I'm torn, no idea what I should do.

Hi everyone

I'm just after some opinions here. This might be a bit long!

I am currently working on contract for a govt dept. My plan has always been to quit work after baby and be a SAHM. My DH works for the same dept, we work in the same building so our managers know both of us. It's not a job I love, but it does pay well and the conditions are pretty flexible. It's 5 mins drive from my home, and has free parking. It's a pragmatic choice, but I have no passion for it.

As I'm on contract, I've been exploring my mat leave options. My manager has agreed to extend my contract so that I can get my 14 weeks paid mat leave, but she also wants to know if I plan to return to work. I told her I hadn't made up my mind, in case the contract renewal was dependent on an agreement that I'd return.

So anyway, my manager came up with an idea that sounds tempting, but I'm really not sure if I want to do it.

She has suggested that after about 6 months off, I come back to work 15 hours a week. The plan also involves DH dropping one of his work days, so he would have bubs one day, and then potentially my mum would have him the other day.

It sounded like a great plan at first, and the biggest part of the attraction was that DH would then get a whole day with his baby, which could be great for their relationship, and great for us to share parenting more.

But having slept on it I'm feeling almost panicky about leaving my baby at only 6 months (even though he'd be with his dad and gran). This is before I've even met my baby, once I have him I'm not sure I'll be able to bear to leave him. I feel that 6 months is way too early for a baby to be without his mum for two whole days a week. I also hope that I'll still be breastfeeding.

I don't have to make a decision for ages, but I just don't think I'll be able to do it and it's really playing on my mind.

My manager's idea is to give me a new 12 month contract starting in November, so I would HAVE to return to work (unless I choose to quit) before then, so baby would be no older than 9 months, but manager is suggesting I return in August.

I think I'll ask her if she can start my new contract at the beginning of Feb (when my current one expires), that would give me until bubs is a year old to decide whether to return to work or not.

So what do people think? DH and I both think it's really important for one parent to be at home with their baby. We had it all decided that I will be a SAHM. Money will be tight, but we think it's do-able. I was almost looking forward to budgeting successfully.

This has really thrown a spanner in the works, because of the potential for DH to drop a work day and have one day a week with his baby, if this wasn't part of the plan I wouldn't even be considering it. I have no idea what is the right thing to do. My manager won't accept less than 15 hours a week, so it would have to be one day with DH, one day with my mum.

They're still very dependent little babies at 6 months, aren't they?

I really have no idea what to do. It was all sorted, I was going to stay home. But am I being a bit selfish denying DH the opportunity to have his son one day a week? Does it make more long-term sense for me to keep my foot in the door at work? Is it cruel to my baby to leave him for two days a week when he's that little? Can dads and grans replace mum at such a young age? Arrrrg!!!

Any advice on making this decision will be gratefully received. Anything I'm not considering? Is my reluctance more about me than my baby? That's the big question I guess, I'm really torn because of the opportunity for DH to spend more time with his baby.

Thanks!

Devon
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p.s sorry this is so long!

I think that 6 months could be a bit early IMO but the 12 month option you mentioned could possibly work - i think having DH and Gran looking after DS would make you feel more comfortable than placing him into CC - plus by 12 months you could be looking forward to going back to work - worst case scenario you go back, try it out and see if you like it - I know not neccesarily the most professional approach but you have to bear in mind that you can't forecast how you're going to feel in 18months - but this way you'll at least have something to fall back on - and the 14weeks paid leave would definitely make it more appealing

I'd say that if you are worried about leaving bubs while you work already you are going to be 100 times worse when bubs has arrived. I wasn't too worried about putting my son in day care before he was born. He'll be going into full time day care at 8 months. Now that he's here I am absolutely dreading it and we are madly trying to work out a way for me to stay home but have not been able to do so yet.

If I were in your position I'd stick to the original plan. I soooooooooo wish I was in your position.

are you allowed the "half-pay" option for your maternity leave? I also work in Govt (but state govt & not in WA) and we're allowed to "stretch" our leave & take half-pay, same as our sick & holiday pay (which has to be taken prior to maternity leave being taken).

Good luck with it all :)

Your in a similar position to me, i have 6 months full paid mat leave starting at the end of Nov and i plan to take an added 6 months because i feel a six month old bub is too young to be left and i plan to BF. I'm still tossing up whether to come back at all cause i am simply board with my job and any case if i do come back it would only be for two days a week.
My thoughts are never to shut any doors because you just don't know what is around the corner.

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read my mammoth post and respond.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I won't want to do it at 6 months.

I will talk to my manager about coming back later, but if she says 'no' I think I will go back to plan A, take my paid leave and then not go back.

I'm going to sit on it for a while, and let DH think about it too - partly it will depend on how much he would like to stay home one day a week. We can both assess it when DS actually arrives.

