We Lost Our Twins

Hello
I miscarried last Monday, 05-05-08. That same day at 2:30pm we found out that we were having twins. I had been given an appointment for the pregnancy clinic, just to have a check up due to some slight brown discharge I had been having. When we went in for the ultrasound, our first, we were so overjoyed when we found out I was carrying twins. We have three children already and this pregnancy was going to be our last to complete our family. So two babies was just such a blessing for us and so exciting. Unfortunantely that same evening I was rushed to emergency as I had began having cramps and started bleeding. It just got worse and worse. Just before midnight I had my second scan for the day, only to find out my two little ones had no heartbeats. It has been such a sad time for and my partner, we were so looking forward to welcoming our babies into the world at the end of the year. They were due on 25th November, which is my best friends birthday, so it was really special. It was so special having twins and we are grateful for the few hours we had knowing that I had two little bundles growing inside me. It just felt so cruel losing them the same day we found out about them.
. I was 11 weeks along and had to have a suction curette, the babies only measured 8-9weeks along. We knew this in the first ultrasound, but it is quite possible I conceived late in my cycle, as I keep a diary the times my partner and I are intimate. So i thought nothing of the inconsistency really. But it is really possible that they had just stopped growing and were in the process of passing when we found out about them. Nobody really has any answers for me.
We will try again and it's a strange feeling as we feel very strongly that we want to try again as soon as possible, my doctor has just recommended that I let my body heal and that the emotional part will probably take a bit longer. But she did say that it is a personal choice as to when to start trying again, and said that one cycle is generally enough.I am assuming this means I have to wait for AF to return and then we can try again after that. It is hard though as this pregnancy the timing just seemed so right, as it meant that I could continue uni next year, now if I fall again, uni is off the cards really. We are sick of waiting for right time, as we just had the perfect time and now the twins are gone. This was my first miscarriage after three healthy babies, I am just really sad this has happened, but it has made me realise how important my family is.
Thanks for listening

:p one cheeky monkey 18-01-01 ( Lottie)
:cheer: one little princess 15-10-03 (Lily)
:babyboy: another cheeky monkey 12-05-05 (Oscar)

:angel: two beautiful little angels "B1 & B2" 05-05-08 (11 weeks m/c)

Leyza, I'm am so sorry for your lose:hug:, I hope you can find comfort in your loved ones. Best wishes for the future.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, my heart goes out to you

Leyza My heart goes out to you hun. Please take the time to grieve and heal and please be very kind to yourself. I hope you have lots of supportive people around you too. You have found a very supportive bunch of people here on BB :hug:

Oh hun, I'm so very sorry for you loss :hug::grouphug:

Dear Leyza

I am so sorry for your loss. I am still asking questions and it has been more than six weeks since I had my missed miscarriage. No words from anyone will take away the pain, but I have found the support on this website to be a positive start. Doctors seem to say to wait until after one (or even three) normal periods. My OB said to wait until I had had two. But every cycle is precious when you hit my age...

Please look after yourself and have lots of extra cuddles with your princess and two cheeky monkeys :hug:

Hi
Thanks for all of your lovely comments. Part of the healing process for me is to let this out and talk about it with people that have been through similar situations. It makes it all feel so much more real. There are still people in my life that had no idea I was pregnant and it can be hard to interact with them, knowing that there is so much more going on for me at the moment. I have also found out that my Rubella immunity is low, so I have to have a booster and wait three months before trying again. I will do what my doctor advises, but I have be en looking around online about Rubella booster and pregnancy and some sites suggest only 28 days. I was wondering why there is this inconsistency? It just seems like a big difference in time lengths.

Leyza, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your precious babies. :hug:

Sorry that you had to find BellyBelly at such a sad time, but you will find a whole lot of supportive and loving people on here. Always ready to lend and ear (or eye) and a shoulder to cry on.

I too am low in rubella immunity. I only found out when I was pregnant with my last baby. Still haven't gone for the booster...

Hi Leyza,

I just wanted to say how sad I am for you. I lost twins as well last year.

Take time to grieve. It's not something that goes away, but time does help.

Thinking of you.. :hug:

Leyza I'm sorry for your loss :hug:

Leyza, how sad for the both of you.
I too recently suffered an 11 week loss, my doctor said the same thing about the cycles, and what you wrote about the timing - I could have written.
Do what feels right for you. My Ob was very true - none of the reaesrech was done on you - start when YOU feel ready.

