I just want to cry....

Another friend just posted on Facebook that her bubs slept for 10 hours last night. My ds has never slept for more than six hours in a row ever- and that six hours was a once off. Most nights we are up every two hours. But it seems like very one else's babies are sleeping right through the night with no dramas. I just want to cry- in fact I have tears in my eyes as i'm typing. What am I doing wrong? Why me? Will I ever sleep properley again? There just seems to be no end in sight- I'm not naive enough to think he will suddenly start sleeping through, just like that. I'm just so tired and sleep deprived and I feel like I'm doing all the right things but I'm not getting any reward from it. I just want sleep. It is so unfair. I'm starting to almost resent my poor little bubba for it and I just want to go and kick things.
**LoriRae goes and throws a big pity party for herself**

Oh hun :hug: to you

My bubba slept through in the beginning and now is wanting a feed anywhere from 2 to 5 times during the night, i put her in bed with me so have probably made it worse but she is my last one so it doesn't seem so bad cos i am savouring every baby second both good and bad. Plus i have had years of sleep deprivation so must be used to it ;)

With my DD2 i went to tresillion and got some help with her i just couldn't get her to sleep, she would wake every night until she was about 15 months. Why don't you call your local ECHN and maybe go and talk to them, i find that just talking about the problem can help.

Could anyone look after your bub so you can have a good sleep?

Hope you get some sleep soon :pray:

Oh LoriRae :hug: youre not doing anything wrong! It is NORMAL for babies to be terrible sleepers, but there is so much pressure for your little one to be "sleeping through"
I know its hard when youre not getting sleep, and if you feel you need to seek some professional advice then do so, but just know that youre doing a great job and it won't be like this forever.
Hang in there :hug:

Have you thought of a sleep school you have to get in before baba is 12 mths so now is the time if you want to do that.... They are a great help....

Dont think its just you its not some mums are just lucky, It might come bite you friend in the butt with her next child... I know my 1st spoilt me bad so I didnt quite what went wrong when we had DD... But really SHE was the normalone and DS who slepted through at 8 weeks was not....

I still get up for DD2 every night so dont feel bad about yourself its nothing you are doing.... But sleep school could help you with some settleing tec which will help you all in the long run.... I wish I had gone.... I can tell you now if I have a none sleeper again with the next I will be there in a flash....

:hug: chin up you are a great mum...:hug:

I've tried every settling technique known to man :( He settles himself during the day... it's just at night. Seriously, we have tried everything. Controlled crying, co-sleeping, feeding him, not feeding him, patting, rocking, shushing, ignoring, sleeping in our room, sleeping in his own. Nothing works- hence the fact I have no faith in Tresillian or sleep school because anything they can show me I'm pretty sure I've already done. I can't even take a night off and get just one full night's sleep becuse bubs cries himself into hysterics if I'm not there- to the point where he is sobbing so hard he can hardly breath. he did that for two hours straight once- he won't even scream himself to a certain point and then drop off. Just a hopeless, helpless situation. Normally i try not to think about it too much and just soldier on but some days it just gets to me :(

:hug: It really is awful - there is a reason that sleep deprivation is used during torture and interrogation. Yasin woke up almost every 2 hours until he was over a year (and DH thinks he was a great sleeper - bah! that's because he never got up) but now he sleeps pretty well.
I found that what worked best for me was just giving in to it - having Yasin in my bed so that when he woke in the night it took less time to settle him and go back to sleep, having a nanna nap in the day when Yasin had his nap so that I could get by on less sleep at night, getting DH to get up on saturday so I could catch up on my sleep. Instead of focussing on getting Yasin to sleep I focussed on catching up on my sleep.
He still likes to sleep with DH or me and that's ok by me - soon he'll grow out of that too. Something my sister said to me at the time that has stuck and proved to be true is 'at the time it seems like it will drag on forever but when it's over it will seem like it was really fast'.
He will grow out of it - hang in there. One day you'll be geting a teenager out of bed at midday.

You are definitely not alone.

My son, who is now 6 was the most terrible sleeper as a newborn (and we still have trouble sending him to bed). He just did not sleep. I would go crazy and eventually developed PND because of it as i could not function. I hope it doesn't get that bad for you though.

