Printable View
I was reading through another thread on here about teaching your child about their body parts, and how important it is to teach them the correct names for things. So I was wondering, is there a book or something to help you teach them this? What is a good age to start teaching them?
We have a book called Everyone's Got A Bottom that I would reccommend for any house. The boys enjoy it (although Imran mainly likes spotting the cat on each page lol) and it introduces self-protective strategies and the correct names etc in a really non-threatening way.
Yasin is 3 and he likes this book.
I think that you can use the correct names from birth. If you've been using other names you can just switch over any time.
We just used penis always! In the bath, wash your arms, legs, penis etc at first when we were doing it & then no he does it we remind him where to clean. If he was playing with it even as a baby we'd say something about it. Now with Juliette he is getting a bit confused & calling it a bottom, but we tell him no this is her bottom & this is her vagina. He got muddled though & though the bit above it was the vagina & told me the other day "this is my gina mummy" pointing to the bit just above his penis LOL! I think we need a bit more practise on that one ;)
I have a slight "problem" with teaching dd the correct names for her genitals. I just feel that she's a little girl and does not yet have a vagina, kwim?? :redface: It's so small and inoccent and well, vagina, not even thinking about penis, is such a grown-up word *sigh* I know I have to get over it and teach her because I know how important it is.
This caused a lot of controversy in our house. We've been teaching DD body parts and we have moved on to her "bits" (much to DH's horror!). I feel it is important she know the correct terminology of her anatomy which has DH mortified. He thinks she should call it her "bits". DD has picked it up well though and tries to say it back to me... although it comes out as a cross between bannana and jemima! LOL
We use gina in this house....Chelsea has no clue though. She showers with DH and we say doodle.
Like Nadine im not ready to call the parts by the right name...i feel she is to young right now to be saying vagina and penis. She says boobies however...but thats cute!
OMG ... KIM, I was only telling a friend yesterday that my Mum was very much in teaching us as kids the proper names for body parts as such ... like penis, vagina ... ;)
When I was 4 Mum was pregnant with my sister ... my Nan told my Mum that I said to name the baby Gina ... my Mum corrected my Nan & said no she still can't say vagina properly being 4 but I could say "Gina" :D
We use bottom & doodle. It was what I was brought up with & I didn't really think about it til now. Maybe since Jaz & I have had the 6 year old version of the sex talk - don't ask - I should start telling her the right names for things.
I also think it's cute when dd says titties. :) This morning I was laying in bed with her and we were talking and "petting" mommies tummy, she turned away and I shifted position and when she looked back, the only bump were my boob, so she slaps me on the boob and says ... baby!!!
Titty - my neices face the first time she saw me bfing. It was hilarious. She looked at me funny & I told her baby's having his ky - maori word for food. She screwed up her face & said 'Out the tittee??' She was shocked!!
Sorry - a bit off track.
:rofl: "Out the tittee" ... now that is adorable!!!!!!!!
We use doodle and gina. DD knows that she is a girl because she has a gina and Daddy is a boy because he has a doodle.
We did try to use penis but we had a HUGE problem in that DD is allergic to peanuts and has been taught to say "I can't eat peanuts, they make me very sick". So when Daddy said to her that he had a penis..... DD said "I can't eat penis, they make me very sick" so after we picked ourselves up off the floor from our hysterics and advised her that she should keep saying that until she is 21 we decided to keep it as doodle :cryinglaugh:
I really struggle to use vagina to descibe all of the female genitals as it is technically not correct. I would much rather use a term like fanny to describe the area in general than use a proper word incorrectly.
well i tell my DD to wash her "pee pee" and she says quite frankly "no mummy, its my vagina". She is 7 though.
I actually refer to my vagina as my pinda - pronounced pin dah - its the hungarian word for vagina and i just think its cuter!
edit - lmao Nai!!!
I like Oprah's name - Va-jay-jay
Astrid, my mother is the same.. she gets so annoyed when she's see some kind of kids show or one with kids in it, like in Kindergarten Cop), where they refer to the whole of the female genitals as the vagina..
