Should I tell you?

OK Girls and Guys I got a question for you all
Let us suppose that during your pregnancy you notice something happening that you don't understand. It could be a pain or a feeling or anything really. Or perhaps your OB has said that you are suffering from something that has a big long medical word and again you don't know what it is. So you come on BB and post a question. Now what I would like to know is would you want me to tell you if
1 There is a slight chance that it may be something bad
2 There is a moderate chance that it may be something bad
3 There is a high chance that it may be something bad
Normally if there is a slight chance of it being something bad I don?t mention it. I also try to work out what you would prefer by the way you put the question. Usually I can't. :wall:
Perhaps one of the mods could put this in a poll

Personally, I would want to know the facts - that there's a slight/moderate/high chance etc. of it being something bad. Because I would probably be googling whatever it is anyway and if I came across it being a risk factor for something that you hadn't mentioned, I'd be freaked out. So a combo of honesty (could be bad) and reassurance (but probably not) would work for me.

Alan, I would like to be told the complete thruth. Of all things possible that could or will happen. It's hard enough to get the information out of some Dr's so I think a lot of girls come on here to ask what they are either too scared/shy to ask or what theur Dr's won't answer for them.

HTH.

If it were something bad, I'd just PM the person with your concerns, then if they felt the need to check it out they could, second to that they could then post it publicly if they wanted to. No harm done then.

Alan, i understand why you'd be concerned about saying anything.

I think if someone has been told they have "insert big medical term here" and want to know what it is, you should tell them. They already have it, they should at least know the facts if their own doc was too remiss to tell them.

If someone has symptoms they are worried about, i think it depends.

If there was a slight chance of there being something wrong, i think it would depend on the person. If a woman had already seen her Ob and been told all was "probably fine" then perhaps urging her to go back if she still feels something is wrong would be better than scaring her with possibilities that aren't all that likely.

If there was a moderate chance of there being something wrong i think stating the facts and telling her to return to her Ob would be the way to go. That way if she's being fobbed off she has a phrase or medical term to throw at him/her to get more attention for the problem, but would also be aware that the risk of there actually being a problem are smallish.

If there was a serious risk of problems then i think i'd want to know fully and immediately. It is someone's life we are talking about, and it is FAR better to find out nothing is wrong after a full examination than to miss something which could cause injury or death to mum or bubs.

People will always shoot the messenger though Alan, and you're not duty bound to tell anyone anything. The women on here are not your patients (except the one's that are ;)) and thus you should tell them whatever you feel comfortable with telling them.

Bx

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Personally, I would want to know the facts - that there's a slight/moderate/high chance etc. of it being something bad. Because I would probably be googling whatever it is anyway and if I came across it being a risk factor for something that you hadn't mentioned, I'd be freaked out. So a combo of honesty (could be bad) and reassurance (but probably not) would work for me.

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I would want to know if there was any chance of a slight/medium/high risk of "it" being something bad. However, I am not one to point the finger and shoot the messenger as such but would appreciate the info and take it to my Dr for further testing/answers etc iykwim?!

honesty works for me too. Sometimes discreetness (is that a word?) and discretion come into play too though.
PMs were going to be my suggestion also.
I only ask if I can't find an answer myself or if I want experience to back it all up, I really don't ask just for someone to be nice.

i'm very much of the opinion that if i've come on BB to ask advice, i want the truth. i think sometimes doctors name a problem, tell you to take X drug to control it, but don't explain - and i need an explanation of what the deal is - not just drugs to mask/fix it.

if you're concerned about open posting - maybe offer to PM - give the person the option of asking for the opinion from you in a medical capacity that way...