My little girl is now 1 and she wakes twice a night for a bottle and on some night wakes at 4-5am and is ready for the day ahead.

You are definitely not alone. Don't feel resentful towards your little bub as she loves you dearly and you are the only one person she has that will love her like you do. Not all babies are the same. Some sleep, some don't. Some eat well, some won't. Each bub has its own personality and we wouldn't want it any other way.

One piece of advice, get some sleep when bub sleeps during the day even if it is for 30mins or 2hours, you will wake up to be a new person. If housework slides out the door, well so be it. We can't be supermum!

Goodluck. Remember... as they say ...it will improve (i'm still waiting!)

Ok. i've gotten out of the house and had a nice (decaf) cappucion and my perspective is back in ...ummmm... perspective. it could be much worse. I work with kids who have chronic illnesses and I'm sure there parents would say that they wouldn't mind them waking up every hour at night if they were healthy and happy. And my bubs is healthy and happy and the light of my life. If some nocturnal activity is the price I pay for it, well then so be it.
Thanks ladies. BB is so good for making me realise I am not alone... I think it's the loneliness that bites hardest about being a mum.

Lori,

That is soooo true. We need to be grateful that God has blessed us with healthy bubs.
So glad to hear that you are doing well now.

What i always think about when Ela is up at 4am and wants to play is that it is not going to last forever and that it already has been 1 year. How long more could it go on for? Another year?

Just try and think about the positives as hard as it may be at the time.

have you tried a night light in his room?

I'm right there with you Lori. It really does help to just catch up on a few zz's here and there. It makes a HUGE difference with how you cope with the night feeds/wakings. I need to take my own advice.. both kids are asleep and I'm stuffing around on the computer instead of sleeping!!

I'm not a fan of sleep schools. I can usually explain the wakings, and I figure if it's teeth or tummy pain or hunger, then I would feel mean just trying to make her sleep, when really she's just a little person who needs her mummy. And it really doesn't last forever. The exhaustion comes in waves, and they do grow out of it. DS still wakes occassionally, but he's easily settled by climbing into our bed and going back to sleep. hehe. Yet when he was the one waking every night, I felt like it would never end.. now before I knew it, he's 2 1/2 and everything is so different.

*hugs*

another non-sleeper here....Rylee is nearly two and still not sleeping 'through', in her life she has probably slept 'through' four times, in fact she was awake for 2 hours from 3.30 - 5.30 am this morning, I am sorry I am not much help but I can share your frustration :hug:
I have tried everything too, I have no explanation as to why some bubs sleep well and some don't, just the way everyone is different I suppose.

But if you do find the sleep deprivation getting to you, please seek help. :hug:

:hug: Lori I am in the same boat as you know.. Our bubs are keeping us on on our toes...

Was just thinking.. Do you get up to Ds straight away or let him make a few noises first? Olivia will wake and sometimes I leave her for a few (she isn't crying) and she will put herself back to sleep..

Other times I refuse to feed her. It sounds harsh but I knw she isn't hungry and is just using me as an aid to get to sleep. plus my poor boobies need a break too. I will give her cuddles ect but if she gets to upset then I feed her..

I wish there was some easy solution.. my 2nd and 3rd were brilliant sleepers but Olivia is so like ethan..

It's all about perspective - you are so right!

My DD still wakes up every night, but we have a set-up so that I hardly ever know. She toddles into our bedroom as she has done for over 12 mths and settles in to sleep between us until 5:30-6am when she wakes me up for a bf. Then she goes back to sleep for another hour, which suits me fine. I am so used to it that I don't usually realise she's come into our bed!

Try and find a way that makes it easiest for you. Not what is right, what everyone else does, etc, etc. Personally, I object to getting out of bed before 7am, so the odd time when DD wakes up b4 then she goes back into her room and I shut the door (she plays with her toys). When she was little I would get up to her if she didn't settle herself and bring her into bed to cuddle. If she slept, I'd leave her there unless I was awake enough to pop her back in her cot.

