whats the age cut off?

Just wondering what age you are considered a young mum and how you ladies found it

I had DS one month before my 21st birthday so would definatley consider myself a young mum, but when i joined a young mums group in my area all the girls were under 18 and didn't really talk to me, one actually said "yer but at least you've had a chance to live your life, your getting married and buying a house" so i left that group and joined a 'normal' mums group and all the ladies were 26+ and looked at me with pity. now that im 23 and preg with my second me and DH are getting really fed up with other peoples reactions and comments. It's like it would be ok for me to be preg at this age if it was my first but because i had my first young its like ill always be put in the young mums catorgory though i was never accepted there in the first place???

just wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences??? and what ages you consider young, normal or older??? and do you go off when someone had their first or how old they are currently!

Look chick, I think it is really hard to fit into a catagorie that suits you. I would think that you would be classed as a young mum but other people obviously have different ideas.
I too was a young mum, I had my first DS at 19 and my partner was 17, so we where young parents!!.
I think you would go off how old they currently are, so say you joined a group now, to share the experience of this pregnancy, it would be how old you are now IYKWIM???.
What I have found really hard is that for as long as I can remember I was always the young mum, I had my baby before all my friends and It was a huge shock for all the family. BUT now that I am 26 this last birthday I finally realise that I am not that young mum anymore and I dont fit into that catagory now. It was quite hard to deal with and felt very strange for me. That might sound totally weird but I really dont know how to explain it. I dont think it matters what age, just so long as you are comfortable? :)

In a really strange way I kind of relate! the young mums in our area are about 21ish so you would have fit in nicely. I had the complete opposite issue when I had my baby, I was 28 and the youngest in the group, the next youngest mum was 34 and all the rest were 37 having their first baby. They were all established and wealthy driving around in SUVs, married to CEOs and living in gorgeous 4 bedroom mansions so I found it really hard to relate to them - I probably still would, even though I'm really old now.

I'm so sorry that your mum's group look at you with pity!! It's ridiculous if it was your choice and you are happy about that now. Mum's groups can be a bit hard to deal with at times, at least by the time your kids get to preschool it shouldn't really be an issue anymore for you? I hope you find some great mums whatever their or your age that you can relate to.

I was 19 when I fell pregnant, 20 when I had my baby. Then 23 when I had my second. A lot of people seem to consider me young, but I don't feel young to be a mother. I would have felt young if I had a baby at 15 because then, I definitely would not have been ready for the huge dependance a baby has on you. But at 20, I already had my fun and was comfortable settling down into motherhood.

I think with the young definition it usually comes from people who don't see themselves at x or y age being able to settle down into parenthood and so they can't understand how you can be perfectly happy and capable of doing so. I think "young" in our society is often associated with immaturity, lack of experience or preparedness in the eyes of others who label mothers as being "young".

I was 20 when i fell preg with DS and 21 before i had him, Everyone told me i was crazy and that i had "waisted my life" i find it so insulting that people see having a baby as waisting a life considering many women back "in the day" were married young and had children young but these days women are expected to wait till there mid to late 20's to marry and then start a family by there 30th....

I fell pregnant at 23 and had my baby in may ( turned 24 in july) and my little girl is 14 weeks. I never joined a group with DS but with this pregancy i joined here... I found the women here so much easier to relate to... no one puts you down or treats you any different here because of age.

I started to just block out the stares and comments made and just started telling myself its right for me and thats all that matter.

The main thing is your happy. Hopefully you can meet some women here your age in your area nd start your own mothers group..

I don't think I'm a 'young mum' any more, coz I'm 24, but I fell pg with my first at 17.
I am young to have 3 babies, but I don't even think about it anymore.
I get along with people every age. Alot my age just annoy me coz they are so selfish.
I've never had the experiences you've had though.

I was19 turning 20 when my first DS was born. He wasn't planned so it was a suprise but well worth it in every single way.
I'm 24 now and just had my second baby, he was planned. I'm not sure if I still consider myself a young mum or not.

I'm sorry you've been treated like this. I haven't really experienced it myself either, sorry.
I've had comments come back to me that were said behind my back. That hurt so much.
The comments weren't completely related to me being a younger mum, it was more because I didnt' go to Uni since the person that said it thinks going to University is EVERYTHING and you're basically nothing if you don't go.

