Just wanted your thoughts on baby showers for 2nd 3rd etc children......
is it rude to have another one?
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Just wanted your thoughts on baby showers for 2nd 3rd etc children......
is it rude to have another one?
Hi i've been wondering the same thing. If one of my friends were to do this i wouldn't even think twice about it, i'd be so excited. However on the other hand i can't help but feel bad about having one myself - strange isn't it. I just feel so bad when people buy me stuff, then they usually buy more after the baby's born. So we've decided to go for a "meet the baby" party after this ones born, then if people want to buy something for the bubs they'll at least know the sex and they'll be able to ask what we need.
Don't know if this helps..
I don't thin it is rude at all. After all is a celebration of your new baby.
I love the idea of a "meet the baby party" after s/he is born.
i think it is rude - but that is my personal opinion
i think it sounds like you are trying to milk free gifts for every child
I wont be having one
But in saying that i have had friends that have and i have attended happily
Yeah, I don't think it's cool either. Especially from people who have a boy, then a girl or vice versa - totally looks like they're after pink or blue stuff...just my opinion.
What my closest group of friends have done instead is just had a special lunch with all the girls, a last horrah if you will, to celebrate the impending arrival. We all then buy gifts when bub is born.
its not rude. i think ppl should have a baby shower for each baby! its a good celebration :D
I would have a celebration instead but specifically say no gifts.
why no gifts? i dont think its rude at all even if someone brought a pair of socks that cost them $2. Its not going to put them totally out of pocket iykwim.
why do baby showers mean gifts? personally i think they mean getting together with the ones you love and celebrate the upcoming arrival of bub. Im having a baby shower and i personally couldnt care less if people brought gifts or not. Im having on to get the family together to share the whole pregnancy experience with me..
mmmmm anyway... just another thing that is sorta stereo typed ifkwim.
Baby shower etiquette threads come up on here quite a bit and you know, I've always really hated even just the idea of baby showers, of all kinds, for first children and the whole biz. I think they have the potential to be so incredibly insensitive for people who are struggling though pregnancy loss or infertility issues (and you just don't know what people are going through sometimes, it's such a private thing). Anyway, I wrote a post once about how I felt about baby showers and I think I offended most people, but there were some interesting responses and now I think that I may have been too harsh about baby showers.
Sorry, way too much rambling, but my point is I really think it entirely depends on how you do it, the tone you set. If you really want to celebrate a new life, make that the focus and I'm sure it will be lovely. A lunch out with the girls sounds nice???
Hi,
Before I was preg with Noah I never realised that most ppl only have baby showers for the first baby and I sometimes day dream and think it would be great to have another one and to have a pink themed day if the next one was a girl (my baby shower was completely blue themed) and as much as I appreciated all the beautiful gifts I or should I say my baby was given, I really just enjoyed having a wonderful girly time and playing games and talking about al things baby!!
So I don't know if I will have a baby shower next time if it wasn't for the etiquette of only having 1 I definitely would. I think the thoughts of gifts comes from the name baby shower kinda suggests showering the baby with gifts. So maybe you could call it a pregnancy party lol or like has been suggested say specifically no gifts.That way you still get the great time with the ladies but ppl aren't pressured into buying gifts if they don't want to and then you don't look greedy to anyone.
I think it would be great to change the etiquette to baby showers for each baby. After all maybe the mother has been a mum before but the baby is brand new and has never had a baby shower before. They are just so much fun.
I would also recommend if you do the no gifts thing not opening any gifts that are bought in front of everyone unless its only 1 or 2. Just might make anyone that didn't bring a gift uncomfortable.
