Should i find out the gender?

Pros and cons....


We are 16 weeks... will have our scan soon.

I think i want to know if it is a boy or girl but DH definately doesnt....

Should i drop it or persue to convince him....

what are some pros and cons of finding out.

THis is our 2nd child - we left DD's gender as a surprise!

It's such a personal decision, but I don't think you should push DH.

I have never found out, and TBH I hate it when people tell me what they are having!
I just think it takes all the fun out of it, I'm not to fussed about "being prepared" or buying clothes beforehand.
One other reason, is one GF telling me she had such a hard labour and when it was all over - they all screamed IT'S A BOY, and she knew so she didn't even care.

Really, it's totally up to you....

For me i had to know #2'S Gender because i needed to prepare myself for another girl....so we did and im forever greatful. Downside was knowing i had another girl on the way and found it hard to deal with, but also good cos i was prepared for 20 weeks and could start accepting it. (I really wanted a boy).

#1 is always best left a surprise!

Also....do u prefer a boy or girl this time round? If you want a particular sex i think it helps to find out.

I too wouldnt push your DH....

Hello, It's such a hard choice I found out with both so I could go shopping it's so hard to go clothes and nursery shopping when you don't know also I could call my girls by the name I had chose for them

the down side would be no real big "congrats it's a ....." when bubs is born
goodluck with your Decision

For me the worst thing is even after they tell you the sex you still wonder if they got it wrong! :lol:

I decided that whatever my DP wanted we would do, because I felt like it was a decision she could make as during the pregnancy it tends to be all about the pregnant mummy. She did want to find out the sex so we did, I didn't have a real desire to know but I wasn't completely against it.
We did it mainly for planning, I don't really know if there's any other pro's. The only con would be that its not a surprise at the birth but really I don't think the moment is going to be spoiled if we know beforehand, we'll still be meeting our little baby for the first time.

I'm no help lol.

I don't think one of you can know without the other.

It is such a personal decision. For me, no way did I want to know. I love the surprise at the end. DH wasn't sure if he wanted to know the first time and did want to know the second time, but went along with what I wanted so we didn't find out either time. The first time I had a feeling all along it was a boy, so it wasn't a huge surprise. Second time I had no clue and it was a wonderful surprise to hear "it's got boy bits" LOL!

I think it's best left as a surprise especially for number #1. I don't know what I'm having and I'm really looking forward to DP saying "It's a BOY!" or "It's a GIRL!"

I didn't find it hard to decorate the nursery, it's all neutral with a Winnie the Pooh theme which can go for either a boy or a girl. I haven't worried about too many clothes yet as I know family and friends will buy once baby is born.

I like the element of surprise. And it keeps everyone guessing as well and it's fun to hear what people think based on those old wives tales about how you're carrying, what your eating, etc. Adds a bit of fun to the pregnancy.

However, if you are dead set on having a boy or having a girl, then I would find out as it would give yourself time to adjust to the news if it wasn't what you had hoped.

there are so few surprises in life especially as adults, we didnt find out and wont for our next e loved the surprise! but its your choice!

Personally I wouldn't find out. I'd be too worried that they got it wrong! There's always that tiny chance that it could misread the scan and then there would be a lot of stress when it is not what you thought it would be!
Also I wouldn't be pushing my DH on something like this. It was my DH's job to tell me what it was. It is the one true surprise I reckon :) And a great reward after all the discomfort and pain!

I wanted to find out, DH didn't. We didn't find out in the end and the surpise was SO fantasic. There's NO WAY I'll find out with any future pregnancies. The buzz of excitement, finding out for ourselves when he was born was so wonderful. :)

With our DD, DH wanted to know and I didn't. We never asked, as we were running late, as was the scan place, so our scan was done and over in less than 10 minutes with no time to even think about asking. I'm glad it happened that way, I needed that surprise at the end.

