How far would you go?

When I was watching the Olympics I was struck by how much sacrifice some of the parents have made for their children to compete. Not just getting up at 4am to take them training but in one case leaving the family home, their partner and their other child to move interstate to be close to a certain coach. On another forum I frequent a parent of a gifted winter athlete is contemplating 6 months overseas in our summer to give them the opportunity to train at an elite level.
Would you make a sacrifice like this for you children or would leaving your partner for so long be one step to far?
Where would you draw the line? Or would you not draw a line - nothing is too much to help your children achieve their dreams?

Oooh thats a tough one... I don't think I could say without being in the situation...

Yea Im the same, I think it depends what situation you are in...................... BUT I think I would do whatever it takes for my kids if that was their dream and they where willing to put just as much effort into it and wanted it. I would defiantly not do it if you had to push them and it wasnt something they completly loved.

Really don't know myself, but I think DH might have something to say on it. We was at that elite level as a teenager with weightlifting, could have done well but he chose to walk away from it. I would say for him it might depend on the actual sport, if he had a son he was not going to allow weightlifting due to the damage it does to a growing body.

I am not a sporty person, so I doubt I would do anymore to support them in sport than what I would do supporting them in other endeavours.

Moving away from my DH and other children would be too far for me. I would support them as best I can but I think the whole family comes first not individuals and I would worry about investing more time in one child and what that would do to the other children. So if I couldn't do it for all of them I wouldn't do it for one iykwim.

I think I agree with Sara, I would have big reservations about splitting the family. My marriage is pretty sacred to me, and I'm not sure I could do months in other countries away from my dh and other children - in fact, that would break my heart.

Even the early mornings, if they were having an adverse effect on the family, they'd be out. If we could make it work, then great, and perhaps if we had an only child, or both children involved in the same sport, it could work, but yeah...I'm not sure I could sacrifice family memories growing up for trophies, medals and records.

Obviously some people do, but I'm not sure I could.

Pfft NOPE.

My sister was an elite gymnast and was doing about 36 hours a week gym on top of school in grade 5. Our entire family revolved around it for years and it was nuts. TBH it didn't really bother me at all, I was really proud of her achievements and frankly it allowed me to get up to all sorts of trouble (woohoo!), but I think it was over the top.
I wonder if anything would have changed if it did bother me. I do remember being cut when my sis actually didn't have a weekend comp and mum grumbled about coming to watch me play tennis ONCE. I was in the elite squad in tennis but no one gave a crap!:cryinglaugh:

It turns out years later their wacko-the-diddle-o, super special polish coaches were putting them through all sort of horrors and probably gave most of the team an eating disorder.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

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Pfft NOPE.

Elite sports and childhood just dont mix. Fark, its running around an oval - not curing cancer!

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:cryinglaugh:gosh lulu you never fail to crack me up!! ever though of doing a stand up one liner comedy show??

anyways!, i agree with nelle, but if my child got given a scholarship or somthing like that then maybe i'd see.

I can' t see myself doing it. I definitely wouldn't do it for a sport but may do it for something else. Firstly I think let kids be kids. Secondly I think sport is just entertainment. Its great as a hobby and to keep fit but nothing more than that. I certainly don't agree with the celebrity, money and general hoo hah surrounding sport.
I definitely wouldn't do this long-term but may do something short-term if I thought it was an appropriate / worthwhile activity eg. something in a more altruistic line.

Interesting......
I noticed that a couple of you said something along the line of 'not for sport'.
Is it up to us as parents to choose for our children the paths that they will follow? I mightn't be into chess but that doesn't mean that my son won't love it. Would it be fair of me to say to my son in 10 years time "if you had been into ping-pong I would have been happy to get up at 4am to take you to training but I won't take you to a chess tournament 4 hours drive away because it's not my cup of tea. If only you were more alturistic I'd support you more". Our children aren't mini-mes so perhaps it's not fair to impose our own standards of what is worthwhile upon them.