I posted about this a few weeks ago too - it really is a tough one... One of my friends asked me the other day if I was having one this time around, and if she could organise it.... I'm still a bit unsure about it. Personally I think they are a celebration of new life and yes presents are involved! I mean c'mon, I know I LOVE buying baby stuff for my friends who are having or have had babies and why shouldn't they feel the same for me?????? I wouldn't have one just for that reason though. It is a celebration and maybe you could have a "baby sprinkle" (someone suggested that in my thread - I think it is a great idea!) and maybe tone it down a bit by just saying on the invite that it is an afternoon tea or something. We are contemplating having a mixed group get together this time rather than just an all girls thing - my sister wants to plan something again as well.
As most PP have mentioned too - if you go to a 2nd , 3rd shower yourself for a friend you don't think it is rude and don't think twice about buying a small token gift if you want to. I find it is just as exciting!!
JMO! Good luck!
Thats what i thought they meant, and to be honest i thought the baby shower was actually meant to celebrate the mother and the pregnancy, not so much the BABY.:
My first baby shower with my son was a beautiful day, my mum threw it for me and went all out with beautiful hand made decorations etc. The turn out was poor though, alot of family and friends didnt even RSVP, i must admit i felt like I walked away a bit hard done by. Not in respect with the presents, because i had everything i needed, i didnt need anything. And i dont this time as i am having a second boy. I was thinking of just emailing my friends and telling them please not to buy anything but i know if i went to one i couldnt resist. I actually want aware that a baby shower for each baby wasnt done.... :lol:
I have saved all the decorations from my first baby, and saved the cards and even the wrapping paper... yep i am a bit of a hoarder rofl.
I feel bad for this baby as (as usual) its not really getting the attention and aknowledgement that my first did. I hate the thought of having all these sentamental tokens for my first but not this one. Why is the first so much special then subsequent pregnancies? Why is one worth celebrating more then another?
I understand the present aspect of it - to a degree...
Thanks again for your responses and your suggestions!
I didn't have one for my first but did for my second (she was 7.5 years behind). It was great. But I wouldn't even consider it for my third as I would feel greedy. That's just how I feel about it. I think the idea of a girls lunch or something to celebrate is lovely. And people may say it's not about presents, but I know the first thing I would think receiving an invite, is what do I get them. If it was their second or third I would honestly be thinking, well, Im not going to get much this time. That's just because people generally don' thave the money to spend. xo
Ummm, that baby isn't going to know that it didn't have a shower.....
It depends on what you expect, what do you want from it. If you want pressies you have a shower, if you want to just see all your buddies and celebrate the impending arrival, have a lunch with your gfs.
If was about the mummy, it would be called a mummy shower.
I think its a bit rude myself, if you call it a shower, sprinkle or whatever its still inferred there are gifts to be showered iykwim?
But then again, I think engagement parties are a load of bollocks as well...
i agree with lulu. i didn't have one first time around.
But whatever floats your boat though i say.
If people think it's rude then they don't have to go. ;)
I have asked this same question...
My mother told me you should only have one for your first and since you usually get most things it is rude to have a second. However, IMO you don't throw yourself a shower it is something that is held for you and your baby so it really depends on your friends and family. If my friends want to hold me a shower and organise it I will say, really you don't need to do that. But if they insist it is really just another fun get together with friends that want to celebrate your new baby!
wow i didnt realise there was so much negativity towards it! such a shame.
Ummmm this baby WILL know as i said i keep ALL sentamental things in a box for them so they can see them when they are older.
I dont think its about greed. Thats a really sad and materialistic way to look at it dont you think? I dont think of gifts when i think of a baby shower, i think of cutesy decorations and pink or blue cup cakes etc. Maybe i am just a bit more relaxed then the norm.
Sad that its come to the fact that when people receive an invite first thing they think of is $$ for a present etc.
Yep, if people think it's rude, then they don't have to go. I'm not really into second showers, but I would still go if it was for a friend. I like the idea of a get together, specifying no pressies. That's what I would do anyway. I wasn't going to have a shower, but between my mum and a good friend depserate to organise one, I sort of got into it. And the day was great :) (except that I was in pre labour, and my waters broke that night!).
If you want to have one, just do it, it's your life, but don't be disappointed if everyone's not as into it as you are.
