial sitch than our parents. We want them to enjoy making cubbies out of the couch and a blanket, and be creative with finding entertainment out of 'nothing'.

take care,

Kate

There's one more problem too - you'd have to change your username! LOL :D

All the best with your decision, I think there's some great advice here :)

I wanted to add too that from the money perspective, no matter how many kids you have you still will spend the same amount of money but its the way its spent that's the difference. If you only have 2 or 3 kids, then you spend more on them or you might take a more expensive holiday each year, but when you add another one to the mix, you still spend roughly the same amount, but your holidays might be more of the budget kind and instead of buying brand name clothes new, you buy them second hand from ebay kwim? Its only as big a problem as you make it.

I just remember all the OMG's I got with #3. I just don't feel done yet and I don't know if thats just my clock ticking and the feeling will go away (it's been with me for a few months now), but I'll be 35 on my next birthday and I wouldn't want to mull over the decision for too long. Gee I wish people were so supportive in the world outside BB.

Thanks for asking the question as I too are thinking of going from 3 to 4 I have my days where I really really want to then some days where I am scared *****less thinking how could I be so lucky to have another happy heathy baby would I be tempting fate by going again? As you can tell I am no help to you what so ever as I am going through the samething but thought I would reply so that I too can read through all the answers you are getting...Good luck with your decion I 'think' for me I am going to tempt fate once move are have another but wont start trying until next year...

I'm so envious of you Mum's that have the luxury in my eyes to have a possible option of having a second child let alone a fourth child :)

... Took us years to have a baby which I finally had at 40 & at 42 now we are so trying for another bub :pray:

*** I say if you are thinking of a Fourth child & can "A" afford to & "B" are emotionally & physically equipped to & "C" you BOTH truely want another child ... I say " GO FOR IT " :dance: and what's the hold up :rolleyes: ???

ENJOY YOUR CHILDREN & ALL THE VERY BEST OF LUCK IN DECIDING ;)

I hope my question hasn't offended anyone. I have just thought about my query about having more children and I didn't mean to sound ungreatful for being blessed with 3 when I know others are struggling for 1. I think what is stopping me is my over annalytical mind. Was just interested in how others handle the logistics and financials with a large family.

Well we got some raised eyebrows and still do when we all go out but oh well :)

so far finacially we are no better or no worse off.. I am sure that will change when we have all in school

Jo, just remember that everyones situation is different and where you posted is the correct place for the ??? raised. It certainly has been very difficult emotionally and phyiscally with the MC's and time wise for me to fall pregnant with no4. I would hate to be starting at this age (40)otherwise this definately would not be an option. The feeling does'nt go away, I tried to fight it for a while, whether it is the biological clock ticking, saying this is the last chance who knows???? But it is a very strong urge!!!!! Starting to try again sooner rather than later is a great idea, your baby will be a nice age when the next one comes along. Heaps of luck to you.

thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. dh and I "tried" last night so we'll see what happens. I think maybe I should join in on one of the ttc threads.

i remember telling everyone when we were expecting bubs 4 there were some congrats alot of laughs and my god are you guys crazy and a few not so positive. What i will say is that the more you have the less help you need its a combination of if she wants 4 kids she can suck it up and well she really experienced so why help. Its not that another bubs is hard its easy but its the school/kindy /swimming/netball its the jugling of the things the others are doing so bubs gets dragged around a bit. The car is a issue as well i went from a vt commadore to a kia carnival.lol. And some friends seem to drop off the ones that dont like the brady bunch turning up but i dont care i love my life and it woulkd not have been complete without Ella she really is a great bubs and if i could i would of had more but the money would really been a prob as we dont have enough room for us now let along 5 i have to wonder what i will do in ten years time lots and lots of rum and coke :lol: i say go for it embrace the joy the warmth and the crazy life
kath

ohhhh hello you sound so much like i did before i had my 4th boy , i was always wondering what other people were thinking .... but dont if u want more even if u think ohh .. gosh i cant afford another one u can always afford it u just make do u will find it will never go away so dont leave it .... go for it i did and im so happy. even after getting another boy i wouldnt change a thing.