First baby and scared to death

Hi ladies, Im currently 16 weeks pregnant with my first baby and people seem to love telling me horror storys about giving birth. The only positive story i have been told was my sister and her c/s (only coz she didnt feel a thing)
Im not so scared of the idea of the birth, Im more scared of the idea of the massive amounts of pain people keep telling me about, and how traumatic an epesiotomy is. Thats the part that scares me the most an epesiotomy or tearing. I dont fully know what im in for. Im more of a visual learner. Does anyone know where I can find a decent website (may sound horrible and gory but I need to prepare myself for the reality of it and try to kill the fear) where I can find photos or video of actual births if you do a search it usually returns porn or nothing. or if there is a midwife on here that I can have a chat with that wont try to make it sound better than it is.
Yeah I have heard a lot of horror storys and I know birth isnt easy but im sure the women I know have talked it up a little, because they seem to like to gossip and use the `my horse is bigger then your horse` method in thier conversations.
Thanks for your help guys, Have a great day
Mel :D

Awww Mel! Sorry to hear that you have been given a whole bunch of horror stories. People just love to tell all the bad bits, don't they?
One thing I have learnt is that every single birth experience is different. No two are the same - so, just because a friend-of-a-friend had a rotten time of it, doesn't mean that you will.
How you approach the birth is also a very individual thing. While I wasn't necessarily frightened of the birth itself, I had friends that were positively terrified. It was like a fear of the unknown.

Maybe you could try reading some of the birth stories on this forum? I find that they are really inspiring.

Are you doing antenatal classes? They are a fantastic way of familiarising yourself with the hospital and also with the birth process. I know that we watched a video of a birth and the midwife that ran ours also showed a couple of other videos for those that wanted to watch them.

I am sure that others on here will have some other suggestions for you. It's great to be informed about all your choices and all that can happen once you are in labour but you can feel overwhelmed. It's good to go in with an open mind. Know what you would prefer (most hospitals organise for you to write a birth plan) but also be aware that it could all go out the window. Even something as simple as the music you chose to have playing while you are in labour. You might hate it when the time comes!

Anyway... I hope I have helped and haven't frightened you more. It's a very scary and overwhelming experience. I can safely say that my emergency c-section was incredibly bizarre and a little scary at times but I got my baby girl out of it so I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again!

Hi Mel

I was absolutely terrifed as well.Gemma is my first child and I really didn't know what to expect!I have never broken a bone and only had stitches a couple of years ago and have never been in massive amounts of pain before!I went through 23 hours of labour with Gemma in a posterior position, meaning heaps of back pain as well, and I managed it.I ended up having a c/s though at the end.It really is amazing what you can handle.

Hi Mel

I think we can all relate to your feelings about giving birth, I know I felt the same before I had my first, and even when I had my second. I really dislike it when people tell horror stories about birth, because instead of giving a realistic view of the labour process, they only succeed in scaring the bejesus out of us and creating negativity.
It really is amazing what your body can handle - women are built to give birth, that is what our bodies, biologically, are made to do.
I was worried a lot about the pain, as most of us are, but I surprised myself at how I handled it. And I found that investigating all the pain relief options available, from drugs to more natural methods, really helped because it reassured me that I had back up.
My best advice would be to be informed - read lots, talk to midwives, go to antenatal classes and be aware of all your options when it comes to labour and giving birth and don't be afraid to speak up.

Bon

Mel, there are heaps of positive and inspiring articles on the main site here: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth which might help, also reading positive books, like 'New Active Birth' by Janet Balaskas and also joining a cheersquad - people that believe in what you do and support you for the choices you want to make. BellyBelly is great for that.

Also you might like to consider a Birth Attendant or Doula, they are fabulous for working with the mother to try and achieve the birth she wants, as well as giving her plenty or support, nurturing and information. I believe in Sydney there is Birth Central or Doula Express who do this, so might be worth tapping into that. Dont let the scary stories get to your nerves - that might have been their experience of birth but it doesn't mean it will be yours. Thank them for sharing but only take in what you think will be helpful to you.