Now if she won't settle during the night with us I put her back in her bed with our little dog and she's perfectly content! I hated getting up in the middle of winter last year, so took the sides off her cot and left all the doors open so she finds her own way to us. I have heard of families where kids sleep together, 'cause that works for them. I actually hate sleeping alone, so I'm not going to stop DD wanting company in the night. I very much doubt I would have read any of the things that work for us and many others in any book!

It's trial and error, just like everything else!

LR, my first DS slept for 6 1/2 hours the second night home from hossy and was sleeping through by 6 weeks. But at 7 months he stopped sleeping well at night and we went through a horror 8 months where I was awake in the night more often than I was asleep. He is 3 1/2 now and I still get up to him (well actually he gets up to me and I have to put him back LOL), nearly every night. DS2 didn't sleep through until he was 12 months old, but ever since he started sleeping through, it is very rare for him to wake in the night. So I would have to say that having a child who took a while to get to the point of sleeping through and then stayed there, is much better than having a great start which goes downhill.

If you can stick this out for a little longer, it is likely that you are not too far from that elusive unbroken sleep. Babies are not meant to sleep through the night, and I find those that don't tend to develop better sleeping habits in the longer term, which you will, in time, appreciate. Big hugs to you, I know how exhausting it is to be where you are now. But the end is in sight and it will be worth it, so please hang in there. Take care hun, it gets better.

I know what its like from both sides. My first would wake evry 2 hours day and night until he was 4 months then would go max 3 hours at a time over night. til he was 12 months. we finally got him to do 5 hours after then...

This time round i could not ask for a better sleeper my little girl sleeps from 8.30-6.30/7 i guess every baby is different. i never expected to get such a good sleeper...

Hopefully for you next time you'll be the 1 with the fantastic sleeper.

I would say if someone is posting about it on Facebook then it is a one-off celebration because it doesn’t always happen.

If you’re doing it “wrong” then I am too and I don’t give a flying fish about what other people consider “wrong” and I suggest you don’t either. They all sleep through at some point. Who ever heard of a teenager waking his parents up at 5am every day? (I’ll come back in 11-12 years or so and correct myself if needs be LOL.)

I doubt youre doing anything wrong.

Dont get too tied up in what other peoples babys are doing (or possibly only did once, and she just felt the need to tell the world). Claire was up every two hours till she was 10 months. She then slept well (maybe 6-7 hours in a row) for a few weeks, and then started with the 2 hours again. She now, at 18 months, sleeps for most of the night but some nights she does still wake a few times.

I went through all the questions too - people constantly asking me "is she sleeping through yet?" I had my parents, DH's parents and both our families, the ladies in mothers group, the early childhood nurse all asking me and telling me I i "mustnt be doing it right". We just remained patient and now she usually goes down to sleep really well.

Honestly, lots of babies dont sleep through the night. Just do what works best for you. I'm sure you will find a good way to manage it.

Aw babe, I totally understand where you're coming from. I did a post about it last night.

It's hard when you see so many babies sleeping through and can't work out where you went wrong.

I was also spoiled with my first - by 8-9 months she was doing 12-13 hours solid, uninterrupted sleep - and the crazy thing is I didn't think she as a good sleeper!!! :wall:

I know better now!!

Hi LoriRae,
Just thought i would let you know i was in your situation for the last 16months. Seemed as though everyone else had 'sleepers' and i ended up with the one who wouldn't. Logan would only sleep for an hour then i would continuously be up all night trying to put him back to sleep. It was soo hard! Nothing i did worked.

But... looks like someone wanted to give me a break as he now sleeps through!!! Only wakes once a night and can put himself back to sleep. He was always breastfed to sleep but then i started giving him some water throughout the night dont really know if this helped but he has just started to sleep through by himself. Been doing it for the last month!

I know your son is still young but i just wanted to let you know that there is light! You will get through this!

*Hugs*

Simone:)

Oh Willow - had to giggle. Why did you think she was a bad sleeper?? LOL. You don't know what you got til it's gone huh. I guess i should be grateful that neither of mine have slept through. It's a bit like once you've flown first class, you can't go back to economy. So I'm none the wiser... have had economy all the way LOL.

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it could be much worse. I work with kids who have chronic illnesses and I'm sure there parents would say that they wouldn't mind them waking up every hour at night if they were healthy and happy.