Lulu, ITA about children and elite sport not mixing but what if your child was really driven, if they really wanted to front up at swimming training 4 days a week would you say that they couldn't go because they were a child? That they had to wait 10 years? When do you decide that they're old enough for elite sport? Is 15 old enough? It's old enough to choose a career and start and apprenticeship so if the career they choose is gym not plumbing why shouldn't they go for it?

Sara, I totally agre that splitting the family is one step to far but the funy thing is I discovered how much my own predjudice plays a role in what I think is appropriate. 6 months in Austria for the whole family doesn't seem too outlandish to me - it would do us all good to learn a new language but moving to QLD for swimming fills me with horror lol.

Nelle, on the subject of sacrificing family memories - is it fair to try to mould our children's childhoods for the sake of our own memories? We all have ideas about being a family and being parents and I've laready discovered that Yasin and Imran don't always agree with my idea of a happy Saturday. It might be possible to have a very happy childhood that is also a childhood that is very focussed on a particular pursuit.

Obviously there's no right or wrong answers and the answers we give are what is right for ourselves so I hope no-one takes my replies personally - I'm just thinking aloud lol.

I dunno Dach. I can tell you that Im not ever going to encourage elite sports in my kids so I hope that will be enough...
If my kids wanted to line dance for a living, Id want them to be happy, but elite sports are far, far too hard on children bodies (cept for synchro swimming :cryinglaugh:) and leave bugger all room to muck around. I was fine with my parents putting all their time in (cos I got something out of it lol) to my sisters sport but Im not sure how other siblings might have felt. I cant ever see it fair on the rest of the family unless everyone was totally one eyed about it.

I'm pretty over the way sporting people are looked up to as gods whilst there are so many people working their lives towards the good of their community/others/world and are totally overlooked. It's SPORT after all. And yep, I'd like to instil the same attitudes in my children :p

If it was beneficial for my entire family to move to another country I'd have the same attitude as you about it Dach.

bbl

It would depend on whether the child had the motivation, the burning desire to achieve. If they had that fire in them I would do my best to facilitate that.

However, I would not split up the family under any circumstances.

If I was having to coax them out of bed every morning for swimming training or whatever I wouldn't be busting a gut, IYKWIM. It would have to be clear to me that they were willing to put in the hard yards and if they were, then by all means.

I particularly would be against my son being a professional footballer but if it was what he wanted I wouldn't feel right about preventing that. If they have the ambition and drive, good on them.

I think this raises another question. "If you child was not of elite material, but enjoyed the sport, would you still get up at 4am etc so they can train". The topic just reminded me of a tennis trainer DH came across that was talking about a girl who was good at tennis, but not great, and really loved the sport. Her parents pulled her out of training as she was not winning often enough, they did not care that the girl really loved tennis.

Overall I am not comfortable with splitting the family, have spent to many times with DH working away to know that it is not a good for us. If the move could beneficial for the whole family then I might consider it, I doubt I could do it if the other sibling would be disadvantaged.

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Nelle, on the subject of sacrificing family memories - is it fair to try to mould our children's childhoods for the sake of our own memories? We all have ideas about being a family and being parents and I've laready discovered that Yasin and Imran don't always agree with my idea of a happy Saturday. It might be possible to have a very happy childhood that is also a childhood that is very focussed on a particular pursuit.

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I meant the children's memories Dach, I want them to have memories of being together, playing together, and I don't mean being in the same place at the same time, one training and the other watching.
And sure, that might not be my childrens' value, my kids might not want to be with the family, they might want to be in Wherever training, but it is not up to my child to decide what is best for the family, and until they reach a certain age, it is not up to them to have the final say on their choices either (although they do get a significant say).

So perhaps that is moulding my children's childhood, not so much for the sake of my memories, but for the sake of our conscience - so we can look back and agree that we made the best decisions for our family, that reflect the values we want to instill in them.

I was watching a doco on Foxtel just before the Olympics began about the Chinese gymnasts' training regime.

I was shocked, crying, angry and swearing at the telly.

