Visitors in hospital

Hi all,

Just wanted to get everyone's opinion on having visitors in hospital. How long did you wait to let people come to visit? Would you do it differently next time?

I was thinking about waiting 24 hours after bubs was born before having visitors as this is our first and I just want it to be the three of us. Or is this nasty to family/friends?

I'd love to know your thoughts!

Unfortunately my IL's were there at the hospital because we got the car seat installed that day and they had to drop the car off for DH. So they came in after my c-section (like RIGHT AFTER)...
My mum and the rest of DH's family came in the following day.
My friends and my siblings came the day after that (I was in there for 5 days).

This time I'm hoping that I will only be in there for 3 days, so everyone can just hold their horses until I'm ready to see them (like the 2nd day or something.. )

i only stayed 2 nights with DD and that was only because i wanted people to come and see us there so that they wouldnt bother us at home!

I had Oscar at 5pm on a Friday night. We had our parents waiting to come into our room before I was even in it!! As I was brought up from recovery I thought DH's Mum was about to jump on the bed to see our new bubba. Once I got settled and all my stuff was in my room I allowed my Mum to come in while they dressed Oscar and fixed me up a bit. However, DH's family who we don't get along with all the well really ruined our first night by trying to take Oscar off whoever had him.

Sorry for the ramble BUT it really is up to you hun. Make it very clear that you will let people know when YOU are ready for visitors, not when they are ready. Those first few hours are so important and special hun. There will be plenty of time for people to visit you and bubs. If you tell people that you don't want visitors until you are ready they should respect your decision and at least the ball will be in your court hun. You might decided you both want to share your bubba straight away but it's best to leave your options open iykwim?!

Once again, sorry for the ramble!

i had a few visitors at the hospital. it wasnt too bad cause they have to leave during certain rest times. when i got home though i told everyone that i wanted a day and night to ourselves just the three of us.

That's exactly what I thought, if we tell people to wait to be invited, then they know our wishes and if we decide that we want people there straight away we can do that also.

I could think of nothing worse than having family waiting outside, I want to establish breastfeeding ect and just get our heads around our new arrival.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! :)

My mum came in about an hour or 2 after I had DD. She was staying with us at the time & DH had to go home to get my medication as I was still vomitting & he brought mum back with him for a short visit. I really didnt mind, I prob would have if there were more people though but just my mum was fine. She also wanted to be at the birth & we said no so I did feel a little for her that she missed out on the birth (she's been at all my siblings births) so i was happy to show off my beautiful little princess to one person that night.

I did have one friend who kept smsing, throughout the labour (even though DH smsed back saying I was in labour & would like to be left alone for now) then the following day asking when she could come in etc etc so she popped in the morning after having DD.

The IL's waited until the following day & I think DD's Godparents did too.

After that I had people popping in & out now & then.

I was in for 5 days. I stayed as long as I could hehehe I'm pretty sure you cant stay that long anymore for VAG births though :(

I wouldn't change it. I was happy with the timing & the flow of my visitors.

I do think you should discuss it with your DH though & have a plan so he can let people know when they can come to visit (eg minimum of 12 hours or 24 hours after the birth?) & organise that only family or closest friends come first then the others in the later days??

Good luck :)

I forgot to add.. you will all be exhausted too!! I know that I was nearly falling asleep when everyone was in my room not even 2 hours after I gave birth!!

Another way to delay people coming to hospital is to wait to tell them that you've had bubs. So if you don't want them there until the next day, don't call them until the next day maybe. Although you and DH have to be on the same page with this. I thought my DP & I were ie thought we'd agreed to tell my parents & his Mum first, then our siblings, but he called his brother who came straight away, while I was still in recovery, before my parents arrived. Which kind of p'd me off, as I wanted my mum & dad to be the first. Although I am over it now:)

Also, the midwives at my hospital were great, they were very happy to police the visiting situation for me if required, so that they were the bad guys not me.

I would definitely do things differently next time!

We had a whole troupe of visitors (uninvited!) come through on the day my DD was born. we were both exhausted trying to establish feeding and recover from the labour and it was just arduous. my DH was so excited though and kept telling people that it was ok.

He even brought his best mate in only 3 hours after DD was born!! i was so not impressed!

Next time around i would have a very firm 24 hour policy.

Another thing that i found tricky was that people would stay the whole visiting time. it was very tiring and we found that there wasnt that much time for our family to get to know bubs one on one IYKWIM.

There is plenty of time for people to visit you once you are out of hospital. it is a much more welcome time as well as in those first weeks you might be lucky enough to have your DP or DH around to help manage the visitors.

Good luck with everything! your ticker is on the fast track to 40 weeks now!

I had Izzy at 935 - by C/S and the IL's and my parents knew right away so as I was being wheeled back from recovery with Izzy they were all there! Far out - I would change that for sure. It would be nice to have 5 mins to get myself sorted and be with my baby after the shock of a c/s and all, but that's life. We didn't have too many visitors the first day even though it was a Saturday - probably because I had a c/s and then on the Sunday I had a full house! I didn't really mind though, I just rested and chatted quietly to them all.

My hospital has very strict visiting hours this time around (different place) and even family won't be able to just waltz in thank goodness, so we can have some time after bubs is born.... My mum and dad will have Izzy though so I would imagine they would come in pretty early with her so we can all say hello to this little man as a family.

It really is up to you and although now you might feel like you would like visitors (or not) you might change your mind. I would recommend that the first few hours at least are yours alone so you can have some lovely snuggles, breastfeed and just stare for a while before everyone wants a cuddle! :)

With my 1st one I had a forceps delivery under a general so was totally unaware of how many people were at the hospital lol. I do know that not only were my 4 support people there but my mum was in the waiting room so they all got to see her before I did.

