I feel like a failure already..(long)

Good Morning Ladies!

I am having one of those self doubting moments and knew I could post it here...

I am feeling like a failure already - to my un-born bub, to my husband and to my house..

I am struggling to eat alot at the moment - I try very hard to eat well and eat veggies and fruit and all that good stuff - I mainly succeed but I have days that I cant bring myself to cook veggies or eat sallads - I can eat alot of fruit so thats ok I guess.
I worry that I am not doing the best for my little bub - I take my megga fol and I drink milk. I cant take vitamins because I have Haemacromatosis (store to much iron) so I can have any extra iron. I STILL suffer from bad morning sickness and the ONLY thing that makes me feel better and get thru the day is a bottle of Ice Coffee - I am scared that the cafinee that I have each day will be harmong my bub... If my bub is born with issues i feel that it will all be my fault..

I LOVE my husband to death! And I know that he loves me. After my first preg ending in m/c i am scared of seeing blood and I have not wanted to have sex due to the fact that it may disturb things - my DH is fine with this but I feel like a failure to him and I worry that he is going to leave me...

My house is a mess! Well its not a total mess but I get home form a full days work and all I want to do is lay on the couch! I have piles of clean cloths that I need to fold up and put away I just cant muster the energy at the moment...

I just feel like a failure.. The fact that I can sleep is not helping me at all either..

Sorry for the Woe is me post... just needed to get it out..

Kate

Kafer if it makes you feel better

I have many a day where all i have eaten was chocolate and tea! Honestly -because i have been too lazy to make something decent. And DH is used to the dry spell now lol....

Everything you have explained i did myself with my first - postnatally and now with my second!

Dont feel bad - your worries are al in good intentions and that is what makes you a wonderful mother to be.

You need to relax and know you are doing a fantastic job - try to unwind with a warm bath, warm cup of chocolate and some essential oils before bed.
And i am sure DH will understand... if you see pink down there (i had pink D/c after DTD the other day... ) just show DH and it will probably put him off sex anyhow lol... (worked with my DH ).


Big hugs

Oh sweetie :hug: think we all have days like this bubs and DH know you are doing your best and I am sure they both love you very much :hug:

Aw hun, you are doing a brilliant job and you know what, the fact that you care about all these things make you a good mummy already. :hug: These babies are sooo resilient and thrive on the most terrible diets. I hav ebeen craving coffee every day of this pregnancy and have to say I have had one a day since I fell pregnant.:doh: I also eat maccas whenever the craving hits (once aweek on average!) and there are many times that the house is a mess because I simply need a nap. Don't beat yourself up hun - you are growing a new life and that in itself is a full-time job IMO. :)

I'd say what your'e feeling is totally normal!! I think we all worry about what we're doing to our unborn bub!! Just remember that its an emotional time too, and it's normal to have ups and downs. Look what your body is going through, BIG changes! It can't not effect you emotionally!!
As for DH, at least he's not alone, he could come on BB and meet ALOT of other partners who are having a dry spell!!!!! :lol:
Just take it easy.
I have two daughters with allergies, one slight, one severe and I wanted SO much to do everything different this pregnancy, but it's just not working out that way (I am avoiding allergens, but I wanted to be soooo omuch more healthy). I have moments when Im annoyed at myself, but like someone said to me recently, the worry and all that goes with it is worse for bubs than the diet I have (which like you is pretty good). So I have decided that when I have days and dont eat ANYTHIGN but bread, that is ok!!!
take care xo

Thanks Ladies..
Its great to know that im not the only one who goes through thinks like this.
I know that tomorrow I will feel better and I do know that I am doing the best job that I can.
Thanks again - makes me feel a LOT better!!
Love
Kate

Meh- dont worry about the food thing. As a PP said bubs are resilient little things and the placenta filters away all the bad stuff (well, not all the bad stuff, like I wouldnt recommend drinking alcohol lol)
I eat maccas sometimes and have 1-2 coffees a day. I eat chocolate. Think about how many pregnant women would have eaten the worst things and their babies are fine.
As long as we make sure everything is prepared properly and cooked through then why the hell cant we eat a few treats!

As for the house....dont worry about it, it will get clean eventually. You need to rest and that is more important.

About your DH...I have been the same with my DH and I feel like a failure too. We have sat down and talked about it and he says he understands but I know what you mean I still have a niggle of doubt about it. Lucky we have fantastic DHs isnt it?


