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DD is a little over 8 months old. I am a stay at home mom and a first timer and I think I have been holding her too much. Right now, she's getting a little too heavy for me to be holding her "all the time". I tried putting her in her play area full of toys but she doesn't seem to amuse herself too long there and then she would be crying out loud for me to hold her. My arms are getting sore from holding her.
How can I slowly promote independency in her so that I could have some time off myself?
Try talking to her from a distance as you are moving around the room doing other things. Talk her through what you are doing and that you will be back soon. Distract her with new things/toys/experiences so that she focuses away from you for a bit. I know that it is hard but you may just have to leave her to sook for a bit until she gets used to the fact that you won't go running to pick her up all the time.
I rotate my DDs toys so that she doesn't get bored with them, it's like she gets a new toy each time even though she was playing with it just a week ago ;)
You could also try a walker, bouncer or other such thing so that she can be in the game a bit more. She may like to be up higher so that she can see more...
Good luck
At 8 months i have to say the level of independence is very limited. Her whole life is about you, she relies on you, she prob thinks she is still a part of you. Tread very carefully, at around 8 months babies go thru a thing called separation anxiety. It can last well into their 2nd yr of life.
Babies, like adults get bored. She would prob be into everything at this age - i know my 10month old is fascinated by a bit of fluff on the floor. !!! Stimulate her with different toys, place her in different rooms in the house. If you need to cook, clean, wash up etc, put her in a place where she can still see you (highchair,walker etc), talk to her, let her know your still around.
To be honest, I think that 8 months is a bit young to be thinking about seperating bub from you. It's a survival instinct for babies to cling to their mothers, it's natural, normal, and healthy. Have you thought about a sling or baby carrier for her? Or perhaps you could put her in a pram and have her next to you - that's what I used to do with my daughter. She'd still whinge soon enough but I could comfort her and give her toys to play with while she sat there with me just next to her. Once she becomes more mobile, she'll start seperating herself to go and explore anyway. Until then I think all you can really do is wait it out, as annoying as that is!
I've been doing things in her sight, talking to her, singing to her, and putting plenty of toys on the floor for her to amuse herself with. So far, she would sit for a bit by herself for about 10 minutes. When she's tired of it, she demands to be held. Now, she's got a new thing... she wants me to hold her two hands so she could walk with me. I could only do this for so many minutes as it's killing my back to bend. She's not fond with her bouncer now. She used to love it but I think she's grown tired of it.
I am a little reluctant to put her in the highchair as she relates it to food which she's not quite fond of these days. I guess by putting her in the highchair, she'll even hate it more when it comes to meal time.
Do anyone have any good suggestion for a good baby sling. I've got one by Eddie Bauer with the back support, but it's killing my shoulders with those two straps.
On ocassion, you could put her in her high chair with stimulating toys stuck to it and right next to you in the kitchen (or wherever you are). Initially, you could sit with her and "play" with her showing her what the toys can do rather than leaving her there and expecting her to amuse herself. This might actually give her some positive experiences in the high chair rather than negative ones associated with food. It's pretty normal for a child her age to only amuse themselves for around 10 minutes anyway before wanting your attention.:
With regards to her wanting you to "walk" her by the hands, do you have a walker (you know the ones on wheels) as this would save you having to hold her hands all the time.
Is she starting to crawl yet? If not, once she is doing this I bet you find she is able to entertain herself for a bit longer. It won't be that much longer and you'll wish she wanted to be held again!
They become indepenent so fast, why promote it?
The best way to have them play alone is to sit with them and play with the toy. Then the next time sit and play, then stop playing. Then next time as they play you do something else near them. Eventually with no upsets and no tears they'll play alone for a few hours.
WRT walking holding hands, I had two months of this, then I put DS in his cot, helped him stand holding onto the cot and showed him how to cruise. Best thing I ever did! He was walking independently within two weeks.
Recommend the Ergo Carrier - great all round support and can be worn back and front (great for feeding in!).
Also second the idea that independence is not what you want to enforce at this tender age. She will not want to be held at 8 years of age, for instance, so making the most of your 'together' time now will have her ready to move onto independence with far more confidence and a great foundation.
I can recommend a book called The Vital Touch by Sharon Heller - should be in your local library system, or they can order it in :) Makes a lot of sense of the early developmental stages and the closeness that babies require.
I always held my DS, cuddled at every opportunity etc and he is so exploratory now and very confident, physically and emotionally because I provided him with a very solid emotional base by just being there on call in the early days.
It's hard to fulfill your expected functions as a stay at home mum and be there fully for your kid, so sometimes we need to re-prioritise and let some other, less important things go and spend more time attending to the kidlets :)
Something else I thought of when DS was 8m old - he'd not play alone too well, 10mins was a record (2-3 hours now!) so I'd pop him up on the worktop, give him a wooden spoon to chew/hit a pan with and give him a "cooking lesson", talking him through what I was doing, showing him the consistency of sauces etc - he was really interested and even if it took me 45 minutes to cook dinner he was transfixed. I also gave him raw veggies I was cutting (or he'd take them) and he'd play with them, taste them, sometimes eat them... may not work for you, but did for us. You could use play kitchen things if you'd rather.
We have a wrap carrier and it's great for us.
I feel so silly for trying to hope that DD becomes more independent. Come to think of it after having read the posts, I think you have all made a point. DD is 8 months and I know when she's capable to do things by herself then I'll be asking her for some cuddling time.
TBH, I've been getting some pressure from family and friends that I've been holding DD too much which will eventually get her to be more dependent of me. This is why I've been trying to promote some independency in DD. Poor DD, she must have thought that I have abandonned her.
I will take up on the advices regarding playing with her on the floor and then slowly do things around her. I have been prioritizing her over house chores but I have to keep up with DH's business accounting daily.