These poor kids get snatched from their families at the age of 3 and are trained day and night. They are punished (caned) for doing a wrong landing or not doing the best tumble etc.. They hang from rafters like on the monkey bars for 10's of minutes.They are allowed to go home for one day every 6 months and have a huge burden on their shoulders at such a young age...they need to win an olympic medal and this then saves their family from poverty. I was disgusted. If they failed, they are shunned.

This one kid who was not a very good gymnast and about 7yo got to go home for a day and his mother had to drag him (literally drag) back to the training centre. he was kicking and screaming not wanting to go back and his mother was telling him that "a life is not gained through playing games". here is this poor 7yo not being able to play games or see his family. These kids stay in a room with about 10 bunks and have very little free time.

If my child really wanted to do whatever sports he/she was interested in and had real potential i would sacrifice parts of my life to allow them to live their dream. But definitely not move interstate without DH or allow my child to live interstate in some training school without us there.

Chloe, you always come up with great discussion threads.

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but elite sports are far, far too hard on children bodies (cept for synchro swimming :cryinglaugh:)

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I can see syncronised swimmers all over the world fainting over that comment ;)

Anyway, I wouldn't do it 1 because it's sport and 2 I wouldn't do that to my family. I couldn't miss out on the important parts of their lives, even if supposing that I had one who was a champion in the making and the others weren't. At the end of the day, to me, being a sporting champion/superstar/ or god forbid, hero :rolleyes: is a very limited career choice - it sometimes only takes one bad injury and that's it. And even if they didn't get injured, they have a finite number of years to do it before their body just can't keep them on top of the game anymore and then what? You've sacrificed so much to get them to that point - social lives, possibly education and the relationship with your family and your other children.

I look at footballers (for example) who start out really young at the highest level and once they are finished playing, what are they good for? They have spent all their years when other teens/young people are going to uni or working or doing other training playing football, so they have to start again from scratch. Even if you were at the top echelons of your sport, there is only so many years you can milk endorsements for before you are passed over for the next big thing.

It wouldn't matter if it was something I liked or didn't like, it's just not the life I want for my children.

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I meant the children's memories Dach, I want them to have memories of being together, playing together, and I don't mean being in the same place at the same time, one training and the other watching.

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I don't think that sports needs to interfere with all that. I think that the parent of an enthusiastic child would be doing a poor job if they didn't ensure some balance.

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I think this raises another question. "If you child was not of elite material, but enjoyed the sport, would you still get up at 4am etc so they can train".

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I would definately keep getting up at 4am. It's not up to me to decide my children's dreams and even if they were hopeless I would be glad that they were involved in sport. As well as its physical benefits children who do sports are statistically less likely to take drugs etc and I think that sports helps children learn life skills that serve them well in adulthood, team play, self-discipline, the ability to get up early even though bed is nicer than outside. IMO taking your child out of sports because they can't perform at an elite level is ludicrous.

Do you think it'd be accurate to say that it'd take a pretty specially devoted kid to be an elite athlete without really motivated and driven parents?
I haven't heard athletes talk about their parents much in interviews, other than to say they have been 'supportive'. So I really am clueless and would be interested to know how usual it is that a kid becomes an elite athlete if their parents aren't at least part of the driving force behind it?
Personally, I think sport is for fun. I really hope DD enjoys sport when she grows up. I'm not going to get her involved til she's old enough to tell me what she wants to do though, so that probably excludes her from competing in the olympics for sports like gymnastics, but so be it. She may show an aptitude for a sport when she starts, find that that's her 'place' and be really pumped and into it. At this stage (all hypothetical of course) I reckon I'll support her, so long as like many have already said, there is an adequate balance with other life activities. And I really doubt that splitting your family up so that one can live overseas will give that child sufficient life balance. Just MO.
Interestingly, I am really into music, and a lady we know has asked if I will teach her 3yo piano. I have said no. I couldn't teach a 3yo, and I reckon it'd be a pretty special 3yo who had piano lessons because its what they want moreso than what their parents want. I know there are loads of 3yos learning musical instruments, but I reckon I'll wait til my DD tells me she wants to do it and is old enough to feel some level of commitment to it. Sorry, slightly OT but I'm obviously more passionate about music than about sport so thought I'd toss it into the mix. :)

Since you've put piano into it - would you be prepared to move your family to a differant city if your daughter was a child prodigy?
My cousin wanted to learn piano when he was 3 because his older brothers were - my aunt wouldn't let him because his hands couldn't reach far enough but that didn't stop him from climbing up and giving it his best shot.