I can take mat leave on half-pay if I want to, will definitely have a think about that. Might also ask if I could work in the office for one long day, and perhaps do two half-days at home. She can only say 'no'.

Satya - I do hope you can find a way to stay home with DS.

Thanks again everyone.

Devon
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Hey there, just to add another point of view - my friend came back to work when her second bubs was just shy of 6 months old, she was still b/f, the idea was for her to express at work and then go and b/f whenever she was around the CC place, which was in the city.

Having said that, she has since found it really hard to express and feed while at work. Its not that work isn't supportive, she just struggles to be able to disappear for a half an hour or so to express... as a result her bub is now taking solid and she's not feeding anywhere near as much. Supply/demand - she isn't around her bub for the demand, so the supply is disappearing!

I'm in a similar position at the moment - trying to plan return to work. Its tough!!!!

Hi

I hope that you don't get pressure to make a decision now because who knows what will happen once your little one is here.

I noticed that you wrote work is only 5 mins from home. This might come in handy when you do decide to return to work. If your partner is at home with your little one, you might find it easier to go home for lunch, be able to breastfeed, and then head back to work for the afternoon. might be easier than expressing at work.

take care,

kate

i went back to work when DS was 7 months, it was the right thing for us.
I was still bfeeding for the 1st 4 months ie until he was 11 months (he is 12 monthsnow) and i just expressed or went and fed him (5 mins from me). by 6 months he shouldbe ok to have 1 or 2 bfeeds while you are gone...I did have some formula for him but that was bc i travel for work so i had days when i was not there to feed him (not onight until he was 10.5 months). My DH took the opp to drop to 4 days per week, bc we could afford it (i am the primary earner) - we eah work 4 days per week now... original plan was for us each to have ds for a day a week so he had 3 days at fdc (no family here) but we have opted for a 3 day family weekend as our life is pretty hectic and we need the time the 3 of us. this has been v hard to manage but good for us all - i think you will know what is best for your family. if he is with gran and dad it is a lot easier than cc i would think... and just to let you know you can work and bfeed - it just takes some organisation! working from home sounds fab - i do that often - make sure someone is there looking after ds but it means you are still around. sounds like you have a flexible work if you want it... best of luck

Hi Devon

I am in two minds as I am not sure about the advice your manager is giving you. If you are pg and on a new 12 month contract (if you did sign another one) why can't you change your mind about returning to work after your 14 weeks paid leave and have the remaing period of your contract on unpaid maternity leave and then return if they wish to provide you with a new contract? I understood that under the Federal Law you are entitled to 12 months unpaid leave from a job. But perhaps that is for a permanent position?

On the other hand I have had several friends return to work part time 6-9 months after giving birth and they have loved being in back in a work environment a couple of days a week, especially if they have partners/parents to care for the bub during their hours of work. It has provided great bonding for their partner and child and their partners are so much more understanding of the pressures of being a stay at home carer. It is totally a personal decision for you to make but working in Gov't should (IMO) make them more flexible to your needs even if you are not permanent and on contract. (Aren't they finding it difficult to fill jobs over there like they are here in Canberra?)

I hear that you are not so interested in this current position but are there other areas of the Dept you would be interested in working in down the track that you may be better able to access if you maintain an ongoing association with the Dept?

There may be no ideal solution for you, but I think you have some good options to explore. Accessing the paid maternity leave is a minimum IMO.

Good luck with it all Devon.
xx

ETA: I think your idea of working from home should also be explored. I have seen it be successfully carried out in my Dept, in fact we have had some of the best results from those that do it as the mums and dads are so committed and glad of the opportunity. Also takes pressure off them for child care/caring for sick children etc. The technology is so simple now and relatively inexpensive once they do OH&S assessment of your home set up.

Go with your instincts. I think if you are not keen on the idea now, you definitely won't be when bubs is here.

I have a book of quotes on having a baby. It's called Great Expectations. One of the quotes that has always stuck in my mind is:

"You have a lifetime to work, but your children are only young once."

Despite working in Childcare, I'm not particularly pro-leaving child... but this sounds like a really good arrangement. 15 hours a week isn't really that much, and one day with dad and one with grandma sounds like a really loving spread of care. If it's only 5 mins from home then you'd still be seeing baby in the morning before you left, and when you got home. Or is it maybe an option to do a really early/late start so that baby is asleep for more of the time you're at work anyway?
You'll know the right thing to do. But to me, it sounds like a great arrangement.

Can your hubby work from home one day a week even if you don't return? Perhaps that way you will get a sanity break once a week and he will spend some time with his son :).

Thanks for your thoughts and opinions everyone.

