Is it appropriate and has anyone had their other children present during labout/at birth?
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Is it appropriate and has anyone had their other children present during labout/at birth?
Depends on the age of the child. Depends on the setting. Depends on the hospital policy (if you are in one)
My 12 yo was in with me and it was great for her.
A hospital setting with strange people coming in and out could upset them, maybe not. It can be a long and weary day for them too.
You will absolutely HAVE to have someone there that can take her out if she doesn't want to stay.
You may find it distracting having her in there, or unable to do what you need to do without upsetting the little one. I did find it slightly distracting having DD in there as I was worried she would be frightened - she was FINE (and wants to be a midwife now), but it was still in the back on my mind...
Will you be at home? I would have any little ones there if I had a homebirth, I like the thought of them hanging around and coming in and out during a completely natural experience. But I would still have people on standby in case of tanties 'cos mum cant get out of the birth pool to set up Thomas's train set.....
I had my 2 older children present for the birth of Harrison.
They were 9 and 12 at the time. They only really came in for when Harrison was being born because they were getting a little bored plus they were a bit concerned that I was in pain. They both loved watching Harrison be born though.
When we decide to have another baby, I will definitely have all my children there again :)
Yes and Yes!!!!
I had my 2 .5 year old daughter at our sons birth, we were in a birthing centre and she loved it, I plan on having both of them at the next birth shortly. Britney will be 6 and Joshuah 3.5 years. I made sure I had a few toys and a new colouring book and plenty of change for the snack/drink machine. I really enjoyed having her there and found it a welcoming distraction. Although she didn't watch the actual birth was too busy colouring in at the time, my husband been asking if she wants to watch this time.... so it could be very interesting. It was a fantastic feeling to be able to share the birth of our son with our daughter.
Hope this helps,
Snoopea
PP, this is a great question. I now think that having kids present at the birth is a great idea, as long as there is a support person just to look after them (separate to your main support person).
I wish we had done this with Jack. Due to my unexpectedly early, and rather fast (3 hour) labour, Jack had to come to hossy with us. When I got there, I was 5cms, so we knew baby was not far off. DH called a friend to come and pick Jack up. He had no sooner helped Jack into the friend's car and come back into the labour suite when Tom was born and he had to go and pick Jack up again.
At the time I was worried about Jack seeing me in pain in labour. But actually he saw most of the labour anyway and wasn't phased. Plus I know it helped him understand it all by seeing me in the labour suite before, and again after, with the baby there too. I am quite sure that he would have coped with seeing the small bit (well it felt big LOL!!) in between, the actual birth, and that it would have been an amazing thing for him to see. So now I really wish we'd had him stay.
If you are thinking about it, I say go for it. Others on BB have done it, I'm pretty sure Kelly did for one.
i would like her there for the birth.
and i understand what you mean by another person to be there for her.
But that stumps me as i dont want anyone else in the room lol...
i would like her there for the birth.
and i understand what you mean by another person to be there for her.
But that stumps me as i dont want anyone else in the room lol...
LOL PP. How would you feel having a doula for you, and your DH as your DD's carer?
mmm im not sure.
It is very strange. I am a very private person and i wouldnt want either someone i knew or didnt know in there. lol shocker i know.
If it was up to me i would only have 1 midwife and that is it (probably because with DD i had 8 people in there unneccessarily + dh and me)...
It's not that strange hun! Maybe have a think about it and see if there is a way you could have your DD and a support person there and be comfortable. If not, then maybe you can arrange for someone to be outside the room with your DD, and your DD can come in when your DH is not needed for you, and then go out again.
How about arranging for someone to stay nearby, but not be in the room with you as you labour? If your little one gets distressed, DH can simply pop her out to the babysitter quickly, without leaving you for too long; have a supply of Tim Tams on hand and some magazines for whoever is babysitting. I'm sure if you explain why you want them not to be in the room, they'd understand. I've done something similar for a friend, and I had no problem making myself scarce for the most part.
You can practice with your little one in the lead-up to labout to prepare them for the sights and sounds of the birth. Get down on all fours with them, and a little dolly - practice rocking, moaning, and yelling, and then you can give birth to your dolly. When it's all done in fun, it will be much less confronting when it is happening for real.
mmm trust me with DD it was uneccessary.. 3 were male orderly, 2 student midwives, 2 midwive and a ambo! All because of a speedy delivery and they didnt have time to get out lol...
i will think about it, perhaps have someone there with DD outside to bring in straight away when bub is born? mmmm so much easier to have bub at home !!!!lol
Schmickers - we already have DD a littl e doll that i carry and hold and she give kisses and cuddles too lol, mmm fake labour could be interesting lol... but worth a try!