Feel better soon :hug:

Aww, if you were a failure then so would every other pregnant woman! Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing a perfect job.

You can have coffee each day (just not bucket loads!) without any problems, I had a cup a day with DS2 and he is just fine.

From all you previous posts I have read I know you are going to be a very caring and doting mum, you already are! It sounds like your DH is 100% behind you too, you sound like a great team!

:hug: You are doing a wonderful job!

Sky & Trish,
Thanks for your caring words and advice. I am starting to feel less down on myself so thats a good thing!
Thats why I LOVE this forum so very much- eveyones know exactly what u are going through as they have been there themselves. I just hope I can be as of much help to others as they are to me!
Thanks again
Kate

BIG HUGS SWEET:hug:,

I think your doing a great job eating fruit is great I have 4 children and i also am a coffee drinker I did in my pregnancy try to cut back down to 2 cups a day at max. Altho in previous pregnancies never cut back and when stressed with baby 3 i would drink up to 9 cups of coffee a day and he turned out just perfect. All i can suggest is try not to drink coffee before bed as babies learn there sleeping patterns in the womb. Dont feel guilty about having an ice coffee. I wouldnt! Its much better than having alcohol or drugs. Its natural too.

Women in the African nations have healthy babies even tho the mothers are starving this is because the baby will take what it needs from you when it needs it. So while you may feel flat your baby will be more than fine. Drs keep telling me this in previous pregnancies. Obviously eat well when you can but dont feel bad when you miss out on vegies just eat it when ya can pregnancy i hard enough let alone being concerned with everything that touches our lips or reaches our hips.

pregnancy takes a lot outa ya dont be upset or feel like a failure with the clothes or messy house You need your rest too. As long as its not filth your fine and it sounds like its clean mess. I also had and still have a pile of washing on my couch its like i get through it and it builds again. But washing is the last of my concerns. As for hubbie sit down and tell him how your feeling:) good luck My 2 week old awake now so gotta scoot good luck again.

Kafer Girl - you are so not a failure. Of all the things that are getting you through the day, an Iced Coffee is the worst you can do??? Seriously, it would be great if we could all adhere to the long list of dos & don'ts that are published for pg girls to follow, but the problem with these "rules/guidelines/recommendations" is that they don't take into account what you actually feel like when you're pregnant, and how some days you just gotta do what is going to get you through.

As for your DH, well, as you said, he's fine & very understanding, so that's a great start. There are plenty of other, non-sexual ways to show him how much he means to you, just being kind & interested in his day is a good, and relatively easy thing to. My DF spent most of the time just wanting to look after me, and that worked for us, cos it gave him something "important" to do.

And pffft to the house - you've got piles of clean clothes? Well great - they're clean, and they'll be that way whether they're in the washing basket or in the cupboard. And whilst it's nice to live in a clean tidy house (okay, really nice), at the end of the day it's a small thing compared to m/s & tiredness, and there's a really good reason why you have the m/s & tiredness, so I would say look after this reason first, worry about the house when you can.

Thanks Squidipa & Janno
All you ladies have no idea how much your kind words and advice mean to me! Not just when I am feeling low - but all the time when I come on here.
My DH is AWESOME! He just wants me to relax and look after myself and our bub! He just makes sure that I am comfy and well - I know that he misses the intamacy but we snuggle on the couch and mae sure that we tell each other "I Love You" eveyday so we know where we stand - I just feel terrible that im not in the mood for sex - for him more than me.

Thanks again eveyone who has taken time out of your days to reply!
Love to all
Kate

Surely you can please him in some other ways.... what a great time to experiment perhaps :)

i could have written this myself- but i am not down on myself- i just accept it1

At the moment i am sitting on the couch with crap piled high around me, and i just had a chocolate big M- i usually have one a day!!!

i will probably sleep for a couple of hours today- cause i can and the crap will still be around me when i wake up!

You are pg for such a short time in your life- so just go with it! Can you get someone to come in a clean once a week or fortnite- just to do the bathrooms, floors etc. I may cost like 50 bucks but if it makes you feel better- got for it!
Otherwise just do a little each day- like one day clean the toilet, the next clean the sinks!