I am so sorry Leyza to hear of the loss of your babies. This is an incredibly sad sad time, the feeling of loss and also the strong desire to hold a warm baby in your arms.
You will find so much loving support here at Belly Belly.
Sending you love and warm hugs...:hug:

Leyza I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots and lots of :hug:.

You will find very good support in here.

I'm so very sorry to read of your loss of your twins, Leyza. I hope you're surrounded with all the support and love that you'll need at this time. Sending you big cyber hugs :hug: :hug:

Kerry

I am so very sorry to read of theloss of your precious twins. I fully understand your pain.

Hugs and kind thoughts,
Debbie

So sorry to hear about your losses :( :hug:

I am so very very sorry for your loss, I wish there was something I could say to confort you and to make the pain go away. :hug:

Leyza - I am so sorry for the loss of your precious twins. How heartbreaking to have such joy and such pain all in one day. I lost twins only 6 weeks ago but it now hardly seems real that I was ever pg other than a constant nagging sadness and u/s pics.
I hope you are able to find some comfort here on BB.
Best of luck in bringing that final member into your family very soon.

Wow..thanks again so much to all that have replied to my story. It really just makes it so much more real for me to talk about it to so any women that have been through miscarriage. It makes the short existence of our twins, so much more real.
MeredithD, I can understand what you mean about it not feeling real that you were pregnant. I too feel like that and too only have the u/s to look at. One moment that stands in my mind is when we first found out about the twins and the OB said " Oh do you see that..that's two little heads", she was talking to my partner as at the time I couldn't see the screen. I remember seeing his face and he said "oh...OH". He was so happy, we both were. Though in a way, looking back, even after three weeks since the m/c, I can see that I never really let myself get too excited about it. I was still really concerned about miscarrying at that point, and also concerned about the complications of twin pregnancy. I am sad still. But life goes on around me and it is hard to not get swept up in it. Especially when those around you don't really understand and some who didn't even know you were pregnant. I so want to be pregnant again and I am really hoping by some cosmic miracle I can fall pregnant with twins again. My sister believes the twins will come back to me and that now wasn't their time, she is spiritual like that.
At the moment we can't start trying until mid August as I have had a Rubella booster. Plus everyone keeps tellingus to wait, as our son has Autism and they think we should have a bigger gap between him and the next one. I'm not so sure. I think we will do what we feels right for us and no one else.
When I am feeling especially sad and just want to think about the twins, I listen to the Celine Dion song called 'Fly'. I am not a Celine Dion fan, but when I came out of hosptial after losing them, I kept hearing this song over and over in my head. So that is their song. We are also going to organise a butterfly releasing ceremony. probably on their due date in late November.
I wish this did not happen, but it did and I can't change it. But I will never forget

Leyza - When I want to be close to my little angels I listen to Enya - China Roses and there are a few others songs on her albums , I have 2 since my first 2 m/c's, that makes me feel closer to them. I also bought my angels a baby bracelet. Something for me to touch. I wrote a little letter to them as well, letting them know how much they meant to me how I felt when they were with me and how I felt when they were taken away. I guess it was also so I would never forget the joy I had felt whilst they were with me. I was so scared of forgetting them, even tho you never do. When I had my first m/c, I had to have a Blood transfusion and not long after fell pg with my twins, then I found out that my Rubella immunity was no longer, which was a huge concern but then I had m/c them at 12weeks. I ended up having to have my Rubella booster. I lost my twins the month of Feb and found out I was expecting my DD1 the month of August. Which was quiet lucky as it was our first cycle that we were safe to concieve in since the booster. You and your DH need to do what is best for you, the decision to TTC again as soon as you can is completely upto you once you are in the clear and it is safe to do so after the rubella booster time frame. Unfortunately some people like to give you there opinions, and some have never experienced a loss so dont really understand the way you feel. For me I needed to TTC asap as I needed to feel like I was doing something otherwise I think the sadness would have eaten me up inside.
Take Care sweety.:hug:

I read your post.... and sobbed. I lost my twins one on new years eve and the other on new years day. I was due on end July. I sat here tonight and pictured how huge my tummy would have been by now. I would have been induced around 1st July. Sometimes, like tonight, it just hurts like hell. But most days I m alright and although it might not seem like you will ever be 'alright' it does happen. Time is the only healer. Just take it one day at a time. It will occasionally sneak up on you, like it is for me tonight, but take a deep breath, tomorrow is another day. :comfort: