Our baby girl born sleeping

Hi, I am also new to this forum and hope that either someone can pass on some advice to get through losing our first child or that someone can get strength from my beautiful baby girl Ava.

It also took us 12 mths to concieve and my pregnency had been smooth until I started spotting at 6 weeks. Went to ER and had scans and everything including levels were fine. Early April I started to bleed continuously and had severe cramps but another scan showed things were fine and that it was probably the placenta lying low that was causing the probs. Again sent home. After 4 weeks of non stop bleeding I began passing large clots on April 24th, after yet another scan I was put on strict bed rest (toilet privalages only) at 16 wks 4 days.

Monday 28th I had a fever and after seeing my GP was admitted to hospital. Around 3am on the Tuesday I began to pass a clear fluid which would gush out just rolling over in bed. At the time I wasn't concerned as I didn't think that waters could break so early. After some swabs and another scan in the afternoon it was confirmed that I had lost my amniotic fluid. Both our hearts broke as we were told there was nothing they or we could do but wait. We thought I would be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy not sent home to wait to go into natural labour. (17wks)

10 days later after another scan to see what was happening, and finding there was not a drop of amniotic fluid we were induced on the Wednesday and met our beautiful baby girl Ava, on Thursday 9th May 5.20am.

I have never felt so much love for anything or anyone in my life. She was PERFECT. Even though she was 18 weeks 4 days she was a baby with tiny hands and tiny feet and weighing only 190 grams. We never even imagined the pain we would feel having to leave the hospital without her.I felt my heart break in 2. She is our little angel and will always be deep in our hearts.

Angels took our daughter away but they also let us have 4 precious hours with her.
Mummy and daddy love you so much Ava Lesley

Any words of wisdom for the cremation are more than welcome. I have no idea how we can possibly get through it.
Stanas

:angel: Ava Lesley, born 9th May 08, 18 weeks 4 days

I am so so sorry for your loss, I have not been through anything like this so I have no idea what it must be like for both of you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:. to you.
Im sure their is no answer to what you have to do next, just take every day as it comes and do what feels right for both of you.
What a precious gift she is to you and will always be.
you will be in my thoughts. :pray: :pray:

Stanas,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby daughter. I can not imagine what you are going thru right now - my heart breaks for you. There are no words that can comfort yu but know there will be alot of people thinking of you and sending you love.
I am so sorry.:hug: and will say a :pray: for your little girl. Please take care.

Stanas, I am so very very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl Ava. What a prettty name she has.

I have never walked in your shoes huni so I cannot comprehend the pain you are going through right now, but I can sympathsise with you.

Take every day as it comes, allow yourself time to grieve your princess, and when you are ready, give yourself permission to move forward.

Sadly there are many girls on BB who do know just what you are feeling and I'm sure they will come in and have to right words to share with you.

Huge hugs to you sweetheart :hug:

I can't possible imagine your feelings - I have lost a baby but it was earlier. You will survive - you will. And your baby will keep watch over you. For ever.

Much love
Sasha

If you ever want to talk let me know - I will send you my private email.

Stanas, I am so sorry to read about the birth of your little angel Ava...I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through...:(

Remember that she will always be there with you....your precious angel watching over you..

Take care...

Stanas thank you for sharing yours and Ava's story. She has a lovely name. I hope you find comfort and support amongst our BellyBelly community :hug:

Hi Stanas,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our son was stillborn on 24 Apr at 22 weeks. He was our first child also.

The first week is so hard, it's such a shock and you have to make arrangements such as for cremation.

I guess my advice is lean on your loved ones as much as possible, and get through the days as best as possible. I would try and do things to take my mind away, even for a just a few minutes, like watching TV or reading the newspaper or gardening or anything you like. I figured I'd have plenty of time ahead of me to grieve and to digest what had happened, and those moments of distraction gave me a break for a little while.

Otherwise get plenty of sleep and try and eat well, as being unwell will make things like the cremation much harder.

As for the cremation itself, I can tell you what we did. It was only the two of us. I picked some flowers from the garden and we had a teddy bear for him. We wrapped him in blankets we bought for him. We had written a letter to him saying everything we felt and read it aloud.

