Feeling anxious again. Reassurance needed!

Hi girls

This seems to happen to me about two weeks after every ultrasound - my confidence starts to wear away and I start worrying about everything, looking for bad signs and thinking that my baby has died.

I keep reading on BB that loads of women are already feeling regular movements at this stage, I'm not (even though I have an anterior placenta and was told movements would come later). I feel like my belly is not getting as big as it should, looks flatter down low than it did last week - the big bulge is higher up. DH insists that my belly looks bigger, not smaller, but I can't stop worrying about it. I feel like the bulge should be where my pubic hair line is, but there is a bit of a ridge, then a bulge above that.

I keep having awful dreams about miscarrying again, I woke up almost in tears again this morning after a dream where I went to the loo and saw lots of blood. The dreams really aren't helping me to feel calm and confident.

Can anyone please reassure me that I don't need to be feeling movements and that worrying about the size and shape of my belly is unnecessary??

I wish I could just calm down a bit and enjoy this, I'm just so scared of losing the baby again (even though I lost my first baby at 9.5 weeks and I'm now almost 17 weeks). Part of me feels I'm being irrational and worrying unnecessarily, but I just can't control it.

I really don't know how I'm going to get through the next three weeks until my next scan.

Any reassurance at all will be most gratefully received.

p.s please no scary stories - I am already freaked out enough as it is!!

Devon
xxxx

Hi Devon,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so anxious. I think the fear of miscarriage never truly leaves once you have been through it - I am now 24 weeks and cant help but check for blood every time I go to the toilet. Its a fear that just wont go away - but after each and every day you kinda feel more safe and secure.

When I was around 16 weeks I too wasnt feeling much, if anything at all. I couldnt really see all that much of a belly and really needed the support of my belly buddies thread. Even just a few words from another feeling the same anxieties offers such amazing comfort.

Try to relax, and not stress, it really is the best thing for your little bean, even though that sounds so much easier than it really is! Be kind to yourself and your body - for your baby's sake :)

Devon, at 18 weeks with an anterior placenta I'm only just starting to feel more regular movements. Most of the time they are still so soft that if I'm busy I just don't notice them. So you could say that lying in bed at night or resting on the sofa are about the only times I can regularly feel bubs move. I get random stronger movements that gain my attention, but still nothing regular at all.

When it comes to the bump... I feel like mine is too low! The bump is still pretty much completely below my belly button... It also looks really small to me, but I had a lot of comments yesterday about how the bump is coming along nicely and I'm starting to look obviously pregnant. I guess it's because we see it every day and don't notice the gradual changes, while others who see us less regularly see a more obvious difference each time. I know of people who really haven't begun to show in an obvious way until 20 weeks or later, so please don't think bump size is the only indicator of the baby growing! It seems that people with a longer torso have more space for bub to occupy inside so it can take longer.

:hug: I was getting about one week of sanity after a scan in first trimester... it's stretched out to about two weeks of sanity now, so I'd say you're completely normal still! It does get easier - promise!

BW

i am sorry that you are feeling this way. i'm not really sure what you can do about it though. i think every pregnant women gets these feelings to some degree on and off throughout their pregnancy. maybe if you look up on a dream dictionary website what your dreams are meaning that might help, a lot of the time death and blood etc can actually mean good things (if you believe in that stuff). and with the anterior placenta, well i had one last pregnancy and i remember feeling the same way early on. however, the bigger and bigger i got and more trouble sleeping etc i came to think about it in a different light... well imagine the trouble sleeping i would have being able to feel the baby kick around more often and harder!

Thanks for your posts Kitt3n and BW.

Nice to know that the two weeks reassurance from an u/s applies to you too, BW. You're right - earlier on I was OK for a week afterwards, now it's about two. 5 weeks between u/s is just too much.

Kitt3n - yep, I half expect to see blood every time I go to the loo as well, and check every time.

Interesting point about the longer torso - I'm like that too, so maybe that's got something to do with it.

Oh, I really hope I start feeling movements soon. Maybe I already have and have mistaken it for gas, but I'm just not sure.

ETA - thanks Hollo, I missed your post while I was posting. Must remember the anterior placenta.

Devon, it's entirely possible. Some of the movements I have felt have felt very much like a bubble of gas moving through my intestines... it's only as the movements became stronger that I realised it wasn't gas (and that I had no gas being as thoroughly constipated as I am due to the iron supplements I'm on) and was actually my baby.

BW

Hi,
I'm hoping i can offer some help. i'm 22 weeks and I'm still not getting movements that i'd call regular. The ob last week said that because the placenta is facing the front it sort of buffers most of the movement. he said most women who are experiencing their first pregnancy would mistake movements as wind. I know now with certainty that he moves and is awake at 12 midnight and 7am. Failing that i really don't feel or recognise much at all. Positive thought is the best thing that can help you and baby. If you can imagine a bright blinding guiding light that encompasses you and baby you will create a feeling of well being both for him and you(sorry about the HIM-reference;i just have a feeling). The other thing you can do is talk to your baby and keep telling him how much you need and love him already. I have every confidence that you and the baby will be absolutely fine. you are out of the danger zone, its time to enjoy and cherish your very special time left together.
Love
Pauline

Devon - I feel the same way a little most of my belly buddies have been talking about movement . I haven't felt anything that I can could confirm as bub's moving yet. I feel little twinges and things but I have no idea what is gas or my digestive system etc. :hug:

Just so you know, the average time frame for feeling first movements is 18 - 22 weeks.

