starting solids / my parents driving me nuts!

So as many of you probably know, we've been having feeding problems lately. Luckily I have more milk now, expressing still isn't going to well but.

Anyway, my parents took Aurelia today for a few hours (they took her to church then to my stepdads parents house) and took with them the milk I was able to express over the week, about 3 o.z. maybe. She's 5 1/2 months and I've just started her on rice cereal, which she seemed to be enjoying, but now my parents have gone totally overboard with the solids and have been telling me I need to give her more! I've explained to them that really, she doesn't need anything but BM for the first six months but they don't agree. They started giving her watered-down juice a few weeks ago and even though I didn't agree, I figured it wouldn't do any harm (since they only use a splash of juice and its mostly water), and she seemed happier anyway to have the extra hydration.

Today when they took her out, they feed her the following things (much to my dismay)

1/2 a banana
a bit of PIKELET (which is like a pancake) with a smidgen of Jam!!
CAKE (its a healthy cake my stepdad makes but it has egg of course, and NUTS ffs)
MARZIPAN CAKE FILLING!! MARZIPAN OF ALL THINGS! sugar and NUTS anyone?

So I was completely flawed at this, obviously they didn't realize they weren't meant to give her these things, but then my mum was saying "She was so hungry! She was grabbing my hand when I was feeding her and shoving the spoon into her mouth! You really need to give her more solids, I think this is why she hasn't been sleeping at night."

Whatsit?
I mean, I thought at this age food was just to taste, not for nourishment? It also seems a bit hardkore for a new lil baby to have to digest all this food! If she was really hungry it was probably because she needed MILK, right?

I'm really puzzled here and don't know what to do.

Help?

Im certainly no expert here, but I would be more than p!ssed if my parents gave DD all that rubbish - in ONE DAY!!! OMG! I think maybe you need to have a serious chat with your parents about their boundaries - nobody should be feeding your daughter anything you havent said is ok...jmo though!

And what iI do know is nuts arent good...certainly not this young.

Oooh - im angry just reading it! lol

Good luck!

Oh and just a side note...did you express the feeds she would have had if she were with you?
If i cant get enough milk before she goes out without me i have emergency formula here but still make sure you express the feeds she wasnt there for...it might help maintain your supply! :)
Glad to hear that issue is getting better too!

Thanks <3 Yeah they took the lil bit of milk I was able to express with them, I actually do have formula but i've never used it, every time I mixed a bottle I had one last try and breastfeeding and always managed. Next time, if I don't have much expressed milk, I'll get them to take some formula as well. Formula is a much better alternative to marzipan.
Christ, MARZIPAN. Ugh.

This is why my mother is not allowed unsupervised access to my DS, btw. She has the same line.

DS "should have" been on solids from six weeks - baby rice and water! Chocolate from three months.

He "should have" stopped breastfeeding ages ago.

I don't feed him well at all: I let him feed himself, I don't let him drink anything but water, although when DH gives him juice and MiL tried cow milk he refuses it.

I just can't justify giving a baby cake all the time! He loves his fruit so he can have that. No problem! I think DS was having banana and apricot at five and a half months, but I was giving that to him. I would have been furious with anyone else doing it.

I'm sure the WHO has a printable sheet about not feeding babies various things. I rely on that more than anyone else, aside from myself - I know my son best and if I feel he's not ready for something then he doesn't have it.

Best of luck!