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Do you think it'd be accurate to say that it'd take a pretty specially devoted kid to be an elite athlete without really motivated and driven parents?
I haven't heard athletes talk about their parents much in interviews, other than to say they have been 'supportive'. So I really am clueless and would be interested to know how usual it is that a kid becomes an elite athlete if their parents aren't at least part of the driving force behind it?

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I guess that my take on the sitaution is that no-one will become an elite athlete/child prodigy without some of their own drive. If you don't want it you won't achieve it but if your parents don't give you the oppurtunity you'll never go there. Personally I'm teaching my children the sports I enjoy. Not so they can be world beaters but so that we can do them as a family and because now Yasin is getting older it's either teach him (and later Imran) or give them up. I assume that most parents are similar and teach their children the sports they are familiar with which is why so many Olympic gymnasts seem to have gymnast parents and so on.

I wonder though, how much of it is just an extension of what the parents want for the child. Like if the child shows excellent talent for a sport, and the parents really push it, taking them to the best coaches and all the rest, only for the child to then say they want to stop doing it after a few years - how crushed would the parents be? Would they be devastated or would they be able to just say "ok, I'm cool with that" after all the time, effort and most importantly money, they have invested in this child.

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Is it up to us as parents to choose for our children the paths that they will follow?

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No it isn't but it is our job to guide them in the principles that we think are right (getting OT). But we are talking about big extremes here. We aren't talking about letting our son or daughter participate in a sport. We are talking about separating family members and putting our child through extreme training regimes. Is splitting up the family for long periods worth what is ultimately a career in entertainment? I personally don't think so. What will they have to fall back on if they don't make it, or when their career is over (as many sports are short-lived careers)?
But I would be more inclined to reconsider if the activity had more of a altruistic effect. But I don't think I would personally consider a long-term separation.

I guess that in some cases it is pushy parents (there are some shockers out there) but in asking this question I was more curious about how those of us who aren't so extreme would cope if faced with a child prodigy or athletically talented child with a massive drive to suceed. So it's not a matter of putting our children through full-on training but them choosing to do it themselves.

Well I did ok by myself. I walked everywhere to get to the comps, I trained 5 days a week off my own bat (:cryinglaugh:), hassled people for a game, spent all school holidays assisting my coach, filled in at the seniors level etc.

I also found perverse pleasure in finding ways to violate the dress code, laughed till I cried if I missed a shot and in one memorable incident played sitting down from the base line until my partner took back back the nasty thing he said about Jon Bon Jovi.

When I was blocked from progressing (by my own club) I promptly enrolled at another and whipped my own clubs butt in the finals whilst violating the dress code.

All because I was very very very driven to wipe people off the court...

At the end of the day I chucked it in because it wasn't fun anymore. It all got too serious and I can't see why you can't laugh at an elite level.

This is a really interesting thread topic, because at the moment, DH & I are really banging our heads against a brick wall with his parents about this issue... bit of background..

And it will be loooong, so my apologies in advance ;)

DH is one of 5 kids, big, in your face, over the top, typical Italian family :p
Everyone knows everything about each other, and everyone almost always knows it before I do - even if its about me ;)

All of the kids have had to work from a young age in PIL's business - happens to be hospitality, so in result, they are all in that field now, as thats what they all know.
DH never wanted to cook, but got sucked into the tornado of family tradition, and so it is what it is.

The youngest in his family will be 16yrs at Christmas -his brother.
Because there's a big age gap between him and the other 4 kids (15yrs between him and the next youngest, she's 30), he has spent the larger part of his childhood as an 'only child' - the rest of us live a few hundred kms away.

He has always been determined that he never, ever wants to work in hospitality - and is an exceptional soccer player.
Last year, a 'scout' found him watching a soccer game on a field in the middle of nowhere (near where they live) and approached his Dad about playing soccer in a really high standard team near us on the Central Coast.