With this one, we decided to find out. Not because we wanted to plan or wanted to know ahead, but mainly because of my MIL, who told everyone we were doing IVF when we asked her not to, and then went on to tell everyone about our pregnancy when she was asked yet again to keep quiet. Both DH and I felt robbed of what was ours, we didn't feel like it was our pregnancy or our news, we both felt like MIL had control and we had none, and so we decided to find out so we felt like we had something that was just ours and no one elses (apart from everyone on BB) People ask us if we know, and we just tell them we don't know. If my MIL hadn't been trout mouthing everywhere, we probably wouldn't found out. We haven't even told the IL's our date for our c/s yet!

Nic

Thanks girls.

Kimbaz - We dont mind either way if it is a boy or girl. We are so happy to be pregnant again and are happy to have either.

I understand the surprise part. We went through the whole preg with DD #1 thinking she was a boy (intutition) lol and was def surprised it was a girl! It was lovely.

I think my wanting to know is - we are finally moving into our own house in 2 weeks. And after being in rentals i want to decorate/paint and do artwork for the walls. I guess if it was a girl i would do similar artwork but a boy i would do other colours if that makes sense.

If we found out we would keep it to ourselves and not tell others that we know. It isnt to buy stuff and all our newborn stuff from DD was unisex anyhow (will be recycling as we dont have the money to buy new things)

Also we cannot think of names and i figured it would be easier to concentrate on only 1 gender of names lol.

OOOOhhh hard one. And i would definately not pressure DH or findout without his knowledge.

I do think though whether you know or not - the birth of your baby is special regardless!

I think Kim highlighted a good point - if you're really hoping for one or the other, you may be better to be prepared - and if that is the case whilst i don't say 'push your DH' try and explain to him all the things that may occur if it's not the gender you wanted at birth - difficulty bonding, pathway to PND etc.

Otherwise, if you're not too fussed, I think leave it a surprise, gives you something to be excited about when you're going through labour all over again.

ETA: you beat me to it when you posted!

In that case id def not find out!!!! Thats would be a great surprise :D

Yep Ash thats exactly why i found out...Having PND already i didnt want to get to the end and find out its a girl and then go further down the drain. So i think it was in my best interest to find out, and will do for all future pregnancies....for my sanity LOL

I agree with a few others..

What other suprises do you have in life that you just cannot peak at?

I never found out with DS and i woulndt wiht any other pregnancies..

You can always shop after the baby is born .. good reason to get out of the house.

leave it a suprise... its so worth it!!!!

I struggled with this question for AGES this time around... I found out with DS, because I knew that I couldn't wait till birth to know.
This time around, I finally made the decision to find out - we asked at the scan - nothing conclusive because bubs was being unco-operative.
So sometimes even when you want to know.. you can't !!!!! I did really want to know, not for clothes or anything like that, but because I would like this one to be a girl, but have made my peace with not knowing, and since we are having a third child anyway, doesn't really matter if this one is a boy.
Although - it would be helpful to know as I can only find girls names that I like and am struggling on finding boys names!!!! :wall:
Good luck in whatever you decide..

Thanks Gudism

Yeah it is a hard one isnt it.

At this point in time i only want 2 children. And if it be a girl and a boy fine that would be great. If it was 2 girls, that would be beautiful too.

Mmm have about 2 weeks to think about it....

We didnt even ask what gender dd was when she was born... lol i was just so excited she looked like me (dh and i are complete opposites in looks due to ethnicity's) lol so it was a little competition who's genes would win out!

LOL PP, I was much the same with DS1. I was just such in awe that I had a baby in my arms, it didn't even occur to me to wonder what gender it was!!

DD1 was a suprise for us, although I knew it was a girl in my heart. With DD2 we found out although they kept saying they weren't 100% sure and I think I was more suprised when she was born than with number 1!! I wanted 2 girls so I think with number 2 I didnt' want to get too excited incase.
Saying all that I loved finding out and it was still a suprise the day they told us!! Also having DD1 7.5 years older it was lovely for her. She seemed to want a brother so it was important to prepare her (she LOVES her sister so much , and now only wants another sister if we get pregnant)!
We will find out again, I thought it was great. I liked both ways, but I just don't think I could wait after finding out last time!
Definitely a personal choice, both ways are worth it! xoxo

I happily found out with both DS and DD to be. And to be honest i dont think it takes away any of the surprise whatsoever. We got the surprise of finding out at 19 weeks and when bubs is born its a different surprise all together. So i dont agree with those who say if you find out early your dont get as big of an excitement when they are born.. because damn right you do!