I think people that feel the need to state their opinions need to go by the saying "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all"

I hope the rest of your pg is Happy and Healthy.
xoxo

I would classify anyone that was under 25 when they had their first baby a "young mum"

Just because your a little older NOW... doesn't mean you all of a sudden don't classify as a "young mum"

Thats what I think anyways!!

i was 19 when i fell with my 1st it was a lovely surprize! now we just had our 2nd im 22, they way i look at it is- doesnt matter if ur 17-47 with a new bub every body has 2 experience birthing-neborn-toddler ect ect i dont see age as a huge issue as we all go down the same road... i have huge appriciation for some of the young teen (16 under)mums as it would of been a lil more TRYING for them being so immature... smoz maybe they r jealous of u and what u've got.... i mean if they r older and only just starting off ??? who knows! peopl can be so blo0dy rude at timez... i have found it hard with my pop he looks down at me for being not married and no mortgage.... doesnt matter we r happy and cant w8 2 bring more beautiful children into this world!
i think young mum is 25 under! sorry 4 rambling hehe

My hospital classes 21 and under as a young mum.

I fell pg with #1 when i was 23, #2 i was 24.

I had DD1 and DD2 both when i was 24 (they are 11 months apart) and i was told by alot i was a young mum. #3 will be born when im 26

thankx ladies, yer i have found heaps of support online but was just nervous about joining a mothers group this time around in case i get the same treatment.

I'm like alot here, "technically" speaking i class young as 25 and under if i had to put an age on it. But i get along with every age and dont really think of age unless it comes up.

Nickel - thats what the Mums at my hospital were like. Cuz i was still covered on my dad health fund he paid for me to go private as his present to us. So it was a very snobby group all with Massive diamond rings and perfectly manicured nails and looking like soccer mums with their brand new holdens! and i was driving my 15yo barina and DH was coming from work in his labouring gear so you can image their faces.

This time around i am alot more prepared mentally for peoples reactions. With DS1 i was so angry at the judgement because i'd travelled, gone to uni for a year and partied all i wanted i was happy but people just presumed you hadn't 'lived' life at that age!

well thanks for all your advice girls i was just curious what everyone elses experiences were. I class myself as a younger mum but dont feel like a fit in a 'young mums' group because maturity wise im alot older.

Hey smoz, i know what you mean, i was 17 when i had DD#1 and im 21 now and preg with DD#2, still get the "looks" but they don't bother me so much anymore, i class myself as a young mum, i go to 2 'young mum' playgroups and we are all 18-25 and absolutely no judgement is passed about our ages. The co-ordinators are so friendly and helpful and it makes you feel like your not an outsider. I'm in melb S.E suburbs.... where bouts are you?

I'm in S.E.QLD yer im looking around avidaly atm trying to find a group before i stop work. Have been speaking to a few of the ladies on here that are around my area and there is a brisbane meet in Oct so will hopefully meet some nice ladies there.

I've been wondering where I'll fit in. I fell pregnant at 23 and will have this baby when I'm 24. So I don't really think that's young but compared with other people and my friends I am young, none of them are even married or anywhere near having kids!! Lots of ppl aren't having kids til they're in there 30's these days so I guess maybe that does make me a young mum. Where I live though there seems to be a lot of young families around so I'm hoping I can find somewhere I feel comfortable!

yer sarahjane im like you. i wouldn't class myself as young by my age but in comparison to ALL of our friends we are the only ones that are married or have a mortgage or have kids! a few of our mates have just started looking into buying/building. But they are DH's mates and are almost 27!

I know exactly what you mean re, mothers group... I have the same thing. They are all under 18 and I'm now 22! I stopped going and dont know of any other mothers group... so here i am online with the best others group of all!!

I agree with banx, anyone who has their first child under 25 is a young mum :D

Hey.
I had my first child when I was 26 and tried different mums groups and didnt feel I fitted in. Most woman were older - well into their 30`s and unfortunatly with that there was a fair amount of snobbiness. There were a few 'young mums' that I met, but with hanging out with them it became quickly apparent that I was 'older', in a different life stage to them, even though we were all having babies at the same time. So I didnt really have any group to fit in with particulary.


Now at 32 I am having #2 and figure that there must be more woman my age having babies this time, but Im not sure... havent met any yet! Even picking up DS from school today I looked around the playground at the other parents and realised that most of them were older than me (again/still :rolleyes:).

Its more about finding compatable friendships rather than age isnt it?!

Hope you find other mums to get along with and dont feel 'boxed' this time. I think finding people at the same life stage is often tricker than it should be!

I agree with Banx 25 & under

Our health centre runs classes for young mums 25 & under but the hossy I went to classified young mums as under 21

yes Salsa it is about finding women in the right 'stage' of life as you not so much age, its just getting the other women to see that! like the older women. We are all the same mental age all have mortgages, husbands and children. but they can't see past the fact that im almost 10years younger than them.