PP.......I didnt really want anyone else in the room either and neither did DH but my freind just assumed she would be there and tbh didnt know how to say no. But when it came down to the actual birth I am so glad she was there was a huge support for both of us, and she was careful not to overstep and boundaries ect......and I was in so much pain I barely noticed.
lol Mel = i hear you!
but yeah.. not sure still hehe
due to DD1 coming 2 weeks early and 3 days before MIL was flying in to look after DS, DS had to come with us, so we didnt have anyone there to look after him lol...
thank GOD they had a student nurse who had the joy of looking after him for 3 hrs ( lucky for her it only took that long dont know what would have happened if it was a long one ) He basicly watched bob the builder as they put it on for him the whole time, but the one funny part I do remember is DS didnt really speak at this stage ( late talker ) but when I was in labor ( I am a screamer ) he came out with his first really clear sentence which was " Shut up mummy bob " while pointing at the tv not the best thing to be staying I know but it did bring some laughter to the room....
How do you get on with your mum? is it a possibility? or a sister? Or even a really close friend. With a friend or sister you could explain to them that you would rather them stay away from you unless DD needs them. That you only want it to be the three of you & she is only there if needed.
It would be pretty hard if you don't have someone else there.
I would love to have DD1 in there. At 6 I think she is mature enough to handle it & would really enjoy the experience. I didn't think about it before though. DD2 would be impossible. She would not be able to handle me in pain & would freak out. Too young to understand. I wish I'd thought of it now. I think it would have been unreal to have her there. She handles things like that really well.
Oh wel. A bit late now. Good luck.
my mum is too far away, but i guess this would be the only one i would ask to be outside...
my sister just had a baby 2 weeks ago.... and not sure she would handle it very well.
might have a talk to mum when closer... it will take her 3hrs to get here though when in labour
Pinkpalace, I know what you mean by private person, with my first daughter I only planned to have my hubby in the room but after 18 hours of labour I didn't care both my mum and dad were in the room, so when it came time for our sons birth mum and dad came in to watch little miss for us it was great and well worth having her there.
Are you going to a birthing unit? Or a labour room? If it's a birthing unit they're more relaxed and you'll find the support person not so necessary as in a labour room.
Hope this helps,
Snoopea
Well I hope your mum can make it. I only had mine there for my 1st. I wish she was there for the others, but she had DD1 when I had DD2 & was 10 hours away when I had DS.
My children have all been at their siblings birth - excepting Imogen of course who was born by c/section at 28 weeks! :(
I think personally that is such a rich experience for children and parents. It is truly beautiful. I had a friend / sil who was the childrens carer and that went well. I didn't have an issue with their being an extra person - it was very important to me that my children could share in the joy and wonder of the birth so that extra person came with the package iykwim?
My children still talk about the births, excitement etc. I shed a happy tear each time I recall my births and my children's little faces staring in wonderment at the miracle of birth. It has helped instill a very "normal" air around the very "normal" experience of birth. Something I believe is really lacking in our Western culture.
My children felt cheated that they couldn't be there for Immy's birth - they didn't get why they couldn't welcome her as they had welcomed the others. My eldest DD was terribly disappointed that she couldn't "cut the cord" - she has done so for both her other sisters and her brother. :(
It's important to ready your kids. Talk to them, show them books, videos. I used to practice "the noise I will make to help the baby come out". We would do it while driving, cooking etc - to make it very very normal.
"Hello Baby" is a very helpful book about a home birth. "Happy Birthday Baby" is another about a hospital birth but it is very beautiful also.
Good luck with your decision - children have such limited times when they can experience the birth of their siblings - it is a very special and sacred thing I belive. :hug::hug:
My Mum asked me to think about having Steph at the birth of new bub (but not the boy). I asked the Man about it, and he doesn't think it a good idea. He doesn't think that she would cope well with all the ruckus of me being in pain (if its anything like the birth of Steph, 26 hours of labour). I see his point, but he would like my Mum to be there. She has offered to have Steph there and mind her, but if Steph isn't there, then I don't think I really want Mum there. That probably seems a bit mean. Last night when I went for my ultrasound, Steph was very unhappy, I think because she thought I was in pain or the ultrasound person was hurting me. That kind of made me agree inside that the Man might be right about her not coping, and I don't want that playing on my mind and distracting me at the birth.
Since you had such a quick labour last time would you consider using a doula and have a home birth, that way your dd is at home in her environment and can do what she wants and be there for the birth.