When I ask for help, it's because I'm panicking and I've already googled and searched the forums. It's really difficult for me to get to my ob, or the emergency department at the hospital. Even seeing my GP is difficult. So I post and hit refresh again and again, hoping that someone on here (like yourself Alan) will be able to tell me whether I should go for that long drive, whether it can wait, or indeed if I need to worry at all.
I really value your opinion Alan. We are so lucky to have access to you.
So, yes, I think I'd like you to be as honest as possible with the "it could be", "it probably is" and "it definitely is" answers. Please :)

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i'm very much of the opinion that if i've come on BB to ask advice, i want the truth. i think sometimes doctors name a problem, tell you to take X drug to control it, but don't explain - and i need an explanation of what the deal is - not just drugs to mask/fix it.

if you're concerned about open posting - maybe offer to PM - give the person the option of asking for the opinion from you in a medical capacity that way...

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What she said! lol
Honesty will always work best, even if it isn't something you wantto hear

I think PMs are the way to go as well if it's something serious. More from the point of view that if next time someone has done a search & has similar symptoms then they may very well panic over something totally different IYKWIM.

Alan I don't recall you being dismissive of anything when someone has a concern. I think the way you urge people to go to their Dr about symptoms is done factually and non alarmist.
I would want to know if it was a potentially serious condition. Much better than being given a false sense of security IYKWIM.

I would want to know as well,, but I think PMing the person if it's in the high risk an then they can decide if they want to put the answer in the thread they started.

But I agree with Raven, you always answer whatever question you are asked without being dismissive.

hugs xoxo

Just made up a poll for you Alan :)

From someone who has been through the ringer with evasive answers from Obs and the medical profession, please just tell the truth. It might hurt sometimes, but at least if a person knows the truth they can have the best shot at a postive outcome.

I agree though to PM information that could be sesitive or upsetting.

Spring.

I believe that having an honest reply from someone who we have all come to trust would be much more appreciated than we could ever express in words.

Much more beneficial thatn doing one's head in with google searches. This often only causes undue stress!

I wish you were in Sydney Alan, i would be enlisting your services.

I would say nothing personally, Alan, except to see their care provider again if worried.

Give it to me straight Alan :)
Otherwise I just go and Google it and freak myself out :lol:

Alan, I would want to know what ever info you had good or bad.

I am in a sitch now where there maybe something wrong with the babie and i know absolutly nonthing and its so driving me insane

i need something and i cant find anything on the net .....

they think my baby has a lump in/on the skull that they dont know what it is - i have a repet scan friday and the re****s monday and im beside myself with worry .. i have posted a Q and i hope thatwhom ever answers gives me thruth i need it .

That the reason for my answer..

Thanks

I am up for the honest truth no matter what it is.
The only two pregnancies I have ever had have both resulted in a loss. I think there is no point candy coating anything but am also aware that opinions differ between various medical staff.

I think if someone asks and there is a strong possibility for a bad outcome its better to know that so you can then hope for the best and not be told the worst outcome then get it. IYKWIM.

I don't like the way some medical people don't tell you whats going on or if there is reason to be concerned (a midwife did that to me) that actually makes you stress and worry more. Or turn a blind eye, if I hadn't taken your advice Alan, Nikita would have been born at work at 21 weeks and there would have been nothing anyone could do to save her!

Just my opinion ;)

I'd want to be told the truth no matter what but at the same time there's no point in worrying until you know for sure.

So in saying that, if I had symptoms that didn't sound good and you thought I should get checked out and could prevent problems in doing so, then I think absolutely give all the info. If its a case of "the OB says I may have xxxxx" then I think reserve the info until I know for sure after testing etc is done. Personally, I worry WAY too much about "what if's"

Alan I am one of those who will research till the end on google etc I would rather if it is bad if you can tell me and then what I can do to lessen the risk hope this helps

Hi, I would like to know the facts no matter how bad it was, not a head in the sand kind of person, much to my emotional detrimet at times, but still would rather know than the sugar coated version, or straight out avoidance.
Thanks for the opportunity to tell you how we feel.

I would definately want to know your honest and real opinion!! This may be enough to get me or someone else to the doctor and potentially prevent a serious complication. Sometimes you think you are overreacting by asking the dr every little question, however on here i feel i can ask anything without judgement - and i guess i do expect an honest and direct response from you (no pressure!!). Thanks for being here for us.