I say its a personal choice. If your DH really doesnt want to know i wouldnt pressure him to know, thats his choice. But you can always ask the scan people to just tell you or write it on a piece of paper what they think it is. Remembering its not 100%.

I agree with Kellxx... we found out with Izzy although it was only 70% sure and we were prepared for a boy too! and we just found out yesteday with this bubby and oh my we are soooo excited!!!!! I definately don't think that it takes anything away from the excitement of having a new baby!!! It's not as if you go "oh it's a boy - cool- let's go get a coffee :rofl: The wonder and amazement of bringing that baby safely to the world is no less fabulous because you know the sex!!

One of my Belly buddies knew but her DH didn't - they got it written in an envelope and took it home to open privately! She did, and he didn't and she hid any pink purchases she made. By the end I think he knew too but didn't care by then!!
Good luck deciding!

Thanks Manta, Webbmeg, kell and Tanstar,

Its nice to hear some positive stories about finding out.

Well i asked DD again last night.... Didnt really get an answer. When i asked if he wanted to find out he said 'no' and when i said why? he didnt know why :lol:

So i put my case forward and said we would only have to think of 1 name (as we have NOOOOO ideas at all... not even a first name for either a boy or girl)... well i like Alexi for a girl but he says no because dd#1's name also starts with a A.

then he said i could find out and not tell him... but i want to decorate ! lol.... unless i keep the nursery room door shut for 5 months? that could work :clap: what a surprise then! :lol:

mmmmm

i do agree thought it would have to be both know or no one knows. oh i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAHHHH:wall:

I've so been where you are honey!!!! My DH was of the opinion that he didn't mind finding out, but would go with whatever decision I made. So you know what I did? I asked all my friends, family, workmates etc what they would do, and made up a little poll to see which side won out, because seriously, it was doing my head in. And the end result - not to find out. By one vote. So that settled it. But then, 6 weeks later, I spotted a piece of paper at work where I had rang up about a 3D scan and realised that I could get it done that week if I wanted to. Out of all the crap sitting on my desk at work, thats the one piece of paper that jumped out at me. So we got the 3D scan done, and STILL didn't find out!!!! pmsl... some things just aren't meant to be..

Gudism
That is what i am thinking maybe go into the scan with no hard decision and if bub's bits present themselves obviously then we were to find out... if not then... surprises in store?

Maybe fate will decide for you LOL!

I found out with both of my boys, it really is a surprise no matter when you find out and it in no way takes away the joy and excitement when they finally arrive. I loved knowing what I was having, I felt like I could connect more by giving them names and buying them things.

It is such a personal choice and only you and your DH can make the final decision. Luckily my DH knows how much I hate not knowing things so he didn't argue when I said I want to find out!

Yup sounds like a good plan. That way, if you don't expect to be told and you can't find out, no disappointment!! We were a bit disappointed when the sonographer told us that she could "guess" what the sex was... big whoop-de-doo..I can guess too... lol

We found out with DS because I hate not knowing things and for DP made it seem more real for him. This time round I made the decision not to find out, to see if its a better surprise at the end or just the same at 20wks...I always saw it as its a surprise no matter when you find out. A lot of our family didn't want to know (didn't stop them trying to get it out of me throughout my whole pregnancy though). DP really wanted to find out this time but since he said this is the last baby I stood my ground and said no I want a surprise at the end and as much as its nearly killing me not knowing, the pregnancy has gone really quickly and its fun guessing and hearing what other people think your having.

I agree with either both know or neither, it would be too hard to keep a secret like that...I wouldn't be able to!

GL with you decision!!