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Thankyou LoriRae...I have been feeling really down and not getting much sleep either, but it really is great to get some perspective isn't it?
One of our friends DD's is only 5 years old and terminally ill, they will probably not have her much longer, and as hard as sleep deprivation is I consider myself the luckiest mother on the planet to have a happy, healthy baby. Jack is waking every couple of hours at the moment and just wants to laugh and play all night, I am so lucky to have him.

Oh, chicky :( There's nothing as demoralising as comparisons! And you know, 'sleeping through' is defined by different people in creative ways - it could mean that the baby wakes but doesn't wake mummy up cos she goes back to sleep by herself...so, not true 'sleeping through'. In fact, most adults I know don't truly 'sleep through, either!
If she's done CC, then that could explain her theory that the baby has 'slept through'. If baby knows no-one's coming to him, he learns that energy is wasted calling for someone who's not coming...and will eventually go back to sleep without calling for anyone.
Other babies do just go to sleep, wake quietly and resettle...these babies are far and few between, though, so there's no need to beat yourself up if yours doesn't do this!
We co-sleep and sometimes it's just easier, when someone asks, to just say 'yes, he sleeps through', but I do feel like a fraud when I do this...it's just sometimes easier than explaining that he stirs, latches on, drops off again, maybe once, maybe 4 times in a night depending on the kind of day he's had, or if he's been sick etc. I do feel like I'm doing a disservice when I call this 'sleeping through', because people assume that we don't have to tend to him even though he's not actually waking up out of his sleep whilst we do it.
No, my DS at 2 may not starve if I don't BF him overnight, but it's what he wants, he likes it and by co-sleeping, it means that even though I come out of a deeper sleep I'm not actually that awake, either!
The times I do have to fully wake up for him and he's more awake during the night are when he is unwell...and no matter whether you co-sleep or your baby sleeps in a shed at the back of the garden with a monitor (just being cheeky to make my point ;) ) if your baby is sick, ain't no-one gonna get a great night's sleep!
YOU are not doing anything 'wrong' except using someone else as a yardstick, ok? And please dont' be lonely - if you haven't already, join a playgroup, a library kids' reading time, local ABA group...no mummy should ever be alone :hug:

Just wanted to let you know LoriRae that you are definitely not alone & I understand how it feels to think that 3 hrs straight sleep would be heaven. While my DS is a little younger than your bub he wakes most nights 2 hrly as well. I won't repeat what everyone else had said but I definitely second it. The biggest 3 things that work for me are 1) acceptance, I can't change & it won't last forever (hopefully) 2) I try & sleep at least once through the day most days with ds & 3) the housework will wait, it ain't going anywhere.

Hope all our bubs give us 1 night of sleep :p sending you some sleepy vibes

"I'm sleeping like a baby at the moment - sleep two hours, wake up and cry, sleep another two hours..." - John McCann, American election runner-up dude.

Ha - I laughed my head off when I heard that too!!!

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I know what its like from both sides. My first would wake evry 2 hours day and night until he was 4 months then would go max 3 hours at a time over night. til he was 12 months. we finally got him to do 5 hours after then...

This time round i could not ask for a better sleeper my little girl sleeps from 8.30-6.30/7 i guess every baby is different. i never expected to get such a good sleeper...

Hopefully for you next time you'll be the 1 with the fantastic sleeper.

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Just thought i'd add to my previous post... after posting this my DD has gone from an all night sleeper to a nightmare... Waking 5 times a night.... the luxury was short lived. Now i'm feeling your pain once again and let me tell you its worse when they have been good sleepers and then stop... your just not used to it

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I would say if someone is posting about it on Facebook then it is a one-off celebration because it doesn?t always happen.

If you?re doing it ?wrong? then I am too and I don?t give a flying fish about what other people consider ?wrong? and I suggest you don?t either. They all sleep through at some point. Who ever heard of a teenager waking his parents up at 5am every day? (I?ll come back in 11-12 years or so and correct myself if needs be LOL.)

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Ha Ha Ryn I was thinking this today cause DS for the 1st time in MONTHS slept through and my teenager woke me at 5.30am to drive her to work LOL