I dont find it so much of an age thing all the time. I would class someone as a young mum if they were under 25 (usually when your under 25 is when you get the dirty looks). I went to TAFE with a 37 yr old and i was 18 and we were great friends, she had a daughter the same age as mine so it worked out great, she was single/seperated and didnt act so much like a 37 yr old, honestly when she told me her age i was shocked, i thought she was more like 27. hehe
It's all about finding someone who has things is common with you and not necessarily the same age although i admit she is my only friend who isnt under 25.

Yes Smoz, I totally get that - the woman I met when I was having DS who were already in their 30`s were not that uncommon to me in the sense that I was married, had a mortgage, having child, professional partner, I had traveled and lived o/s, but they didnt give it a chance to get to know me and find that stuff out. They made judgmental assumptions and I ended up thinking I was better off not bothering making anymore effort with them. It was hard going and fustrating and lonely at the time.
I did end up making a good friend, who was a few years older than me and had a baby at the same time. And her friends who were older also, were open to me, I suppose because I already knew her.
She is still a very good friend, and I love that we have similar interests and boys the same age.

....None of this making friends business was helped by the fact that people thought I looked younger than I was too!!! :rolleyes:

I hope 21 is still a young mum!! Or else im getting old.... :o

I had my 1st at 17 and was DEFINATELY a young mum then... was often looked down upon etc. but im 21 now and had my 2nd at 20, and although i dont feel AS young... i dont feel old either! hopefully im still considered a young mum! coz i dont think i would fit in anywhere else

Hi Jess. You are younger than me if that counts!!

well that does count for something at least!! :D

Jess, your same like me. lol. Except im now 21 and having my 2nd.
You should come join us for chats in the younger couples chat (we still chatting in the july thread. lol)

Jess, you are younger than me 2! So definately young :D

alrighty ill come have a little look for u guys in the younger chat!!

I never joined a young mothers group but when I did antenatal classes at 17, as soon as everyone found out how old I was, they stopped speaking to me (even though the people I spoke to were only a few years older than me).

That really sucks Neenee :( As if your age really makes a difference to who you are.

Hi girls!

thought i'd pop in and say hi!! i guess like a few of you, i have been existing in a no (wo)man's land' as regards the age thing. my DH is 12 years older than me and ppl just assume that i am similar in age to him (man i must look old :o LOL!). so when they find out that i am in my (now) mid 20s they have that startled expression and then look to my DD to just double check her age and that she is in fact there.

i was 23 when i fell pg with DD (we had been trying for almost 2 years due to a shortened biological clock on my front). i lived in canberra during the pg and the first few months of her life and i have to say that i felt really on the outer. medically they LOVED me (again, assuming) as my OB and middies said that because of my age i will have a great pg and birth (no major complaints have to say), but when it came time to meeting other mums in groups it was always a barrier to our friendships as they were all significantly older (usually mid to late 30s and early 40s). i dont view this as an inhibitor to friendship or solidarity, but it was to them. i used to get really annoyed by comments such as 'oh, you're so mature and look what a great job you do with your DD'...WTF??!

uurghh sorry for the ramble! Just glad i found somewhere where i am in a peer group!

i think it is also tricky as some of you have mentioned that not many of our friends are having babies due to the age. i am sure they will start popping soon seeing as we are entering the late 20s etc, but it was isolating being the first and having to deal with the silent phone and empty invites (that is until they realised that DD wasnt contagious and going to make them pg! LOL!).

Interesting reading everyones experiences. I was def a young mum for my first, I was 16 when I fell pregnant and turned 17 3 months before he was born. Gained a stepson the same year, at 19 we had our 3rd and at 20 I had our 4th... I was still under 21 so still part of the young womens clinic at hospital and everyone was always godsmacked when I'd say I'm 20 with 4.

Now 23 with #5 on the way I definitely dont feel young anymore until I'm next to 30-40 yr olds at school who have children in my boys classes at school, then I feel like a baby! At hospital all the staff know me and have thought its quite amusing its taken my 4th baby for me to be 'too old' for the young womens clinic!

I had the opposite problem to some with my young mum groups.. at 16 I did young parent antenatal classes and everyone esle in the group was 20-22, all had partners and all planned pregnancys... I felt so young and alone and was judged so badly because I was so much younger, single and unplanned pregnancy. I totally resented that they could be in the group for young mums when to me they seemed to old and like they had it all together.

Too look back now I do think under 21 is young to have a first baby but over 21 doesnt seem so young. I really wouldnt class anyone my age having there first as a young mum, younger than average maybe but not young iykwim

I'm 19 and i've just found out that i'm pregant. I'm ecstatic!! My Aunt at a family picnic who's also pregant and is due a month or two before me was kind of mean to me the other day. But as i told my partner, yes, i may be 19, but i feel ready to be a mother, and i dont need other people to tell me whether i am or aren't.
i am looking for a group of some kind on the brisbane northside, so if anyone knows of any, could they please tell me?