Hi there
It's difficult isn't it? It's the time in your life where you last feel like a confrontation and additional stress!
You are doing a great job in looking out for your little one's interests.
The question is how to handle this touchy situation.
My story is that my parents were a little the same. They were not malicious but simply had been taught, when we were little that we should start solids at 3 months! They still have a hard time believing that Zac and I are still continuing our BF relationship at a bit over 6 months.
On my part it took a little "reeducation". I dreaded it. But I spoke to My health nurse who gave me some hand outs about the whole solids thing which included a blurb about the babes not needing any additional nutrition until 6 months and solids initially it being about discovery rather than nutrition and to keep sugar and salt and the extras out of their diets for as long as possible etc etc.
I ended up sitting down with my mum and dad (and nanna as she kept saying "you are not putting that boy on the TIT again" (which I now LAUGH about but at the time was not too funny)and chatting through the brochure.
They now understand that I would like to try and BF to 12 months at least and that solids are at this early stage a bit of a side issue. It was probably one of the first adult conversations I have had with them (previously when in dispute everyone was inclined to get a bit defensive and yell/storm out etc...) I think having a document with some facts and figures from a reputable source helped enormously. My husband was present when we had the chat and was very supportive too.
Now that Z has started solids I do prepare/provide the food I would like him to eat whilst in their care and encourage them to care for him at my home so that they can avoid the temptation to stray from my desire to keep to the basics at this early stage.
Whilst my little cherub seldom likes to drink from the bottle I also try and keep a little EBM in the freezer just in case something happens and I need to have him looked after at short notice. Sometimes it takes me a number of feeds to build up that little bit extra. If it is any help I have found it easier to EBM in the morn when Z is playing in front of me watching him helps the let down!
If a more gentle approach to this problem does not work the only option in the short term may be to find alternate baby sitters and work at your parents caring for your little one in your care so you can as Ryn suggests, supervise their feeding relationship with your little one.
Good luck
Belinda
PS if you need I could probably dig out the brochures I used and send them through to you by post.

Babysocks
You poor thing. With everything else going on you don't need the extra stress. I'm sure your parents are trying to be "helpful", but maybe you could discuss with your Mum the number of children with allergies these days. This is why we introduce one food at a time. At your baby's age she doesn't even need water and children in general don't need juice at all. They get all they need from fresh fruit ( think about how many apples it would take to squeeze a glass of juice). Your poor bubs digestive system must have been in turmoil after that. Hope you find a tactful way of discussing it with your Mother. I know it's hard when you are living under their roof. Good luck.

OMG baby socks, i am speechless. It must be hard on you. When DS was 3mo, i found MIL holding a tablespoon of Honey right in front of his mouth, i felt lucky i stopped her on time. Would giving her some books on solids help? Or saying that the dr or paed or nurse give you strict order that you can only give this certain amount of this certain type of food?
I am hoping things will improve for you

BS, I agree that what your parents did is unacceptable. For two reasons. One because they did it without your agreement. And two because it is not good for your DD. I think you need to be firm with them and set boundaries, although I know that is easier said than done. But I wouldn't tolerate it if it was my child, I would be fuming. Even at the watered down juice which is bad for kids (even diluted juice is very high in sugar, even the ones without added sugar). My just turned 3yo still only drinks milk and water, nothing else. And he doesn't miss it.

I hope you find a solution to this one without upsetting anyone. GL and big hugs to you, I can understand how upset you must be.

Oh BabySocks, hope DD wasn't up all night with tummy pains after all that food!!

Can you remind them that she sticks everything in her mouth, that is what they do at that age, it doesn't mean she wants to eat all her toys, your fingers, her bib etc?

Thanks for your replies everyone, but its gotten WORSE.

Today, I got told off for not giving her enough liquids. Guh. She didn't have any solids today, so I just gave her breastmilk and she was fine - my supply is great again and she had lots of good feeds and everything seemed fine.
I was trying to get her to sleep but she was crying, so they took her for a while, the next thing I know I'm getting told off because shes SOOO dehydrated. "We have her TWO bottles of juice because she was SO thirsty, her face was BRIGHT RED because she didn't even stop to BREATHE. AND she ate half a banana."

What
the
hell?

I tried to explain to them that I haven't given her solids today so she didn't liquids, and my stepdad just repeated over and over "But she needs WATER. Breastmilk is FOOD. Go ask your GP."

ARGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:wall: :wall: :wall: :wall:

What the heck am I meant to do? I mean I don't know what this business about her skulling the juice is, but isn't it quite possible she drank so much because it's sweet? It's watered down juice but still.

I am so confused and madly irritated.

Maybe you should get one of them to come with you to your next gp/health nurse appointment. Then they can hear "straight from the horses mouth". Babies should not be given juice and don't need water. She will take what she needs from you. I hope for the sake of your sanity your parents learn to back off a bit. Take care hun.

Jo beat me to it! I was also going to suggest that you take your mum to your next visit to your MCHN and perhaps arrange an appointment sooner rather than later. It sounds like you're trying to educate them but maybe it will sink in better if they hear it from an "expert".

Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with water but juice is not good and MARZIPAN - ffs, no way!

Oh BS, you poor thing. It is so hard not to be listened to. Your DD would have "skulled" the juice because being fed from a bottle is like that - it is more effort to stop the fluid coming out than to swallow. But juice is so bad for your DD now and could seriously impact on her bfing (once they get a taste for sweet thing, they can become fussy about milk and water, and not to mention that her demand for your bm will be lowered today as she has filled up on that awful juice).

I really hope you can find a way to get your parents to listen to you. You have done such a great job to get past your bfing problems, you don't want to have another set of problems come up now. And not to mention the fact that giving these foods at this age could cause allergies down the track, and more immediate tummy problems. GL with it, I think you are going to have to be really firm. And the the appointment with the MCHN is a good idea, but make sure it's not one that advocates early solids!!

Thanks, everyone.

So I figure the first thing I'll do is tell them that they can give her water but not juice. Should I let them keep giving her banana? I was going to just give her rice cereal for a few weeks but I guess that's kinda gone out the window.

I don't have a GP right now cos he told me to put her on formula (without weighing her or even seeing her), and I haven't seen the child health nurse for ages. Hopefully I can sort out a way for them to see the child health nurse with me so she can tell them, though I'm kind of worried because I've heard lots of stories about the nurses being, well, a bit daft, and I doubt my parents will listen anyway! I guess it's the only thing I can do, though.

I am so tired of everyone railroading my parenting hey, like DDs dad telling me she's lost weight and now my parents telling me to start giving her lots of extra liquids and solids, arrrgh! I'm the one who has ALL the responsibility for her and takes care of her pretty much by myself, what I say should be the law!! :wall:

Everyone seems to be being really tactfula dn nice and all that rubbish, but quite franklly it doesnt seem to be working...

You live with them dont you? I understand that that will make things difficult but you really need to put your foot down - this is not about their feelings, or even them understanding whats going on - its YOUR DAUGHTERS HEALTH AND WELL BEING at stake here.

You are the parent, step up and lay down the law - tell them to STOP FEEDING HER AND STOP GIVING HER DRINKS. FULL STOP. nothing more, nothing less. If they have a problem with that then its just their tough luck. You need to do whats best for your daughter, and its not them.

Sorry ...ymo, but if you let them keep doing it, they are going to walk all over you and your parenting forever.

Good luck! :)

It's hard standing up to your parents, and if you do, they'll likely sulk for ages and things will be uncomfortable, but if you do not set boundaries with them now, this is only the start of them undermining your parenting, and you will have a fight with them about every aspect of child-rearing from here on in.

My mother is a very opinionated woman, who railroaded my sister into raising her children the way my mother believes they should be raised, and I very much went against the grain of my mother's ideas of parenting by BFing, only introducing solids at 6 months, refusing to put cereal in my baby's bottle (considering he wasn't bottlefed either!), refusing to control cry, refusing to allow anyone to smoke near him, not allowing him soft drinks or lollies, parenting gently and a whole host of ideas she believed I held to the detriment of my baby.

We fought often about these issues, but now Charlie is almost two, she concedes that a lot of the things I did were the right things to do after all. And even if she didn't, I can live with knowing I made my own decisions about my baby, even if it meant drawing a line in the sand with my mother. My sister to this day defers to my mother's opinion on everything to do with her kids. That would be my worst nightmare!

I'm sorry you are being put in this position BS, its so hard when family think that 'they' know best.

I agree with some of the other comments and I really think you need to stand up to them and tell them exactly what you want or don't want them to do. They will be upset and maybe offended but in the long run you have to protect your baby and her welfare is way too important.

My MIL was very opinionated concerning my DD and would tell me that I 'must give her solids at 4 months or else she will 'starve' and that by not giving her solids I was 'impairing her brain development'. Then she almost fed my DD chocolate mousse! Luckily I saw her before DD had any. I ended up sitting her down and having a really good chat about it and she was a little upset but now its all water under the bridge and we get along better than ever. She realises that I have different parenting ideas to her and respects my decisions.

Anyway sorry for the rant but this is a common issue for many mums and dads and I think like Sushee said if you don't voice your opinions now this will continue throughout your DDs childhood. Hugs hun :hugs:

Oh Babysocks, after all the hassles you've been having and now to have this.