Logan calls his penis, a penis.. For a while he would point to his nipples and say "Apples" I guess it sounds the same. He calls my breasts "Booboos", even though I tell him they're breasts. He walked around the other day with bowls on his chest saying "Look at my booboos Mummy!"
When he comes in the shower he points to my "bits" and says "Where Mummy penis?", but I don't know what to call them so I just say that Logan is a boy so he has a penis and Mummy is a girl and doesn't have a penis. But I think I like Astrids idea of calling it a fanny.. just have to hope he doesn't watch The Nanny and get confused like I did the first time I heard the part about her being thrown out on her fanny! I didn't know at the time in the US they called a bum a fanny.
Like others, I have used the correct words from the start. When washing etc, it has always been "penis" and when talking about me we have said "vagina". DH is very much of the opinion that it is also important for them to know the slang words, as they will hear these at kindy etc. So we have introduced those too, but taught the correct words first, and still use these most of the time. I can't see the harm in them knowing alternative words, as long as they know the correct ones too.
At the moment DD1 refers to everything as her bottom. I the past she was a bit confused by the term fanny as one of the cat's nicknames is "Fanny cat". When I would say fanny she says "no, not Fizzy" (the actual name of the cat). She seems to understand the term now though.
Will look at getting that book that Dach has suggested.
:hug: that's sweet and I think it's wonderful that you're prepared to use the biological terms to help your daughter protect herself despite the fact that you don't really like them. You're a great mum and so are all the other mums who think about how to arm their children with protective strategies.:
The book I mentioned earlier talks about girls having a vagina and a labia.
Another term you could use is front bottom. I think everyone knows what a front bottom is.
For penis I don't like doodle - it means a drawing as well as a penis so the meaning can easily be lost.
IMO private parts is a good phrase as well - it covers the whole area and it's pretty specific. If a child says privates or private parts you know exactly where they're talking about and it's also gender neutral.
I've had to stop my girls showering together, coz they were showing each other their bits.
I've tried to make it clear to them that their bottom is theirs & only for them. I've told them that they are allowed to touch it, but not to let anyone else see them doing it & that they aren't to show anyone else. Oh & that noone else is to touch it unless I say its OK - she might have to go to the doctor at some stage.
I won't even put cream on DD2 if it is needed - she still waers nappies to bed & had a bit of nappy rash a few days ago. I get her to do it to make it clear to her that it is for her to touch & only her no matter what.
Whith the sowing each other I'm not really sure if I should worry or not? I know it is natural to be curious about these things, but it seems so wrong. Maybe if they were both 3 I wouldn't be as concerned, but with DD1 being 6 I just think it's not right. Is she too old?
What do you guys think about it???
Aw, thanks Chloe. I tried getting that book on a book web-site here, but it's not listed. I have found some other interesting books, but would have to go book-hunting .. I feel I need to page throught it before just buying something off the internet.
I like the explanation that everything coverd by your swimming costume is your private parts(child's swimming costume, not that lean, tanned lady's g-string :o )
:cryinglaugh: I'm teaching dd to say: "If I eat penis, I will get very, very sick" !!!! :p :p
We use vagina and penis in our house, like Astrid I was concerned but when reading about sexual preditors being put off by the word vagina more than others that is what we use. Matilda calls it her vagina and we have practiced saying "Don't touch my vagina".
I think knowledge is power for her and as she is older she can help protect herself that way. I may be paranoid about it, but I have known too many girls and women who have been affected by abuse. I know one thing thing that I can do is help her protect herself. I can't stop an attack if I'm not there, but I can help her be prepared.
Rose that's completely normal and developmentally appropriate for a child before puberty. Don't worry :) If it were me i'd use distraction or avoidance if you don't like it - don't tell them NOT to do it, just give them a more-fun bath toy, or bath them seperately or whatever. Education is important but so is normal development and a curiousity about genitals is a very normal part of children growing up.
Here's a list of age-appropriate behaviours common ones are cool, uncommon ones may be red flags for abuse:
Bx:
PRESCHOOL AGE (0 to 5 yrs.)
Common: Sexual language relating to differences in body parts, bathroom talk, pregnancy and birth. Masturbation at home and in public. Showing and looking at private body parts.