Nothing much came of it, as DH's parents were not ready to have to deal with it...

Anyway, time passed, and he was found by a few others that noticed him - he was invited to try out for the junior squad for the Newcastle Jets (In the A League) - but had a terrible injury at the time and missed out :(

Representatives from the Central Coast Mariners saw him afterwards, and he was invited to join a team down here that is the elite team from where many of the Mariners have been chosen - a huge, huge opportunity.
The coach of that team has not given up, hounded & wore down DH's Dad (his brother was wanting it more than you could imagine)
Ideally, the coach wanted him to move down here, as their training schedule is full on - DH's parents wouldn't allow it, as they still only see this as 'a dream' - nothing will come of it :(

The coach was desperate not to waste the opportunity, and so agreed to have him here as much as PIL would allow.
Its been an absolute s@#tfight all year with unorganisation, but he has made an impact enough, because when he was staying with us for the whole 2 weeks of last school holidays, a scout from Tottenham Football Club (yes, Tottenham in the UK!) - saw him, enquired about him, and asked to see him!
He's interested, but the Football federation in Australia won't allow him to play any higher up yet because of his age.

So, getting back to this thread (sorry to babble on :redface:) - obviously, the boy has the talent.. and trust me, he wants it... despite his parents lack of encouragement or enthusiasm.
He is finishing school in a few months time (yr 10) - his plans were to move in with us (training is about 10 mins from where we live) - and get a job or apprenticeship, as he is not interested at all in continuing at school.

PIL will not allow this, they have said he has spent too long being too spoilt like an only child, and is unappreciative , so therefore not worthy.
They have told him he is not allowed to leave home until he's 18, and if he leaves, they won't support him with anything, financially, but most especially with his soccer.
MIL told me last visit, that she expects him to leave home & ask to move in with us... she has also told me she expects our support, and that we are not, under any circumstances, to support him in any way :o
My reply was basically , so if he turns up on our door step wanting to live with us, I have to close the door in his face? Her answer was Yes, FIL & I have done enough for you over the years, you can do this for us :wtf:

Needless to say, DH & I will do EVERYTHING we can in our support for this for him - what an amazing opportunity for a boy from the sticks where usually noone would ever ever find his talent.

DH & I live here, he's old enough to leave home (especially when he's moving into a family situation with his older brother & his family!)

DH & I cannot believe that his parents want so little, and are so un supportive of his dreams... - For him, and for any of our children, I will do whatever I possibly can to give them every dream & the life that they wish for themselves.
Is this not what we have children for? I just don't get it with DH's parents, its unbelievable.

I know I carried on a little, but needed to explain to show how much I think personally, its important to support what your children want.(Obviously in reason - you can't do the impossible, but if its do-able then I think we should give it a go)
In my personal opinion, I believe that creating every opportunity possible for them to do that is my duty as a parent (or as a SIL in our case at the moment!!)

I think if the child wanted to go on and see how far they could achieve at that elite level, then I would be all for supporting them. However, I don't think I would split the family. Either we would find a way that we could all go, or find the next best alternative where we are, until the child was a certain age that I wouldn't mind them going on their own, say at 16. Also, I don't think until children get to say their mid teens that sport should be taken so seriously. Its fun and should be fun for them to do, so that they love doing sport and will take it into their adult lives.
My dh is a hockey player and our weekends often revolve around that - we'll let the kids try hockey but if they don't want to play hockey and rather do another sport than thats fine, we'll encourage them elsewhere. the only thing my dh won't let them do is play for a diff hockey team! lol

I think the reason that alot of athletes compete in the same sport their parents did is often just due to the fact that they are exposed to that sport from such an early age. My dd isn't able to grasp things in her hands yet, but dh is intent on her getting her first hockey stick by the time she's one! I coached under 9 hockey for a year and coached the daughter of a bloke who played with my dh, and his wife also palyed - she was 6 at the time, she is now 9 and has been selected for the u13 state side. I don't think its being driven by the parents, its just that is always been a thing in her life and so i suppose maybe natural that she would want to take it up, which i'm guessing is the same with many big sporting families.