My 2nd, 3rd and 4th were at night time so everyone had to wait until the next day anyway. I didn't have that many visitors so we were still able to bond heaps as well as socialise.

This time I'm hoping to have some time with just my df and I and the bubs before the hordes descend lol. I'm sure though that the other kids and my mum and friends will all be visiting when they can.

Set your own rules and make sure staff and partner are aware of what they are. You can have your time together before everyone else comes in.

Good luck

Kim

Lucky for me I had a quick labour at night, we got to the hosy aroun 9:50-9:30, bubs was born at 10:37pm, and our families were in the country, so we didn't have visitors to the next day and we said they could only come during visiting hours from 1pm. Bub was in SCBU and you can't visit there between 1-2pm,. but as I was by myself and not with bubs, the visitors were good.

I found it hard when I transferred hospitals to the private one I was supposed to birth in cos bubs was in the room with me and everyone just wanted to help, and then the day after getting out there I had about 10 people and they were all very excited and all wanted to hold bubs and it was too much for me!! I was still getting used to having her with me and I didn't have control of the situation and DH didn't realise until later the effect it had on me. So he had to teel them to back off a bit, always getting messages asking how I was feeling how bubs was doing etc, and I was just trying to focus on bubs, establishing feeding, she was still being gavage fed, so expressing a lot as well, was a very difficult time!

It will come down to how you feel at the time, the MW's are always happy to tell people to go away :rofl:, make sure you and your DH are on the same page, and take control of the situation enjoy those first few hours to yourselves, you only get them once!!

I recently had my first c-section.

I sent out txt msgs to let ppl know what day I would be having the baby but added '..you are welcome to visit from...' and left myself a couple of days to recover. To satiate their curiosity we also sent txts to let them know he had been born and all the details, soon after the birth. That way ppl were less keen to come to the hospital to check him out. I had Nate on Thursday and told ppl to come from Saturday. We're lucky I guess that none of our parents are here but both my sisters visited that first day.

Before he was born though, I made it very clear to hubby that he was not to take the baby out to meet visitors before I'd left recovery. I even told him to refuse my over-bearing older sister (not that he had to in the end but I just wanted to be prepared).

Most ppl mean well but forget how stressful a situation it can be.

hi hippy
We waited about 24hrs but we had a different situation as we lived rural and didnt have family close by, By the 24 hr mark i was bored stiff as DH has gone back to work 16 hrs after dd was born and was happy for a visitor! lol

As for family we had a 6 week rule. As they would be flying and staying with us in our 2 bedroom house we said - no more than 2 people at a time and we wanted 6 weeks to ourselves to get into routine before having family vacationing at our house. We are happy we did this !

Now living close to family we will not be saying when we are in labour and probably still have 1 night to ourselves in hospital (or home - hoping to go home after 6 hours before family are to visit).

I think it is important to set boundaries (if you are having them) well before bub is born so people arent offended at the time!

But in saying that everyone is different. I know my sister was asking family to come up straight away.... so each to their own

My sis had her first bub at about 1am, and within a couple of hours I, my mum and other siblings were there to visit - she wanted to show him off! But, she was still a bit knocked out from the epidural and trying to feed, so nobody held him at that stage (even her DH hadn't held him yet). We were back again after lunch the next day. She had told friends to wait until day 2, but decided at the time she was happy to see them in the afternoon.

I like to think that people will respect what you decide (as my sister's friends did), but I know that's not always going to be the case. Just be strong in whatever you decide, and if you do tell them to wait, you can always change your mind if you want to. It's probably easier for them to expect to have to wait and then be allowed in sooner than the other way around.

I think our first visitors came about 12 hours after the birth (Caty was born at 11.56pm) but they'd asked first and were considerate about how long they stayed which was great. Then I had a workmate just rock up and walk into my room which I was so not impressed at (spesh since she had some guy I'd never met in tow) but I don't think she stayed that long.

I would suggest texting your baby news to everyone who needs to know then finishing the text with 'we're turning the mobile off now so I can bond with my bubs - which means no visitors for x amount of time'. When you put it like that I think all sensible people will respect your wishes. Oh, and dont' forget to actually turn off the mobiles! Why hsould you have to answer them just cos they ring I say!

You know, I did not mind the ppl visiting that much .. DD were in NICU, so they were not allowed to bother her, but I was fine. My parents and IL's and sisters and BIL waited in the waiting room while I had my emergency c/s. I remember DH coming in while I was still groggy (I was under general) and showing me a cellphone video of dd and I remember that my mom and dad were there also.

I HATED being called on the phone, ppl coming to visit were fine. I liked the conversation and the chance to just sit still. But reaching for my phone were HELL!

This time .. if everything goes according to plan, I won't mind my family visiting me right after at all, actually I'll ask for it. I'll ask the friends to come the day after, but the family would be just as excited and curious to see the new bubba ... I will however next time leave my cell at home and asked that no calls, except the daddy, be put throught to my room.

I wanted a week and in hindsight I still want a week.

I had PiL on day... 2? BiL and SiL on day 3, the day after PiL. Both while I was in hospital so no where near ideal. My mother and sister day 5.

I actually had a friend visit while I was in recovery, but that's cos she's a midwife and was on that shift, she was happy just to peek at DS when I offered and check I was doing OK. A couple of workmates popped up too, but didn't stay more than 2 minutes really. One was the woman who had taken over from me and needed to know info about the job (we had no hand-over)!

I may just not tell people next baby, I'll buy in "congratulations on your new grandchild" cards and post them (postbox is opposite our house) and our parents can find out that way, not text/phone calls. So I'll get time alone with my family!