Lulu, I'm not into engagement parties either!!!
ETA I know it seems sad that all people think about is $$$ for pressies, but lets face it, these events always involve bringing a present along. And for some people, if they have a run of things, that can be really difficult financially. I'd love to buy all of my friends really ace presents, I don't consider myself tight, but ATM that's just not possible. So lets not be too harsh on people who are concerned about the cost hey?
No, its the etiquette of it all. An inviation to a baby shower infers the baby gets gifts. An invitation to a wedding infers you bring a gift to help the newlyweds start their lives.
Etiquette helps people understand what you want or what is expected from them.
If you are not focussed on gifts, have a lunch then! The baby will get plenty of cards/gifts when its born.
i didnt mean to sound harsh abotu the costs, so apologies if it came accross that way.
But i think using the term "greedy" is a bit rough also. I dont consider myself greedy for wanting to celebrate my children, in fact i think its nice.
I dont have alot of money at all. In fact i am stoked its another boy so i have everything already lol.
Its just interesting to hear the reasons behind not having a second one.
When it comes to weddings, i dont think of a present for the bride, i see it as sharing a day to celebrate love.
Engagement parties? whole other story! I didnt have one, nor would i.
this discussion came up in livechat last night - and it was asked what opions were - they were varied, but one thing that was mentioned was the notion of having a baby shower for a subsequent baby only if it's of the opposite gender - to me, THAT is the kind of attitude that reeks of "asking" for presents - if you have two boys in a row, baby number two doesn't have a shower, but if you have a boy then a girl, yup, you'll have a second shower cos you don't have anything pink! my theory is, you make a decision - either you're a baby shower person or you're not - you either have a shower for all babies, or you don't.
i don't have a specific opinion. i don't know all that many people around here that have had showers even for their first child, let alone subsequent children - it just doesn't seem to be the "norm" around here. i guess it's a little bit sad that something that has been "tradition" in the past seems to be losing importance - but life is very different now, and i find we seem to have get togethers AFTER baby is born - making sure mum and bubs are ok, buying them something that i know they need - and to be there to share in the new babies life when mum is ready for guests (or outings as it may be)
It doesn't seem to me that in Australia showers have been around that long. Like kitchen teas etc. When I was having mine a lot of 'older' (over 40) people told me that nobody had them in their day. I always thought they were something (yet another thing) that we have adopted from America in recent times.
Please correct me if I'm wrong........
you might be right Janie - they seem to be huge in the States, and not the common here - i thought it was a case of something dying off, but perhaps it's something that just hasn't take off here the way other things adopted from the US have...
I think its more a telly show kind of event (the states thing). I had a baby shower with DD16, but it was organised by a friend.
I actually always thought it wasn't arranged by the mummy, but a friend. I would never organise one for myself but maybe thats just me.
Baby showers and kitchen teas are not a new thing but rather an old tradition that is dying out.
Call me cycnical but I think alot of old traditions seem to end up being manipulated into something else. Eg - my old example the Engagement Party. Traditionally there were no gifts expected then (if you had one at all). Wedding gifts traditionally are sent to the brides home before the wedding. NOW, you have the engagement party (and presents), the bucks/hens (usually at cost to everyone attending), sometimes a Bridal Shower/kitchen tea (presents), then you go to the wedding etc etc etc.
I think the old traditions were borne out of nothing but good wishes and a desire to mark an event.
talk about ot!
I think this arguement really comes down to personal opinion. - if you see a baby shower or engagement party or a wedding invitation as a thing you have to spend money on, then by other people having these things, you will see them as greedy. If you see these things, more as a celebration of the person and what the event signifies, then you will be excited for the people who choose to do these things. We had an engagement party, that was organised by our parents, and we totally did not expect anything - it was more celebrating the fact that we were engaged with our nearest and dearest - and we were totally blown away by the presents we got.