HUH?

Italian family......not want.......son play soccer.......

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HUH?

Italian family......not want.......son play soccer.......

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I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! :doh: What Italian Dad doesn't want his bambino to become the next Francesco Totti ;)

You have to wonder, huh??!!!!!!
It blows my mind, because this family absoluetly BREATHES soccer (sorry, football!!).. all of them do - even I would give the average man a run for his money with my knowledge after being part of this family for the last 7yrs :cryinglaugh:

I think his Dad wants it, but who can say? He was keen in the beginning, but seems to have retreated....

I have absolutely NO idea what any of them are thinking.... :rolleyes:

OMG at your IL's Holly. That's just inexplicable to me - not to want your son to follow his dreams and to want to turn down an oppurtunity like that. Even if the football doesn't work out it's still a chance to see the world and who knows what doors it might open.
They're lucky I'm not their DIL. I'd be sending the kid a bus ticket and meeting him at the station lol.

Ok, finally got DH's point of view. He would not separate the family, nor move for the sport, but would be happy enough to get up at 4am to get them to training. As far as he is concerned most kids will shine if they have the talent regardless of whether they are with the best coach or not. There are schools that have sporting programs, when DH was in yrs 11 & 12 he studied under a Talented Athletes Program (which I hated when I was as a student at that college). There are also AIS sporting camps and scholarships which he would be happy for either of the girls to go on.

ETA: Just put the soccer scenario to DH and he admits that one is different. Sports like soccer which pay their players a huge amount of money are different to ones which are just about earning gold medals. He acknowledges that getting a contract with one of the European teams can set someone up for life. He would be willing to discuss what could be done to enable it to happen, he would push for a move to England for the whole family, for example, for a couple of years. So it looks as though it really depends on the sport.

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They're lucky I'm not their DIL. I'd be sending the kid a bus ticket and meeting him at the station lol.

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I'm a little the same as you - lets just say it hasn't been an easy ride in the family this year ;)

I have driven all over, put him on trains & picked him up from trains, etc etc... its been a chaotic nightmare - and MIL & I have had a few 'not so good' moments!

My SIL (married into the family same as me) and MIL may as well be joined at the hip, and of course they agree on everything :rolleyes: - So I've had a few heated moments with my SIL over the past football season as well (who knows what it has to do with her?) :rolleyes:

We set up the spare bedroom as BIL's room for when he is here (as he comes down now most Fri nights on the train, and PIL pick him up from the game Sat & drive him home) - have copped HEAPS off PIL & SIL for setting him up a room, telling me its a little over the top.... whatever!

BIL loves that he has a place here - and loves being here... and I have made a point (because the rest of them have made a point to show how uninterested they are) of making every single game he has played this year - even if his games have clashed with DH's, or if I have had to drive an hour from one game to another on different ends of the Central Coast.

He knows how much we're supporting him in this - and you can see how much he needs the support, and how grateful he is that we give it to him.

All of the mums of the boys in the team went out a few weeks ago for dinner & a movie, and they asked me to go (not MIL) - so our support is obvious to the rest of the team as well, so that makes me happy and confident that we're doing the right thing :)

Hmm, not sure, I guess no one can really say until they assess their particular situation in time. Part of me actually says no don't be silly that's ridiculous, but most mums will do just about anything for their babies.

My DH's employer regularly requires our family to be split up and revolve around its needs. And that's without any real thanks or reward. Although DH does get the occasional medal from time to time LOL.

If I could see a true passion shining through my child, we would make each of those decisions as they arose. I don't know that I could *ever* do the 4 am starts, just not biologically geared to do that. But DH could and I'm sure would (again - has done it in the past for his employer without questioning).

However, I agree there is a point in every family where it's either appropriate to continue pushing or not: Anyone seen RazzleDazzle and Little Miss Sunshine???

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I don't know that I could *ever* do the 4 am starts, just not biologically geared to do that.