After a hard labour with my first, where I had to be augmented and ended up with an epidural, my expectations of labour were quite scary too and I thought I would just opt for another epidural, but sooner. However I surprised myself and had a completely natural birth with my son, so I know I can do it! This is why I am a Birth Attendant now -because I know that with the right words, support and encouragement, most women can acheive a natural birth too if they want it - or whatever birth they desire.

Just to add to Kellys post... upon kellys suggestion I brought New Active Birth... This is also my first child & I have found this book to be very informative.. & is not full of horror stories.... I have decided (deffinate decision helped by reading this book), that I am going to try for a natural drug free active birth...


Good luck & read up !!!! it really helps, believe me!

Thanks for the Info guys. It had eased my mind a bit. I spoke to my sister earlier today shes got a heap of books and shes been collecting pregnancy magazines for me apparently lol shes overly excited about her new lil neice or nephew coming. I guess the best thing to do is try and be as well informed as possible and just go with it ya never can predict whats going to happen during delivery so lets see how we go.
Thanks again guys
Have a great day
Mel :D

Hey Mel,

The others are so right - its a really individual experience, and everyones pain thresholds are different.
It does hurt!!!!! BUT its kinda worth it IYKWIM?

I had severe anxiety and panic attacks in the last trimester. I think this was probably due to the fact I'm a control freak, and I wanted to understand everything that needed to happen. I was actually counselled by the hospital for ante-natal depression (thats before labour ;) ) and then followed up afterwards. It wasn't so much depression, but such a great fear of it all. I would start hyperventilating and everything. I think I'm one of the friends Debbies is talking about.

I also had a posterior labour, and about 2 weeks of prelabour, and I was induced after being 2 weeks late, so it was all a bit much. But I got there, and Jenna is born, and I honestly cant remember the pain anymore. I had an episiotomy, and that was a pain for weeks afterwards, but with forceps, well some things just have to be done. I also wanted a natural birth, and ended up with the full edipural and all.

So - what I'm trying to say, is you can try to control it all get completely stressed out, and still end up not being in any control!!! Or you can educate yourself, an be prepared for the possibility that everything may go really smoothly, and it will be an enjoyable and empowering experience.
I think by the time you are 40 weeks and ready to go into labour, your body will have given you a few hints as to what you are in for, so dont get too worried about it all now.

Fi

as far as pictures or a video go (i like to get a visual too) you should be shown at your antenatal classes if you go to them, or your OB should be able to loan you a video

Just letting you know that I did tear and apparently had stitches!! I don't recall, it didn't hurt and it didn't worry me afterwards either. Im not sure if the Dr cut, or if it was a tear, but the moral is, I had no idea either way!!! Best of luck oox

Hi Mel,

I had a 2nd degree tear during the final stages of Aidan's birth (didn't feel it at the time, just some stinging) and had this REALLY cute doctor stitch me up, so it aint all bad! ;)

Mel, hun, look only you can change or educate your mind about this.
Ive got 2 kids and gave birth naturally, and I tore with each, not gonna lie to you, the pain is bad ok, but personally I didn't feel the tearingok, no lie?

The labor pain is bad, yes but you may go quickly and the pain can be over quite quickly, but hun you're giving BIRTH, and it's the most wonderful, fullfilling exciting special bonding moment of your life, you give life to your child, you birth your baby, and then you hear the cry, and honestly you forget all about it truely.

The other thing is that when you have a contraction, you push and the pain basically stops, well it did for me, and making noises helps during contractions, it actually takes your mind off the pain ( to a certain degree).

Dont be scared hun, this is the moment every mother wants but sadly, only few of us get to experience it, tryuly treasure it, don't fear it.

HTH, sorry to gabble on.