In Canada, baby walkers were banned because there was too many incidences. I guess in the mean time, I will have to be her walker. I'll start to place DD in her highchair next to me and teach her what her toys can do instead of just placing them in front of her.
She started crawling but crawling backwards?! I guess she still hasn't figure out how to crawl forward yet... On the other hand, she's been clinging onto furnitures and her cot and have been pulling herself up standing with the help of whatever is around for her to grab onto.
I think soon enough she will want to be by herself instead of being hold!
Thank you girls for giving me so many advices.
Don't feel silly! I had a feeling it wasn't your natural inclination to push for independence. You get books like Robyn Barker's Babylove that suggest independence is a good thing from a young age (like teaching self-settling etc, blurgh) and many other books and ill-thought out advice and it certainly puts pressure on new parents, doesn't it?
We're so well-trained to sit on our instincts - the fact that you posted in here means your instinct is working at some level, still :)
There is no scientific basis in the so-called 'rational' ideas of pushing children towards independence by letting them cry, enforcing self-settling, not holding them, not feeding them to sleep etc. None. And plenty more scientific evidence to suggest that our instinctual cuddling, holding and loving is not only normal, but a survival technique honed over millions of years and is alive and well in the animal kingdom - don't see many adult lions still clinging to their mothers' skirts, do you? ;) Trust yourself :)
I think that new parents should not be taught to do things by the books. What's funny is that some authors don't even have children themselves and they could write up a "beautiful book" on how to be the best parents. What kills me is that I have read so many of those books and then become so bothered when something doesn't work like the book said.
While having said that, I feel much more positive for being there for DD even though others might say that I am spoiling her by doing so...
Your not spoiling her hun.....your just being a damn good mummy. Enjoy it.....:)
I don't even own a parenting book!! lol Throw them out...follow your instincts...And if you need to put bubs down fora bit, do it, she is not going to die or be damaged for life because you needed to put the washing on!! lol
I take DD out to the washing line with me, she loves sitting on the grass, I even have bubble baths now she is getting around. I will sit in the bath and she comes nad goes from the bathroom, pulls herself up onthe edge ot the bath and stands there watching, she has a great time!
I think you just need to trust yourself, and trust that mothers have been doing housework with clingy kids for thousands of years, and you and your DD will be just fine, even if she cries while you are vacuuming the house :) Frankly, I see nothing wrong with leaving her alone to amuse herself...if she sooks cos it takes you a little longer to do whatever you have to do, then so be it.
Oh, and mini-distractions... If I need to get some work done on the computer or whatever adn DD is clinging to my legs lol I hand her random objects to amuse herself with - pens, bookmarks, and empty stapler, lengths of strapping - whatever, and she will play with it for a coupl eof minutes, then want something else...not ideal, but it keeps her occupied ntil I can get he work done :)
Good luck!! And remember, parenting books written by people with no kids or experience are a waste of time, effort and money!! lol
They get heavy so quickly don't they? When my bub wants to be held a lot (at 15 months) I sit down on the floor with him and play games there so he can jump on my lap if he wants without it killing my back and we can have some fun there. He also loves sitting up n the bench. They just love to see the world and must feel like they are missing out being so low down. As for slings, I find something like a hug a bub is good because it is so comfortable. You can make one yourself with no sewing if you go to the mama toto website.
HTH!
Something I taught my DS when he was able to walk alone was that if he wants a carry and a hug, I bend my knees and he flings his arms around my neck in a bear hug, I can fold my arms under his bum as I stand up and he wraps his legs over my hips. It's not perfect for going a kilometre or so (as we did this morning) but it does help with weight distribution. It doesn't take long for them to learn how to do this and it does stop back problems later. DS also likes riding piggy-back like this but I'm a bit too nervous to do that properly.
I found something new to amuse her these days so that I could have some free time to do some chores. Now that she's able to bear some weight of her own by feet, she just holds herself up in the cot and amuses herself there for quite a bit. I am doing it slowly though just so that she gets used to this idea. While she's in her cot, I'm doing things in the room on the computer, cleaning, mostly around her eye sight so she doesn't feel abandonned.
The past two days, I found her a little more clingy than usual though. Don't exactly know what is happening but is also making her eat/feed less. Hope this issue will go by quickly. I'm already starting to feel sad having to leave her on a relaxing trip with DH in Mexico. In a way, I feel like telling DH that I don't want to go since she's feeding less and I am a little concerned by this issue (she is not sick though). I sure hope that things will light up before I depart for my 1 week vacation otherwise it will probably ruin it since I'll be thinking about her while I'm supposed to relax and spend some quality time with DH.
When my DD was that age she was incrediabily clingy, there were days when I had to be holding her all day, putting her down was just not an option. I found that when she was sick or teething the clinginess was worse and generally this was the first sign that an illness or teething was on its way. Its a really difficult thing to deal with :hug:
The one thing that I have found that still works when she has her episodes now is a baby backpack, it leaves my hands free to be able to do anything I won't, my DD loves it cause she can see everything I am doing and because her face is close to mine she feels safe and secure. It still gets tiring but its not nearly as hard as holding her in my arms.
DD doesn't mind being in the backpack though my lower back is killing with her weight. Since she's extremly clingy these few days (maybe teething but no signs yet) so I'm just cuddling her more often. She's been a little better after trying some suggestions such as sitting with her and play with her then slowly do things around her so that she could see me. She's better with her highchair now so I've been moving her highchair wherever I am so my hands are free.
Has anyone heard on the backpacks by baby bjorn? Are they any good?
I've leaving for Mexico this Saturday and hopefully will be able to find her a walker while I'm there so I could bring it back and have her play in it.