I can't see how finding out ruins the surprise. Its still a surprise - just a little bit earlier. I think you have so many new things to find out when they are born that it is nice to get one of the surprises earlier on.
We found out the sex of DS at 19 weeks. We also named him at this time. It really helped me bond with him before he was born and I felt like he was just as perfect as perfect when he was finally in my arms and I had spent all of that time with him, already knowing who he was.
Ultimately it is a personal decision but I never regretted knowing the sex.

Being my 4th, I wanted to know this time around, but I wasn't too fussed if they couldn't tell for sure ... for me the tech said "I think that's boy bits there" but she wasn't really sure and it wasn't really a good angle - as far as I could see, it could very well have been the cord hanging low (my placenta also attached low so ...)

So for us, it kinda still is a surprise - and my others keep saying it's a girl anyway (and my eldest hasn't been wrong yet!) I also woke up with a start a couple of weeks ago with the strongest feeling it was a girl - I was almost screaming out the girls name we had picked out .... so unless they can say for sure (if that's what you want) there is still the chance you can walk out of there not knowing ....

With DS, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not, but my DP wanted to so he decided that one and I think it made him feel more apart of things, if that makes sense.
We only told our families the gender that time around, but half them couldn't keep it a secret, so that was a little disappointing for me. :P

This time around, both DP and I wanted to find out. We got an answer sort of, but we're still going with both sex names and only getting unisex stuff. We both don't think she gave it enough time when looking or even reassured us. Like come on how can you tell from a profile view. Lol

Good luck with your scan and with whichever way you decide about the gender.
I hope you're having a H&H pg!

xx

I didnt find out what I was having for any of my first 4 children. I wanted to wait to leave it as a surprise, as did my DH. My first 2 were boys and it was so nice to have that surpirse at the end. After 2 m/c's to get told I had a little girl, was so beautiful, then with my 4th to find out that my older little girl had a sister was just as beautiful. It was so worth the wait. With my current pg, after having 2 m/c's before this pg and then having other issues facing me, and as having to have a CVS I thought that I may as well find out, JIC something happened. I didnt want to go thru another loss not knowing what I had. So now I know that I have another little girl and couldnt be happier since finding out. Even if my litle one was a boy, I would have been just as happy. Yet I would have been just as happy to wait and see at the very end, which I would have done if I didnt face problems this time round. Sometimes I wonder now if I have made the right decision this time. Even tho the not knowing just seemed to be a long tedious wait with the others the surprise makes it seem that much more special IYKWIM. Hugs

I agree with the others - if you'd set your heart on a girl or a boy then it could be important.

For me, not knowing was great. Mind you, both DP and I thought we were having a boy - to such an extent that we'd only chosen boy's names.

I kept telling people, "we think it's a boy so if it is then clever us for being right and if it's a girl, clever her for fooling us."

And of course, it was only the people with the most bizarre theories that told me I was having a girl so I kind of ignored them.

Yes, we had a girl! My first reaction was, "what???????" But we could not have been happier and I spent the first two weeks in wonder at how my cheeky little monkey had fooled us so convincingly.

i have 2 boys already, and they are wonderful... i think i will be scared if im having a girl, i find out on Thursday this week... i cant wait! i have known the sex with both my boys! i just couldnt wait, im so impatient!

Well it has been decided
We are NOT finding out.

so surprise #2 it will be.

Woohoo!!! Good on ya!!!!
We can be on the "surprise" team together.... :hug:

Good on you for making that decision - I found out by mistake or fate which ever way you want to look at it at 32weeks - we chose not to tell anyone outside of the immediate family - I have to say I was devastated at the time as I really didn't want to know but we had a 4D scan and they put it on a video, we took it to the IL's (as we only had a DVD player) and low and behold the image was clear as day - so ironically we all found out at the same time - especially given that we had asked them not to go in that area and specifically not to tell us the sex - I got over it pretty quickly though - I had a gorgeous baby boy (which was my gut feeling the whole way) to look forward too - this time around I think we'll find out, but keep it too ourselves ;)