My advice (after dealing with a very difficult MIL) is the following:

This is YOUR baby, not theirs. You are her mother and you are raising her. Your viewpoint and your standards are what need to be followed here. And be very assertive on this front.

Babies do not need anything other than bm for the first six months. They do not need juice EVER (my toddler still does not have it). It is very bad for her developing/emerging teeth and that can have repercussions later, because it can damage the bed the adult tooth has to grow in. I wouldn't even suggest they give her water - there is no need to compromise on your viewpoint. If they have expressed bm on hand, they can give her that.

Babies should not have egg white for the first 12 months to reduce the chance of allergies/intolerance. Ditto for nuts until two years. This is not IN CASE they have an allergy but to PREVENT them developing an intolerance or allergy. Their little immune systems can react to these foods by developing antibodies that attack rather than digest the potential allergens. By avoiding these foods until your DD's immune system is more robust she has a better chance of not developing an allergy. I don't remember the entire list that was given to me from my MHCN, hospital, etc, but it included strawberries, dairy apart from ricotta cheese and yoghurt and some other things.

Your viewpoint on junk/snack food may be different to mine, so I'll leave that ball in your court for AFTER she is six months old.

If your parents don't believe you that is neither here nor there. She is your daughter and you have the right to request that her care be given in the manner you would like it to be. I never leave my DD with my MIL unsupervised 'cause she cannot be trusted to go along with my wishes in regards to food. I don't consider myself a food nazi, I am trying to ensure my DD gets the best possible HEALTHY start to life!

Sorry if that comes across as a bit of a rant but I HATE it when I hear a mother being undermined!! :)

Thanks everyone.

So I told them that they can give her water if they want but not juice (since I gave her some water just to see if she really was thirsty and she just played with the bottle, so I knew she wouldn't drink it) and they said that was fine, agreed it would be better etc. So my mum took her for 1/2 hour or so this morning so I could sleep a bit longer and when she brings her back into me, "I just put a little juice in water?" WHAAAT? BUT I SAID NOT TO WTF?!??!?!?! Grrr! They AGREED with me, so why did they do it?! AND they gave her banana again!

Tonight, she wants to sit down and have a "talk" (yay) so I figure that's the perfect opportunity to explain to them that they must stop this. TBH I feel like i've opened a pandoras box by giving her rice cereal in the first place, I wish i'd waited another month or so.

Baby Socks, sounds like my mum.

I tell her I want to BF for at least a year, I am called disgusting and there's no need for that.

I tell her that if DS has dairy he's up crying all night, even though he loves cheese, so no dairy... she tries to feed him ice-cream.

I am "cruel" for no juice, no chocolate... I do give DS biscuits, the odd bit of cake and I sometimes feel he lives on rice cakes, but that's my choice. It's not cruel to not feed a baby cake every day, or to not add sugar to his porridge (something she did when she made it... DS is happy without so why add it?).

I'm sorry to say that I cannot say anything that makes her listen to me. So I cannot leave him with her even for a half-hour sit-down. I'm his mother, I make the choices, if you don't abide by them then you don't look after DS. In fact, the nursery I use has a photo of my mum with "under no circumstance is this woman to look after Liebling" written underneath it! That's how serious I am about it. No, I haven't told her yet about that one LOL.

You are the Mummy now. That means no sleep. That means getting up when you want a lie-in. That means protecting your baby from harmful influences, even when those influences are the grandparents. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I had a baby screaming at me from 1.30-4.30 this morning, am in severe pain, need sleep (that lasts more than a half-hour nap) and want a break but if the choice was my having a break and my mother looking after DS, I would choose no break. It's a hard life. But it is your child who will suffer if you let this continue.

Actually my mother has also never sat for Charlie, either. Not once, not ever. She used to ask all the time but now doesn't - she knows my reasons quite well now. For me, it's just that I simply don't trust her to not do things like smoke in front of him (he's asthmatic) or give him soft drinks, and I honestly don't believe she would respect the boundaries I have in place if she wasn't supervised, so if that means I have to take a sickie from work (for the 3rd time in a month) rather than leave him at her house, then that's what I do.