I think what is greedy is having registries for everything, including your engagement, kitchen tea, baby shower, christening and so on. I think a wedding registry is ok, only because people do buy presents for weddings and so want to know what to buy (although we had a honeymoon registry that kept people's amounts anonymous, so they could put in $5 or $50 or whatever). What you don't do with a wedding registry is only put things on that are really expensive - I read about one couple who had nothing less than $100 on the list, and had things like a washing machine and a fridge!
THe other thing is many of these things are organised by other people for you, not you doing it yourself - my mum did our baby shower and my mother in law wanted to do a kitchen tea for me ( i think it was because she wanted new tuppaware!). You don't hold these things personally and expect presents - i had a few friends say that they were holding off buying anything until the baby was born.
Yep, getting OT, but I suppose it all comes down to the same principles whether its a baby shower or other celebration :)
I think they are rude full stop and have always refused to attend.
We had a lunch with a few close friends for my "baby shower". Everyone paid for themselves & it really was supossed to just be a girly lunch with friends before I had the baby. That said everyone bought presents as well as paying for their lunch & chipping in for mine, so not what I had intended though. For me it was just a celebration that I was soon going to be a mummy for the secnd time, I didn't expect presents at all.
IMHO baby showers/sprinkles etc. should be to show your support for the parents-to-be and to share their joy of pregnancy and the soon to arrive bubba. I didn't have a baby shower for my 1st and 2nd daughters, but after an age gap of just over 8 years had a shower for our DD (my 3rd, his 1st). I threw a shower for a friend who had a similar circumstance last year.
I think it's personal preference as to what you feel comfortable with (whether deciding to have a shower, or attending one). In saying that, there are showers that I have been invited to where it has been obvious that it is just to get as many presents as possible and that made me feel uncomfortable (but then again, that's just going on my perception). If I were to have another baby, I would not want to have another shower, but that's just me.
And yeah, I think baby showers are a fairly new thing in Australia (mainly in the last 15 years or so) - I know my mother and MIL both were fairly unfamiliar with what actually happens at baby showers, they both had all their children in the 80's.
My SIL organised a bbq at their place for friends and family about 2 weeks after their bub was born. It was really relaxed as it was males and females and everyone just getting together to meet their new addition. Some people brought gifts and others brought salads/drinks ect. So it wsn't a baby shower as such, but still a special way to celebrate bubs.
I think its a personal choice, I wouldn't think it was rude, maybe just have a more of a relaxed day than a traditional baby shower.
Thaanks again for the advice!!!
My mum is putting it on for me, as she did with the last one.
Although i sent out the invites as i have all the addresses and i have a little more time up my sleeve to sit and write etc..
I am telling people strictly no gifts, as that is NOT the motivation behind it.
And you know what? when i tell people this they are actually a little surprised and dissapointed in my decision. I will stick by it, we have all we need.
I was going to have a BBQ afterwards anyway as wel will have him "Named" before my bestie (godmother) leaves for the states.
Thanks for the input.
I had no idea this was even an issue until I read this post!
I say have it! A baby shower is just because you're so excited about the upcoming arrival. Also I say have one for each baby - you're excited about each one!
People can always make up the excuse - sorry I have plans .... if they don't want to attend.I'm actually getting the question all the time - when is it and can I help!
Other alternatives is just going out to lunch with the girls and no presents - which I've done with some of my friends. Hey if you can have an engagement party plus a kitchen tea plus a hen's night for getting married (and then the wedding gift too!) - why not just one party for a tiny wee baby!! Celebrate away!!!!:dance:
I like the idea because in life celebrations are one of the best things!! Especially ones with your close girly friends!
Imagine spending all your recent time (however old your first is) bringing up your baby and to know that you can have an afternoon or night celebrating the next exciting thing in your life - well why not!!