Dusty - I think my manager's plan is to offer me a new 12 month contract starting in November, so it would go till November next year. I would have 14 weeks paid leave, then the rest of the contract I would be on unpaid maternity leave. I would need to return before the end of that contract. Although we're appointed from a pool here, which is advertised every 6 or 12 months, so I can just make sure I keep applying and stay in the pool, which would not guarantee me a job, but would give me a pretty good chance.

I'm not sure they'd be keen on letting DH work from home one day a week, he needs all the equipment at work. It would always be worth asking though, you never know what they might be prepared to accommodate.

I think if I do come back I will do one really long day, when bub is with DH, and then will ask if I could do perhaps another half day, and the rest at home. I really don't know how flexible they'll be, but it can't hurt to ask.

At this stage I'm going to keep my options open and see how DH and I feel when our baby is here. Have to see how my mum feels about it too.

Thanks again for your replies.

Devon
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Devon,

Even on contract you should be able to negotiate having a full year off (I work from state govt, not contract but a lot of my staff were on contract), so between your boss and HR, that option should be given to you. You should call HR and check if this is the case, and if it is, then it's a fait accompli - your boss HAS to do it. I believe permanent employees have the option of taking the 2nd year off as well (I did) but as a contractor, you should be allowed a minimum one year unpaid.

Of course your boss would want you back asap, but don't be pressured into agreeing to anything you may regret. Find out what your rights are (for yourself, don't depend on anyone's second hand information) and then stick to your guns. As a contractor, life can be a bit more precarious, but there is a PSGA for a reason.

Just as background, I came back to work 4 days a week under the PSGA after having almost 2 years off when Charlie was born. I now have agreed to work full-time hours but on priviso that I work one day from home (though this is negotiable and I can make it more days if I wish). I also retained the right to return to part-time hours of my choice in the event working from home doesn't produce the kind of results my boss wants.

Either way I'm covered. And I made sure i was well-versed in all the inas and outs of the PGSA before I sat down with anyone to negotiate.

If you need to chat about it, I'll send you my work number, you can give me a bell.

Hi Devon
First thing I would say is definitely keep your options open as much as possible, but if you can take leave then do so for as long as you can ;).
I went back to work when DS was 8 weeks old out of financial necessity. I work from home though so didn't have to put him in daycare, thankfully. DH didn't earn enough to even cover a baby sitter so he is home too as SAHD. It's not an idea situation, but is the best we could arrange. One thing to consider in regards to working from home is that you can't really work full time and look after you baby - it's an either or thing.
That said, a little bit of work after your baby is 6 months (or older) might be good for you - and a great opportunity potentially for your DH and mum to spend time with the little one. It's very differnt to leave your baby with someone you know loves him/her than with a childcare worker (not that they're nasty and unloving or anything, but YKWIM).
Satya - Hope you guys can work something out

Hi Devon,

I would say don't commit to anything until bub is here. I was going to go back to work FT before I had DD, but now I don't want to work at all. I did go back p/t when DD was 4 and 1/2 months for financial reasons, then resigned and took time out with DH and DD (a saved for and well earned holiday), and have just started work again p/t. I am hating the thought of working now that I have spent so much time at home, but we need the extra income to keep afloat..

So to summarise my rambling :redface: , don't make any decisions now. You don't know how you will feel when bub is here. DH will still have time to bond with bub..

Thanks everyone for your replies

Sushee - Thanks for your advice! I think the problem for me is this clause:

:

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22.11b - An employee employed for a fixed term contract shall have the same entitlement to parental leave; however, the period of leave granted shall not extend beyond the term of that contract.

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The way I have read it is that they don't owe me anything past the end date of my contract. They don't even need to offer me another contract after my current one expires in February, but they are probably going to so that I can get my full paid parental leave, which is really quite good of them I think.

I'm definitely going to keep my options as open as possible, and am not going to make a committment to anything, especially before I've even met my baby.

Oh bugger. I didn't realise that that's what it said in the PSGA. That's not fair. I have to admit I hate the use of fixed term contracts in govt, because it means some have less rights than others, but that's my little beef (so don't mind me).

I remember when I had a contract employee under me who was pg, we jumped the 'queue' of contractors to get her permanency prior to her taking parental leave. But I know it's not the 'done thing' in govt. Mind you, now she's back with the dept so it was worth the investment. I hate that we don't seem to value our women enough to give them those sorts of options, and we are prepared to lose them instead.

Sushee - where I is work is really dodgy - almost everyone is employed on fixed term contracts. They're not really supposed to do it - I think if the jobs are there they should be filled permanently.

Can't argue with 'The Man' though, and I am quite happy that they will give me another contract so that I can get all my paid parental leave, they don't need to do that for me.

At least I'm not casual, they don't seem to be entitled to any paid leave at all.