A feeling become reality.

Not feeling confident about blood test results (my son had a viral skin infection which prompted this tests) I asked my Dr to have a u/s.

Well yesterday I saw it, one baby - no heartbeat. The baby measured 8 weeks 1 day & I should be 9 weeks 2 days. After finding out I just feel so empty. I have had no bleeding, no cramping, no nothing. I physically feel so normal but mentally I'm a wreck. I'm very lucky that the people around me have been so supportive. It just hurts sooo much to think or talk about it.

I saw my Ob today, my opinions are to wait to see if nature takes it course or have a D&C. If nothing happens by Wednesday/Thursday I will have to have a D&C. I am so much in two minds about what to do. A part of me is saying just get it over & done with & the other is saying let my body do it's thing. In a way I think I will have more closure if it happens naturally.

Sorry about the ranting, it's much easier to type about it than to talk about it.

Oh Nikki *hugs*

I am so sorry for you loss. We are thinking of you during this time.

Lots of love to all of you :smt049

Oh Nikki, I am so sorry. Huge hugs to you during this difficult time.

Big :hugs: Nikki. I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby. Thinking of you.

Awwwww... Nikki!! That really sux!! Heaps of hugs for you girl!! I hope you are coping ok. Please let us know how you go.

Tanya

Nikki

So sorry to hear of you loss. It is a very difficult time not matter what way it goes. I wanted to m/c naturally and have done for most of ours as like you I wanted to be able to let go myself, I think this was an emotional process of letting myself say goodbye and saying to that little soul that I was letting go and it was time for it to pass. Our last m/c I did have to have a d & c as I had excessive bleeding. I hate hospitals ( even though I work in one) so it was awful, I wanted my grief to be private, but it was over quite quickly and I only bled for 2 days after the d&c. I guess the emptiness just felt more sudden, but it does have its good points in that the physical process is over so much more quickly. I think you will know what you need to do, trust your intuition. I hope that your body decides for you and when you are ready it will happen. I wish you great strength over the next few days. Let yourself grieve for the loss of your little one. Sending you huge :hugs: and hoping every day gets easier.

Nikki

Sorry to hear of your loss. You are both in my thoughts.

It is a hard time for you both i hope you come back and chat the girls are a great help.

:hugs: :hugs:

Aww Nikki,

It's a shock isn't it? I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I was also given the choice to m/c naturally or to have D&C. My decision was to have the D&C because my pgs (all three of them) were showing no sign of ending quickly on their own (1 was 12wks, 8wks and 10.5wks respectively) and the babies had died at least 3 weeks previous in all cases. For me, being able to end the situation to be able to prepare to TTC again ASAP was really important.

But I can also understand that some ladies like to feel more in control of the situation and let nature take its course. Ultimately, you have to do what you have to do.

We are all here for you...and know what you are going through

Hayseed

nikki, so sorry to hear of your loss. this is a very difficult time for you and hope you feel better soon. this is a great first step you've done and do expect the roller coaster of emotion to come. this forum is filled with great women and their support is wonderful.

i opted for d&c for mine cuz i didn't think i could handle the bleeding emotionally. it was a good decision since right before d&c i was crying my eyes out so i'm sure if i had seen the blood, it would have been worse.

feel free to rant and cry here, it's a haven for hurting women like us.

take care,

Hi Nikki,

So very sorry about your loss. I was hoping that everything would be fine for you, despite you son's illness.

As Meg said, I'm sure you will know in your heart if you want to wait it out or go for a D&C.

I hope that your family will be giving you the support you need to get through this difficult time. :hugs:

Nikki,

So sorry to hear about your loss. :hugs:

Thank you all for your caring thoughts.

At the moment I am just lost for words. My eyes are swollen like beach balls from all the crying I have been doing.

I don't know if I can mentally handle the wait anymore. But I also can't bring myself to make the appt.

I just know I have to be strong for my family.

omg nikki!!! Iam so sorry to hear of your loss!
please remember I'm only 5 minutes up the road and am here for whatever you need, a shoulder, a hug,a babysitter for jayden..

:( you and andrew are in my thoughts.
you've been a great friend to me, taking me as your friend hardley knowing me and taking me places, please dont hesitate to ask me for anything, but also just tell me to shut up if im going on too much..

just contact me when your ready

take care and loads and loads of :hugs:
Lesley

:hugs: nikki! I am so sorry to hear of your loss :(

*hugs*
Cailin

Nikki,
I really feel for you, this is such a heartbreaking thing to go through.
As far as natural m/c or D&C you really need to do what ever you feel is right for you unless the doc's decide that there is a reason to intervene.
Stand up for what you want and don't feel pressured one way or the other.
I hope you have lots of support to get you through this awful time.
Please come and talk to us in the TTC afterm/c or loss thread when you are ready. We all know how you feel.
Sending you heaps of :hugs:
Layla

Nikki,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's an awful, awful thing and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this.

I have had both a D&C and a natural m/c. For me, I preferred to have the D&C because I found the bleeding very upsetting and traumatic IYKWIM? It really is a very individual decision however and I think that the advice that the others have given you, i.e to trust your intuition, is the best advice. It is so important that you do whatever feels right for you, but I know that sometimes it can be very hard to work out exactly what that is when you're right in the thick of grieving for your little one.

Please know that we're all here for you whenever you need us ok?

Thinking of you...

Awww Nikki, so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby :hugs:

Nikki, so sorry to hear of the loss of your little one. My thoughts & warm wishes are with you at this difficult time. Do what ever feels right for you & don't put too much pressure on yourself to be strong, you need to take care of yourself.

Dearest Nikki,

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

We are all here when you need to debrief.

Love :hugs:
Gabby

Nikki,

I too am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am glad that you are getting the support you need from the people around you. As everyone has said, please remember that you can also come in here anytime you feel that you need a chat or a vent.