Hey,

There is a web site called birthdiaries, if you google it you should find it. Its got tons of birth photos- everything included.

hope this helps

Thanks emz i will look it up.
On another note i had my first OB appt on friday and they told me im not aloud to see the midwife clinic anymore and have been transfered to a bigger hospital because im High risk. Now what exactly does that mean?? the doctor didnt really explain it she just said that because im carrying extra weight myself and have PCOS im high risk she scared me and my DF somewhat. She said the baby is fine and very active but i have to see the doctors clinic from here on in because they can get to other resources quicker then the midwives can.
Is there anything special i need to do or do i need to spend the remaining 23 weeks in bed?
Im just confused i guess and a bit worried and i dont know if there is a need to be.
Anyone else know anything about this? any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys Have a great day
Mel :D

Mel did they tell you you had to spend the rest of your PG in bed?

Being high risk they would want to keep a closer eye on you but I don't think it's cause for alarm. It's good that the baby is fine and active!

If you know anyone with foxtel/austar because the discovery channel has the best show called A Birth Story. If you can get someone to tape it you they are brilliant. They are mostly natural birth stories, kind of like a diary of the PG and birth. There is also Maternity Ward as well which is good too.

Also thought I'd mention to you that I was freaked out before my first birth but ended up having a mostly natural labour, just using the TENS machine early on and then gas. I tore but didn't feel it anymore than the feeling of stretching and healed up fairley quickly. I was keen to have another baby quite early on too, so I must have gotten over it alright LOL!

Mel - I have to say that I was worried too but I read everything I could get my hands on so I understood the whole process etc and then when the time came we I had a fantastic birth with no drugs and not to much pain and no pushing or tearing would you believe it!! My birth story is on the site.

There is also a fantastic website that i came across which Im not sure if I can put it on here. If you email me I would be happy to give the address. My email is itscindyb@hotmail.com. The site has lots of pics of all different kinds of births and I found it very informative.

Honestly though, dont stress about the birth, it has to happen somehow and sometimes we create stress through stress, if that makes sense!!

I have a GP appointment tomorrow so ima have a good talk with him about everything and see what i should and shouldnt do (my gp used to be a gyno) and take it from there i am freaked out a little about it especially considering since i found out my DF and my mum wont let me do ANYTHING and its getting on my nerves but if i see the doc and tell them what hes said they may back off a little. Plus my engagement party is on the 19th and mum wont let me do anything for that either because `i would be doing too much and may get too stressed` but she dosnt realise by not letting me help shes stressing me out more lol but yeah so everything is a little scary at the moment and im reading everything i can get my hands on and im off to the librabry this afternoon to hire a few videos and books. I know during labour and birth im not going to have much control over whats happening because its very unpredictable but i want to be as prepared as possible.
Anyways guys thanks once again for all your advice and help.
Have a great day
Mel :D

Mel,

You are the one in control of your birth sweety ;) Good on you for doing lots of reading up, and perhaps you might like to consider writing a birth plan. A birth plan can cover all possible outcomes and what you would like to do in the event of those things happening - then the control is all yours.

I was very lucky. One friend told me, 'I won't lie to you, I had a bad time at both births, but I won't tell you about it til you give birth' I really appreciated that. I had another friend who wanted to get into her horror stories, and I just stopped her dead in her tracks and told her I didn't want to hear it as it wouldn't be helpful to me. But that she could swap stories after the birth.

I chose to instead read about births in parenting magazines and such, I found they gave a more balanced story, with more positivity.

I was a bit scared too of giving birth. During the birth a few times I had the thought, 'I'm going to lose my mind and panic!' that was my biggest fear. So I trained myself that when I had that thought during labour to say, 'that's my choice, I don't have to panic'. This seemed to really help, and I was fine. Obviously I did go nutty, which is understandable, but I feel all in all, it went well.

I believe that if we can really try to keep a hold of some positive thoughts, it really does help no matter what gets thrown at you while you're in there.