I love ALL parties - celebrating is a way of saying you're happy with life and you want to share that happiness with others. That's why we have a housewarming party for each new place (rented a bit when younger!) as well as engagement, hens, wedding and first baby shower. You can make them as low-key as you like but celebrations are FUN FUN FUN!! :dance:
The present thig is totally up to you and your friends - if they want to buy/make - let them! Perosnally I LOVE giving gifts and would happily do so whether it's a $5 pressie to take to the shower or a more expensive one once the baby is born.
I say go for it and if people think it's rude thhen they don't have to come!:D
I didnt know it was an issue either until a MSN buddy mentioned it to me... a bti sad i think!!! stick in the muds!!!!!
Well I really hope you have a wonderful baby celebration!!! or whatever you choose to call it hehe and congratulations!!
hehe - pretty funny how strongly people feel about this!
I always thought a baby shower was to help out the new family to get set up for the baby, and you celebrate the baby when it arrives! So you wouldn't need it for the next babies, just celebrate their arrivals :)
So, no I don't think 2nd & 3rd baby showers are appropriate. Just like I think kitchen teas and engagement parties for people who already live out of home are a big scab for presents. I went to a kitchen tea recently for a girl who both her & her fiancee were still at home, so would be moving out together for the first time when they got married.. and so we all basically stocked their pantry and gave them other bits and pieces to help them set up.
I also would NEVER host my own baby shower LOL. i would however have a little welcoming celebration once the baby arrived. Not that I did, but that would be much more appropriate. Baby showers to me are more about the mum.. what sentimental stuff is there for the baby from the baby shower? I'm sure the child won't care how big mum's belly was at the shower, or what games were played.
I had a lil argument with a person at playgroup about this. Baby shower is a celebration of you having a baby, there are no rules saying people have to buy you presents, if they dont want to then they dont have to, but if they are a good friend and care about you they wouldnt care either way.
I'm totally for having a baby shower for every child (i didnt have one with DD#1 but my sis is throwing me one this time) i can't wait, not for the presents because its not like you need them but to celebrate your baby and play lots of fun games.
The girl who i argued with isnt coming to mine, i dont want her negativity there.
Go for it, have your baby shower, have lots of fun and i hope you have a great day!
I always thought the premise of a baby shower was to gather all of the other women in the village to pass on their knowledge and wisdom to the mother to be. I never give a large gift at a baby shower but usually give a practical gift. Most of the ones I have been to have a book or something where you can give words of advice, support etc to the mum-to-be.
I don't think that just because you have had one baby that you know everything and that having a second/third/fourth still comes with it's unique challenges. So the main purpose of a second shower would be to impart that advice and support on how to manage more than one baby.
Mine was organised by my friends and in return I will be organising one of theirs. I don't know if I will have one for this bubs but if I do it will just be a lunch out with my besties and close family I think. I will ask for no presents - just their advice :D
Oh interesting question.
I, personally, object to engagement parties, kitchen-tea parties (or whatever they're called), hen's nights, baby showers or any party geared purely towards collecting gifts. But this is a case of semantics only.
If a friend had a "celebrate the life of my unborn joy" party, I'd dance along with bells on and join in the festivities with glee. There's something about "baby shower" that SCREAMS "shower me in gifts, and if you don't you'll be struck off my list forever".
BUT I love the idea of a "meet the baby" party for every single baby you bring into the world. It's not the giving of gifts I object to (I'm not scrooge), It's just the expectation of gifts I object to (does that make sense?). I didn't have a baby shower or any party for my son, but I will do something to celebrate my next child, something small and understated.
Edit: I forgot to mention, Olde Etiquette says that if you organise a party and send formal invites, the guests are expected to bring gifts no matter what the occasion. If the party-thrower is providing the meal, then absolutely bring a gift (a bottle of wine is suitable for a casual dinner party). If you have to pay for your own meal, then don't bother with a gift.
I think it is a bit over the top. I had a big traditional baby shower for DD1 and then for DD2 and 3 I had a meet up with my gfs. I insisted on no gifts but I still got some. My aim was to catch up with my friends before I was housebound for another 12 months or so.