Uncommon: Discussion of specific sexual acts or explicit sexual language. Adult-like sexual contact with other children.
SCHOOL-AGE (6-12 years)
This group may include both pre-pubescent children and children who have already entered puberty, when hormonal changes are likely to trigger an increase in sexual awareness and interest.
Pre-pubescent children
Common: Questions about relationships and sexual behavior, menstruation and pregnancy. Experimentation with same-age children, often during games, kissing, touching, exhibitionism and role-playing. Masturbation in private.
Uncommon: Adult-like sexual interactions, discussing specific sexual acts, masturbating in public.
After puberty begins
Common: Increased curiosity about sexual materials and information, questions about relationships and sexual behavior, using sexual words and discussing sexual acts, particularly with peers. Increased experimenting including open-mouthed kissing, body-rubbing, fondling. Masturbating in private.
Uncommon: Regular adult-like sexual behavior, including oral/genital contact and intercourse; masturbating in public.
ADOLESCENCE (13 to 16)
Common: Questions about decision making, social relationships, and sexual customs; masturbation in private; experimenting between adolescents of the same age, including open-mouthed kissing, fondling and body rubbing, oral/genital contact. Voyeuristic behaviors are common in this age group. Intercourse occurs among approximately one third of children in this age group.
Uncommon: Masturbating in public. Sexual interest directed toward much younger children.
We have been teaching DS recently what his testes are and in the shower tonight I've turned around to turn the water off and he comes out with "Mummy's got really big testes" pointing at my bum. :redface:
In all serious though we have taught him that his privates are his and noone - including us are allowed to touch him without his ok.
Thanks Hoobs.
Thats a BIG relief. From what I read, both of them are acting age appropriate.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
As I said before we kinda had the sex talk, but I actually left the 'sex' out of it. She just wanted to know what it meant. I told one thing is gender & the other is what people in love do to have babies.
She said straight away that she wants me & DH to 'do' sex, so we can have another baby!!
So was that the right answer??
Sorry if I'm taking over the thread, not trying to, just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
I said 'in love' instead of married as DH & I weren't married when we had her or DD2.
Yep Rose, sounds a great answer. At her age you just need to answer the question she asked - people can get bogged down with giving details that are WAY over kids heads - that's not innappropriate per se, it's just more likely to confuse than clarify. SHe was just looking to have the meaning of the word clarified. If she asked again and you re-iterated and she was still asking questions you know it's time to give her a bit more detail. There are LOADS of age-appropriate books for kids from toddlers to teens to help parents deal with these topics. You can check out the library (or better, do a search on amazon and then get your library to order the ones you like the look of ;)) Most of the ones for Jaz's age group focus on how the baby grows in the womb and is born, with only a few pages on the biology of sex. There are also some which have bigger sections on being in love and the whole emotional aspect and studies have shown the earlier you being sex ed in the sense of teaching kids about their bodies, rights, self-respect and respect for others and the ideals and expectations of relationships the less likely they are to get pregnant accidentally as a teen (i'm NOT down on teenage mothers, they sometimes make the best mothers they are, i just want DD, whether she's 16 or 46, to be having kids because she WANTS them) or get into destructive/harmful relationships.
There is a lot of talk about protecting innocence, but innocence itself can be dangerous in a world where one is interacting with people who are ANYTHING but innocent. I would rather DD knows what rape is and remains innocent of how it feels than knows nothing of it until she falls victim. Being empowered, IMO, is more important.
Bx
Just make sure whatever you tell her its age appropriate. Because it can backfire, self exploration is normal but reenacting adult relations is dangerous, and it can often happen when children are given way more information than is needed. The opposite side of that is instilling fear when not meaning too, sometimes too much detail can frighten children as well. There are some great books and information about. I know our school uses independent counsellors who deal with teaching children about sexual education when we have sex ed classes, which IMO is fantastic. The information is always age appropriate but even the follow on information is age appropriate when a simple answer is not enough. Its a tough subject but we are lucky to have so many resources at hand. Contact relationships australia and they might be able to source some information for you.
DD calls her bottom "bum bum" and calls her boobs "tits/tities" thanks to DH. She dosnt say anything about other parts yet as I havnt been sure what to say.