The baby will take from you what it needs, and it is your body that misses out so relax about the eating. You will crave what your bubba needs, so if you are craving coffee, then that is what your bubba needs at the moment. If you are worried about the coffee, get some decaf coffee and make it yourself. Gets some decaf coffee from somewhere like Nutshack (its really yummy decaf), make it up in the espresso machine or a plunger, and let it cool and put it in the fridge in a glass bottle. Then just add it to milk, chuck in some ice-cream and sugar and blend! Yummo!!


You can also get iced coffees from most cofffee stores using decaf instead of full strenght!

Hang in there - its all good!!
odette

Hun, I just wanted to add my words of support from "the other side". Seriously, when I was pregnant I could have written your post (except replace "iced coffee" with "chocolate and ice cream"). I TOTALLY understand how you feel, and when I look back on it now I know that my feelings were valid and real, but that "this phase too shall pass". Pregnancy felt like it would go on forever for me- I was sick throughout my whole pg- and I hated feeling like I was constantly failing at getting what I wanted to done. Very frustrating. But it will end, and you will have your baby and its wonderful! Sure, it brings its own sets of challenges and emotional craziness, but, personally, I think its far, far superiour to pregnancy- take hope!!

Can I just add something to make you laugh- I really like my house to be clean and tidy and I just couldn't do it when I was pregnant because I felt so sick. One day my husband sat down on the entertainment unit and when he got up I saw that where he had sat there was no longer any dust. So I promptly ordered him to sit down again and slide over the whole entertainment unit.... so, just when you feel bad about things, remember: I used my husband's bum as a duster....

Jess - :rofl:, great dusting technique.

Kafer girl - honey you are not a failure you are pregnant and tired. ITs ok for these things and for you to feel like this. If you cant eat veges can you get some V8 juice from the supermarket, I couldnt eat veges much either and my OB was happy for me to have this juice, I drank it twice a day in the end and ate Low GI food to help best with my nutrition and baby's needs in my first pregnancy. 2nd pregnancy wasnt so focused on it and I was still ok, so please dont beat yourself up about it honey. Dont worry about the clothes. Pfft re the clothes, I have a newborn and we have clothes everywhere, and toys everywhere from our nearly 2 year old. The secret is, to do a 10min clean up before your DH/Partner gets home! thats what I do and he is happy with it! I actually finished work at 24 weeks cause I was so exhausted and I did everything around the house until Julia was born. Big mistake actually to do it, I couldnt cope very well and either did DH as he was used to me doing everything and expected things when its different when you have a newborn and child. I say now is the time to work out what chores are going to be done by who when the baby is born and start sharing the chores now then there will be less arguments and expectation when your baby is born and you come home.

Hugs Babe :hug: - it must be the day to feel emotional and crap - I can totally relate - hope you feel better tomorrow :) (me too ;))

Thanks ladies,

I feel a bit better today - I have had a chat to my Dh and he has made me feel much better - he loves no matter what! He is cool with it all so that has taken some of the preasure off.
Work has been crazy for the last few hours and I feel exhausted!! I will cut out early I think and have a snooze on the couch soon.

Oddett - Im going to make my own ice coffee tonight and that one more thing I dont have to feel guilty about! Thanks for the idea!

Jessica - that bought a smile to my face!! Im going to get DH to slide his cute bum all over the place tonight!! hehehe

Belle - I have just been to the supermarket and stocked up on fruit and i got some V8 veggie and fruit juices as I though that would be ok - great minds must think alike!! I will try to drink that a few times a day and see how I go!

Dianne - I hope that tomorrow brings us both great happiness!!

Thanks again to you all - its such a great think to come here and have ppl understand and not be judged at all!

On a brighter note DH and I are going to the Big W sale tonight and buying some cot linen so that has brightened my day! Not as much as you lovely ladies have tho!
Love Kate

Your body is doing a MASSIVE job right now, and you are 100% entitled to as much couch time as you like :) Enjoy resting as much as you possibly can, and please don't feel guilty for it!

:hug:

Hope you feel better Today Kate :hug:

KAFER I know you're already starting to feel better, but I must add, at 24wks I was exactly like you. Once I hit around 26wks I started to get more energy & my nesting instincts kicked in. My home became one spotless palace & DH was getting great meals. I can't say that my libido rose too much, but cause I felt so much better I was able to express my love to my DH easier which made us feel close again. My MS had disappeared too, so I started eating much better. This is MY experience, but I am hoping the same thing will happen to you in the next few weeks. Good luck.