I hope you can find some comfort amongst other parents who've experienced such a loss, I know it's helped me feel less alone.

Love Rozzie

Hi Stanas,

I am so sorry for you and your family. I wish I could offer you some advice but am still searching for answers with my recent loss.

The only thing that helped me and may or may not suit you, was to see my baby and hold him before the funeral. I think this helped me accept what actually happened.

Rozzi is right - seek support from your friends and family. They will want to help you as much as possible.

Take care of yourself.

Danek

Thank you all so much for your lovely words.

Things just keep getting harder. I noticed in the shower last night that I now have milk, and oodles of it. So off to the doctors again today to find out how to dry it up.

It's wonderful to know I can produce milk, but am missing the most precious little one to help me out.

Thank you again,
Stanas

Mummy loves you Ava XXX :hug::hug::hug:

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious and beautiful angel Ava Lesley.

Sending you loads of hugs and thinking of you hun... please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, in anyway that you need to.

:hug:

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious princess, Ava Lesley :(

Sending you lots of :hug: :hug: :hug: and lots of strength to get through this difficult time.

Dear Stanas - I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Ava. It is so clear how much you loved and continue to love her. Please ensure that you ask for the support and comfort you need from those around you. This forum is also a wonderful place, as you will see that many of us have suffered losses similar to yours.

We had Nathaniel cremated, but chose to not have a service attached to the cremation. We used Tobin Brothers and found them to be very sympathetic and understanding. As Nathaniel was delivered by a D&C (we found out at 20 weeks that he had passed at 15), we organised for his remains to be collected from pathology. We had him placed in a coffin with a blanket and had a crucifix and white rose placed on top. At the time of the cremation, my husband and I let others know so they could take a moment to stop and say a prayer. We then had a family priest say a mass for him. The funeral directors then delivered his ashes to us a week later, and we have kept them in a special box with a few of his items. I can not tell you how much the cremation helped me grieve for him. I felt that we had offered him the very greatest of respect and care and I will guard his ashes for the rest of my life. My sister who has also had 2 late losses, chose to bury her babies at my parent's holiday farm in a beautiful spot in the garden - as the babies are under 20 weeks it is legal to bury them yourself. They now rest under a big tree with an angel statue watching over them - it is a spot of tranquility for our family to visit.

It will seem hard to have to make these decisions, but once you have made the arrangements you will feel you have done the right thing.

I hope you are doing okay and please feel free to come and chat with us whenever you feel the need.

Take care :hug:

Stanas, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Ava. Nothing can prepare for the absolute devastation that you will feel and you will wonder how your heart can hurt so much and how you can go on when the world no longer holds the one you love. Surround yourself with lots of loving and caring people and just do whatever you need to to get through this heartbreaking time.

I lost my first baby, my precious son Cooper at 37 weeks. It took us 2 years to conceive with some assisted help and we had a 'text book' pregnancy right up until the day we lost him. He too was born so perfect, but so still. Walking out of the hospital with empty aching arms is so painful and I'm sorry that you had to experience this.

Preparing for the cremation is so difficult because you feel numb, you are doing something that goes against nature - you should never have to bury your own children. We decided on a private service with immediate family only. I searched and searched the interest for songs and poems that we could play and have read at Coopie's funeral. I also made service books which included the poems. This is what kept me going between the time we lost Coopie and his funeral. I still to this day listen to his songs and read the poems, it is what makes me feel close to him.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just take one step at a time, one minute at a time and grieve. There are days that I wonder how I have got through the past 18 months especially those early weeks, but the body is an amazing thing. You won't be able to understand how you will get through the days as the pain is so raw, but surround yourself with people that can support you.

I am sorry that your milk came through. The same thing happened to me and it was like a slap in the face. You wonder how your body can produce milk but it can't protect your baby.

Take care
Hugs
Lynn
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Stanas, I am truely sorry to read of your loss. I birthed my little boy Luke at 16 weeks and you're so right, they are perfect but tiny. He was my little boy and I so wanted to take him home.

Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Some days will be better than others. Just remember we are all here whenever you need us.

Big hugs to you,
Debbie

Dearest Stanas,

Even though we are deemed to be strangers to one another, I just want you to know that you and your partner are in my thoughts and prayers. I have come to believe that there is a playground somewhere that all of our angels are playing in, and although they miss us like crazy, they are keeping each other company....

Take care,
Clare xo

Im so sorry to hear about little Ava :hug: You will find lots of support here and I will keep you in my thoughts. I think you have received some wonderful advice here and I can not add much else. Wishing you all the strength in the world to get through your precious Ava's cremation.

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Ava. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

The only thing i can say is that the pain does ease eventually. Ava will always be part of you and nothing will ever change that and there will be days that you just cry remembering how precious she was and then there will be days that the memory of her will make you smile and soon there will be more smiles then there are tears, I know this for a fact. :hug:

Oh Stanos I am so so sorry to read of the heartbreak of saying goodbye to your daughter Ava...

This time is so very raw and so very painful. Please lean on this wonderful community of women (and men). There will be a time wwhen you will smile and laugh again.
Something that helped me was to plant something (I planted a rose) in rememberence of your daughter... It helped me...
Sending you love and hugs...:hug:

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Ava. It's amazing how perfect and beautiful your own child is. Did you get any photos of Ava? The hospital staff took some of our baby for us and we look at his pictures all the time. Sometimes I get scared that I'll forget what he looked like or that maybe he wasn't real, but looking at those photos remind me that I am a mother.

In the first few weeks you'll be shocked that the world keeps turning when your own world seems to have collapsed. You'll wake up everyday thinking your baby's name and all the grief and loss you feel hits you like a tidal wave.

You'll think you can't go on but your baby will help you. She'll guide you through your days, and help you get by even if you can't get over her loss.

I'm glad you got to spend four hours holding Ava. I only held Hamish for a short time and I always regret that. I just knew that I had to give him back and the longer I held on the harder it would've been to let go. Even now I crave to touch him, hold him, kiss him.

Take care, Stanas, we're all here for you.

Oh, Stanas, my heart breaks for you! Words can't possibly express how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your angel baby, Ava :hug: Grief is all consuming, so be prepared for many ups and downs, good days and bad days. Please give yourself the space and time you need to heal and make it through these dark days, and if you can't surround yourself with loving, supportive people, then please come here to BB for support. It's impossible to get through it alone, and most of the women here know exactly what you're going through. I've suffered 4 m/c, though never as late as yours was... It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my entire life! But I can tell you with complete honesty that it was the women here that got me through it--and continue to get me through it every single day. I :pray: for you and your family, and for your precious daughter Ava. Know that she will always be with you, in mind, spirit, and soul. Take care, hun--and if you ever need to vent, scream, or cry, we're here to listen with open arms and hearts!

Dear Stanas,
Life feels so unfair especially at this time. I am so sorry for your loss it is so painful.

I lost my perfect boy four weeks ago...it was love at first sight for my hubby and I. This was also our first born. Born at 34wks i had a placental abruption and up until his birth had no signs or issues with the pregnancy...we are still in shock but i accept it a little more each day and feel agry this week but i try to 'smile because he happened'.
I gained strength from support from family especially in the first few weeks.
We too cremated Jed...certainly a path that we never thought we would be travelling on. The day before his funeral i sat down and typed a story (For a little booklet)...it was a story that i had read to him during the pregnancy. We also included some words and meaningful quotes and verses that we had received. I think this was the hardest day of my life but i wanted the best that i could give him as his mummy. We also wrote in a book words from mummy and daddy and that went with him...it was a beautiful service short and intimate with immediate family.
Ava will be forever a part of you and that is special. There was a quote on the wall of the birthing suite i was in and i found strength from this..."what is a part of us for however long, is us and will forevr be";
Take care in your journey and i am thinking of you in this time...am here for you!:hug:

Sasha...I am so sorry for your loss xoxoxox

Life is so cruel. I am so, so sorry for the loss of precious Ava. Why such tragic things happen to so many "good" people, I am still struggling to understand but I hope you can take some small comfort in knowing there are many women who know what you are struggling through.
It will be hard but you WILL get through the coming weeks. Some days you will wish you could just sleep through it all and others will be spent crying non stop. Take each one as it comes and don't let anyone tell you how you should or shouldn't be feeling.
I hope the cremation, albeit sad, will be a special occasion to remember Ava