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LOL I'm the same. I informed DH last night that if our children ever had a sporting passion that required early starts he was 'it' :lol:

I wanna agree with Astid's husband. It depends on the sport. If it could be an income-earning thing, great. Yes, Olympic gold winners can get sponsors and make some money off those deals, but if you are at your peak (say in gymnastics) at 16, would that be enough to "make" you for the rest of your life?? (I don't know, so if anyone does, tell!)

Rugby is big here, so if my son is good in rugby (heaven forbid any of my children being gifted in a contact-sport ;) ) sure I would get up at 4am to take him to training. Would I move to Jo'burg if one of the local clubs don't want to sign him??? or if that would give him a better change to play for South Africa?? That would be a family decision, because it would involve the WHOLE family moving and pitching in to help and supporting. I also believe that you have to spend just as much time on his emotional coaching as on his physical training. A child that has a great talent, needs to know how to handle the punches, the training, the critisism, the sceduals, the failures.
I also agree that a child with natural, God-given talent would thrive under decent coach, it has not to be the "best in the land" coach.

Also I would do it only if it's my CHILDS dream, not mine or his/her dad's. To push my daughter to be the swimmer I never got a chance to be, would be cruel and selfish. But if SHE wants it, who am I to stand in her way. But still, I would draw a line somewhere with swimming, because on it's own (over here) not much money in it.

OMG Holly, that's awful. It must be so tough for you!
It's even sad to hear that your DH was 'sucked' in to doing what he didn't want too :(
I'm totally for supporting your kids in their endeavours. But I reckon it takes a really special kid to have that much drive, KWIM? I think any sport (or music!) at an elite level needs a level of discipline that would be an unusual trait for a kid to have and develop all by themself.
In the case of your BIL, Holly, I'd have to say that there's no way I could stand in my kid's way if she were that focussed. I think his story is exceptional! (And *wow* to having a possible football star in your immediate family!!!)
Part of me is very much equality-based, probably due to my mum's attitude about raising kids. She has always been very careful to give us all equal everything (that's including time - like babysitting, LOL!) and I'd like to do the same for my kids. If DD was to become a child prodigy and be given an opportunity to extend it further, I'd have to make sure my other kid was aware that we want to give them the same opportunities wherever possible. I doubt we'll have one child prodigy in our house, let alone two, but even if there were one, I'd want to keep the lines of communication open between us and the non-prodigy to make sure they know they are equally valued... Does that make any sense at all? :lol:

I think there is a difference between allowing your children to take advantage of oppertunities in life and sacrificing for a 'dream'.

I would encourage my kids to take full advantage of every oppertunity (just as my parents did), but there needs to be a balance in life. If when they are old enough to have finished school and have the talent and the desire to persue a career in sports I would fully support them. However when they are kids, sports are a PART of life - not all of it. They would be allowed and encouraged to develop their sporting talents and compete at all levels - BUT not at the expense of family or schooling (or even recreation). I think that that is a lesson we all need, because it is not healthy to be so obsessive with ANY one thing.

If you sacfrice EVERYTHING for your child's 'dream' - how much pressure is that!!! Every child has a dream to be a famous sports star, actor, musician - some may actually become so in their lives, but a vast majority go on to have other dreams that either replace or live on in conjunction with the first dream. Also you can still live with a dream of becoming a competitive sports person (fullfilling that dream) and not dedicate your entire life and the lives of the rest of the family to do so. You can acheive greatness and satisfy a passion AND have a life.

Furthermore, just because it is a child's dream and you do choose to sacrifice everything for that dream succeeds, what happens if the truth is that although your child is good, they may never be the best - they may simply never be able to fulfil that dream because their talents and skills simply aren't enough. Simply longing to be something, does not make that so; even with the best coaches, the most willing and dedicated student and the best of everything - average skill and talent may remain just that.

Sacrificing EVERYTHING (or even just ALOT) just makes you another stage mum, and in my opinion there are anough of those already in the world.

