Natural consequences or bad mumma?

Our older boys 13 & 10 have job days, day on day off. Whoever is on his job day emptys the dishwasher, feeds the dogs, takes out the recycling and cleans the benches and makes me a cup of tea in the morning (although they both usually make me a cup of tea and are happy to do it). At night the set the table, get drinks and he is the one called on to do odd jobs for that day. They also get to sit in the front, eat the last cookie or whatever there is only one of etc. Well Tuesday morning I asked for my cup of tea and one said No and the other said it's not my job day (they were playing on the computer together). So i went and made my cup of tea and then confronted them, asking if it was too much to make their mum a cup of tea. they looked sheepishly at me and mumbled an apology but didn't make a move to rectify the situation. That night i cooked dinner and served myself, DH and oscar and sat down to eat. the boys came to the table and asked where their dinner was? I replied 'it's not my job day', so they had to serve themselves, they sat down and told them never to take me and what i do in the family for granted. They were both really sorry and the next morning i was made 2 cups of tea and offered more throughout the night.
When i told a parent at the school she thought i was a dreadful mother and too hard. She also thought i made them do too much in the house (they have to, once a week, change their own sheets, clean their bathroom, mow the lawn and each cooks dinner) I thought it to be a natural consequence. we are a family that works together and we all have to do things for each other and should do so lovingly and happily.
What do others think?
Beckles

I think you sound like an absolute role-model. You are for me. I am very interested in your chores program and will be discussing it with hubby tonight. I think your natural consequences are awesome too.

Reading your description of the chores and the event had me with a big smile on my face.

Thankyou for sharing this with me, it will change my life in yet another way. You have impacted my life in so many ways - you know I never ever use the word naughty after a post of yours about a parent in the park who upset Oscar by calling him naughty (and rewarding her child after doing so). Thankyou for that one too ;).

I think you are doing great, don't worry about that other parent :D.

What can I say? I think you're brilliant. I think you're teaching them responsibility and that humans shouldn't take each other for granted. Well done you. Ignore the other parent at school - they'll be the ones complaining that their 20-odd children live at home and don't lift a finger.

Beckles, you sound amazing :D You boys are going to get themselves some lucky wives one day! What are marvellous job you're doing. Don't worry about the other parent, we all do it differently ;)

honey - your house sounds exactly like mine. I am a big believer in consequences for your actions, and taking responsibility for your own behaviour.

My big kids are the same age as yours - we have two job lists, that they swap week about. they have consequences- natural, or sometimes, put in practice. their jobs are: wash dishes, dry dishes and put away, hang the washing out and bring in, fold it up, mow the lawn, pick up the dog poo, keep their room tidy, change their bedding, clean their bathroom, and toilet, tidy the play room, look after the chickens, feed the dog and cat.... so that must make me a horrible mother too!

I believe that I am teaching them to be self reliant individuals, that will know how to take care of themselves when they are in the big bad world by themselves. My dd (nearly 13) loves to cook, and often asks to cook dinner - and does most of the baking for school now (sometimes I have to kick her out of the kitchen because I LIKE to do it too!!! lol)

Tell me - this mother your told - what are her kids like?

River wow i'm touched, thanks so much. Thanks gals for your support as always. V the mum still carries her 10 year old's school bag - need i say more?
Beckles

Well if your bad for making your 13 & 10 yr olds do chores, I must really be a bad mummy. My 7 & 5 yr olds have to make their beds clean their rooms and clean up outside whenever they are finished for the day, as well as take rubbish out to the wheelie bin.

I think it's teaching them to be independant and self reliant, as they get older they will get more chores, I think it's only fair. I also think the larger the family the more the older children are needed to help out around the house.

Your doing a wonderful job.

hugs xoxo

i say good on ya lol not to harsh at all. more males need to be domestic lol

i think you are doing a great job

beckles, more Mums should be like you :hug:
Of course children should learn how to do chores in the home. It's hardly fair to expect them to teach themselves when they reach adulthood.

I would have done the EXACT same thing! Awesome mother, not dreadful!

Beckles it sounds like you are doing the best thing ever for your kids! Teaching them to be responsible for themselves, help others and to work as a team :D

I'll be taking a few leaves out of your book too methinks ;)

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Ignore the other parent at school - they'll be the ones complaining that their 20-odd children live at home and don't lift a finger.

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I reccon!

lol beckles - that is what I thought! and I bet that isn't the only thing she does....

I too think you are doing an amazing job of raising your boys :)

My Mum got me to do the same things when I was younger. I believe that everyone is an equal in the family and that each person should contribute to the household chores etc. Don't worry about that Mum at school.. she will want to eat her words one day I am sure ;)

Beckles, the fact that the boys were humbled and made two cups of tea the following morning and offered to make others shows that they are seeing the consequences of their actions and realising how not working together impacts on others. Well done. Im actually thinking I need to get the kids to do alot more now:hug:

Jo

Yep, I agree with the other girls, you're doing a fantastic job and I only hope that I do as good a job when Jake reaches that age!