BS, I know you live with your parents and they are your only support base atm, but hunny they're not listening to you. They're paying lip service to your complaints but then doing whatever they feel like. You now have to choice of putting your foot down (and not allowing them to look after your baby unsupervised) or realising that they're going to do whatever they feel like when you're not watching. You have to make the decision as to what you're prepared to live with, I'm afraid, and I wish they were more sensitive to your wishes as a parent, but it doesn't sound like that's happening tbh. If she's anything like my mum (and she sounds it) it'll be agreement to your face but open slather behind your back. I honestly hope the talk does some good, but I can't help being a bit skeptical about whether it will.

I agree with Sushee. If having the MCHN or GP tell them directly what to give bub & what not to give bub doesn't work, then it's a bit of a pickle, coz it sounds like they'll just go ahead and do whatever they want.

I guess if you're willing to "compromise" for the sake of peace.. you could pre-prepare a heap of baby food that you're happy with, or say which fresh fruit you're happy with (I'd be happy with banana personally). Have pureed veges & fruit (frozen) ready to go if they think she's hungry. Don't have any empty bottles around the house - have them full and ready to go.. either with water or EBM (preferably EBM).

Good luck.

Hey

You have heaps of good advice here, so im not going to say too much.
All i say to people is: "it"s my way or the highway, look after My baby MY way or don't come near us at all". sounds *****y but they will get the point.

Stand your Ground

Good luck.

Thanks, everyone.
Unfortunately there is no one else who can take Aurelia and I simply can't function without sleep. I don't have a partner I can give her to for an hour or two so that I can catch up on sleep, and at the end of the day, if i'm so tired i'm passing out and waking up to Aurelia crying with no idea how long i've been unconscious, then that isn't a solution any more than allowing my parents to give Aurelia juice and junk is.

I've spoken to them and they haven't gone against me (yet). When they want to give her solids, they ask me first, which is good. Now she's just having solids occasionally rather than every day, which is what I wanted in the first place. And now that i've got more milk, half the time, she doesn't want any of it anyway. They're going to take her this sunday for me, and i've got stacks of EBM for them to take so they won't need to give her anything but milk anyway.

Thanks again for your help, everyone <333

Well done hun!
Glad to hear everything seems to be on the up and up! :)

BS

It sounds like you're gettingt through, even if it's one baby step at a time. I know how important a support system your parents are for you, so every bit of improvement is great news! Just keep holding firm on your views, you're doing an excellent job managing both Aurelia and your parents!

I feel your pain! When DS was a baby our family was exactly the same - lucky for us he hated solids so he would spit out whatever they tried to give him. However they did keep offering it and I'm sure I'm still known as the solids nazi especially to DH's side of the family. Be strong and hit them with all the research you can find about early intro of soilds and the harm it can cause. iwish I can find the articles but my fav is the WHO which says nothing but BM for the first 6 mths. Another good one is that early intro of too many solidscan cause celiacs disease (gluten intolerence) in later life this is particulary related to when babies are trying to rely on soilds for their primary source of nutrition before 6-9mths. (ie they eat soilds have no room for milk so the body is trying to digest soilds before they are ready to digest - like you said it's more about taste and texture until about 9mths)

You can also tell them that the gut of the baby is actually immature to digest all this stuff before 6-9mths and they risk your bub developing allegies and gut problems. Also telling them they can change the stinky - undigested nappies might help too :-) Wish you all the best and try and stay strong!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!
I couldnt believe this when I read it! Then I read it getting worse!!
I don't know what I would do, especially when you live with them! i just wanted to let you know I feel for you and it sucks!
I guess all you can do is get as much information as you can, print it off from the net, go to your GP or health nurse. Even the library is sure to have stuff. Point out that NO ONE advocates (sp) giving nuts or honey under 12 months! Maybe put the reading material on the dining table or in the loo so they can read it whenever they want!
I cant believe your parents and i hope that the penny drops soon and they realise your the parent and its your rules no matter what they think!
Just remember most of the time people bag your parenting style cos they feel like a bad parent for the things that they did! They just want reassurance that your not saying the way they did it was bad, but they didn't have all the info we have now!
Not that I think they are right! Just mis informed!
Good luck Ill keep an eye on this thread, let us know if things get better!
xox