Also if you are a taller person it is possible that you will not be quite as big as others the same gestation. I didn't start showing with either of my girls til around 6 months. Right up til I had them I was told I was tiny. I am tall, so they had plenty of room to grow before sticking out.

Don't worry about where your bump is. Everyone is different. Size, shape, everything. We are all different.

Everything is fine, I promise!

Hun dont stress i know how you feel.

I stressed throught my whole preg after having a miss year before, i kept going to toilet to check for bleeding! at 24 weeks i did have a bleed and was checked out and all was ok and i now have a healthy baby boy!!

I didnt feel much movement till 26 weeks as i had an anterior low placenta.

relax and enjoy the pregnancy

I'm so sorry. Having never experienced a m/c, I can't imagine the stress you must be under :hug:
Just wanted to let you know, I didn't recognise Natty's movements until closer to 20 weeks from memory. I was panicking because I expected to feel them from about 15-16 weeks. Also, my shape seemed to change throughout the pregnancy. People commented differently too - sometimes I felt huge and people would say how 'compact' I looked. Other times I felt normal and people said I looked massive. None of it was indicative of how bubs was doing - she was developing perfectly normally.
Take care of yourself, and I HTH even just a little bit.

Thank you all so, so much for all your kind replies. You've all made me feel a lot better. I don't know why I do it to myself, but I tend to pick one thing and then fixate on it. I get myself into a state where I'm not being rational about things.

I will try the visualisation that you suggested Pollyanna, and will try talking to him too.

I think I'm getting quite hormonal and very emotional about things, I'm a bit overwhelmed by the pregnancy, impending parenthood, worry that the baby's OK, just everything really.

I have to calm down a bit!

Thanks so much girls for giving me just what I needed today :hug:

Devon
xxxx

big hugs, pregnancy following a miscarriage can be hard. As previous posts have said the first moment is normally felt from 18 weeks on and with my ds I felt the first one about then but it was hit and miss for a couple of weeks until it was regular. your bub will be kicking and puching you soon enough and getting its feet caught up under your ribs. hang in there you are doing so great

One of my friends at work didn't start feeling the baby move to week 20 - when you finally do, you'll feel relieved.

Although don't sepect to feel it much at the start. I had to be lying still on my back. Keep your chin up...

I dont think i will ever stop worrying that baby is ok after m/c. I had a scan thursday last week and even now ive convinced myself something bad happened from then. But thats what i was like as i had early scan because i did actually have bleeding this pregnancy at 7 weeks but baby was fine. But now im sure it will happen again. Seriously id need a scan once a week to be certain all was ok and still wouldnt be enough!

Im just over 14weeks so no where near to movement stage, i think its bad because other symptoms start going now and then you start panicking that something happened!
sorry no reassurance but youre not alone!

Thanks girls, this pregnancy after miscarriage caper isn't much fun sometimes.

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancies and hope the worry eases up for all of us.

xxxx

Hi Devon,

I'm nearly 22 weeks and I still haven't recognised any feelings as he baby moving- I feel stretching feelings, and so on, but nothing I could say, oh, that's my baby moving.

I had a quick scan last week as I've been having bad headaches and puffy feet, but everything is ok. And 'it' was moving on screen and apart from the fact that I have a big bulbous belly (I'm quite short) there's no baby feeling.

So don't worry, I wasn't expecting to feel anything at all until 20 - 22 weeks, and my midwife said for your first baby that this is completely normal.

I've had a couple of Mc's too, I know what the checking your undies fear feels like, but it is very very very rare by the second trimester.

Relax and you will feel your little one in due time.

Oh jeez I thought it was only me, lol. I had a scan a week ago. Was so excited...for about 2 days. :rofl: Then I started worrying, but what if I'm getting excited now and I'll just be dissapointed again because something has gone wrong since then? omg it's never ending. I'm always expecting to see blood too. Having a good day today and feeling positive, wonder how long it will last, lol.

You sound exactly like me... at the 12w U/S for DS I saw him do flips and look very much alive after having discovered my first one didn't make it at the 12w scan. Then about a week later I was actually quite angry at myself for having let myself get attached as I felt I was never going to become a Mum and something bad would happen. This time around I was scared up until the second scan. I have an anterior placenta too and only just started feeling regular movement in teh last week or so. Try to relax, and think positively! I know it's hard but after a heartbeat has eben detected on U/S the risk of miscarriage is very very low. Another option for you may be to hire adoppler, which could give you some reassurance.

Thanks girls, obviously how I'm feeling is quite normal!

Just can't wait to my 20 week scan, hopefully I'll really start to believe it properly after that.

Thanks very much for all your reassurances, it's made me feel a lot better.

xxxx