You are awesome Beckles, what a great system you have, and it is obviously working. Too many kids have no idea about consequences and responsibility.
What i like is that you have 'jobs' but also that they need to make you a cup of tea. That's great, it's teaching them about respect and being nice to their mum (who obviously does so much for them with simple gestures).

i think when your not making the kids do what needs to be done in a household then they are oblivious to the real world.
Every one has jobs in our house!
The new borns job is the pull faces and fart on ya.
The 3 year old has to clean up after him self but when its real bad the 7 year old has to help. The 7 year old also does his bed and the 3 year olds everyday and is responsible mostly for the 3 year olds mess or clothes as they share a room. He gets paid for this and happily helps out and is very egger to do more and help with making tea. he said last night he would rather make tea with me than play xbox

The 10 year old daughter helps in the kitchen both kids are capable of vacuuming they both clean their own rooms. The 10 year sets table clears it and does bench fold washing and helps with new born and other old jobs. Like sweeping kitchen and doing back porch and helping to get the 3 year old ready some days when running late.

the 3 year old always gets baby wipes out and opens out nappy and gets me the nappy covers during nappy changes with new born.

I run the house hold, i do all dinners and pay all bills and fix everything in house and organizes any repairs and carries all the money burdens. I do most of the oganising and tiding in house normally also. other jobs me and hubbie share. I take all kid to and from daycare parties school and other. I am the only one with a driving full licence.
hubbie does dishes and vacumes, does pool and helps out where ever.

My cousin growing up didnt even know how to make a meal like fried egg or even make his bed at age of 13. My husband had a mother whom done just about everything for him and i also had a friend like this also. I want the children to know they are capable of doing everything around a house even if they choose not to do this when they move out of home. they even do the bath room too when asked.

I grew up in a family of 7ppl and we all done our fair share thats how we learnt and thats how we did it. I love they way you have set yours up its good. WE have what we call a shop and the children can by what ever item out of this so called shop with pocket money or go to the real shops. We purchase marked down items and put it in the shop. All activity things so they learn the cost of money. We make the kids save half there pocket money at moment they are saving for spending money in NZ next year.

not all jobs do the kids get paid for as thats like sometimes we just gotta do things and theres no credit or acknowledgment so we dont pay for every job. But they do get paid

I too think you're doing a fantastic job!
That's a great system you have going.

My friend at school had her mother do everything for her, she didn't even know how to use the washing machine when she was in her laters year at High School. I don't really know how she survived going away to uni. Lol.
It was way wayyyy beyond ridiculous.

You're a awesome mum, and your boys are lucky to have you.
xoxo

I think all children should learn that their actions have consequences and what you are doing is fantastic! You were not too harsh - you were spot on. Seeing that they understood what they had done and made up for it accordingly the next day shows that it made sense to them.

And good on you for making sure your boys are housetrained!! If only DP's mum had done the same when he was growing up :lol:

I actually think this was very nicely done. It was a great way to reasonably and logically make your point. And it really helps them to realise the cause of effect of their actions. After all, they don't have to do the chores. But then you don't have to make them dinner. I think you did well to logically show them it is a two-way street.
Good work!

I think what you do with your boys is SENSATIONAL! I am definitely going to take some ideas from you for my boys :). I think you are doing the absolute best for them by teaching them responsibility and consequences. This will pay off for them when they go into the workforce, they will be seen as hard workers and great team players. They'll also make awesome husbands ;).

Well done to you! Don't give that other mother's words a second thought.

awesome, fantastic!!!!! wow just think how independant, helpfull, selfless young men they are becoming! bring it on!!! if only more mums allowed and made their kids do more to help!!

My two boys are now 16 and 11. We have had job rosters for years. I believe in teaching responsibility. My 16yo does all the ironing for me (he refuses to iron shirts and thats ok with me), but does do all the school pants, and any thing else in the basket, he cleans the bathrooms. They take turns on a roster basis on other jobs, emptying dishwasher, garbages, feeding animals, vacuuming and sweeping, mopping floors, picking up after the dog, etc, etc. I wash and dry all our clothes, then fold them into the owners piles. it is then the boys jobs to put away the folding. They are both sent to the local shop for any extras. DH and I will do the shopping (sometimes the boys come with us). The boys pack everything away. They strip and re-make their own beds. The eldest has a night each week that he must cook tea for everyone, the youngest is just starting, so needs bits of help. They both look after their grandparents by mowing and/or gardening with & for them, also with helping out with odd jobs. Both boys will wash our cars (usually takes a money bribe - but seeing as though I can't reach the top of the car I don't mind that). For all these jobs there is no pocket money, although if we have a little spare, we will give them some or buy a dvd or something for them. My 16yo will also babysit for the 11yo when we go out by ourselves. (no money attached) My boys are wonderful (most of the time).

We've had a few problems along the way, and I found that was when they were being paid pocket money for jobs. One way around it was if one refused to do a job, I would sell the job (using the others pocket money) to the other. so if R refused to do a job A could pick up the job and that week he would get an extra dollar in his money, and R would get a dollar less. Didn't take long to work out that it wasn't worth refusing the job.

my mum was exactly the same when we were younger , i hated her for it at the time but now i cant thank her enough!!!!
it made me realise what responsibility was and i have also noticed from living with friends they simply have no idea how to do anything because it has always been done for them, one of my friends i will never forget lol she didnt know how to hang out washing and had no idea how to cook a chicken kiev - she burnt the a$$ out of my fry pan!