For me, it would depend upon the 'dream' and where everyone else in our family was at.
In the case of 'if he wasn't any good' at the sport he liked, DS may not be very successful in getting us to move somewhere else for more than 2 weeks, put it that way! But I'd do early starts for a sport he wasn't good at but loved all the same.
If I were to become a big dressage star by the time DS is at an age where he is playing sports and is really good, then he may have to learn the art of compromise! However, as that is unlikely to happen, if he were to be a contender for something elite, then I'd consider moving somewhere temporarily for him to give it a red hot go. After all, I have always been one to say 'seize every opportunity', and if that is only allowed to apply to me and DP, then what good am I as a parent?
I'm sure DP would think differently, though. I suggested I could take up the university offer of free travel and accomodation to the Malaysian campus for a semester or two, just to experience it and he didn't even consider the benefits to DS and I, just said "what would I do there? No". So, I don't think he'd consider uprooting himself for someone else's ambitions!
At this stage I have hopes that DS will follow us into either horseriding (convenient, as I ride, too!) or fire brigade comps (convenient, as DP does that and I used to). However, I do realise that he may decide to do something else entirely. I foresee a great future as a stuntman, myself...
I think that I am thinking "I had my time, when it's DS's turn to shine I might have to put myself out for him especially if he's going to be better at what he does than I am at what I do". But even if I AM a champion dressage star, I may decide to shelve it to drive him around to his chosen sport/activity where there are clashes.
It's a tough one.

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Sacrificing EVERYTHING (or even just ALOT) just makes you another stage mum, and in my opinion there are anough of those already in the world.

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Umm, big call, misty! I don't think it means that! Sure, you do get that, but I don't think this applies to most parents who sacrifice a lot for their kids. I mean, geez, I've just realised that I MAY be willing to sacrifice quite a bit for my son's ambitions so that he can say 'well, at least I gave it a go' and now you're calling me a stage mum? Bit 'arsh, chicky! And not applicable in the least, may I add.
Ha! Just thinking of one such parent who moved country for her son's brilliant elite sport prospects in a winter sport. She's moved from California to Vancouver to support her son's ice hockey career (as he's probably a bit young to make the move himself with no family support) and has other kids at home with her DP, as well as older kids from a previous relationship who have their own lives and one in particular a successful career. This mother has had her own stellar career in something non-sporting and probably considers that she's had her time in the sun and can let her kids shine now. For those who haven't guessed yet, I'm talking about Goldie Hawn. Food for thought.

I see your point, but I don't think goldie is a great example (what did she really sacrifice). But I was a little too generalistic and OTT with the stage mum comment.

It is a fine line to tread between support and sacrifice. I look at it from the point of view of someone with two kids. I could never condone uprooting the family for a dream unless it was in the best interests of BOTH my children (not just the one who has the dream) as well as my husband and myself. It is not about sacrifice then, but rather compromise and realism.

So, because Goldie's got buckets of money, she doesn't count, she's not a real parent? I think if you were to ask her, she'd consider it to be a big sacrifice to do this to support her son and she'd probably tell you that she's doing it because that's how she feels as a parent. There is no fine line between support and sacrifice for a lot of people - it's one in order to achieve the other. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that there IS no support for a child without personal sacrifice on the part of the parent, unless the parent pays someone unrelated to do all the running around etc...in which case, you could hardly even call that support, just payroll! If compromise means your child with the dream can't follow that dream, then no support has been achieved. That is how the child will feel. And that's who you have to answer to.

My DD LOVES ballet, and has been doing it since she was 2.5 (she is now 4.5) I don't push her - if she doesn't want to go, then we don't go, but if for some other reason, we don't make it, she gets upset and asks every day when she's going back. She is the only one of our 4 kids (so far) who has shown a deep rooted interest in something - my 7.5 yo DS tries something for a couple of months, gets sick of it, goes onto something else. He also gets sick of things where he isn't as good as the other kids, or where he gets ignored completely. Anyway, to the point, my DP and I have always said if DD was really serious about dancing when she is older and (for arguments sake) gets accepted to the Royal Australian Ballet School (or similar) then we would move the whole family. But I think at the end of the day, it is personal choice how much you sacrifice to support your kids.